Write Advertisements For Things That Don't Need To Be Advertised

[daltysmilth]

I'd say the title is pretty damn self-explanatory, just come up with something that people would use whether it was advertised or not, and advertise it.  I'll start:

Looking for something to inhale and exhale into your lungs?  Why not try Oxygen?  (Patent Pending)  Oxygen is the gas that allows you to breathe comfortably, with none of the destructive effects of the other gases.  And now Oxygen comes mixed with trace amounts of nitrogen, for that fresh taste the kids will love!  Oxygen: For A Breath Of Fresh Air.

[Chaos]

I've always felt that there is no point advertising things like Pepsi and Coke. Does anybody NOT know what they are? The commercials don't make any sense anyway, and do absolutely nothing to try to convince us their product is superior.

Frankly, I think Lewis Black was right on this one. They should just mail people coupons that say, "Here's ten dollars... try our shit."

[RoninFox]

Food.  Hard to eat with your hands?  Try our newly redesigned FORK tm.  SPOON sold separately.

[bratpop]

There's already enough of these in real life.

Cellphones. Who are YOU that you're soooo important you need to talk to people ALL the time without a tether? You make me sick. Put the phone down, loser.

Diamond stores. Oh, we're so rich we have to buy someone a diamond every SINGLE time we kiss them, but we can't hire someone to open a phone book for us?

Walmart and Target. What cheap, middle America redneck, Mexican, Native American, or outpatient doesn't already shop at these stores? You think people are going to Macy's saying, "Where are all the deals???"

Cars. Who the hell buys a car based on a single commercial? Who can tell them apart or remember any of them? Who knows what "options" they're showing when they show the OUTSIDE of the car? (Paint?) There's only a couple that say they're better than another car, and it's always a lie, and compared to something like a BMW. Pull the other one.

Jeans. Seriously, who has a preference of one jean over another? And are we retarded monkeys from the 1950s, easily fooled by pictures of people having "fun" or promiscuous underage unsafe sex in dangerous places while wearing jeans? I've never worn anything but jeans, and when I'm buying them, I'm not stopping to think whether the brand I'm holding was the one advertised with cool dudes or the one showing smut.

Here's my ad for something that apparently doesn't need to be advertised:

Books. You read them and words go into your brain. Books! They make you more less dumberer.

[darkchashy]

Do you have a butt? have you ever been interested in owning one? Hi I'm Billy mays and today I'm going to tell you of some of the many uses...

[dignan]

Do you have a butt? have you ever been interested in owning one? Hi I'm Billy mays and today I'm going to tell you of some of the many uses...

That really should be "HI I'M BILLY MAYS AND TODAY I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOME OF THE MANY USES..."

[Sideswipe]

I always thought shit like toilet paper and tampons don't need to be advertised.

[pezdrake]

When regular drinking water started being bottled and advertised I lost all hope.

[Chaos]

Are you tired of your house smelling like shit? Does emptying chamber pots make you wish you were dead? Well, try new TOILETS!! From the makers of Outhouse.

[Darth Geek]

Did you just eat a big meal? Do you feel bloated, backed up and gassy? Try FARTING. It's funny, offensive, rude, and a good conversation starter. Whether in an elevator or just sitting around with your obnoxious relatives, FARTING will make you stand out and be noticed. Sure there's the odor issue, but if you are just juvenile enough, that will make it all the funnier. FARTING it's the new BURPING. Try it, TODAY.

[jasimon1]

I always thought shit like toilet paper and tampons don't need to be advertised.

Oh you're ever so wrong. I'm in Market Research and basically my job consists of getting people's opinions on different ways of advertising a certain brand of toilet paper and paper towels. For a little excitement right now, I'm doing a garbage bag study!!

[Sideswipe]

Live the Dream Sicgirl

[mrbasehart]

I always thought shit like toilet paper and tampons don't need to be advertised.

Oh you're ever so wrong. I'm in Market Research and basically my job consists of getting people's opinions on different ways of advertising a certain brand of toilet paper and paper towels. For a little excitement right now, I'm doing a garbage bag study!!

If you're the one responsible for making it so that a Hippo and an Ostrich can be married to each other and have kids of BOTH species, then I reserve the right to slap you. 

[jasimon1]

I always thought shit like toilet paper and tampons don't need to be advertised.

Oh you're ever so wrong. I'm in Market Research and basically my job consists of getting people's opinions on different ways of advertising a certain brand of toilet paper and paper towels. For a little excitement right now, I'm doing a garbage bag study!!

If you're the one responsible for making it so that a Hippo and an Ostrich can be married to each other and have kids of BOTH species, then I reserve the right to slap you. 

No, I help decide how the red and blue bears rub their butts against trees.

[Doctor Who?]

DAMN YOU TO HELL!