iJust Finished Watching

[k1]

OneWallCinema -- "Enter the Lone Ranger" -- Despite the title, at no time does anyone enter the Lone Ranger.  It's not that kind of movie.  The Lone Ranger does some entering, I'll admit, but it's nothing to get excited about.  His adversaries, the Cavendish Gang, do some entering, but mainly they wander the countryside and shoot things.  Tonto enters here and there, and classes up the proceedings by not being Johnny Depp.

This early entry from OneWallCinema takes a bit to get going, not only on the screen but with the riffing.  The riffing, at least, hits its full stride maybe twenty minutes in, probably because the movie never does.  Pretty entertaining overall, and OWC makes what would be a draggy film pass by quickly.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/onewallcinema-enter-the-lone-ranger ]

Thanks for the review!  We agree that the riffing at least at the beginning of the episode isn't great (but once things pick up still have some of our favorite riffs we've done).  This was our second ever attempt to do a riff back when we were still writing scripts for stuff.  Probably about the twenty minute mark is when we abandoned the scripts and just went with the off the cuff style of "hit record and see what happens" that we've ended up keeping for all subsequent riffs.  We actually have plans to go back and redo this riff and our first episode (Dragnet) at some point because they're not up to snuff with our others.

[WhyDontTheyLook]

OneWallCinema -- "Enter the Lone Ranger" -- Despite the title, at no time does anyone enter the Lone Ranger.  It's not that kind of movie.  The Lone Ranger does some entering, I'll admit, but it's nothing to get excited about.  His adversaries, the Cavendish Gang, do some entering, but mainly they wander the countryside and shoot things.  Tonto enters here and there, and classes up the proceedings by not being Johnny Depp.

This early entry from OneWallCinema takes a bit to get going, not only on the screen but with the riffing.  The riffing, at least, hits its full stride maybe twenty minutes in, probably because the movie never does.  Pretty entertaining overall, and OWC makes what would be a draggy film pass by quickly.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/onewallcinema-enter-the-lone-ranger ]

Thanks for the review!  We agree that the riffing at least at the beginning of the episode isn't great (but once things pick up still have some of our favorite riffs we've done).  This was our second ever attempt to do a riff back when we were still writing scripts for stuff.  Probably about the twenty minute mark is when we abandoned the scripts and just went with the off the cuff style of "hit record and see what happens" that we've ended up keeping for all subsequent riffs.  We actually have plans to go back and redo this riff and our first episode (Dragnet) at some point because they're not up to snuff with our others.

Gotta go with what works. 

[WhyDontTheyLook]

J.C. Walsh -- "No Country for Old Men" -- A welder finds the aftermath of a drug deal gone bad, and steals a suitcase filled with millions of dollars.  He's pursued by a ruthless assassin, a Texas sheriff, and a need to fill a couple hours of screentime somehow.  Eventually the film peters out and wanders into Hollywood to collect some Oscars.

J.C. Walsh does his usual very good job with the riffs here.  He's got a great, distinctive voice.  Not the greatest choice of movies to riff, though--it has lots of good parts, but somehow, the end result is unsatisfying and, worse, uncompelling to watch.  My attention wandered despite the riffing at times, though it was overall a good commentary.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/no-country-for-old-men ]

Mr. B Natural / Atomic Treatment -- "Mole Men Against the Son of Hercules" -- Sometimes, you just gotta push a big wheel around.  This is the underlying truth revealed by this, a movie having nothing to do with Hercules as far as I can tell, other than the song at the beginning.  The lead, Maciste, is super strong, yes, and demonstrates this by lifting heavy things a lot, but I don't remember them actually referencing Hercules.  Then again, many of the scenes don't seem to reference one another, so...

Mr. B Natural and Atomic Treatment turn in a fair riff on this goofy, intermittently fun log of Italian cheese.  The riff density feels a bit thin throughout, and background hums betray that lines got recorded separately and spliced together, but they get some good ones in.  In the end, it gets the entertainment job done.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/mrbnatural-and-atomic-treatment-present-mole-men-against-the-son-of-hercules ]

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Quiptracks -- "Gattaca" -- In the dystopian future, people are going up into space all the time, but they have to be genetically perfect to do so.  Ethan Hawke can't go into space, as a genetic test would immediately reveal that he's Ethan Hawke, so instead he concocts an elaborate scheme to make people think he's Jude Law.  Ernest Borgnine shows up in a supporting role as an ambulatory bag of loose skin cells and white eyebrows.

This is an intelligent film that unfortunately fails to generate any actual concern for its characters.  Quiptracks exploits this failing well in its hilarious riff, mocking the complete lack of chemistry in the cast as well as the glacial pace of the film.

[ https://orderoftheleague.com/products/gattaca ]

Big Bunch of Doug Shorts -- "8 Shorts" -- I was looking for some new (to me) riffers to check out, and read some good words about this Doug guy (way) earlier in this thread, so I grabbed myself a big bunch of Big Bunch of Doug Shorts: "Don't Touch", "Jay Can Do It", "Barbers", "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", "Your Junior High Days", "Roads to Romance", "Name Unknown", and "Carpet and BBQ".

I really enjoyed the riffing on these shorts.  Beyond good writing, Doug's vocal performances were engaging -- energetic and varied without feeling forced.  Sometimes the humor gets dark, occasionally blue, but it mostly always works.  Well worth checking out!

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/big-bunch-of-doug-shorts-dont-touch ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/big-bunch-of-doug-shorts-jay-can-do-it ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/big-bunch-of-doug-shorts-barbers ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/big-bunch-of-doug-shorts-goldilocks-and-the-three-bears ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/big-bunch-of-doug-shorts-your-junior-high-days ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/big-bunch-of-doug-shorts-roads-to-romance ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/big-bunch-of-doug-shorts-name-unknown ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/big-bunch-of-doug-shorts-carpet-and-bbq ]

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Ronin Fox Trax -- "A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge" -- Freddy's back to torment more dreaming teenagers on Elm Street!  Well, kind of.  He's, you know, around.  Mainly, it's about a teen named Jesse who is in such completely heterosexual love with a girl named Lisa and is so completely misunderstood about why he's ordering drinks in gay bars.  With a bit of murder here and there.  You know how it is.

There may not have been a lot of Freddy in Freddy's Revenge, but Ronin Fox Trax still makes an otherwise anemic entry in the Elm Street series a lot of fun.  Some of Ronin's best jokes come from poking at the low Freddy levels, and also the prodigious subtext.  Not my favorite movie of the series, but one that the riffing here made a lot more watchable.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/ronin-fox-trax-a-nightmare-on-elm-street-2 ]

Kitmah Predicts -- "The Green Slime" -- There's a great big asteroid heading toward Earth, so a group of astronauts go off to blow the thing up.  Now, Michael Bay would take this premise and stretch it all over a big, bloated two and a half hours, but these guys knock it out in, I dunno, 15 minutes?  Then they gotta deal with slime monsters for the rest of the runtime.  Kinda would've liked to see Bruce Willis have to do that.

This movie is, of course, what got a few minutes riffing in the MST3K pilot.  I was curious about what a riff of the whole movie would be like, so I picked up this one from Kitmah Predicts.  It's kind of uneven starting off, with some lines missing the mark, but eventually things gel and it's a lot of fun going into the finish.  It's their only riff, but at least it was a good one.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/kitmah-predicts-the-green-slime ]

[Darth Geek]

This weekend I should be in Des Moines Iowa visiting my friends Gary Wickering and Erin Wickering of Hor-riff-ic Productions. They do a live performance of one of their riffs at Demicon, a horror/sci-fi/fantasy/gaming convention, every year. Unfortunately due to the coronavirus shutdown the convention had to be cancelled this year (aside from a few online streaming things).
So in honor of my friends I am going to do a binge watch of all their Friday the 13th riffs they have done so far, from Part 1 to Part 5.

So this Friday-a-thon (on Saturday because I didn't think this out) is FRIDAY THE 13th (1980)


(POV shot chasing girl) - Ugh, slow down, this thing weighs a ton!

(Cop talking to Kevin Bacon)"What've you been smoking?" - Hickory! Makes me taste delicious.

Scrubbing bubbles OF BLOOOOOD! (This is all in Gary's delivery.

(First shot in Diner, old lady waitress)
Gah! It's Ernest Borgnine in drag!

[Darth Geek]

And we continue with FRIDAY THE 13th Part 2.
This is the intro of Jason Voorhees. And more importantly the beginning of Hor-riff-ic's very funny running gag about how dangerous lanterns are.


(Jason strangles Crazy Ralph from behind tree) - Somebody should have warned me this camp was dangerous. Ugh.

(Girl climbing stairs to look for guy in wheelchair) - Upstairs? That the one place you know he can't be! He's got the noodle legs.

(Guy walks in Jason's shack)
Is Jason's place on Google Maps? Because nobody seems to have a hard time finding it.

[Darth Geek]

Continuing the Friday-a-thon (on Saturday) is Hor-riff-ic Productions riff of FRIDAY THE 13th Part 3.
This is my favorite so far. The movie is a lot of fun with the 3D gimmicks and some interesting characters. And the riffing is fantastic. By this point Satan had joined them in riffing, so it was a three person riff which works the best.

(Harold tries eating goldfish food) Careful don't overfeed yourself, you'll die.

(stoner couple) "Why don't you scream like that?" "Give me a reason to scream." - Fish broke up!

(Jason locks barn with wooden beam) - Wow, even Jason knows how to do that better than you, and it's your barn.

[Darth Geek]

Last one for today, Hor-riff-ic Productions riff of FRIDAY THE 13th Part 4.

(Large group of ambulances and emergency vehicles) - Meanwhile in the rest of the county there is no response to any emergency.

Any guesses on what brought Jason back to life this time? Writer's block?

(Crispin Glover spasticly dancing) - I think he just gave us the sign to bunt.

(Jason shoots guy's crotch with harpoon gun) - Aaaand BRIS!

Normally in Friday the 13th movies characters spend most of the movie hiding from Jason. Rob has decided to take the bold approach and actively search for Jason. Lets see how that turns out.

[Darth Geek]

And finally in this Friday-a-thon (now on Sunday), it's Hor-riff-ic Productions riff of FRIDAY THE 13th Part 5.
It's been several years since this came out. They assure me that they do intend to riff the rest of the series. But now that they are raising a child it is understandably much more difficult to devote time to it.

(Guy angrily chopping wood) - THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT?! I'M BUILDING A BIRDHOUSE!!!

(Torrential rainstorm outside) - So Crystal Lake pretty much floods every year, then.

(Woman and boy running outside)
Where are they going? Where else are they going, they're running aimlessly through the woods!

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Ice on Mars/Quiptracks - "Star Trek Voyager - 'Initiations'" -- While toolin' around in a shuttle, Chakotay gets attacked by Kazon Aron Eisenberg and ends up protecting him from having to be a recurring character on Voyager, too.  Michael T. Bradley and Tracy Bowersox team up here to riff a new one on what feels like a Next Generation leftover script with the serial numbers scrubbed off.  They make it a lot easier to get through.

[  https://orderoftheleague.com/collections/star-trek-voyager/products/voy-initiations ]

Ice on Mars/Quiptracks - "Star Trek Voyager - 'Projections'" -- The Doctor gets his wish to be a real boy... or does he?  It's all a simulation gone awry programmed by Barclay... or is it?  The audience cares about what's going on... or do they?  Voyager whizzes another high-concept holo-episode down its collective pants-leg, wastes a decent performance from Robert Picardo, and gets the very funny riffing it deserves from Michael T. Bradley and Kelly McQueen.

[ https://orderoftheleague.com/collections/star-trek-voyager/products/voy-projections ]

Ice on Mars/Quiptracks - "Star Trek Voyager - 'Elogium'" -- You know when something's stuck in the back of your throat and you expel it and a lot of mucus?  That's not an elogium.  I know, surprised me, too.  But if you ever want to find out what one is and why Kes is having it, then get this hilarious riff (by Michael T. Bradley and Kevin Bowersox) to insulate your sanity from having to contemplate the possibility of seeing Neelix's O face, or most anything else going on in the episode.

[ https://orderoftheleague.com/collections/star-trek-voyager/products/voy-elogium ]

Cosmic Joke - "Flash Gordon" (1980) -- Ming the Merciless reigns terror down on Earth for shits and giggles (no, really), and Flash Gordon, Dale Arden, and Dr. Zarkov blunder on up to Mongo to stop him.  The filmmakers then try to cram an entire serial's worth of stuff into the rest of the feature, while Queen sings and Brian Blessed yells.  Timothy Dalton spends most of the movie wondering what the hell he's doing there.

This appears to be the only riff from the Cosmic Joke, though it sounded like he was going to do more.  It's a pity he didn't, as this was a solidly entertaining first effort.  As solo riffs go, it was well-paced, had some laugh-out-loud moments and a lot of grin moments, and paired well with the constant barrage of campiness on the screen.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/the-cosmic-joke-flash-gordon  ]

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Riff Chick - "Twilight Zone (2002) - 'The Collection'" -- A couple finds they can never keep a babysitter for their doll-hoarding daughter, so they're desperately forced to employ Jessica Simpson. What happened to the babysitters? Why does the kid think her dolls are alive? Can you see the twist coming down 5th Avenue?  Riff Chick can, and has a lot of fun with it in riffing this episode from the CW's short-lived and not-particularly memorable Twilight Zone revival.  Sometimes her line reads sound a bit too like line reads, but overall, it's a good performance and an enjoyable riff.

[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/the-twilight-zone-2002-the-collection ]

SRD's Movie Night - "The Devil's Advocate" -- The Devil (Al Pacino) needs some legal help, so he recruits a hotshot lawyer from rural Florida.  He tries to excite the lawyer's interest in sin, which is kind of like trying to moisten the ocean, but since the lawyer in question is played by Keanu Reeves, it takes a terribly long time.  Finally, though, the hour is at hand, and Al is ready to hold a clinic on scenery chewing and top-going-overing.

This was recorded by Sugar Ray Dodge and a couple friends, and ends up being more of a riff/commentary hybrid than a straight-up riff.  As the film goes on and things resolutely fail to happen, it tilts more into the commentary side.  I was okay with it, but your mileage might vary depending on how much tolerance you have for ramble-over-the-movie style commentaries.

[ https://movienight.sugarraydodge.com/2016/03/04/episode-5-the-devils-advocate/ ]

[TheBratPrince2014]

I have tried several ways and for some reason cannot get SRD - Devil's Advocate to play .... any suggestions?

[WhyDontTheyLook]

I have tried several ways and for some reason cannot get SRD - Devil's Advocate to play .... any suggestions?

I just went back and checked and you're right... the files seem to be unavailable now, even though the site seems to indicate they still should be there.  I downloaded mine around the end of March, so something must have changed between then and now to make them unavailable.

They were also on archive.org, but when I went to look them up, they were unavailable there, too.  (That is, the uploads that were done are still there, but the sound files themselves no longer are.)

[WhyDontTheyLook]

Quiptracks - "The Lake House" -- A woman (Sandra Bullock) in a lake house discovers she can correspond with it's previous occupant (Keanu Reeves), despite the fact that she's in 2006 and he's in 2004 and the screenwriter's in 2003, probably drinking heavily as he tries to make sense of what another set of filmmakers chunked out in 2000.  Christopher Plummer, meanwhile, defies all time and space to cash his check for playing Keanu's father.

Ok, gotta admit, I wasn't looking forward to this one, even with what I knew would be a great riff from Quiptracks to make it funny.  But it was kind of sweet, in a dopey way, and the lack of bombast and action somehow gave Quiptracks even more room for more hilarious jokes.  It ended up being one of my favorite riffs of theirs.

[ https://orderoftheleague.com/products/the-lake-house ]

Rabbit Ears - "Dragnet on 33rd Street" (3 back-to-back episodes of Dragnet) -- Joe Friday needs no introduction.  Whether he's dealing with a mad (or at least, mildly irritated) bomber at police headquarters, a check-forging granny, or a guy trying to frame his daughter's fiance for stealing, he goes about his work in a no-nonsense manner, letting his 'dum-DUM-dum-dum-DUUUUUMMM' soundtrack stun criminals into submission.  In a few moments... the results of this review.

Everything about this riff works well, which isn't always something I've been able to say about Rabbit Ears.  Dragnet episodes make great foils for their jokes, even the ones where the performances are a bit line-read-y.  And the in-between sketches (in which the housemates are being investigated by Friday) really click this time around.

[ https://store.payloadz.com/details/2214646-movies-and-videos-comedy-rabbit-ears-dragnet-on-33rd-street.html ]
[ https://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/rabbit-ears-dragnet-on-33rd-street ]