Your Fantasy Novel Hit-List

[Jinto]

I started Wizards First Rule and found it fairly lame and didn't finish it (a rare thing for me actually, as I usually hate not knowing how things turn out anyway whether it's bad or good). Other than that I haven't tried any Terry Goodkind literature, but I'll say it's overrated at least.

Terry Brooks' Shannara series was the same for me. I read book 1 and that was it... highly overrated, bland, simplistic writing with no depth at all. Bleh.

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

I think I got through one of those, or half of one, or one and a half. I know I gave up on the series. It just wasn't enough to keep me engaged. Very mediocre.

[bratpop]

I tried to start one of the Thomas Covenant novels, but I didn't get past "previously, on Doorstopper Fantasy Series." The part where it mentioned he raped the young girl who tried to befriend him killed my interest.

Well, mistake number one: starting the Doorstopper Fantasy Series on a number other than one.

He rapes the girl after he finds out the earth magic has cured his impotence.

He also didn't believe any of it was actually happening to him, and he was more overwhelmed than making a choice. It is not SUPPOSED to be likeable, but since you are in Covenant's head for all of the first series (part of why I didn't like the second series as much), you have to just deal with it as he deals with it. It's one of the many parts of his life which is painstakingly written to be utter shit. It's one of the aspects of the books that makes them so brilliant. Because he is the absolute, single least likely hero in all of fiction. It's exactly what makes it more than a Lord of the Rings ripoff. (It goes beyond: "The hero is short.") It's something he deals with throughout the entire series. And it was clearly written with the utmost awareness of how vile an act it was despite the lack of fine details or evil intent. It's not like a "hey, rapists aren't all bad" message. It's more of a "shit happens" twist on fantasy. It says, however cool you thought the book was until now, it is not your father's fairy tale. You DON'T want to keep reading after that, but you DO, because you can't believe a book would let that happen. And you know that is some unique writing. And you want to see how that is dealt with. And eventually you realize that there's nothing he can do about it, nothing you can do about it, and no forgiving it. And then you're distracted by the hundreds of obscure terms for landscapes that Donaldson uses, and the fact that Covenant keeps a magic ring under a fruit roll-up on his chest. And if you're lucky, you realize that it's NOT okay, but it's OKAY for things not to be okay all the time. And God made America and free speech so we could write books that don't do the right thing. And that God also has stinky hobo breath. And since we DIDN'T rape anybody, we live happily ever after instead of the characters. And that's much better than a happy ending.

But if you willingly jumped into a fantasy series with phonebook-sized volumes about a hero with leprosy, you didn't WANT a conventional story, did you?

So there.

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

Well, I won't keep reading, because I am fully aware of the things a fantasy novel can allow to happen. I've been burned a lot. I can't UNREAD things. I have to spend the rest of the life with those in my head. There is no mental ipecac.

I have no moral obligation to read stuff just because it makes me want to retch.

LIfe is too short. If the first book sucks, and starting on a book other than the first one is a mistake, then the author can just live without my patronage. I'm sure he'll survive.

The fact that he is acknowledged as a total jerk doesn't change that he's a jerk I have no desire to read about. So what if it's something that hasn't been done before? Nobody has ever tried to make a bird crap and gel-ignite omellette before, but I'd rather not eat one if served it.

[bratpop]

I don't remember anyone saying the first book sucks. But hey whatever. Ignorance is bliss. Then again, the picture in your head is worse than anything you'd want to "unread" so you might as well just read it.

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

I'm sorry I misinterpreted you.

Just because I choose not to read stuff that has unlikeable, repulsive main characters with improbably extreme degrees of mindless skepticism and a nausea-inducingly gritty "realistic" plot, that doesn't make me stupid. I have plenty of other books I'd much rather read.

[AmazingThor]

Fantasy hit list: I gave up on Terry Goodkind around the third Sword of Truth book (like the TV series though). What finally did me in was the blatant misogyny. I mean, I like to objectify women and all, but this was ridiculous. The main girl, Kahlan, is about to be gang-raped in a dank prison and she thinks that if he boyfriend could do it, then so could she. But the thing is that her boyfriend wasn't gang raped. He had hot bondage sex with a sexy dominatrix. Instead of thinking "I can't believe my boyfriend cheated on me and yet I'm the one who gets prison raped", she thinks, "Oh this won't be as bad as that time my boyfriend totally got it on with all those leather-clad chicks" So I don't see how vioilent prison rape could possibly be compared to hot S&M action. Pissed me off and I stopped reading.

The next is Piers Anthony. I read one book by him and I wanted to punch him in the face. Tip: everyone hates puns. Basing an entire muli-volume fantasy series based solely on puns is not a good idea.

I'd also throw Terry Brooks on there but not with as much hate. I just found his first series (Shanara something or another) to be a dull, step by step Tolkien rip off.

After that I don't suppose I've read anything that just turned me sour, but I have read a lot of dull, cliched stuff.

[AmazingThor]

I tried to start one of the Thomas Covenant novels, but I didn't get past "previously, on Doorstopper Fantasy Series." The part where it mentioned he raped the young girl who tried to befriend him killed my interest.

Well, mistake number one: starting the Doorstopper Fantasy Series on a number other than one.

Actually, that does happen in the first book of his Thomas Covenant series. I did the same thing. I loved his very first chapter where the guy is walking in to town and you found out in the end he has leprosy. Awesomely written first chapter. Then the second chapter he rapes the first girl he sees. I read halfway into the third chapter but when the girls mom comes along and instead of setting fire to his penis she gives him food and supplies and basically says "it's cool that you raped our daughter, she's probably fine anyway" I threw the book away.

[AmazingThor]

I don't hate puns.

Then you are not human. You must be some kind of robot/demon hybrid. 

[bratpop]

If you don't keep reading the series to the part where he meets his rape-daughter in the future and goes skinny dipping with her and she makes him feel awkward by wanting to bone him, then you just aren't living life. Plus the second book has a blind military general.

[AmazingThor]

If you don't keep reading the series to the part where he meets his rape-daughter in the future and goes skinny dipping with her and she makes him feel awkward by wanting to bone him, then you just aren't living life. Plus the second book has a blind military general.

And the Ravers. And the Bloodguard. It's just tragically delicious.

My problem wasn't so much the rape (I'm a GRRM fan, after all) but how her family reacted to it. I just don't see her parents not reacting with more hate/violence toward Thomas. It was too jarring for me so I quit at that point.



But I refuse to budge on my opinion of Piers Anthony I have the same feelings about puns as Mike's older brother Eddie. Tell 'em what Eddie says about puns, Servo.

"To jam them up my-"

Exactly.

[Fuzzy Necromancer]

That does sound rather inauthentic as far as character behavior goes.

If there's anything worse than a protagonist you can't sympathize or connect with, its one that still gets treated like a god by everyone else. (Bella Swan anyone?)

[bratpop]

Just read the damn books before we kill you.

[Nekrose]

Just read the damn books before we kill rape you.