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Members Hub => Board Games for the Bored => Topic started by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 31, 2007, 05:53:41 PM

Title: Save this movie!
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 31, 2007, 05:53:41 PM
Here's how this goes.

I'll submit the name of an odiously botched movie, something flawed in its execution if not necisarily in its premise. The next poster has to propose a way to salvage this film with a minimum of changes, and then submits her or his own canidate for cinematic salvation.

(If you've never seen or heard of the movie in question, look it up on IMDB)

Let's start with:
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on May 31, 2007, 05:55:37 PM
Editing, just like all Potter movies.

Star Wars Ep I
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on May 31, 2007, 07:28:40 PM
A thermonuclear device planted in the center of Skywalker Ranch.

Van Helsing
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on May 31, 2007, 07:56:29 PM
A Visual effects department that knew what they were doing.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on May 31, 2007, 08:25:01 PM
Oops, I think you missed half of that post.

Here:
Ishtar
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on May 31, 2007, 08:28:25 PM
A script that wasn't printed on toilet paper.

Next:

XMen III
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on May 31, 2007, 08:43:37 PM
Do you really need to ask? Singer.

Resident Evil 2
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Ortega on May 31, 2007, 11:53:07 PM
more stripper zombies


ghost rider
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 01, 2007, 06:03:58 AM
A concept that wasn't created during a bad acid trip?

Terminator 3?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: msmpls on June 01, 2007, 10:10:36 AM
more steroids.

300
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 01, 2007, 10:28:30 AM
Giving the audience more reason not to see the Spartans wiped off the face of the Earth.

Godzilla vs The Smog Monster?
(http://www.tohokingdom.com/images/posters/godzilla_hedorah_01.jpg)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 01, 2007, 03:50:18 PM
Smoke is cooler than smog

Spder-Man 3
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 01, 2007, 04:13:47 PM
LESS DANCING, LESS TALKING, LESS DAMN RELATIONSHIP CRAP! WE DON'T CARE! GIVE US MORE CGI FIGHTING, YOU BASTARDS!!!! WE DON'T CARE THAT MJ IS A CRAPPY ACTRESS, WE DON'T CARE ABOUT GWEN STACY, WE DON'T CARE ABOUT HIS FRIGGIN' HALF WIT LANDLORD AND HIS WEAK WILLED DAUGHTER!!! I HAD TO CLOSE MY EYES DURING SOME SCENES!!! THE LAST TIME THAT HAPPENED WAS THE AUTOPSY SCENE IN INDEPENDENCE DAY!!! WHAT THE HELL-
Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhh-ppphhhhheeeeewwwww.....    ....OOOOOHHHHMMMMMM.....OOOOOOHHHHMMMMMM......
Okay, I'm good.

Catwoman?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 01, 2007, 04:28:07 PM
I haven't seen but three or so minutes of it...but horrible CGI, Benjamin Bratt, bad storyline, awful casting...yuck


Elektra?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on June 01, 2007, 04:34:39 PM
Recast the main character and involve some people from the source material in script creation.

(PS: Fowl! You didn't say anything about how to save the movie)

Catwoman, again.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: SwiftJ on June 01, 2007, 05:26:23 PM
Build a time machine and stop it from being greenlit.

Eragon?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 01, 2007, 05:27:14 PM
Recast the main character and involve some people from the source material in script creation.

(PS: Fowl! You didn't say anything about how to save the movie)

Catwoman, again.

Yes I did...obviously, work on the CGI, cast someone other than Benjamin Bratt, etc etc.  (PS: 'Fowl' is a type of bird. 'foul' is when something is done wrong, or a rule is broken.)


Eragon
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 01, 2007, 06:58:39 PM
Eragon? More attention to potential ripoffs and better costume design. Gold armor doesn't exactly scream "underdog." And clean leather jackets don't scream "poor farmer."

Crossroads?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 01, 2007, 07:03:47 PM
As soon as they're all buckled into the car together, a monster truck drops out of the sky and runs them over, backs up, runs them over, backs up and runs them over again. The rest of the movie is Ted Nugent driving the monster truck through various national parks running over wild animals and cooking their meat with a flame thrower.

Aliens vs. Predator
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 01, 2007, 07:09:38 PM
make it "R" rated...and get someone other than Paul WS Anderson to make it.  He's annoying in every which way possible.


Dune
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 01, 2007, 07:12:17 PM
Have everyone involved thake themselves less seriously?

Idiocracy?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: AmazingThor on June 01, 2007, 09:23:06 PM
I liked that movie. So I'm just gonna say make the satire a little more subtle.

Gymkata?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 02, 2007, 05:58:12 AM
Haven't seen it, so I'll say "Better poster." (I mean the large piece of paper, not you.)

Fantastic Four?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 02, 2007, 07:29:34 AM
Make it more of a comic book, than a cartoon.

Speed 2?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 02, 2007, 07:32:47 AM
Gonna have to go with tactical nuke again. There was one part where the guy was quite obviously posing after getting out of the water.
"Are you okay?! *FLEX*"

Anacondas: Hunt For the Blood Orchid (God I hated that movie.)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: AmazingThor on June 02, 2007, 08:18:25 AM
Take the anacondas out of the jungle and put them on a plane!

Dances with Wolves?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 02, 2007, 08:20:30 AM
An editor, but otherwise I liked it.

Spice World? (That's an old one, isn't it?)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 02, 2007, 06:42:44 PM
Take out the Spice Girls, and you have a decent movie.

Blue Chips?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 03, 2007, 05:43:00 AM
MAke the movie about corn chips.

Jurassic Park 3?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: AmazingThor on June 04, 2007, 09:37:09 AM
Replace it with copies of Jurassic Park 1.

War of the Worlds (Tom Cruise version)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 04, 2007, 09:41:19 AM
Give Cruise the surgeries nessesary to give him more than 3 facial expressions.

Die Another Day?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 04, 2007, 12:02:54 PM
Replace the sun beam death satellite with something that hasn't been used in one form or another 50 times before, axe Halle Berry. Get rid of Madonna. Maybe axe the whole gimmicky ice hotel thing...

Pathfinder
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 04, 2007, 12:29:09 PM
Don't do the "Everybody knows vikings came to America before Columbus now so let's make a movie about it but still make Europeans evil psychos and Native American in touch with nature even though the Vikings never really did much with America, muchless make war with the natives on some grand scale" thing. Also, get a new director.

So yeah, Tactical Nuke again.

Batman and Robin
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 04, 2007, 01:49:11 PM
Beat Tim Burton in the crotch with a golf club once every three days and throw him into an arena full of baying comic book fans once a week until the end of filming. Replace Uma Thurman with an actress who looks less like Wayne Gretzky. Replace all fake blood used in the film with real blood harvested from Tim Burton fanchildren.



Continuing with the "failed attempts at medieval movies" theme, King Arthur (2002)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 04, 2007, 02:06:28 PM
Oy.... They had Kiera Knightly all up in the strappy leather, PLUS that cool guy from Sin City and Children of Men, and they still failed miserably to pull an audience. Hmmm...
Replace the writer and director. That's the best I can come up with.

Snakes on a Plane?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Raven on June 04, 2007, 03:56:23 PM
Beat Tim Burton in the crotch with a golf club once every three days and throw him into an arena full of baying comic book fans once a week until the end of filming.

I think this was more Schumacher than Burton.  And you forgot to replace the bobble head Batman with anyone else. 


And for Snakes on a Plane.  Throw the Olsen Twins on the plane and watch them both die a very painful death.  I really liked the movie for what it was and that would make it awesome. 

The Hulk?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 04, 2007, 04:04:53 PM
Less intilectul bla bla.

"Zoom?"
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 04, 2007, 05:53:11 PM
Just rename it "Crap" so it lets everyone know ahead of time.

House II?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 04, 2007, 07:41:32 PM
Tactical Nu- no, I'll try with this one. More of a budget, less focus on pleaseing a specific group of movie goers.

Arthur and the Invisibles?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 04, 2007, 08:09:52 PM
Stop lying to us, those damn things weren't invisible!

JFK?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 04, 2007, 08:10:31 PM
Penn and Teller direct.

The Core.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 04, 2007, 08:31:31 PM
I liked "The Core," but they really could have gotten rid of the giant Geode and toned down the obligitory Jackass's jackassery.

Poultergeist 2?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 05, 2007, 09:20:39 AM
Here's a tip when making the sequel to a haunted house movie: don't change the backstory to include a crazy ghost villain.  Also a plausible reason for our heroes to be haunted again.

Andy Worhol's Empire.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 05, 2007, 09:26:12 AM
Have King Kong appear, Fay Wray in hand.

Brokeback Mountain
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Dim of the Yard on June 05, 2007, 10:48:17 AM
Just get rid of most of the scenes that are basically quiet, brooding, introspective scenes.  It'll shave down the vast majority of the movie, guaranteed.

One Hour Photo
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 05, 2007, 10:52:00 AM
Don't let Williams star in movies during his "downs."

The Mummy Returns
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: dignan on June 05, 2007, 11:06:18 AM
Have Adebisi from Oz kill everyone then go on a rampage for "teets."

Tron
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: MarkAndrew on June 05, 2007, 11:36:27 AM
Replace Jeff Bridges with Erin Grey

The Fifth Element
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 05, 2007, 11:47:14 AM
Have a villain who's plan doesn't involve  his own destruction in addition to the earth.

The Blackhole
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 05, 2007, 12:23:21 PM
Easy- Just double the film playing speed.

Star Trek 6?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 05, 2007, 12:28:28 PM
Council Kim Cattrall  to base her portrayal of Valeris on her earlier role from Porkies

The Passion of the Christ
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Raven on June 05, 2007, 12:33:20 PM
Substitute Xenu in for Jesus. 

House of the Dead
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 05, 2007, 01:11:53 PM
Feed every living thing involved with the movie to crocodiles.

Terminator 3
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 05, 2007, 02:24:26 PM
Don't spit on everything sacred in the first two films? Don't use an actress so bad that she can't even make a convincing souless machine?

Little Man?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Dim of the Yard on June 05, 2007, 03:58:39 PM
A better concept, less sexual jokes involving a woman and a man pretending to be a baby, and less exposure to the Wayans brothers, overall.

Signs
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 05, 2007, 04:02:29 PM
Use a less stupid gimmik? I mean, they were vounerable to water? So they invade EARTH, where the land, sea, and AIR, as well as the beings, are FILLED WITH WATER? Criminy.

Daredevil?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 05, 2007, 05:40:49 PM
Stay away from Ben Affleck. And if you can't make a "strong, capable woman" character who doesn't come across as a shallow, pompous bitch, just don't try. Less Matrix and Spider-Man ripoffs.

Wanna try a TV show? Charmed.

Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 05, 2007, 05:44:49 PM
Tone the goofy down a few notches.

So, TV shows? I'll do you one better: a season of an otherwise good show:
Penn and Teller's Bullshit Season 3
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 05, 2007, 05:50:18 PM
Go after bigger fish than "Hair" and be a little more scornful, but I actually liked season 3. I like it more on the whole than season 4.

Mythbusters since season 2 1/2ish or 3
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 05, 2007, 08:04:38 PM
More science-y, less "wouldn't this be cool-y."

Red Zone Cuba?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 05, 2007, 08:27:22 PM
Tell Francis that not every idea he has while drunk is a good one.

Raising Arizona
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 05, 2007, 08:36:04 PM
More car explosions.

American Pie 2
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 05, 2007, 08:52:42 PM
have it be the last one, American Wedding was 'feh' at best.

Die Hard 2
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 05, 2007, 09:00:13 PM
See my last one. You can't go wrong.

Timeline?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 05, 2007, 09:11:14 PM
Hire writers who could, if given time, find their ass with both hands and a map. Aggressively cull the ones that suggest writing in cliches and stupid shit like an idiot sneaking a grenade into the time machine chamber.

Kingdom of Heaven
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 06, 2007, 05:11:29 AM
Not bother remaking A Knights Tale minus the comedy bits, oh and pass a hat around for Jeremy Irons so he doesn't have to do these sort of House payments any longer.

Too Fast, Too Furious
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 06, 2007, 06:44:14 AM
Don't make your sequels seem that desperate.

Everyone's Hero?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 06, 2007, 04:16:03 PM
Hire Pixar to make your CGI movies.

Grease 2?

(and NO you can explode more cars!)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: MarkAndrew on June 06, 2007, 04:22:25 PM
Put Michelle Pfeiffer in a tight, red dress and have sing while writhing on a grand piano

Ernest: Scared Stupid
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 06, 2007, 05:40:45 PM
Be less mind shatteringly horrifying?

Star Trek 6?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 06, 2007, 05:48:46 PM
More comedy would do the trick...less fake snow...and Kirk making out with Bowie's wife.

Murder in the First
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 07, 2007, 06:00:22 AM
A few jaunty song and dance numbers.

The Ladykillers (Hanks version)

Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 07, 2007, 06:31:23 AM
Subtler Charicterization.

Godzilla: Final Wars
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 07, 2007, 12:16:00 PM
Edit the roster of monsters and elide the arch contemporary references.

Kundun
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 07, 2007, 04:32:50 PM
Have it be about, I don't know...the pope..but not the Dali Llama

Frankenstein (DeNiro)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 07, 2007, 05:11:06 PM
I thought the movie was okay, save the horrible "Bride of Frankenstein" part. Course', I all but have a crush on Kenneth Bragnah.

5th Element
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 07, 2007, 05:23:54 PM
Cut out Chris Tucker and...just about everything else

The Black Dhalia
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 07, 2007, 05:26:21 PM
Don't try so hard.

Mystery Men
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 07, 2007, 05:31:39 PM
Nothing...the movie ROCKS.  Although, maybe less "looking at the camera" shots.

Mitchell
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 07, 2007, 05:38:19 PM
Less face oil all around.

Godzilla (American Version)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 07, 2007, 05:39:08 PM
Better actors which fit the roles more.

Rocky V
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 07, 2007, 06:49:51 PM
Know when to quit?

American Werewolf in Paris
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 07, 2007, 06:54:02 PM
Julie Delphy bursts out of her clothes on a full moon and er,  that's it. No lycanthropic transformation. No other werewolves. Just Julie Delphy. Bursting out of her clothes.

Manos Hands of Fate
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 07, 2007, 07:02:09 PM
A better camera, more focus.

Men In Black 2
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 07, 2007, 07:03:48 PM
oddly enough, a better director, more focus

Maximum Overdrive

Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 07, 2007, 07:05:51 PM
More monster trucks.


Red Dawn
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 07, 2007, 07:07:22 PM
Less red.


Quicksilver Highway?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 07, 2007, 07:23:51 PM
Actually paint the highway SILVER!

The Black Cauldron
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 07, 2007, 07:25:53 PM
Follow the damn book DAMNIT!!!! Er sorry wow there's a hot button I'd forgotten about  :D

Eyes Wide Shut
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 07, 2007, 07:31:37 PM
More clothes, less boring.

Ooh, I got a good one:
Dungeons and Dragons
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on June 07, 2007, 07:34:13 PM
Many, many executions.

Anaconda.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 07, 2007, 07:37:28 PM
More Voight, give me sufiet of Voight

Coffy
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Hazzah on June 07, 2007, 07:43:45 PM
Add creamer


Anger Management
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 07, 2007, 08:20:56 PM
Tactical Nuke.

Freddy vs Jason
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Dim of the Yard on June 07, 2007, 09:07:23 PM
Give it a solid ending, rather than leaving it open-ended so as not to anger fans of both Freddy and Jason.  My solution?  Leatherface comes in with a chainsaw and does away with both of 'em.

The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Movie
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: BBQ Platypus on June 07, 2007, 11:12:20 PM
A free acid blotter with every DVD.  That way, the viewers can hallucinate a better movie.

Parts: The Clonus Horror
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 08, 2007, 04:54:40 AM
Just wait for "The Island."

Brothers Grimm
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Dim of the Yard on June 08, 2007, 07:41:17 AM
Better CGI, a more cohesive plot, less camp from the actors, don't treat the adience like they're idiots, and shut up about those magic beans.  (Haha, would you believe that I actually enjoyed this movie after reading that?)

Disturbia
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 08, 2007, 07:46:51 AM
Don't assume that adding teenage hormones is going to make your version of "Rear Window" any better than the other 40.

Ghost Rider?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 08, 2007, 07:52:48 AM
Sit Cage down and explain to him (with an electric cattle prod as a reenforcement tool if necessary) that he's not Elvis, he'll never be Elvis and trying to sound like Elvis is asinine.

Superman IV

Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: BBQ Platypus on June 08, 2007, 09:27:09 AM
Same as the above post, only replace "Cage" with "Christopher Reeve," and "Elvis" with "a competent screenwriter."

The Da Vinci Code
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on June 08, 2007, 09:30:37 AM
No mullet wig for Hanks and Bettany needs to play it like he did in A Knights Tale

Hostel
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Junkyard on June 08, 2007, 10:13:46 AM
Give the viewer more credit, even if they don't deserve it.

Werewolf of London?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 07, 2011, 06:04:54 AM
A guest appearance by Warren Xevon as that one guy who sings.

The Last Airbender
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on December 07, 2011, 05:16:40 PM
M Night Shaymalama ding dong getting fired



Se7en
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 07, 2011, 05:22:28 PM
I don't think it's generally considered a bad movie.  While it's not a perfect movie, it's really well done.  Still, how about we call it SEVEN.  WITH A V!

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Scribblesense on December 07, 2011, 05:57:33 PM
Toss the script of every single Twilight movie into a wormhole, with the other end emerging into the home of Graham Chapman circa the 1960's. Proceed to enjoy the timeless classic Monty Python and the Insufferable Romance of Bloodsucking Nitwits.

Green Lantern (2011)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Darth Geek on December 07, 2011, 06:06:25 PM
Once he's off the Earth, HE STAYS off Earth. We don't give a shit about his badly acted wannabe girlfriend. Show us more space hopping, and a lot more training. Plus, a much better main baddie. When your Cribbing from Fantastic Four 2, you are in baaaad shape.



Fantastic Four
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: shodan on December 07, 2011, 09:02:40 PM
get rid of the douchebag.

Manos the hands of fate
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Darth Geek on December 07, 2011, 09:14:01 PM
Easy. Just change the plot, the acting, the director, the lighting, the music, the pacing, and the characters.


Wild Women of Wongo
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: daltysmilth on December 07, 2011, 10:42:58 PM
Less DAAAANCing. 

Yogi Bear.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: shodan on December 07, 2011, 10:51:38 PM
make this the real ending
http://www.youtube.com/v/m6w0r-ScEG4?

Tank Girl
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 08, 2011, 07:27:35 AM
First of all, it should have been animated, drawn by James Hewlett (who created the comic and later went on to co-create Gorillaz) and maybe written by Peter Milligan, as long as he's done a good job (he can be really hit or miss).  Still, let's not get crazy and throw out the idea of a song and dance number.

Biker Boyz
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Bus Taker on December 25, 2011, 10:01:22 PM
Biker Boyz

Might I suggest making it a movie that anyone has seen?  :)  Just based on the cast, we're lucky the combination of Laurence Fishburne, Lisa Bonet and Kid Rock didn't cause a chain reaction!

Next: Star Trek V
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 26, 2011, 10:41:42 AM
Let Harlin Ellison do his thing.  Yeah, he can be a jerk but he at least knows how to tell a story.  And if anyone could do the Star Trek meets god story he sarcastically suggested, it would be him.

Next: Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on December 30, 2011, 09:24:08 AM
Next: Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

They get eaten by the polar bear from LOST


Next: Gone with the Wind
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: shodan on December 30, 2011, 09:36:57 AM
change every other line to "frankly scarlet, i dont give a damn"

next: santa claus and the ice cream bunny.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Smith Dr John Smith on December 30, 2011, 09:52:26 AM
Burn the crummy theme park to ground and show a black screen for 96 minutes.

Next:Superman 4The quest for peace.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Prince of Space 5049 on December 30, 2011, 11:33:18 AM
Have both Superman & Nuclear Man in quadraplegic fight to the death :angry:  Ooohhhh, that was awful of me wasn't it  :-[  Sorry.

Vampires: Los Muertos
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on December 30, 2011, 03:02:00 PM
Vampires: Los Muertos

Replace it with a documentary of RVR's Mexican business.

E-ragon
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Henry88 on December 30, 2011, 03:17:00 PM
have all the dragons shoot lightning instead of fire.

Prophecy the monster  movie :D
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Dim of the Yard on December 30, 2011, 03:43:12 PM
Turn the monster blue, make James Cameron direct the film, and add gratuitous amounts of 3D. Even if the film doesn't improve, an Oscar nom or two is certainly in its future.

Duel (Steven Spielberg, 1971)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on December 30, 2011, 03:56:14 PM

Duel (Steven Spielberg, 1971)

Somehow make it one of Speilberg's famous films  :D


Watchmen
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: shodan on December 30, 2011, 04:45:50 PM
put some pants on the blue naked guy.

Gigli ( havent actaully seen this but i heard it was a really bad movie.)
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on December 30, 2011, 05:17:37 PM

Gigli ( havent actaully seen this but i heard it was a really bad movie.)

Replace J Lo with Cartman's Hand.

Don't be worried about all my money, I'll give you lots of taco flavored kisses, honey


Pearl Harbor
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Dim of the Yard on December 30, 2011, 05:53:26 PM
Remove the "Pearl Harbor" aspect of the movie and just make it another shitty "boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy supposedly dies, girl hooks up with boy's best friend, boy turns out to be not dead after all" movie.

The Wedding Planner
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Smith Dr John Smith on December 30, 2011, 06:02:21 PM
Don't make a movie about wedding planning period.

Next:Star Trek 5 the final Frontier
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: shodan on December 30, 2011, 06:14:31 PM
let roddenberry write and approve the script, let nimoy direct, give them a much better budget than they were given.

Eraserhead.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: daltysmilth on December 31, 2011, 04:38:41 PM
let roddenberry write and approve the script, let nimoy direct, give them a much better budget than they were given.


No, you're supposed to SAVE the movie.  Roddenberry was only involved with one of the Star Trek movies, and he gave us a bald chick, form-fitting pastel uniforms, and a movie that seems longer than the original cut of Greed.

Quote
Eraserhead.

Get someone besides David Lynch to direct.

Superman III
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RoninFox on December 31, 2011, 04:41:37 PM
Trade out the Richards, get rid of Pryor and put Donner back in the director's chair.

Rocky V
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Smith Dr John Smith on December 31, 2011, 05:14:56 PM
Trade out the Richards, get rid of Pryor and put Donner back in the director's chair.

Rocky V

Have Rocky fight an alien.  It would good down as the biggest piece of 80s cheese ever made and everyone would want a DvD copy of it.

Next:Epic Movie
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Sun-Wukong on December 31, 2011, 08:27:35 PM
Actually make jokes instead of unfunny references to movies I saw less than a year ago (when it came out).

The Blind Side
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 02, 2012, 06:58:06 AM
Make a movie that isn't just "only a white person can save this black person."  See also: the Help.

Next: New Year's Eve
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on January 03, 2012, 11:47:24 AM
Next: New Year's Eve

Spend ALL the money they spent on actors and actually write a good and cohesive story that people care about seeing. THEN....smack Zac Efron in the FACE


Mission Impossible
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: shodan on January 03, 2012, 11:56:02 AM
substitute tom cruise for that guy in shoot em up

the nutty professor 2
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 04, 2012, 06:14:23 AM
substitute tom cruise for that guy in shoot em up

Paul Giamatti?  Brilliant!

http://www.youtube.com/v/mUXc6nbk1uo
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on January 04, 2012, 08:59:47 AM
the nutty professor 2

Replace it with a film about the wind shot by Yoko Ono

See, I just said a Yoko Ono movie about the wind is better than Nutty Professor 2....that is saying something


Trainspotting
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 04, 2012, 05:05:14 PM
Replace that Danny Boyle hack with a real talent, like Uwe Boll or whoever did those chipmunk movies.

The Hangover Part II
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Henry88 on January 04, 2012, 05:16:32 PM
make  it appealing and actually funny 

Alligator 
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on January 04, 2012, 07:57:01 PM
Alligator 

Put Burt Reynolds in it (Archer reference!!)


Traffic
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 07, 2012, 09:45:55 AM
No Michael Douglas.  But that's my rule for anything.

The Darkest Hour
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on January 10, 2012, 10:07:45 AM
Make Phase 1 = Collect Underpants


Rocky IV
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 10, 2012, 10:10:20 AM
Not goofy enough, add a robot. *whisper* Wait, what?!


Commando Cody
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: shodan on January 10, 2012, 10:16:36 AM
make the windows bigger

the ringer
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: daltysmilth on January 10, 2012, 01:07:05 PM
Instead of making a movie with Johnny Knoxville, just show a two-hour marathon of the episode of South Park it was ripping off.

Give My Regards To Broad Street
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on January 10, 2012, 01:11:19 PM
Cast Yoko Ono! And make Paul fight her to the Death! And the walrus will be there, and the eggman, and Mr Kite (the whole movie being for his benefit and all)

FYI: All of those were John references.... huh


Across the Universe
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 14, 2012, 03:03:13 PM
I wish characters in this and any Julie Taymor project would quit incessantly turning off the dark.  It's really inconvenient.

The Devil Inside
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: shodan on January 14, 2012, 03:05:09 PM
let Beezlebub direct the damn thing.Nergal can produce and Mephistopholes can write it.

everything you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: anais.jude on January 17, 2012, 09:35:22 AM
Make it a porn. I mean, seriously, do you know how disappointed I was when I saw this movie and it WASN'T PORN



Singles
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 02, 2012, 09:35:29 AM
Find them mates, so they won't be lonely anymore.

Spider-Man 3
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: BBQ Platypus on August 02, 2012, 12:38:26 PM
Remove a villain or two.  Either get rid of the Saturday Night Fever strut entirely or make it the only way that any character in the film is capable of walking.

Superman Returns?
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Darth Geek on August 02, 2012, 01:39:31 PM
Get rid of the question mark. Put in more fight scenes. Get rid of all that "he hasn't been around for 5 years" crap. You can keep the kid, as long as you do a sequel where he grows up to become a villain.


Catwoman
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 20, 2012, 06:22:56 PM
Remember, it's about "a skilled human thief" and not ACTUALLY A CAT PERSON!  Also, change the actress, change the characters (Patience Phillips?  It's SELINA KYLE!) and remember that the film is about an anti-hero.  The Villain: one of the relatively human gangsters of the DCU like Rupert Thorne, The Penguin or The Ventriloquist and Scarface.  No super-power or sci-fi magic crap.  Also, the director should have a first and last name.

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: GordonZola on August 20, 2012, 06:36:27 PM
Cut every scene in half: leave only the funny lines, with the exception of the Michael Caine / Michael Myers "Untranslatable English" bit which should last 5 minutes. Cut out the rap. David Lynch as Director.

Fargo
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 28, 2012, 06:45:28 AM
Exactly the same except, inexplicably, Steve Buscemi's body changes into Tucker Max's body thanks to "poor editing" wink wink.

Also, it's a snuff film for that scene.

Speaking of....

Next: I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Danecho1967 on August 28, 2012, 09:02:02 AM
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Free beer for the audience before each showing.  Lots of free beer.

Next:  Next
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Darth Geek on August 28, 2012, 09:11:33 AM

Next:  Next
Have several of his alternate future selves (or whatever the hell they were) all punch Nicholas Cage while wearing bear suits.


Next: Dragonball Evolution
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 09, 2012, 02:35:23 PM
Make it an adaptation of the manga and anime of the same name.  Otherwise, it's just going to confuse audiences.

Next: Ballistics: Ecks Vs Sever
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: GordonZola on September 10, 2012, 02:59:34 PM
Kill it with fire.

Next: Prometheus
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Darth Geek on September 10, 2012, 03:10:17 PM
Stop touching everything! Have a real reason why the characters want to stay there other than "scientific and philisophical curiosity" when this is CLEARLY A TERRIBLE PLACE and any answers they might get will not be pleasant. Also, improve the dialog. That scene at the pooltable was embarrasingly on the nose.


HULK
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Starman! on September 16, 2012, 06:11:30 PM
More action scenes, better plot, better pacing, different director and ENOUGH WITH THE DRAMA CRAP, DAMN IT!!!! THIS ISN'T THE ICE STORM, ANG LEE!!!

Next: The Dark Knight Rises
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: RoninFox on September 16, 2012, 06:31:08 PM
Eliminate the eight year vacation and have J G Levett's detective character figure out Bruce's secret by real means instead of some special magic orphan look.

Terminator Salvation
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Pak-Man on September 16, 2012, 07:41:39 PM
Pick up from where The Sarah Connor Chronicles left off. That was going to be a WAY more interesting story.

Fantastic Four
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 20, 2012, 09:41:42 AM
Written by Stephen Moffat
Directed by Brad Bird

Joseph Gordan-Levitt as the Human Torch
Riki Lindholme as the Invisible Woman
Chris O'Dowd or Fran Kranz as Mr. Fantastic (any other ideas for this one?)
Tom Hardy as the Thing
Christoph Waltz as Dr. Doom (and a real one this time)

And it's done by Marvel

YOU'RE WELCOME!

Next: The Expendables
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on September 20, 2012, 09:57:09 AM
Riki Lindholme as the Invisible Woman
This especially, though I might just want to see her in spandex.
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 20, 2012, 08:23:03 PM
Riki Lindholme as the Invisible Woman
This especially, though I might just want to see her in spandex.

Originally I wanted to say Kate Miccuci (even her last name is both adorable and sexy), but then I realized that she needs to play the Wasp.  MAKE IT HAPPEN, EDGAR WRIGHT!
Title: Re: Save this movie!
Post by: Tripe on September 21, 2012, 03:42:25 AM
Agreed, that'd be fantastic.