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Author Topic: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)  (Read 17432 times)

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Offline WhyDontTheyLook

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #75 on: May 01, 2018, 07:06:21 AM »
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

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Offline Kete

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #76 on: June 02, 2018, 07:44:28 PM »
Alexa told me this one.

What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

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Offline WhyDontTheyLook

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #77 on: June 04, 2018, 10:26:31 AM »
Why do melons have weddings?

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Offline LucasM

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #78 on: June 12, 2018, 08:14:11 PM »
Came up with this a while ago and just rediscovered where I'd written it down:

I'm not sure I'm OK with some Olympic events.

I mean, it is nice to be inclusive and all...

...but competitive hurling?

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To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Online MartyS (Gromit)

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #79 on: June 17, 2018, 09:24:42 AM »
Just thought of this while spraying my tub:

 Why don't scrubbing bubbles last?

 It's a high tension job.


Offline LucasM

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #80 on: August 17, 2018, 05:59:19 PM »
From a Facebook pun page:

Q:  What do you call a gangsta rap artist who goes commercial?

A: 
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To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline LucasM

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #81 on: September 03, 2018, 01:22:14 AM »
The Mason Jar company was not satisfied with dominating the home canning supplies field. They wanted to expand out. So they thought long and hard about what they could do. It was suggested during one of their brainstorming meetings that, since some people used Mason jars as drinking vessels, they could expand into the one-time-use cup market. This was greeted with enthusiasm, and the beginnings of that were sent to the R&D department.

At the same time, the Dixie cup people were unhappy with only dominating the paper one-time-use cup market. Since some of the board of directors either canned their own fruits or vegetables, or had fond memories of their mothers canning foods, it was proposed that they would move into the home canning supply field. And, with enthusiasm, things were set in motion for that new production to begin.

Then, corporate spies from each company learned of the others’ plans. This information swiftly got back to each company’s CEO, who was not pleased. Citing copyright infringement (despite nothing having been produced or even fully designed yet), large swarms of lawyers for each company descended upon each-other.

It was after a very short time, that each company began (under the toll of massive legal fees) to think, “maybe just the near-monopoly we already own is good enough - start competing head-to-head with another company producing the same products, and we may actually lose market share!”

So the CEOs sat down together and discussed their options. Ultimately, they agreed to not venture into the other’s area of market dominance. But they also decided that they could work together to create a new set of items that would utilize both of their areas of expertise, and release it as a shared product between the two companies. What they decided on was a completely new product of single-use canning supplies for the ‘canner on the go’. They would be sterile on purchase, and individually wrapped, so that no prep was needed before canning took place.

Some people seemed to be pleased with the idea.  However the two companies did not count on the environmental awareness of the public.  When the single-use nature, and all the additional packaging materials were learned of, there was a huge outcry from every environmental group about the tremendous strain it would put on the already-overwhelmed nature of trash disposal on the planet.

After just a short time, the line of single-use canning supplies was abandoned by the two companies.  But people all over still recognize it’s name, because supporters versus detractors could be split along . . .
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« Last Edit: September 03, 2018, 03:02:32 AM by LucasM »
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline LucasM

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #82 on: November 30, 2018, 07:38:00 PM »
I came up with this on Thanksgiving.  I figured I'd best wait a bit to share, as it didn't quite fit the intended mood of the day.


It was the Middle Ages.  There was a particularly barbaric king who was narcissistic and with a weak sense of self.  He was so sensitive he didn't like any comments he thought even slightly criticized him.  When he didn't like what a court Fool would say, he'd have the Fool promptly slain and skinned.

The king insisted his court tailor make clothes for him where each piece of clothing was entirely composed of these skins.  In addition, each piece of clothing had to have at least some part of the skin of each one of the slain Fools.  The king felt this reminder would ensure that none would ever question him in the future.  When his tailor finished the first piece - the top half of a suit that was being made - the king decided to show off his new clothing at a formal dinner, wearing it instead of his usual furred cape.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects


Offline LucasM

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Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
« Reply #83 on: December 13, 2018, 02:00:00 PM »
I came up with the basic idea for this a few months back, figuring a few people here might appreciate it, but never put in the time to develop it until today...


Nicholas Cage went for a physical after feeling run-down.  His doctor did a thorough examination, including a full blood screening.  When the results were in, the doctor called Nick into the office.  The doctor told him, "You have a severe deficiency of thiamine, riboflavin, niacin, pantothenic acid, biotin, and folate!"

Cage yelled:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
To dispel some of the misconceptions about head injuries you have developed from watching movies and TV, I wrote this: ...Some Information on Head Injury Effects