Author Topic: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)  (Read 12011 times)

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Offline TheRealUncleDes

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #60 on: May 08, 2016, 02:07:58 PM »
Why did Cthulhu get up at 530am every day?

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I don't find Stratton and Varney funny.
Doesn't make me a bad person.


Offline Miku Fan

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #61 on: May 20, 2016, 09:43:45 PM »
Q.  How many light bulbs does it take to screw a customer? 
A. 1


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Offline LucasM

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #62 on: September 05, 2016, 08:43:14 PM »
Modified (i.e. improved  ;) ) from an original I saw on Facebook...


Scientists have been working tirelessly for years to grow human vocal cords in a petrie dish.  During a recent press conference, the lead scientist on the project was asked, "Sir, the world is eager to know: have you succeeded?"

The lead scientist paused, then said, "well...  I think our results speak for themselves, don't they?"
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Offline LucasM

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #63 on: September 23, 2016, 04:57:21 PM »
Thought of this today...


 Aladdin was cursed with a serious disease, that was both mystical and biological in nature. For that reason, he figured out it would require both the help of his genie friend, and a drink made from the finest healing herbs . . .

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To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, read this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline Johnny Unusual

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #64 on: September 27, 2016, 08:56:45 PM »
Who had the first hot take?

Prometheus!


Offline TheRealUncleDes

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #65 on: October 29, 2016, 05:04:10 PM »
Gardener friend wanted me to help him transport manure to his house. So I sat in the back of his truck with a bucket of dung as he went over the bumpy road. I was pretty mad when he hit the first bump doing 40, then the second bigger one at 50, and on the third one I totally lost my shit.
I don't find Stratton and Varney funny.
Doesn't make me a bad person.


Offline LucasM

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #66 on: April 01, 2017, 07:59:19 PM »
A new one of mine:

 Sadly, Superman's dog developed a parasitic infection. It required a unique radioactive treatment regimen originating on their home planet . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the infection was Kryptosporidium.
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, read this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline LucasM

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #67 on: July 12, 2017, 07:19:11 PM »
Just watched all the way through the Netflix 'series' The Standups, with six different comedians with 30 minute sets.  Oddly (to me, at least) they chose the single NON-funny one as the first one in the queue!  However, the rest of them had me laughing out loud at least at one point during their set, sometimes many times during the set.  For ME, for a stand-up, that's quite an accomplishment.

At any rate, one of them, Beth Stelling (episode 5), had a couple lines that were so good I wrote them down (the first one just the key point of a one-liner).

She had her IUD taken out, and she referred to the doctor who did this as "OB/GYN Kenobi".  ;D

The second was a short story.  She said (semi-paraphrased), "my mom just had a hysterectomy . . .  it's really a bummer because my childhood home is gone."  :D  ;D
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, read this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Online RVR II

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #68 on: August 19, 2017, 04:27:22 PM »
How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
🌕🌑🌝ECLIPSE it! :rimshot: