iJust Finished Watching

[The Lurker]

Josh Way - Fun with Shorts: No Ghosts

Good as usual and it was fun seeing Josh react to Jam Handy and Chevrolet's "bait and switch".

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/DXB2TvgLd_U&amp;t=99s" target="_blank" class="new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/DXB2TvgLd_U&amp;t=99s</a>

[WhyDontTheyLook]

JC Walsh -- "Star Trek: Voyager - 'Cathexis'" -- While on an away mission, Commander Chakotay's brain gets murdered by an energy cloud thing, so the Doctor must keep the sickbay clean by inserting a cathexis into Chakotay's... wait. *checks notes* No, there's an energy being leaping from that Denzel Washington 'Fallen' movie to person to person, and Chakotay's mind energy fighting it, and everyone being all paranoid and stuff.  J.C. Walsh does pretty well riffing this wackness, though it's not quite up there with his best efforts.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/star-trek-voyager-cathexis ]

Just Andrew -- "Star Trek: Voyager - 'Jetrel'" -- An alien scientist who invented a genocidal wave thingy is now really feeling bad about it, so he's going around trying to help his victims, one of whom turns out to be Neelix.  Buuut, before you go running screaming to the hills... it's actually a good episode, largely because Ethan Phillips is allowed to drop his grating character schtick for the most part and actually act.  Just Andrew does a fairly good job on his commentary here, though the unusually good stuff on screen sometimes held more of my attention.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/just-andrew-star-trek-voyager-jetrel ]

Quiptracks -- "Ghost Rider" -- Johnny Blaze, daredevil motorcyle guy who made a deal with the devil, is put out when said devil makes him into the Ghost Rider to go out and punish sinners by being Nicholas Cage at them.  Some other demons want him to defect to their side, and kidnap Eva Mendes to get this to happen.  Sam Elliot shows up to collect paychecks for himself and his mustache.

Man, this was fun.  Nick Cage movies work really well with riffing in general, I've found, and when a group as good as Quiptracks hits one, it's gotta be gold.  Consistently hilarious and well-paced, it makes the hour-and-fifty go much faster than it would without.

[ https://orderoftheleague.com/products/ghost-rider ]

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Ronin Fox Trax -- "Rocky" -- A small-time boxer with small-time aspirations randomly gets selected to be pummeled on by heavyweight champion Apollo Creed, which is not a lottery I'd ever want to enter.  He trains, mumbles sweet nothings to the mousey girl he loves, shouts at his manager, beats up sides of beef, and strives to not be a complete chump.  Not sure he succeeds, but he was good at montag-ing, so that's something.

I'm kind of surprised this film hasn't been riffed before now.  It's a good film, sure, but it's got a lot of riffable stuff in it, and Ronin Fox and Vamperica have a lot of fun with Stallone's natural meatheadedness.  It's been a few years since their last riff, but they haven't lost a step, with riffs as funny as ever.

[ https://gumroad.com/l/RFTrocky ]

OneWallCinema -- "Enter the Lone Ranger" -- Despite the title, at no time does anyone enter the Lone Ranger.  It's not that kind of movie.  The Lone Ranger does some entering, I'll admit, but it's nothing to get excited about.  His adversaries, the Cavendish Gang, do some entering, but mainly they wander the countryside and shoot things.  Tonto enters here and there, and classes up the proceedings by not being Johnny Depp.

This early entry from OneWallCinema takes a bit to get going, not only on the screen but with the riffing.  The riffing, at least, hits its full stride maybe twenty minutes in, probably because the movie never does.  Pretty entertaining overall, and OWC makes what would be a draggy film pass by quickly.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/onewallcinema-enter-the-lone-ranger ]

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Hor-Riff-Ic -- "The Stuff" -- There's some edible goop seeping up from underground, so naturally, some guy puts it in his mouth.  The next thing you know, he's addicted, his friends are addicted, and they're marketing it to the world.  It's up to four non-addicted people and a schtick-infected army general to warn everyone and turn back the tide of The Stuff.

I do love this dumbly satirical movie, but Hor-Riff-Ic's hilarious commentary track is still a welcome addition to the viewing experience.  It's always tricky work riffing what is at least partially a comedy, but they do it well, finding places to get their jabs in and coming up with some great lines in the process.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/hor-riff-ic-the-stuff ]

Atlas Riffed -- "Atlas Shrugged, Part 1" -- A young train-company executive, frustrated by a world where people just won't take her word that a mystery metal will make for super-safe trains, tries to figure out who John Galt is, and concludes he's the smoke monster on an island.  In a clear excursion into fantasy, rich people actually see negative consequences to their actions, though in a nod to realism, they whine about it a lot.

I didn't know anything about the riffers (comedians Josh Bolotsky and Matthew Filipowicz) going in, but I knew Ayn Rand's book was a dense chunk of awful, and had heard similar things about the movie adaptation, so I decided to give them a go.  I was glad I did, as they turned in a pretty funny takedown of the proceedings.  If you're a Libertarian, or an Objectivist, you probably won't like the riff, as they don't pull their punches; otherwise, worth checking out.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/atlas-riffed-a-riffing-of-atlas-shrugged-part-one ]

[Darth Geek]

Scrooge (1935) riff by Turkey Shoot - Even this bad version of A Christmas Carol still gets me in the Christmas mood. Scott Zee is hilarious, as always.

"Mr. Marley's been dead these 7 years." - Yes, I'm Marley.

"Might I inquire what you are doing with that shovelful of coal?" - No! Piss off!

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Quiptracks -- "The Perfect Weapon" (2016) -- Steven Seagal is the Director of a near-future, blue-lit, kind-of-doughy State in which everyone gets their news off the sides of skyscrapers and bald guys go around assassinating people.  But then one of his bald guy assassins--who shouldn't be confused with the bald guy assassin from Hitman, because that guy was actually competent--starts having feelings and stuff, which is bad for the State because it messes with his aim.  I guess.

Quiptracks returns with hysterical riffing on this phoned-in direct-to-video Hitman ripoff in which Seagal has maybe ten minutes of screen time, yet fills every frame from beginning to end with his aura of puffy skeeviness.  Great energy, great timing, and lots of laughs... and that's what sells houses!

[ https://orderoftheleague.com/products/perfect-weapon-2016 ]

Ghosts on the Big Brown Couch -- "Scrooge" (1935) -- A tightwad money lender named Ebeneezer Scrooge, after amply visiting his unpleasantness on his sole employee and an assortment of passerby, gets visited by three ghosts who get him to change his tune.  In an unrelated incident, a group of British nobs toast the Queen, while an assortment of character actors get their Dickens on outside.

This was a pretty good outing from the GotBBC crew, riff-wise.  It takes a lot to make this dreary film bearable, but they came through with some very funny lines (measured entirely by how they drew laughs out of me when I wasn't all that in the mood).  The overlong wrap-around animations were kind of 'eh', but what the heck, it's Christmas.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/scrooge-1935-the-ghosts-on-the-big-brown-couch-episode-2 ]
[ https://gumroad.com/riffplucker ]

[Darth Geek]

Santa Claus Punch and Judy - Turkey Shoot - A short about Santa magicking up a Punch and Judy show for a group of kids to watch. Even for 1948, Punch and Judy seems a bit too old fashioned to really entertain these kids as much as they show in the short. Of course nowadays we know Santa showing children domestic abuse as comedy is awful. But given that these kids would probably laugh at jangling keys, maybe they aren't taking much from it. Of course at one point Punch is literally spanking a monkey, so maybe best to keep this Santa away from kids just to be sure.
Scott Zee is fantastic here, and given how repetative the Punch and Judy show is I applaud him being able to keep the riffing fresh.

"A bit of trivia here. A puppeteer of a Punch and Judy show is called a 'professor', and not a 'douchebag'."
"Hey, any of you kids get a bb gun for Christmas?"

[Darth Geek]

The new Quiptracks riff of The Perfect Weapon (2016). As usual for Quiptracks the riffs are really good. Too bad this movie is just a barely articulate whisper filled mess of cliches and Hitman video game ripoffs. The main character is codenamed Condor, was this originally a remake of Condorman? Because that movie was less stupid than this, and that had Michael Crawford in a birdsuit. Steven Seagal only occasionally cameos, and lets the editor do most of the fighting for him.


Put everything on, baby! Ear polish, eyeball cream...tooth powder...is that a thing?
Like a big brother, State Farm is there.
I bet she tastes better than Putin's ass though, huh Stephen?
This is a really aggressive work environment! It must be Casualty Friday.
Maybe guns really don't kill people.
He must be a Trump University adjunct. Yeah, he teaches assholistic medicine.

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Cinester Theater -- "The Nightmare Before Christmas" -- Jack Skellington, the main guy of Halloweentown, is feeling the ennui over his holiday.  He stumbles onto Christmasland and decides to give that a stab.  And a slice, and a few more stabs, and then drench the whole thing in spiders.  Santa is not amused.

I do not envy CT the challenge they gave themselves in riffing this one.  Not only is it a damn fine film, it's animated, funny, dark, and strange, so they're sometimes reduced to pointing out that the silly, murdery thing that just happened is silly and murdery.  But more often than not, they get good lines in, and it's a fun riff overall.  So if you're not a tNBC fan, watch it with this, and if you are... it's still worth checking out.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/cinester-theater-presents-the-nightmare-before-christmas ]

Rabbit Ears -- "Miracle on 34th Street" (1955) -- If you're Santa, you've always got something to prove.  That you exist, for instance.  That your beard is real.  That your favorite color is red, and that your finger can do magical things.  (Ok, maybe not that last one--that's how Santas get in trouble.)  Here is the tale of one such Santa... and when we return from commercial, the results of that trial.

This isn't the classic 1947 movie being riffed, but a 1955 episode of 'The 20th Century Fox Hour' that did a limp, abridged adaptation of it.  Not terrible, per se, but nowhere near a classic, and the Rabbit Ears crew turns in a pretty funny takedown of it (along with the short, "Holiday from Rules").  The additional filmed sketches are hit and miss.

[ https://store.payloadz.com/details/2214638-movies-and-videos-comedy-rabbit-ears-miracle-on-33rd-street.html ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/rabbit-ears-the-miracle-on-33rd-street ]

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Riff Raff Theater -- "I, Robot" -- In a world of humans dependent on robots, powered entirely by Isaac Asimov spinning in his grave, Will Smith must prove that some pretty-good-for-2004 CGI somehow committed the murder of a roboticist before everyone gets put into permanent time out.  Can everyone get over their differences and team up against the real menace (Shia LeBouf's acting)?

Okay, I kid the movie somewhat.  It's not too shabby, even for an old Asmiov fan like myself, though the CGI's datedness shows.  Riff Raff Theater is solidly funny in their riffing, with lots of great jibes and banter throughout.  Well worth checking out.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/riff-raff-theater-i-robot ]

Thinking with Josh Head -- "Black Butler episode 1" -- A rich English kid sells his soul to a demon and gets a demon butler out of the deal.  In the first episode, they get revenge on some guy, and the other servants make noise and wreck things.  I think that covers it...?  Anyway, the riffs here were middling to good, but too sparse to really distract from how much this show irritated and bored me.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/thinking-with-josh-head-present-black-butler-ep-1 ]

Thinking with Josh Head -- "Hell Girl episode 1" -- A bullied schoolgirl is stolen from, pushed around, and made to seek out pervs, and seeks out the legendary Hell Girl for revenge.  All at the low cost of her animated soul!  A better show this time around, and also some better riff density make this a good choice for riffed anime fans.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/thinking-with-josh-head-present-hell-girl-episode-one ]

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Infinite Losers -- "Death Note" (2006) -- Churlish teenager Light Tagami picks up a Trapper Keeper that falls from the sky, discovers that he can be as murdery as he wants by writing names in it, and goes to town.  He's opposed by L, maverick detective and furniture sitter-onner, a perplexing array of random law enforcement types, and a perpetual danger of running out of apples.

I didn't know anything about the Infinite Losers prior to picking this up; I largely did so because I enjoyed the movie when I saw it a few years back.  They turn in a well-crafted first (and sadly, only) riff, with a lot of good (and a few great) lines.  If you seek this one out, please note they're reacting to the English dub of the Japanese live-action movie from 2006, not the anime, nor the recent, inferior re-do on Netflix.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/death-note-the-movie-presented-by-the-infinite-losers ]

Cinemasochism -- "9 More Shorts" -- I dipped into a second pile of shorts from Cinemasochism recently.  The ones I checked out were the later nine of their (so far) 18 releases: "Why Study Home Economics?", "The Bottle and the Throttle", "Goodbye, Mrs. Ant", "Family Life", "Discipline During Adolescence", "Halloween Safety" (1985), "Tuesday in November", "The Monster Known as V.D.", and "American Women: Partners in Research".

As with the first nine shorts, more of the jokes in these land than miss, and I felt there was some steady improvement as I watched the shorts back-to-back.  It was particularly noticable and good in "The Monster Known as V.D." and "American Women: Partners in Research," which also benefited from having a looser feel to the riffing.  Overall they were enjoyable, and I hope they produce more in the future.

[ https://www.cinemasochism.com/ ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/cinemasochism-why-study-home-economics ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/cinemasochism-the-bottle-and-the-throttle ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/cinemasochism-goodbye-mrs-ant ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/cinemasochism-family-life ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/cinemasochism-discipline-during-adolescence ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/cinemasochism-halloween-safety-1985 ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/cinemasochism-tuesday-in-november ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/cinemasochism-the-monster-known-as-vd ]
[ https://www.cinemasochism.com/product/american-women-partners-research/ ]

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Quiptracks -- "Abduction" -- Someone's trying to abduct Taylor Lautner, because he's the son of an international assassin who has this secret list of corrupt Washington officials and politicians, and back when this was made they actually cared about keeping their corruption secret.  The 00's, such a quaint time.  The movie tries to convince us that Lautner is some kind of action star and ends up kicking itself into limp unconsciousness in the process.

Quiptracks is at the top of their game riffing on this dopey, though mildly fun, action flick.  The pacing, jokes, and interaction gel, creating the kind of sustained fun feeling throughout that the most memorable riffs have.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to replace all our bulbs with globe lights...

[ https://orderoftheleague.com/products/abduction ]

The Brothers Herman -- "Doctor Who: 'Rose'/'The End of the World'" -- He's the Doctor.  He's 900 or so years old.  He wears a leather jacket now, because he's not one of those old fuddy duddy Doctors from a couple decades or more ago.  And he's saving the world with new companion Rose Tyler because someone's always trying to conquer it, or blow it up, or sometimes both.

It's been a long time since I've watched these two episodes, the first two of the revived modern era of Doctor Who.  A bit dodgy, even then, but a fun start.  The Brothers Herman do a fairly good job riffing here, a few clunkers aside, and show a good amount of Who knowledge in the process.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/doctor-who-series-1-rose-and-the-end-of-the-world ]

[WhyDontTheyLook]

One Man Band -- "Alien" -- A mining starship on its way back to Earth is diverted to a mysterious world with a mysterious ship and some mysterious potential omelettes.  Which sounds like the setup, but really it's the first half of the film.  The second half is H.R. Giger getting himself on the gravy train for life.

One Man Band's riffing is good here, as always, though in the first half of the film, it gets to be a bit much.  I mean, I get it, there was a *lot* of slow, silent stretches to fill, which made it feel like all the jokes were crowding in on one another.  When things switched to murder panic party time mode, that's when the riff got into a better groove.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/alien-the-one-man-band ]

Kids on the Street -- "The Call of Cthulhu" -- An expedition to Antarctica meets sudden insanity-inducing doom and freaky silent-movie soundstages in this adaptation of Lovecraft's horror novella.  The adaptation takes the clever tack of presenting itself as if it had been filmed around the time it was written -- i.e. as a silent movie in the mold of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

The Kids on the Street did a good job of riffing this one, though at times the movie itself held my attention more.  (It's one of my favorite Lovecraft adaptations, a brilliant idea well executed.)  Lots of good lines and entertaining observations -- few dings against the movie itself, more against Lovecraft and his grosser inclinations.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/the-call-of-cthulhu-a-joint-from-the-kids-on-the-street ]

[Darth Geek]

Kids on the Street -- "The Call of Cthulhu" -- An expedition to Antarctica meets sudden insanity-inducing doom and freaky silent-movie soundstages in this adaptation of Lovecraft's horror novella.  The adaptation takes the clever tack of presenting itself as if it had been filmed around the time it was written -- i.e. as a silent movie in the mold of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

The Kids on the Street did a good job of riffing this one, though at times the movie itself held my attention more.  (It's one of my favorite Lovecraft adaptations, a brilliant idea well executed.)  Lots of good lines and entertaining observations -- few dings against the movie itself, more against Lovecraft and his grosser inclinations.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/the-call-of-cthulhu-a-joint-from-the-kids-on-the-street ]

Oh wow, I had no idea someone riffed this! I really like the HPLHS movies, particularly The Whisperer In Darkness. I'll have to give this a try.

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Drawback Productions -- "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" -- After a long string of contrivances get Indiana Jones, his juvenile sidekick short round, and his random Shanghai nightclub singer Willie to end up in a draught-stricken Indian village, he learns some cultists have stolen the village's magic potato.  They contrive to go confront the thuggees, stereo the types, and make sure no one asks what a volcano is even doing in the middle of India, anyway.

It's been a long time since I've seen this one--in fact, I think I have better memories of the 80's arcade game.  Drawback Productions delivers a great evisceration of this film, which hasn't aged nearly as well as I would have expected. I'm with them on how nerve-grating and useless I found Kate Capshaw's Willie Scott.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/drawback-productions-presents-indiana-jones-and-the-temple-of-doom ]

The Soliloquist -- "Fantastic Four" (1994) -- In a quest to keep some movie rights from expiring, Reed Richards recruits his best friend, his girlfriend and her brother to go to space and experiment on a comet.  They crash to earth, and after a long time, gain powers and fight Doctor Doom, the Mole Man, and a budget smaller than my daily sandwich budget.

The Soliloquist turns in an entertaining solo riff on this one, helped by the fact that, despite all its gaping flaws, it's kind of a fun film.  He delivers good lines, some good energy, and fair pacing that dances well with the movie it's up against.  The film never got an official release, but is easily discoverable on YouTube.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/fantastic-four-the-1994 ]