Huh. I actually kind of enjoyed this. I mean, it's certainly by no means an entirely good movie, but I think I could watch it without the riffing without wanting to kill myself (which makes it unlike, say, The Grudge or xXx.) I thought the performances were pretty entertaining, in a ridiculous, over-the-top, Pacino in Devil's Advocate kind of way. And it occasionally managed suspense or atmosphere without resorting to just making everything quiet for fifteen minutes.
Don't get me wrong, the animal costumes were goofy, the end was exceedingly protracted, the story didn't have much internal logic, and Thewlis wound up looking completely lifeless next to the utterly loopy Kilmer and Brando, but I'd say this was better than 5th Element, and thus the best of the bad movies done thus far (meaning everything but X-Men, Lord of the Rings, and the Matrix.)