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Author Topic: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...  (Read 2035 times)

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Offline Fortis

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Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« on: August 06, 2008, 11:12:50 PM »
Alright...for the NSA to recognize me as a legitimate superhero, I have to provide proof of a costume, slogan, superhero name, vehicle of choice, all known aliases, a secret hideout, and list of superpowers...and of course, a sidekick.

I have provided them with all of those...except I still need a sidekick. Look...just make up a superpower, and a name, and then I'll put you down as my sidekick so that I can turn in the required paper work.

...so you don't even have to do anything. You don't have to accompany me on missions, you don't have to put yourself in mortal danger, I'll even check the box that prevents villains from kidnapping you as bait for me to rescue you and then captured, killed, powers lost, or emotionally crippled...however that puts any potential lady friends I rescue and then fall in love with me, in serious danger...But, I'll deal with that when I come to it. I really wish that option wasn't an either/or option.  :-\

So to sweeten the deal, I'll even give you your own Duality Man motorcycle you can ride around on, you can live in the west wing of my mansion without rent (just don't go in the basement!), and you can watch movies on my giant superhero screen the government will give me as thanks for the continued protection of the world's citizens.


Okay...so all you have to do is tell me your superpower if you have any (make one up if you must!), and think up a cool name, and then everybody will be happy.

...oh I forgot, it says I'm supposed to report if my sidekick is an alien, what weaknesses you might have, and if there are any times that you aren't able to do sidekick work ie...full moon, months ending in "ruary," or if you have any emotional ties to known villains. I need all the information I can get from you, so be honest (or creative)

Thanks, all interested candidates post below the information I need, and I'll choose my sidekick soon so that I can start fighting evil! (also if you really do have super powers, I could really use a real sidekick, and not a fake one)


Offline TeamRAD

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2008, 11:57:49 PM »

I'll sign up. I don't know what I can offer other than I'm a super guy and have the ability to protect you on the Mario Kart track at any cost.

 :)
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." - Einstein


Offline Fortis

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2008, 12:05:01 AM »
...good point, I've been on the receiving end of your thundercloud tag abilities...still I need to consider all my options before I declare anyone my sidekick. If there are any other interested parties, I would like to know as soon as possible...I'm afraid my old nemesis the Spectre of Perspective may be on the loose again, and may seek revenge. But I can't legally use my powers against him until I'm an NSA approved superhero.

...so yeah, fate of the world at stake...or at least my mansion and my life are at stake.


Offline PsypherPunk

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2008, 03:29:41 AM »
Surely if you're Duality Man you could fulfil the role of both superhero and sidekick?


Offline BBQ Platypus

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2008, 04:21:55 AM »
I can help you! For I am...Platman!  I am as confusing and strangely-put-together as the platypus itself!  Like the monotreme for which I am named, I glide through the water, eat worms and insects, and never bathe!  (Well, actually, I made up that second one.  I eat Gummi Worms, and I accidentally swallowed a fly once).  In addition to my hydrodynamic abilities, I possess the power to confuse my enemies, for I was trained in the art of Absurdity Ninjitsu!  Beware my non-sequitur ravings!  I also have a tranquilizer gun that fires darts filled with platypus venom!  (Non-lethal doses, I swear!)

I am not a man who seeks to hog the spotlight, so I have no problem playing second fiddle to you.  So whaddya say, Duality Man?  Partners?
« Last Edit: August 07, 2008, 04:23:44 AM by BBQ Platypus »
Correction: the coat hanger should be upside down.


Offline Fortis

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2008, 01:14:41 PM »
Surely if you're Duality Man you could fulfil the role of both superhero and sidekick?

I brought that up to the NSA, but they wouldn't have it, its a requirement for me to have a sidekick.


I can help you! For I am...Platman!  I am as confusing and strangely-put-together as the platypus itself!  Like the monotreme for which I am named, I glide through the water, eat worms and insects, and never bathe!  (Well, actually, I made up that second one.  I eat Gummi Worms, and I accidentally swallowed a fly once).  In addition to my hydrodynamic abilities, I possess the power to confuse my enemies, for I was trained in the art of Absurdity Ninjitsu!  Beware my non-sequitur ravings!  I also have a tranquilizer gun that fires darts filled with platypus venom!  (Non-lethal doses, I swear!)

I am not a man who seeks to hog the spotlight, so I have no problem playing second fiddle to you.  So whaddya say, Duality Man?  Partners?


I'll consider it Platman! Your platypus venom darts are a huge plus since my arch nemesis the Spectre of Perspective can fly and I cannot. I may need you to bathe occasionally if you are to live in the Duality Mansion...if there are any other candidates please step forward





Offline LBeria

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2008, 04:27:31 PM »
You don't need another male in the house!!  Male sidekicks are SO 20th century!

I'm (drum roll) Apathy Girl (cheers, applause, whatever)!

In the job description, it says I can hang out in the mansion and watch TV and stuff....  Great!  If you're out fighting the bad guys, you don't have to worry about me showing up and messing up your crime-fightin' groove.  I studied the martial art of No-Can-Do and really don't need to fight anyone 'cause I don't care enough to start a fight but if someone brings it, I can hold my own.  I don't care to, but I will.

As for the motorcycle -- well, I can't say no to something like that!  I could, but since it would be mine I'd really take advantage of it and cruise around in skimpy outfits.

Oh, and my super power.....yeah.....well....I haven't really perfected it yet....  True, I'm well versed in security and military techniques and I have a vast understanding of defensive options and methods regarding weapons of mass destruction -- not to mention my vast historical tactics background and ability to analyze any combat situation for plausible end-game scenarios taking into account weather, terrain, and morale of participants.  And I memorize most everything I see and hear and can instantly correlate it to anything else that has been absorbed into my conscious and subconscious processing areas.  And I look great in a black catsuit....

So, yeah....whatever....
You're such a survivalist gun nut.
Only the good die young...but most people are morally ambiguous which explains our random dying patterns. -- Tom Servo


Offline Fortis

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2008, 06:16:23 PM »
Hmm...intriguing, and very tempting...er the tactical skills...er...not the cat suit and skimpy clothes...though I suppose of my villains are busy drooling at you I can do my Duality finisher...hmm.

I'll definitely consider you Apathy girl.


This is going to be harder than I though, the candidates we have are so good right now...still, if anybody can outbid these people so far, come forward!


Offline Junkyard

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2008, 07:21:07 PM »
Okay, let's face it: you don't want a good sidekick.
Look at Wonder Woman and Wonder girl: Wonder woman is hot as anything, of course, but she has no personality at all. Unfortunately, her sidekick was hotter than her, PLUS she had a personality. So they had to have her killed. A lot.
Batman had Robin, who was nice and inferior for a while, but soon had his own style and costume. "Nightwing" got smart, and got out of town before he got Jason Todded.

Well, my name is Junkyard, and I have an ancient cape that serves as a portal to some magical junkyard for items lost between the cracks of reality. Long story short, I reach in, and i pick up something at random. It may be a sword, it may be a laser rifle that hasn't been invented yet, or it may just be a spatula or a horse skull. In the heat of battle, I once pulled out a lost scroll from the Library of Alexandria, just in time to use it as a shield against Doctor Burneverything's flamethrower.
I suck. I have a ratty old cape that I pull crap out of.
If you sign me up as your sidekick, you'll not only look amazing in comparison, but you'll seem like a great guy, letting me "help" you.

Think it over. I need a job, as the fucking cape is also apparently bonded to me until I die, which makes interviews awkward and, being unable to dry clean it, smelly.


Offline Fortis

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2008, 10:16:56 PM »
Alright...I thought up a great idea. After wracking my brain wondering who should be my sidekick, I finally came up with the solution.

I choose....All of you!


Those of you who are still interested will be on Team Duality!!

This is great, if we are a team then I no longer need a sidekick, we all immediately go to superhero status. We each get a secret superhero pension (that is double of what usual superheroes without a team receive), a bigger mansion, all matching vehicles/costumes, and access to the NSA's superhero gadget list!

Sadly this does create some downsides...my arch nemesis, the Spectre of Perspective, now had authorization to start his own team. But that shouldn't be a problem since I have all of you! This will be great, while all of our powers are out of the ordinary, it should be good since most super villains aren't used to superheroes of our caliber.

After we get authorization we can begin saving the world! It should only be a few business days before we are granted that authorization, just prepare to move into the mansion of Duality!! (Just be careful...its a mansion of duality, which can mean any number of things) I look forward to working with you all!



Offline BBQ Platypus

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2008, 04:53:56 AM »
Hooray!  I LOVE ensembles!  Do we get matching outfits?

EDIT: Never mind.  Upon actually reading your post, I see that we indeed DO get matching outfits.  My only question now is...do they include chaps?
« Last Edit: August 11, 2008, 04:55:38 AM by BBQ Platypus »
Correction: the coat hanger should be upside down.


Offline Junkyard

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2008, 05:17:01 AM »
Matching outfits? That could be problematic, with the garbage cape.


Offline Fortis

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Re: Duality Man!! needs a sidekick...
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2008, 09:12:20 PM »
Matching outfits? That could be problematic, with the garbage cape.

Don't worry, we all get to choose our own accessories.