If you don't mind Dim, I'd like you to do the honors when it comes to breaking down the game! You and Olbermann have been awesome sauce in the purgatory thread!
I never thought I would have to say this, but thank you, Sean Hannity. I realize of course that there may be a special place in Hell reserved for us thanks to this collaboration, but in this case, I think it'll be well worth it.
Good evening, this is October 5, 13 days since my arrival on the forums, and the first day of the Prez/Opus presidency.
Despite the major footbullet the anti-democracy parties have administered to each other, the final Scientist has managed to slip through the cracks and deliver the final blow, spelling as much as a victory for the Scientists as he could manage. Opus D. Penguin, the last remaining delegate, was selected for the Vice Presidency.
So now, we have a teenage Scientist and a penguin in the Oval Office. Hell yeah, democracy!
And now, it's up to me to break down the game. I don't exactly see any reason to change a good thing, so first, we turn to
World's Best Persons
for the top players of the game.
Before we hit the top three, a special mention goes to...
Sean Hannity, for best replacement. Although he may be a smug bastard and a very well-deserved Worst Person in the World gold medalist, he took on a big project with little time to prepare for it and managed to host a very successful Decision 2008. Although filtered through Faux News, this campaign season was great fun, and Hannity has to be commended for being able to take on a big responsibility at little notice.
Sure, he blew it all by throwing a pair of Bots into the game that went haywire and went after poor James Bond Stockdale (
LBeria) simply to spice things up a bit, but it's the principle of the thing.
Number 3:
Best character. Strom Thurmond (
wurwolf), despite being a Communist bastard and eliminating many good and honest people from the campaign (not to mention one Scientist), has not altered her persona one bit. She never dropped her memorable, charming personality throughout the entire game, and is one of the nominees that people will be talking about for years to come.
We can only hope that Thurmond will remember that she ever ran for President in the first place.
Number 2:
Best source of a personal vendetta. Ignore the fact that I've named another forum member a Worst Person for saying this; the death of James Bond Stockdale (
LBeria) was still, for lack of a better word, pretty sweet. Even Stockdale has taken his death in stride; his reanimated corpse has expressed amusement at his unfortunate death, and even satisfaction with the reporting of his death.
I hope that when I inevitably die, or fade into obscurity on this forum, I'll be as good-natured about it as Stockdale was.
But our Number 1 Best Person:
Best head on the best pair of shoulders. Bob Backlund (
Raven), after one round of drawing moderate attention to himself for pointing out Ralph Nadar's (
Sicgirl) logical fallacies, was proven too smart for this campaign. In a season where shots in the dark and flawed logic were the cornerstones of accusations, Backlund was memorable in his attempts to bring intelligence and rational thought to a bizarre campaign season.
He just cared too much. And that, my friends, makes a man dangerous!
Even with the dedication to the campaign that all of the characters have had, somebody had to come out on the bottom. It has been a trying time for all of us, testing the limits of all of the candidates as they fought and struggled for the presidency, and I have nothing but respect for all of you. But the fact remains, you guys DID let a Scientist into the White House. Morons.
What's that? Live and let live? Of course not! I have ratings to think of! No, it's time for
Worst Persons In The World
The bronze metal goes to...
Prez, the First Teen President (
Johnny Unusual)! Don't let looks deceive you; this man was the final Scientist, and he was vicious. Heck, in the next-to-final round, he was so hardcore about winning, he offed Benjamin Harrison (
flockofrabidsheep), the only person in that round who cast a vote for him, despite the fact that he could have used Harrison's lack of a vote for a Communist against Harrison.
He had survived barbs from delegates and Communists alike. He overcame so many odds to make it this far, and now he is the most powerful man in America. His only crime was being a Scientist. However, he is still a Scientist. He entered the campaign to spread pandemonium through the people. He only succeeded because people are gullible.
Congratulations, America. You have an Internet troll for a President.
Our runner-up?
Opus D. Penguin (
Compound)! In this crucial, final round of debates, he... missed the vote by 20 minutes, which meant that the final votes were tied up between Opus and John Adams (
Agent_Ispep). Even in the tiebreaker votes, it came down to chance, and John Adams was eliminated.
Incidentally, Opus voted for Prez, who had more tiebreaker votes and would have therefore been eliminated. You could have been a Best, Opus! 20 minutes!
But our winners?
Gary Hart (
TripeHoundRedux) and Sarah Palin(
Courtney)! This Investigative Journalist/Pundit team was taken out of the race very early on in the game, within the first two rounds. Sarah Palin wins Worst for apparently forgetting that in the campaign, her job is NOT the job of a Vigilante. Gary Hart wins Worst for skipping into Purgatory immediately after Sarah Palin was smeared and... announcing that he was Sarah Palin's Informant.
Sure, he was already dead at the time, and Palin was already dead, so no identities of other Investigative Journalists or Pundits were compromised. However, he had still released information to the enemy that the other Pundit was not flying blind. Even Hannity said that he went too far and requested that Hart retract his statement. Now, Mr. Hart, just remember, Investigative Journalists were supposed to help the delegates, not the Communists and Scientists!
Gary Hart and Sarah Palin, the campaign's...
Worst... Persons... IN THE WORLD!
...
I love saying that.
With that, my tenure on the RiffTrax Roundtable has ended. Unless another campaign or big political event pops up here, I will only be sticking around in the archives of the forums. I quite enjoyed my time here, but I'd hate to overstay my welcome. And so, viewers, it's time for me to say good-bye.
That's Countdown, for this the 13th day since the beginning of RiffTrax Roundtable Decision 2008. I'm Keith Olbermann. Good night, and good luck.
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