RiffTrax Forum

General Discussion => General (Off-Topic) Discussion => Topic started by: linszoid on January 06, 2020, 01:18:26 PM

Title: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 06, 2020, 01:18:26 PM
I think we all know why we're here right? To celebrate the greatest show (I can call it that right?) in internet history!

List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!

https://www.youtube.com/v/vaBkzQfarhc

Believe it or not it has been almost ten years since this List of Crap has been done. Ten years! Where does the time fly! Where were you ten years ago. I was living in a different state working a different job yet one constant in all those years is Rifftrax.
   
There are hundreds and hundreds of riffs available now. With many new classics being released in the last decade I thought it was time to see how the favorites of yesteryear stand up today. There are so many good choices. It was painful to not include some of the entries.
   
Rifftrax(and by extension MST3k) has always been the ultimate comfort food for me. It's almost always on in the background in my place. It's a reminder to have some fun and not take things to seriously. Take lemons and make lemonade.
   
Here's hoping that Mike, Bill, Kevin and the rest of the Rifftrax crew are still creating classic riffs 10 years from now! There's still plenty of fodder out there (have you seen Joe Estevez's IMDB page?). Now onto the countdown!

(Warning: There may be minor spoilers)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 06, 2020, 01:48:04 PM
(https://media.giphy.com/media/Lv6WPxtUeXkRi/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 06, 2020, 02:24:48 PM
48a: Aeon Flux

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/AeonFluxWebPoster_0.jpg)

24 Points
1 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #2 PyschoGoatee



Rifftrax Promo
"Seeing it...made me feel helpless, humiliated and sad."

A celebrity apologizing for their latest paparazzi shots? No, those are the words of Aeon Flux creator Peter Chung regarding the big screen adaptation of the TV show he created. Peter, Peter, Peter...Why the long face? You have it so good!

You want helpless? Watch yet another director hamfistedly attempt to cope with a studio's order to "Be more like The Matrix." You want humiliated? Try Best Actress Oscar winners Charlize Theron and Frances McDormand, who must have done some hard drinking together the night before they signed up to play members of a spy sect called the "Monicans" for some reason. Want sad? Look at the latest devoted sect of fanboys whose beloved cult cartoon is now known by the general population as being "That movie with that guy from xXx."

Peter my friend, when a bomb as fast and as loud and as incomprehensible as Aeon Flux comes along, it's your job to just quietly cash the checks, and then turn the reigns over to Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy, and let the two of them do their thing. The hilarity, much like the Relical, (whatever that is), is omnipresent in this RiffTrax, and it is guaranteed to make you feel the opposite of helpless, humiliated and sad, (whatever that may be as well.)

My take:
I've never seen the movie. I should make it a point to watch some of the movies on this list just so I can listen to the riffs. To me Aeon Flux was just that weird anime on MTV that my parents wouldn't let me watch even if I wanted to.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 06, 2020, 02:35:19 PM
Aeon Flux is a pretty good riff. I didn't include any one or two man riffs, but this is one of the better ones. And the movie itself is surprisingly engaging.

"So they respawn in the living room? Why did I agree to no camping!?"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 06, 2020, 03:02:58 PM
Old school riff.  Now we're talking.  I don't like any of the two-rifffers though.  Needs three IMO.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 06, 2020, 04:00:30 PM
48b: The Empire Strikes Back

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/EmpireStrikesWebA.jpg)

24 Points
1 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #2 CJones



Rifftrax Promo
Your favorite sand-phobic, midichlorian-rich super villain is back! And this time his capes are even more fabulous, his thigh-high Uggs resplendent like never before, and his burnt chicken head cloaked in the shiniest plastic helmet yet! And if that wasn't enough, Mike, Kevin and Bill are pleased to be joined by Darth Vader's bellicose but lovable brother Chad! Yes, the movie that gave us one of cinema's most startling revelations, and perhaps the most memorable silver screen quote ever ("I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me") gets the RiffTrax treatment.

My take:
IMO the best of the Star Wars movies and it easily makes my top 5 movies of all time. With that said I'm kind of conflicted on the riff. On the plus side, riffs comparing the probe droids entering Hoth to honeymoon activities are hilarious. On the other hand there are too many simple "This is terrible" riffs that kind of bring it down.


C-3PO: Captain Solo, this time you have gone too far!
Mike Nelson [as 3PO]: Put your pants back on!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 06, 2020, 04:02:02 PM
Old school riff.  Now we're talking.  I don't like any of the two-rifffers though.  Needs three IMO.

It definitely takes a trio. When there's only two there's a hole. Like something is missing in my life.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 06, 2020, 04:33:38 PM
I'm surprised I was the only one with Empire Strikes Back. The whole Hoth attack sequence is pure gold.

"Their blinding speed and low center of gravity make them a terrifying foe."

And the Gilbert Gottfried bit always cracks me up.

https://www.youtube.com/v/VIOLZ56mrtA

Quote
On the other hand there are too many simple "This is terrible" riffs that kind of bring it down.
I honestly don't recall any.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 06, 2020, 04:36:48 PM
Who played Chad Vader?  I'm guessing Bill?
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: The Lurker on January 06, 2020, 04:37:27 PM
Who played Chad Vader?  I'm guessing Bill?
Chad Vader is a Youtuber from years ago.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 06, 2020, 04:38:44 PM
48c: High School Musical

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/hsmusicalweb.jpg)

24 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #6 CJones



Rifftrax Promo
Much like a scandalous private photo of a semi-famous teenage girl (what? just an example), High School Musical mysteriously showed up in the RiffTrax mailbox one day.  And now we thank Efron, the ancient god of non-threatening gender ambiguity, that it did.  We’d been searching for a movie that would finally address the issue of cliques in high school, something you never see in a high school film (unless you’ve seen any high school film).  And, further, a work with the courage to let people know, hey, it’s okay to just be who you are, you don’t have to try to fit in, and finally that following your heart may be the wisest course of action.  High School Musical is that work, and we’re just pleased as punch (flavorless, room-temperature punch) to see its trailblazing so handsomely rewarded.

Yes, the film was so successful that these days you can hardly throw a stone in a middle-school playground without hitting a kid with a High School Musical backpack (much field-testing has proven this correct).  And it’s easy to see why.  The movie is packed with tuneless, un-catchy songs that leave your mind the moment they’re over (even when you’re sitting in a prison cell for throwing stones at middle-school playgrounds).  It’s also jammed with exciting basketball action, depicted as authentically as your grandmother might describe the game, assuming your grandmother has never seen basketball, or even part of an episode of SportsCenter.  If you can say only one thing about High School Musical, it’s this: the movie is set in a high school and contains a musical!*

Mike, Kevin, and Bill will sing about acceptance and togetherness while shoving you into a locker if you don’t check out High School Musical!

*Film does not actually contain a musical.

My take:
I didn't see this one either. I'm personally not a fan of high school comedies. However it does seem like this movie was quite ripe for riffing.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 06, 2020, 04:39:58 PM
Who played Chad Vader?  I'm guessing Bill?
Chad Vader is a Youtuber from years ago.

Yeah, wasn't there a series about him being a middle manager at a grocery store or something?

I thought he was a great part of the Star Wars riffs though.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 06, 2020, 04:43:08 PM
I like Empire and HSM a lot (Not so much Aeon Flux though). They just didn't make the top 25.

We are dealing with the best of a very large pool after all!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 06, 2020, 04:43:31 PM
High School Musical...was that the one with that ginger kid?  That was a good one.  I might check that out again.  I love when they cap on movie kids.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 06, 2020, 04:44:50 PM
I like Empire and HSM a lot (Not so much Aeon Flux though). They just didn't make the top 25.

We are dealing with the best of a very large pool after all!

I received 186 unique entries.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 06, 2020, 04:45:24 PM
And the "I can't believe I forgot that one" parade begins. I definitely would have thrown a few votes in that direction.

That was back when one (If one was honest and not-piratey) had to suffer the humiliation of going to the video store and asking, "Do you guys have High School Musical?"

Quote
On the other hand there are too many simple "This is terrible" riffs that kind of bring it down.
I honestly don't recall any.

Yeah, it's been a while, but I remember significantly less bile than the prequels. (Honestly, even Episode 1 deserves a better riff than simply making vomiting noises.)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 06, 2020, 04:46:57 PM
This is the best part of High School Musical:

https://www.youtube.com/v/t9Ism9OTadg

It's uncanny how well the melodies of those songs fit here ???
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 06, 2020, 04:51:18 PM
Yeah, it's been a while, but I remember significantly less bile than the prequels. (Honestly, even Episode 1 deserves a better riff than simply making vomiting noises.)

This is true. There's a lot of that in the prequels, especially Phantom Menace. The OT riffs are a lot better IMO.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 06, 2020, 05:08:44 PM
I used to get a lot of the mp3s in the early days, especially when I was living in Japan and a lot of the DVDs at the used media store was cheap but since then I've gone VOD all the way.  Trying an MP3 again seems intimidating (though if they ever do a Neil Breen film, I'll strongly consider it).
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 06, 2020, 05:27:57 PM
48d: Buffalo Rider

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/BuffaloRiderWeb_0.jpg)

24 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #5 George 2.0


Rifftrax Promo

When you really stop and think about it, there are two kinds of movies: movies where rugged men punch mountain lions, and movies where this sadly does not happen. Fortunately, Buffalo Rider is the inaugural member of this first group, and while it waits for another movie to join it, (we’re looking squarely at you The Help 2), it is content to quietly kick some ass all by its lonesome.

Buffalo Rider tells the story of Jake “Buffalo” Jones, a legend of the Old West who tamed and rode a two-ton buffalo named Samson and, in the process, proved that there really must not have been much to do in the Old West. And while the sight of a man who resembles a Doobie Brothers roadie riding a gigantic buffalo is spectacular in itself, the producers decide to spice up the action a bit by keeping crates of vicious wild animals just off-screen and occasionally releasing them to attack Jake and the buffalo. Bears, wolves and cougars all show up to take on Jake, who appears to have been informed of these animals’ presence seconds before they were released.

You may have seen the clips of the “Guy on a Buffalo” song. Please, let us reassure you that you have NOT experienced the entire Buffalo Rider universe until you’ve seen the whole movie. This is a film that devotes nearly 1/10th of its screen time to tell the tale of a very, very unfortunate raccoon named Bandit. It has its own majestic theme song that you will be singing for days afterwards. Imagine if all you saw of Birdemic were the coat-hanger scenes. You’d be forgiven for assuming that was all the movie had to offer, but then you’d miss out on solrpnls, hanging out with your family and the spruce bark beetles. Please do not miss out on Buffalo Rider. Although the cougar punching is still pretty damn sweet...

My Take:
This was definitely a good one. Lots of good riffs on a slightly insane movie. I remember this movie hates racoons as much as that Mst3k Raul Julia movie hated anteaters. I probably would've enjoyed the movie on its own.

Then, without warning, a beer commercial broke out!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 06, 2020, 05:37:21 PM
Ooo, I got to remember to get that one some time.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 06, 2020, 05:41:33 PM
I used to get a lot of the mp3s in the early days, especially when I was living in Japan and a lot of the DVDs at the used media store was cheap but since then I've gone VOD all the way.  Trying an MP3 again seems intimidating (though if they ever do a Neil Breen film, I'll strongly consider it).

It's still more work than a VOD obviously, but the riff player works surprisingly well.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 06, 2020, 08:31:44 PM
Groovy countdown so far! Gotta love the epic selection to choose from.

Aeon Flux is so damn funny, had fun watching that with friends. Never seen it without the riff, which is true for a big percent of the movies on my list. Sometimes I can just tell a riff is what a movie needs to take it to the next level. Just fits right.

And on the Buffalo Rider post my eyes went right to Raul Julia, I was thinking oh my did I miss a Julia joint? He sure ruled.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 06, 2020, 10:11:01 PM
No 49 and 50?
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 07, 2020, 01:04:31 PM
No 49 and 50?

It's just how I like to rank them when there's a tie.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 07, 2020, 01:13:47 PM
44a: Laser Mission

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/lasermissionweb.jpg)

25 Points
1 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #1 eegah



Rifftrax Promo
Sure, sure, we know what you’re thinking: "Laser Mission? What kind of a thing is that to make a movie about? Everybody’s been on a laser mission, heck I did three-and-a-half laser missions on my way to pick up some eggs this morning.”

Just trust us when we tell you, this one is special. First: unlike lesser laser missions, Laser Mission features exactly zero lasers, and exactly one Ernest Borgnine! Nothing says “action” like Borgnine! (No, really, he says the word “action” in a funny accent.) Second: if most laser missions were to include a theme song that repeats on a seemingly endless loop, that theme song would probably contain the words “laser” or “mission.” Not Laser Mission! No, instead you’ll be treated to “Mercenary Man”, a little ditty cooked up by David Knopfler (the junior Knopfler of Dire Straits), over, and over, and over again.

And, in the role of the Mercenary Man, none other than Brandon Lee of The Crow fame! It just doesn’t get more laser-ish or mission-esque than this! Mike, Kevin, and Bill came to violence deciding who would get to use “Mercenary Man” as their personal ringtone, but they all agree you really oughtta check out Laser Mission!*

*and before you do, it may be a good idea to watch this classic Ernest Borgnine interview clip, which just might come up, “a lot.”

My Take:
This movie is about a plot to by the KGB to kidnap Ernest Borgnine. I can only assume they want to him to tell disturbing fantasy tales about merlin to KGB children. I mean it wouldn't have anything to do with lasers right?

Is this Denny's? You said we were going to go to Denny's! I want a Grand Slam!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 07, 2020, 02:32:10 PM
44a: Laser Mission

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/lasermissionweb.jpg)

25 Points
1 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #1 eegah



Rifftrax Promo
Sure, sure, we know what you’re thinking: "Laser Mission? What kind of a thing is that to make a movie about? Everybody’s been on a laser mission, heck I did three-and-a-half laser missions on my way to pick up some eggs this morning.”

Just trust us when we tell you, this one is special. First: unlike lesser laser missions, Laser Mission features exactly zero lasers, and exactly one Ernest Borgnine! Nothing says “action” like Borgnine! (No, really, he says the word “action” in a funny accent.) Second: if most laser missions were to include a theme song that repeats on a seemingly endless loop, that theme song would probably contain the words “laser” or “mission.” Not Laser Mission! No, instead you’ll be treated to “Mercenary Man”, a little ditty cooked up by David Knopfler (the junior Knopfler of Dire Straits), over, and over, and over again.

And, in the role of the Mercenary Man, none other than Brandon Lee of The Crow fame! It just doesn’t get more laser-ish or mission-esque than this! Mike, Kevin, and Bill came to violence deciding who would get to use “Mercenary Man” as their personal ringtone, but they all agree you really oughtta check out Laser Mission!*

*and before you do, it may be a good idea to watch this classic Ernest Borgnine interview clip, which just might come up, “a lot.”

My Take:
This movie is about a plot to by the KGB to kidnap Ernest Borgnine. I can only assume they want to him to tell disturbing fantasy tales about merlin to KGB children. I mean it wouldn't have anything to do with lasers right?

Is this Denny's? You said we were going to go to Denny's! I want a Grand Slam!

I'm really shocked that I'm the only one who listed this one.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 07, 2020, 03:34:28 PM
Well, there are a lot I haven't seen.  I only buy one full length riff a month.  Don't think of it as my opinion on the riff itself.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: George-2.0 on January 07, 2020, 03:54:44 PM
I liked Laser Mission, but as Edward said, there's a very large pool of greats to choose from. When you're only allowed 25... there's going to be a lot of quality Trax left by the wayside.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 07, 2020, 04:00:52 PM
Laser Mission was a near miss for me.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 07, 2020, 04:10:46 PM
Amazon Prime generally has a good selection of rifftrax available. Right now it has the previous entry and the next entry
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on January 07, 2020, 04:13:46 PM
I remember Laser Mission having good riffs but the movie was kind of forgettable, for me the top ones are a combo of bad/insane/weird movie/short combined with killer riffs.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: ScottotD on January 07, 2020, 04:16:15 PM
Laser Mission and Buffalo Rider being so early surprises me, I tend to feel the low/no budget ones were almost always miles better than the Blockbusters
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 07, 2020, 04:20:53 PM
44b: Missile to the Moon

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/Missile2MoonWeb.jpg)

25 Points
1 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #1 george 2.0



Rifftrax Promo
A beloved camp classic from the golden drive-in era! Two escaped cons stowaway on a flight to the moon and discover a race of alien women ruled by a fierce and sadistic queen. Featuring some hilarious "special" effects, including a marionette spider and foam rubber Rock Men, Missile to the Moon is a fun, campy trip.

My Take:
This is the kind 1950s schlock that really makes for great fodder. Rock man that look like gumby. Blue women in the colorized version. Fred Williard. This film makes two important points. During spaceflight, MAKE SURE YOU SECURE YOUR BATTERIES. 2nd is that you can learn to be an astronaught in about 10 minutes.

Look lady, stop padding your part and just die!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 07, 2020, 04:59:41 PM
I never saw the three riffer edition but I loved the Fred Willard one.  I think I forgot to put that one on my list, though.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 07, 2020, 05:48:24 PM
44c: Overcoming Fear

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/OvercomingFearPoster_0.jpg)

25 Points
1 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #1 stethacantus


Rifftrax Promo

Fear: Most of us rejected it in the mid-90s by wearing trendy t-shirts emblazoned with slogans such as "Second Place is the First Loser."

This national "No Fear" campaign almost single-handedly eradicated Fear from our streets.  Unfortunately, one day America woke up and realized just how gut-wrenchingly lame those t-shirts were.  The shame quickly gave way to a much more powerful emotion:  Fear.

Yes, Fear has returned to our society, which makes the message of the 1950 educational short Overcoming Fear all the more important.  It teaches us that your Fears are irrational, and are best confronted head-on.  It features the greatest locker room confrontation scene since a be-toweled Iceman called out Maverick, nerds standing up for what they believe in, and a dog so terrifying, it makes Cujo look like the Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

What better way for Mike, Kevin and Bill to Overcome their Fear of Overcoming Fear than by riffing the short Overcoming Fear!

My Take:
I didn't even know I owned this until I started this write up. It's a pretty good riff. But now I'm afraid of water, dogs AND bicycle ordinances. If only there was a short to help me overcoming my fear. Sadly no short exists.

And I threw some puppies into the water. It worked for my sister!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 07, 2020, 06:44:54 PM
44d: Rifftrax Live: MST3k Reunion Show

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/MST3KReunion_Poster.jpg)

25 Points
1 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #1 Johnny Unusual



Rifftrax Promo
Mike, Kevin and Bill were joined on stage by their MST3K colleagues at the State Theatre in Minneapolis to bring it back to their roots in an MST3K cast reunion the likes of which have never been seen before!

Joining the guys are their old cohorts Frank Conniff (TV's Frank), Trace Beaulieu (Crow, Dr. Forrestor), Mary Jo Pehl (Pearl Forrester), Bridget Nelson (Nuveena, Mr. B), as well as Mystery Science Theater 3000 creator Joel Hodgson, AND the host of the revived MST, Jonah Ray, for a hilarious night of riffing for RiffTrax's 20th Live event.

Taking turns in various permutations to riff on a slew of old-timey shorts, the show culminates in a Super Riff-A-Palooza finale with all nine riffers on stage at once!

My Take:
I'll admit, the spirit of the list was to focus on the actual shorts and movies that were actually riffs. However there is enough banter and good times here that I let it slide. Who doesn't love seeing Kevin's two favorite Crow's on stage together? It is great seeing the gang behind the greatest show on TV get together. And it's especially great seeing that they still get along so well. There were some good riffs too.

Welcome to Rifftrax Live!!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: George-2.0 on January 07, 2020, 07:23:29 PM
Per instructions, I selected bits from a show, not the whole show in total. Which is why the reunion wasn't on mine. But it's a good exemption, and the Martha line during the Superman short was one for the ages.

Missile - I've seen both and prefer the one with Williard. I love the guys, but Fred brought a different vocal delivery and style that made it all the funnier for me. “This is back when the Government used to come over to your house and give you some good-natured ribbing” – Fred

The short? I think I liked Fear, it has been a while since I saw it.

Oh, and Edward, sorry for calling you Edgar earlier.... I guess that's what happens when I type on 3 hrs sleep. I fixed the typo
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 07, 2020, 07:28:15 PM
Oh, and Edward, sorry for calling you Edgar earlier.... I guess that's what happens when I type on 3 hrs sleep. I fixed the typo

That's alright - My real name's Robert anyway ;D
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 08, 2020, 04:37:05 AM
The MST3k Reunion Show was obviously a victory lap for the kickstarter and for rifftrax but no one is phoning it in.  I found all of the shorts stellar.  Trace and Frank were particularly on their game here.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: stethacantus on January 08, 2020, 05:37:24 AM
44c: Overcoming Fear

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/OvercomingFearPoster_0.jpg)

25 Points
1 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #1 stethacantus


I am not disappointed no one else picked this as their #1, but that it made no other list. For me this short has what has to be the funniest and best executed riff in anything I have seen, including all the MST3K episodes both past and present. Weeks after seeing this I was still recalling Kevin's riff when the dog jumped the fence and having a good laugh. So naturally it had to be at #1 on my list. Although I am sure there is probably funnier single riff jokes on rifftrax I have not seen yet.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 08, 2020, 05:51:57 AM
I like the part where Bill decides he's scared of dogs now.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 08, 2020, 01:18:39 PM
43: Kingdom of the Spiders

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/KingdomOfSpiders_Web.jpg)

25 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #14 F-Zero


Rifftrax Promo

Captain Kirk. T.J. Hooker. Twilight Zone plane guy. Johnny Legal (presumably his name on Boston Legal, didn’t bother to check).The Dad Who Says Sh*t. All great characters, sure, but William Shatner will always be best known for one role, and one role alone: RACK.

Rural veterinary doctor Robert “Rack” Hansen, of course, he of the inexplicable nickname, fondness for cowboy hats, and habit of hitting on his brother’s widow by saying he’d like to “milk her.” A lesser man would’ve stopped with Rack, his legacy complete. Such a great, internationally beloved part, it’s a testament to Shatner’s skill as an actor that he’s escaped its shadow, the Kingdom of the Spiders conventions and catchphrases and reboots, and become known for more than just Rack. RACK. Rack. No seriously, he has people call him Rack and he thinks he’s a sexy cowboy. Rack.

Animals and people are dying of spider venom in Rack’s sleepy Arizona town, and when he and a foxy out-of-towner discover a gigantic hill of venomous spiders on a local farm they somehow don’t immediately make the connection, burn it down, and end the movie. What unfolds is a creeping, ridiculous, town-destroying horror, packed with more real live tarantulas than the basement home of that spooky pale guy who sold drugs outside your high school.

Rack up, put on your spider-stompiest shoes, and join Mike, Bill, and Kevin in the Kingdom of the Spiders!

My Take:
Shatner! Join Shatner on his quest to defeat the Kingdom of the Spiders and to milk his dead brother's wife. Just don't call him John. Just remember to keep a fire extinguisher close to you at all times while watching this film.

This was one of my most painful cuts to my own LoC list. I mean the movie has Shatner in it. William Shatner! It hurt worst than a spiderbite. I love movies about giant monster animals. They seem to be made for riffing.

"Whoa! Kingdom of the side-boob!"

(https://prodimage.images-bn.com/pimages/0738329236809_p0_v1_s550x406.jpg)
Also the cover art is great
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 08, 2020, 01:51:51 PM
"So you're going to surround my daughter with real spiders, but you say I get access to the craft services table?"

It really looks like Shatner genuinely forgot that pot was hot, tried to pick it up, and they just left it in the movie. Yeah, I had this one on my list
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 08, 2020, 02:11:01 PM
42: The Wizard

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/TheWizard_PosterB.jpg)

27 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #5 PsychoGoatee


Rifftrax Promo

“I love the Power Glove… it’s so bad.” This iconic movie quote is often misattributed to Lawrence of Arabia, but in fact it’s from our newest VOD, The Wizard!

Before there was a terrible movie about the Super Mario Bros., there was a terrible movie about PLAYING Super Mario Bros. Fred Savage’s little brother is a savant video game player, and the two of them run off to California so he can compete in Video Armageddon, that big famous video game contest like they had in the 80s, remember those? Sure, we all remember those, and they definitely happened all the time. They’re joined by a plucky little girl who’s just putting up with all this until she can grow up to sing in the indie rock band Rilo Kiley (no, really!). The kids are pursued by a child bounty hunter, again, something that might sound fake but is definitely just as real as Video Armageddon. To add to the playful Nintendo fun, the child bounty hunter looks like, well, a sexual predator. And at one point he is even accused of inappropriate touching. No, really! All this happens in The Wizard! The little kid Nintendo movie!

And we haven’t even scraped the surface of the unnecessarily complex and bleak family drama at the center of this movie that is, primarily, a commercial for Nintendo and Nintendo-based products. There’s almost too much to love here.

Dust off your NES Advantage, blow in the cartridge even though we all know that doesn’t do anything, and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for a walk down “not how you remember it from childhood” memory lane with The Wizard!

My Take:
Probably one of the few movies I've seen before it was riffed. I loved the movie as a kid. The hype around the power glove was surreal at the time. And I never got one  :-(.

"He's throwing darts and listing states we never should've let into the Union.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 08, 2020, 03:03:12 PM
The Wizard is one of the first movies I ever watched where I was aware what I was watching was not a good movie. Oh, but it was worth it for that Super Mario Bros. 3 footage. The movie came out a few months before the US release, and in a pre-YouTube world, this was the only way to get a glimpse of what was to come. That 2 minutes worth of footage had more highs and lows and emotional impact than the rest of the movie combined.

As for the actual Rifftrax, it's pure gold, and it took a lot of astounding Rifftrax (19 I suppose) to get me to put it all the way down at #20.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 08, 2020, 03:25:56 PM
The Wizard didn't make my list but I did like that one.  I didn't see the Kingdom of the Spiders riff but I saw the movie on TV long ago.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 08, 2020, 03:27:48 PM
The Wizard didn't make my list but I did like that one.  I didn't see the Kingdom of the Spiders riff but I saw the movie on TV long ago.

You need to see (well I guess listen to) the riff. It's pretty good.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 08, 2020, 03:39:12 PM
41: Megaforce

https://www.youtube.com/v/BIANjgUiI94

27 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #13 Johnny Unusual


Rifftrax Promo

Doesn't seem to be available at this moment

My Take:
Ahhh the 80s, an age when a character wearing the Confederate Flag could be considered likeable. I would've loved this movie as a kid. It's basically a live action GI Joe. And it's better IMO then some other live action GI Joe movies. I don't think this is available anymore on Rifftrax. The movie is quite a treat. I loved the insane bad guy who didn't seem to mind that his whole force was wiped out after he sees a stupid flying motorcycle scene.

"Bozo fought long and hard against the militarization of clown technology"

(https://media3.giphy.com/media/7kXanuShhRZ9m/200.webp?cid=790b7611b52ca48bb71be430540a272248af62395853dd6f&rid=200.webp)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 08, 2020, 04:05:57 PM
It's from a weird time when the response to having your army wiped out was akin to "Aw, we lost the ball game, but we'll make nationals next season."

These are very cavalier army killers.

Also, its weird to have a character who is established as a strong woman, then the characters keep moving the goal post on her, and she has to be all like "I get it." because... why?

I know How Did This Get Made?, one of my favourite podcasts, has an episode on this one coming up (and The Visitor).  Looking forward to it.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 08, 2020, 04:24:09 PM
41: Megaforce

Rifftrax Promo[/b]
Doesn't seem to be available at this moment

The riff is sadly unavailable, but the promo text has been preserved in the "Now Available" thread. http://forum.rifftrax.com/index.php?topic=31029.0
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 08, 2020, 04:34:04 PM
The Wizard and Megaforce were both on my list and pushed out (they both ended up in the mid-30s of my top 25 list)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 08, 2020, 05:36:20 PM
Megaforce was one I seriously considered. Real shame it's not available anymore.

I know How Did This Get Made?, one of my favourite podcasts, has an episode on this one coming up (and The Visitor).  Looking forward to it.

Not familiar with that podcast, but I would be interested in hearing those.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 08, 2020, 05:48:49 PM
It's pretty great.  Its got Paul Scheer from Human Giant, The League and NTSF:SD:SUV;;, June Diane Raphael from Grace and Frankie and Jason Mantzoukas from The Good Place and Brooklyn Nine Nine.  And after doing an episode about the Room, they all ended up in the Disaster Artist.

https://www.youtube.com/v/kXaoBpKllts

https://www.youtube.com/v/x39nD-wvk68
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 08, 2020, 05:52:01 PM
40: Star Wars: A New Hope

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/StarWarsIVWeb.jpg)

28 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #7 CJones



Rifftrax Promo
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (Marin County, to be exact) George Lucas sparked up his favorite bong, kicked back in a bean bag chair and several gurgles later came up with the idea that would become the greatest movie of all time.* The story should be familiar to everyone: a moisture farmer leaves his beloved moisture farm (after a terrible moisture stampede), flies to the planet of Mos Def and eventually rescues a princess from the clutches of the evil Moff and destroys the horribly named Death Star. Who knew that the humble moisture farmer's name would soon be on the lips of kids the world over: yes, Biggs Darklighter, hero of the rebellion. (Or was it Jek Porkins—we forget?)

This is, to be precise, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, the Special Edition "improved" by George Lucas for the DVD release (including a long and frankly shocking nude scene with Jabba the Hutt).

*Don't storm our offices, Dark Knight fans, we acknowledge that it used to be the greatest movie of all time.

My Take:
It's nice that Rifftrax took a small insignificant film like Star Wars and gave it some publicity. It is a great riff for a great film. And just remember, when they were filming Porkins, he probably wasn't wearing pants.

"I stood next to your mother as she died"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 08, 2020, 06:15:17 PM
Lot of cool stuff, some I've added to my to-watch list. Missile to the Moon sounds classic. And that description about "No Fear" etc is great, I gotta see that short too.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 08, 2020, 06:53:13 PM
Lot of cool stuff, some I've added to my to-watch list. Missile to the Moon sounds classic. And that description about "No Fear" etc is great, I gotta see that short too.

This was definitely one of my hopes for the list, that I might get leads on some of the great riffs that I may have somehow missed.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 08, 2020, 08:29:49 PM
Yeah, I'm going to make it a point to see any Rifftrax on this list that I've never seen.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 09, 2020, 02:16:06 PM
38a: Norman Checks In

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/NormChecksInPoster.jpg)

28 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #8 stethacantus]



Rifftrax Promo
You’ll be pleased to know that Norman has finally cleaned up his act and gotten his life together: staying at a five star resort where everyone calls him sir, commanding respect with ease, women wanting him, men wanting to BE him...ahhh, we’re kidding of course. This installment finds Norman losing battles to a taxidermy convention, the magic fingers on a pre Civil War mattress, a television, and even exposing himself to a helpless maid. To reiterate: this short finds Norman in the bathroom once again, except this time, he is NUDE.

So kick off your shoes, put your feet up on a motel comforter that’s never been washed, and check in with America’s least favorite guy, Norman!

My Take:
I have no idea who made these things. I have no idea why. The dates on the Norman shorts are 5 years apart for each one according to IMDB. So was someone just sitting around thing,"You know, it has been 5 years. The world is craving more Norman!"

*Sigh*

"Norman checked right in there!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 09, 2020, 03:28:55 PM
38b: Twighlight Breaking Dawn: Part 2

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/TwilightBD2_Web.jpg)

28 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #8 F-Zero


Rifftrax Promo

“You see, son, sometimes, when a shirtless teenage werewolf and a newborn love each other, very, very much...” Baby girlfriends! International squads of vampires with a host of mutant superpowers that should be blood in the water to Marvel’s legal department! A final, epic showdown between the forces of vampire “evil” and vampire “meh, whatever”! All that sounds amazing, right! It’s what we’ve been building to for four movies, right??? Like, something’s finally gonna happen! RIGHT??????

Ah ha ha haaaa, remarkable. Believing this series would pay off in any way... to paraphrase Twilight: New Moon songstress Lykke Li, “There’s no posssibilityyyyyy.” This movie is mostly about an extended vampire family gathering to show support for Bella, its newest, most insipid and simpering member. Because that’s why people love vampires -- to see them form coalitions of understanding, and talk out their differences.

But there’s hope, in the form of effete ancient men in red - that’s right, more Volturi than ever before! And the great Michael Sheen offering a cackle of delight so extraordinary that the petition to make it part of his eventual Oscar death reel should begin NOW.

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill as they hide in the mustache of Mustache Dad for one last journey into the land of vampire sensitivity, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2!

My Take:
I have not seen a Twilight movie. I haven't read the books. However according the riffers the movies are great fodder for their craft. To my understanding there are a lot of long silent awkward pauses in the movie in which the gang can pack in the riffs.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 09, 2020, 05:08:58 PM
37: Welcome Back Norman

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/WelcomeBackNormPosterA.jpg)

28 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #6 stethacantus


Rifftrax Promo

Hey, did you hear the news? Norman’s coming back! Yeah, I know! Good ol’ Norman. He’s been away for - gosh, how long now? You’re not sure either? Well, we’ve sure missed him around here. The Norm-dawg, heh heh, yep, just, always, y’know...Normin’ things up, the way he does... (Psst, who the hell is Norman? You don’t know either?? Does anyone? Well what do we...shh shh cool it, here he comes, here he comes, don’t make this awkward.) NORMAN OLD PAL, how ya been?? (Okay let’s just change the locks, then get out of here and never come back.)

Welcome Back, Norman welcomes back Norman, a business traveler you might regret welcoming into anything once you witness how merely exiting an airport rental car lot is, for him, an insurmountable task. If this short ever had a mission statement, which it most assuredly did not, it would have boiled down to “teach people that annoying imbeciles have a hard time doing things.”

Mike, Kevin and Bill served with Kotter, they knew Kotter, Kotter was a friend of theirs. Norman, you are no Kotter. Don’t miss Welcome Back, Norman, because when Norman suffers, the world gains!

My Take:
Another Norman short. Yet the questions remain, who made these things!!! The actor playing Norman hasn't appeared in anything else. How did Rifftrax even find these shorts? So MANY questions. *sigh*
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 09, 2020, 05:38:51 PM
Wow he's back already. Good ol' Norman.  ;D

And I have to make it all the way to Breaking Dawn part 2 to fully appreciate that riff, that's quite a marathon, but I will have to do that at some point.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 09, 2020, 06:40:27 PM
36: Avatar

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/AvatarWeb.jpg)

30 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #7 MartyS

Rifftrax Promo

By now, everyone knows the story of how Avatar single-handedly changed moviemaking forever.  Its visionary director (whose name escapes us, you know the one, he's that guy who didn't win an Oscar this year) proved that progressive films can succeed in today's marketplace.  As long as progressive means "completely unoriginal and devoid of depth" and the high praise heaped upon the work is entirely based upon it being nice to look at.

In this sense, Megan Fox is a progressive actress, and The Hills was the most important television show of the last 10 years.  It is truly a bold, experimental piece of work, keeping in mind that crystal meth and fat substitute Olestra (which brought the phrase "anal leakage" into our lexicon) were also the results of experimentation.

For those of you who haven't seen it (*cricket cricket*), Avatar is the story of just how pretty a jungle planet can look in 3D, and maybe there are some people fighting in it or whatever.  It's also a great refresher on some of your favorite 90s action movie dialogue clichés. 

Mike, Kevin, and Bill implore you to "GO GO GO!" and "MOVE MOVE MOVE!" lest you be "s*** out dead without warning" before enjoying Avatar!

My Take:

I have a confession to make. I am the only human being on the planet that has not seen the movie Avatar. I am ashamed. I feel like a Norman. *sigh*
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 09, 2020, 06:42:08 PM
The Twilight series is one of my main go-to riffs.  Great, great stuff.  The Volturi stuff alone worth the price of admission.

Mmm-hrrrmm ohhhh mmm-yessss

(https://media.giphy.com/media/6h7ChShKMSLXG/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 09, 2020, 06:43:36 PM
Avatar is great for riffin.  I'm getting in an old-school rifftrax mood all of a sudden.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 09, 2020, 06:48:33 PM

My Take:[/b]
I have a confession to make. I am the only human being on the planet that has not seen the movie Avatar. I am ashamed. I feel like a Norman. *sigh*
It's all good. Nobody else remembers seeing it anyway.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 09, 2020, 07:48:29 PM
“teach people that annoying imbeciles have a hard time doing things.”
;D ;D

"Norman puts the 'lovable loser' in the term 'completely unlovable loser'."
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on January 10, 2020, 06:51:52 AM
Must have watched the Rifftrax of Avatar 5 times the month it came out.  I still think it might be the riff that has the most MST3K vibe to it.

Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 10, 2020, 12:21:00 PM
35: Starship Troopers

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/StarshipTroopers_WebA.jpg)

32 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #1 Pyschogoatee


Rifftrax Promo

This 1997 giant bug alien war flick was an adaptation of Robert Heinlein’s 1950s militaristic sci-fi novel of the same name, in the sense that director Paul Verhoeven later said he never finished reading the book, and in fact stopped after the first few chapters because it made him so “bored and depressed.” Inspiration, indeed! Whatever you think of the big expensive film he made—simply dumb and loud, or dumb and loud on purpose to make a point it’s a brilliant satire and I am TYPING IN ALL CAPS NOW—it’s definitely not boring or depressing. Go see The Lone Ranger if you’re looking for that.

Starship Troopers is the tale of young trooper Johnny Rico, played by Casper Van Dien, star of this and...well, some direct to video sequels of this, mostly. He’s joined in the war by Denise Richards, impossible to believe as a gifted starship pilot long before she was impossible to believe as a gifted nuclear scientist in that Bond movie. He’s also joined by the great Neil Patrick Harris, who is somehow much easier to believe as an intelligence officer with psychic abilities that help him communicate with the giant bug aliens. Throw in Michael Ironside, because duh, it’s a war movie, you’re gonna need Michael Ironside, and Jake Busey, because duh, he just showed up on set and wouldn’t leave, add a love triangle, heaps of alien splatter, and you’ve got the sprawling, great, goofy mess that is Starship Troopers!

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for this gorilla-gram free version of the blockbuster live show!

(https://s.mltshp.com/r/IEW4)
God Damned bugs whacked us Johnny!

My Take:
One of my favorite movies and a pretty good riff to go with it. Join Rico(Polo!) in his quest to rid the universe of giant bugs. You know a movie is going to be good when the director can't even read the whole book that the film is based on and decided to go his own way. I wasn't a big fan of the book myself to be honest. I mean did the book have "futuristic" football or Dougie Howser? I think not!

"Oh No! RAAAAAAAAAAAID!!!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 10, 2020, 03:05:08 PM
That's a classic riff. I myself was never really able to dig the movie, even though I love Verhoeven and satire a'la Robocop, comics, nutty movies etc. Just found it to miss the mark, yet it always had something, in it's kind of wacky mixture of tones and content, and 90s wackiness. For me the riff really coalesces it all and allows me to enjoy this cult classic, and takes it to the next level, unlocking the potential of the film and taking it to new heights.

So, opinions on movies aside, whether a movie is good or bad (I was in the rifftrax twitch chat making the argument that No Retreat No Surrender is a genuinly good film by a legend Corey Yuen for example - who directed my top film on the martial arts list Fong Sai Yuk), but I know how that's always a personal factor. Either way, a riff and a film are like a beautiful dance, and for me this film and this riff combine together to make an entertainment experience that is sublime.
Title: Re: List of Crap #34: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 10, 2020, 04:55:22 PM
34: 300

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/300WebPoster.jpg)

32 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #3 F-Zero


Rifftrax Promo

A small band of brave men struggle against enormous odds, battling a superior force, and though ultimately they are defeated their sacrifice becomes a source of inspiration and hope that rings out like a clarion call through the pages of history. But enough about the Mighty Ducks. 300, in contrast, is about a gang of shirtless and immoral baby-killing idiots who hack up a larger group of idiots on some cliff in Greece a couple of thousand years ago. To a soundtrack of ersatz Nine Inch Nails.

Starring Gerard Butler as a shrieking inarticulate Scotsman (so in other words "a Scotsman"), 300 delivers on its promise to be the bloodiest movie since Carrie 2: Carrie vs. Saw. (Though it should be noted that in lieu of blood, 300 utilized digital globs of diluted road tar.)

To make it a fair fight, Mike enlisted the help of battle veterans Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy. 3 against the 300! This…is…RIFFTRAX!


My Take:
Muffin out your chests men (and women). THIS IS A RIFF OF THE MOVIE 300. This movie is like someone wanted to take a video game cutscene, add a lot of slow motion effects, and called it a movie. The insanity level is quite high meaning a lot of great riffing fodder. Just don't let Disembaudio see what filth you're watching.

"The slow-mostrians are coming!!!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 10, 2020, 05:23:21 PM
300 didn't make my list but it's probably my favorite of the just-the-jokes bunch.

"THIS IS SPAART of a complete breakfast!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 10, 2020, 06:09:29 PM
33: Ghosthouse

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/GhostHouseWeb.jpg)

32 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #12 eegah


Rifftrax Promo

Yes, yes, Ghosthouse is a film about a dead little girl who has an evil clown doll that commands her to kill. That’s all well and good. But it’s the little things about Ghosthouse that really make you stand up and say “Wait, what?”

The star of Ghosthouse is a Ham Radio operator who, HEY GET BACK HERE!!! Anyways, this Ham Radio operator one day asks a fellow Ham Radio operator “Who is more popular in Denver, Kim Basinger or Kelly LeBrock?” This has nothing to do with the plot of Ghosthouse, but we just wanted to point out that this pressing question is raised in an actual movie at some point in time.

So the Ham Radio guy and his ambiguously European girlfriend eat some chili, debate Ham Radio ethics* then go to the Ghosthouse where they meet a guy named Jim Dalen. We learn a lot about Jim Dalen, who’s staying outside in an RV with, among others, his sister Tina. That would be Tina Dalen. Jim Dalen’s sister.

And hang on a second, we nearly forgot Pepe! Pepe is no relation to Jim Dalen, but he...you know what, this whole thing will make a lot more sense once you watch Ghosthouse. Go spend some time with Jim Dalen, Tina Dalen, Kelly LeBrock and Pepe, then come back when you’re ready to discuss the film. We’re going to go get some chili.

*Both of those things actually happen in Ghosthouse


My Take:
Get the chili ready and prepare for the ultimate question: Who is more popular in Denver, Kelly Lebrock or Kim Bassinger. The answer is obviously Kim Bassinger. Otherwise I have no idea what is going on in this movie other than the protagonist having interest in baby sounds coming from his ham radio.

"Ghost HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUSE!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: George-2.0 on January 10, 2020, 08:00:46 PM
I forgot about Ghost House, that was a goodie.

I also didn't vote for, but enjoyed 300 and Starship Troopers

Avatar was uneven for me, not bad, not great.

Twilight, ah those were the days, it was like an event when a new Twilight 'trax would come out. I never would have watched one of those movies if not for Rifftrax, and because of them, I couldn't wait for them to be released. I'd eagerly rush out to rent a DVD and then rush back to watch it, and then laugh and laugh and laugh. (I wonder if the clerks at the store ever thought, "Why's that old weirdo always checking out movies like Crossroads, Glitter and the Twilight series?")
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 10, 2020, 09:36:19 PM
32: DareDevil

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/daredevilWebPoster.jpg)

33 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #9 Fluncheon


Rifftrax Promo

Several years ago, it is quite likely that you were one of the millions who bought a ticket to see X-Men or Spiderman in the theater. The massive success of these two movies convinced studio execs that the public was desperate for any and all things Superhero. In short, it is because of you, yes you, that the film Daredevil darkens our world.

Daredevil tells the story of lawyer Matt Murdock (Ben Affleck), who due to a childhood accident involving toxic chemicals has no fear. He is thus able to leap off of skyscrapers and land on the ground without shattering his tibias. Along the way he encounters Elektra (Jennifer Garner), who he fights on a teeter-totter, Bullseye (Colin Farrell), who embraces every stereotype about the Irish, (namely that they have really good aim) and Michael Clarke Duncan, who plays against character for once, in his groundbreaking role as A Really Big Guy.

Only a fool would choose to leap headfirst into such a world of second tier heroes on his own, and Mike, despite voluntarily spending hours of his time watching Daredevil, is no fool. So his good friends Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy, (who are both also Men Without Fear) are all along for the ride.

It's a trio of crime fighting Riffiness that no Riffaholic should Riff without. 


My Take:
I haven't seen the riff or the movie. But I have seen Ben Affleck, which means this movie is probably great riffing material. You'd have to be blind to not realize that.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: stansimpson on January 10, 2020, 09:58:26 PM
32: DareDevil

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/daredevilWebPoster.jpg)

33 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #9 Fluncheon


Rifftrax Promo

Several years ago, it is quite likely that you were one of the millions who bought a ticket to see X-Men or Spiderman in the theater. The massive success of these two movies convinced studio execs that the public was desperate for any and all things Superhero. In short, it is because of you, yes you, that the film Daredevil darkens our world.

Daredevil tells the story of lawyer Matt Murdock (Ben Affleck), who due to a childhood accident involving toxic chemicals has no fear. He is thus able to leap off of skyscrapers and land on the ground without shattering his tibias. Along the way he encounters Elektra (Jennifer Garner), who he fights on a teeter-totter, Bullseye (Colin Farrell), who embraces every stereotype about the Irish, (namely that they have really good aim) and Michael Clarke Duncan, who plays against character for once, in his groundbreaking role as A Really Big Guy.

Only a fool would choose to leap headfirst into such a world of second tier heroes on his own, and Mike, despite voluntarily spending hours of his time watching Daredevil, is no fool. So his good friends Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy, (who are both also Men Without Fear) are all along for the ride.

It's a trio of crime fighting Riffiness that no Riffaholic should Riff without. 


My Take:
I haven't seen the riff or the movie. But I have seen Ben Affleck, which means this movie is probably great riffing material. You'd have to be blind to not realize that.

The Daredevil riff is a landmark in RiffTrax. It's the first time that all three guys did an mp3 together. Before, it was either Mike & Bill or Mike & Kevin. I remember this was a big deal on this forum back then. It took a few more riffs for them to make all 3 officially signed on from there on out. Interestingly, they had to raise the price from $2.99 to $3.99 to make up the costs to have all 3 which is why it is that price to this day.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 11, 2020, 04:50:07 AM
Avatar was uneven for me, not bad, not great.
That's the only one of the list so far that I didn't care for. It has moments, though.

Twilight, ah those were the days, it was like an event when a new Twilight 'trax would come out. I never would have watched one of those movies if not for Rifftrax, and because of them, I couldn't wait for them to be released. I'd eagerly rush out to rent a DVD and then rush back to watch it, and then laugh and laugh and laugh. (I wonder if the clerks at the store ever thought, "Why's that old weirdo always checking out movies like Crossroads, Glitter and the Twilight series?")
When the Breaking Dawn riff came out, me and another guy were talking about it. The woman next to us looked at us funny and made some comment about how it was really odd to hear two guys excitedly talking about a Twilight movie. I tried to explain the riff thing, but I don't think she bought it.

In the early days of Rifftrax, I would check out the DVDs from the library. I put Crossroads on reserve, but the librarian grabbed the wrong one (the one with Ralph Macchio). I got some weird looks when I (a 40-year old man at the time) said "No, I want the one with Britney Spears!".

Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 11, 2020, 08:42:06 AM
31:Attack of the Super Monsters

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/AttackOfTheSupermonsters_Poster.jpg)

36 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #5 Pak-Man


Rifftrax Promo

When stop-motion dinosaurs meet anime superheroes, only one thing is certain: things are about to get dumb as hell!

Mad Ruler Emperor Tyrannous lives beneath the earth and commands an army of supermonsters by shouting at them like late-career Al Pacino. Despite being gigantic fire-breathing dinosaurs, their main strategy is to hypnotize substantially smaller animals like dogs and bats, into attacking humanity. It’s not a very good strategy, but then again, this is not a very good movie.

Standing in their way is Gemini Command, which consists of two siblings and two idiots. The siblings, Jim and Jem, can bond to form the all-powerful Gemini, whereas the two idiots, Jerry and Wally, at one point lose track of their pet sloth. Can they save humanity? No, many people die horribly. Well at least they were just cartoons!

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for one of the most unique movies we’ve ever done, Attack of the Super Monsters!

My Take:
This may be the most bat-shit insane movie that the team has riffed. There are literally insane bats (including at least one vengeful chicken) in this movie. And that's after the communist dogs! I always loved old giant monster movies and always thought older anime would make great fodder. The team did not disappoint here. Given a bit of time I think this could be a classic.

"With an effect this impressive you just want to linger"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 11, 2020, 08:48:32 AM

The Daredevil riff is a landmark in RiffTrax. It's the first time that all three guys did an mp3 together. Before, it was either Mike & Bill or Mike & Kevin. I remember this was a big deal on this forum back then. It took a few more riffs for them to make all 3 officially signed on from there on out. Interestingly, they had to raise the price from $2.99 to $3.99 to make up the costs to have all 3 which is why it is that price to this day.

Interesting, you learn something new every day!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on January 11, 2020, 11:50:11 AM
Looks like I'll have to get Attack of the Super Monsters, sounds like a good one.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: The Lurker on January 11, 2020, 11:55:56 AM
I love how the main villain does that whole growl+yell combo that Power Ranger villains almost always do.  Reminds me a lot of MMPR Goldar.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 11, 2020, 01:01:08 PM
30:Jaws

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/JawsWeb.jpg)

37 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #2 Fluncheon



Rifftrax Promo
Just speak the word "jaws" to anyone and their pulse quickens, the hair on the back of their neck stands up as a dim memory rises to the surface of their consciousness - a memory of the first time they saw Murray Hamilton. Most likely it was in an episode of B.J. and the Bear, or perhaps The F.B.I with Efrem Zimbalist, Jr., but if not that, then his turn as the sartorially resplendent, gravelly voiced mayor of Amity in Jaws, the movie that made a generation of people afraid to go into the water (they were justifiably terrified of getting a skin disease from coming in contact with Quint's run-off.) Yes, long before blockbusters like Spider-Man 2, Shrek the Third, or Garden State there was Jaws, the story of small town mayor Larry Vaughn (played by the magnificent Murray Hamilton) and his quest to find the perfect jacket to wear while resisting the whining of Richard Dreyfuss. There is also a shark.

Mike, Bill and Kevin cruise the movie like a large squalus grabbing it with their powerful—oh, what's the word for it...mandibles - then, a little shakin', a little tenderizin', and down it goes.

My Take:
You're gonna need a bigger riff. I haven't listened to the riff but Jaws is a classic movie well deserving of all the praise it has gotten over the years. Not even endless terrible sequels can tarnish the greatness of the original film.

"You're gonna need a bigger boat"
"Kirstie Alley is joining the expedition"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: The Lurker on January 11, 2020, 01:28:55 PM
I love how the main villain does that whole growl+yell combo that Power Ranger villains almost always do.  Reminds me a lot of MMPR Goldar.
So I decided to look it up and the voice actor did actually play a few villains in Power Rangers.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 11, 2020, 01:34:08 PM
Was it Bryan Cranston? (Look it up)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: The Lurker on January 11, 2020, 01:37:42 PM
Was it Bryan Cranston? (Look it up)
I know what you mean, but no.  It was Mike Reynolds.
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0584470/?ref_=ttfc_fc_cl_t5 (https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0584470/?ref_=ttfc_fc_cl_t5)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 11, 2020, 03:09:18 PM
The main thing I remember from the Jaws riff is that Mike pronounces "gunwale" wrong :P
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 11, 2020, 04:19:37 PM
29: Day of the Animals

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/DayOfTheAnimals_Poster.jpg)

37 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #7 Edward J Grug III


Rifftrax Promo

Pollution has left the ozone layer severely depleted, and we all know what that means: eagles start commanding mountain lions to attack hapless campers! It’s basic science, people!

Day of the Animals has a premise that will be familiar to anyone who’s ever mispronounced the word ‘solrpnls.’ But it has one thing going for it that Birdemic does not: shirtless Leslie Nielsen. Frank Drebin himself descends into madness as members of his expedition are picked off one by one by vicious wolves, hungry bears, and ground squirrels that make a sort of annoying screeching sound. Eventually he removes his shirt and beats up a kid. We’ve all been there.

A film that saw the glut of 70s ensemble disaster movies and thought “I could do that for way cheaper!” Day of the Animals is guaranteed to delight both fans of animals and twenty four hour intervals of the earth’s rotation. Pull up a chair alongside Mike, Kevin, Bill, and a bunch of spruce bark beetles in a trench coat!

My Take:
Listen up Hot Shot. This is a film that is warning us about our future. You got that Hot Shot? If we keep destroying the O-Zone layer and do nothing about climate change, the sun is going to cause all the animals to become hostile and attack you hot shots. Also for some reason it turns Leslie Nielson into a rapist. Got it hot shot?

"'Up to my ears in Bull' is the name of the Night Court Erotic fan fiction"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 11, 2020, 05:30:00 PM
My wife and I quote Day of the Animals all the time. LOVE it!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 12, 2020, 12:10:42 AM
Jaws is a great riff, really funny. On what you mentioned, it maybe being too good to riff, that is one of the subtle and complex topics of this scene, I tried to tackle it in my last post. I don't think the real point of rifftrax is to laugh at movies for being bad, I think it's just kind of about finding the humor in anything. Nothing is above a roast/riff, especially in entertainment.

But I can see where you're coming from on not needing a riff for a movie you enjoy. Even B-movies that I find just kind of earnest and well done and charming for their niche, No Retreat No Surrender for example, I just prefer without a riff. But in a perfect world every movie would have a rifftrax, just so we have the option.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 12, 2020, 06:37:32 AM
28: Hawk the Slayer

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/HawkTheSlayer_Web.jpg)

38 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #3 Linszoid


Rifftrax Promo

If you took a Dungeons & Dragons adventure written hastily by an 8th grader during study hall and turned it into a movie, you’d wind up with something a lot like Hawk the Slayer.

In fact, we wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how they actually got the script. But this movie has something that no D&D adventure can claim: Jack Palance. A whole lot of Jack Palance. Specifically MEGA-EVIL Jack Palance, playing a character named Voltan. He yells, kills, yells, whisper-threatens, whisper-yells, kills, and mostly just yells his way across the countryside. Seems no one can stop him until his brother Hawk - yes, his brother, despite being about 40 years younger - gathers an elf, a dwarf, and a giant to take him down. Not as much dignity as a Fellowship of the Ring, more of a… Crew of the Stuff.

Keen-eyed fans may recognize the dwarf from our release Prisoners of the Lost Universe. Also, the actor playing Hawk went on to portray Jack’s dad in Lost -- hmmm, Prisoners of the LOST Universe. LOST. time to dig up your old Lost conspiracy theories because there’s something happening here. IT’S ALL CONNECTED!

Join Mike, Kevin and Bill for a heaping helping of Jack the Palance and Hawk the Slayer!

(https://www.datapacrat.com/www.wulfarchives.com/VoltanLaughs.jpg)

"Ladies and Gentlemen...Acadamy Award Winner Jack Palance!"


My Take:
Fantastic riff on a cheezy fantasy movie. Jack Palance starts quite a quarrel when he murders Hawk's bride to be. Hawk must recruit a diminutive giant, a robotic elf, and a sadistic dwarf for his quest to stop Jack's evil scene-chewing. This riff is definitely top tier for me (as seen by my #3 ranking).

"There's this band you might like...Third Eye Blind?"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 12, 2020, 07:55:37 AM
Great stuff for sure, quite glorious.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 12, 2020, 09:10:02 AM
30:Jaws

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/JawsWeb.jpg)


(With a Minnesota accent):

"Well were down there fishin' for walleye on Lake Bemidji."

"Walleye? This time a year?"

"Oh ya. Good this time a year, doncha know. An just as Jasper was finishin' his story about winnin' the 1972 Pike Tournament with a fifty puonder..."

"The one that he says nearly capsized his boat?"

"Yup, tells that story every year, he does. Sos Jasper was at the part with the tangled reel, and he doesn't notice his rod goes into the hole. 'Cause he's acting out his struggle, ya know."

"But then this here HUGE fish come right out of the ice, nearly made us drop our beers! Jasper 'bout had a fit when he turned around and saw the thing behind him."

"Wow, what am awful day!"

"Ya, didn't catch nuthin'."
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 12, 2020, 09:30:43 AM
27: This is Hormel

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/ThisIsHormelPoster.jpg)

39 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #1 MartyS


Rifftrax Promo

This Is Hormel is a short in the grand tradition of David and Hazel and Setting Up A Room, where you look at the time remaining on your media player and think “Clearly that has to be a mistake.” But no! It’s a half hour long Hormel infomercial masquerading as an educational short that must be seen to be believed!

In theory, this short is about Brad and Greg, two boys who while apparently attempting to set a world record for boredom on summer vacation, write a letter to the Hormel factory asking if they can take a tour. To their surprise, they do not receive a letter back asking “What the hell is wrong with you, go play outside!” but instead an invitation to serve as a thinly veiled framing device for a solid half hour of meat footage.

And oh, the meat footage...You’ll witness the creation of a mysterious substance known as “ingredient meat.” You’ll visit the hide cellar, a place that makes Gary, Indiana look like Disneyland combined with the beaches of Maui. And you’ll witness the creation of Spam, a substance that evidently is at times purchased unironically.

It’s a meatfest of the highest order, and we feel like even Upton Sinclair himself would begrudgingly approve. Just don’t touch any machines operated by guys with less than four fingers. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for This Is Hormel!

My Take:
Probably my favorite "short". This is the stuff of PETA nightmares. We get an inside glimpse of the wonderful world of wieners and batchmasters. Gratuitous bacon porn flows like grease. We get to witness the birth of spam. There's also a stripper or two thrown in for good measure. I also enjoy the light jazz that plays over most of this short.

Did you know Hawaiians eat more spam per capita than any other state?

"The tail! The horrible tail!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 12, 2020, 01:57:24 PM
Speaking of horrible tales...

26: Julie and Jack

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/JulieAndJack_Poster.jpg)

40 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #8 Johnny Unusual


Rifftrax Promo

Did you like Birdemic, but find yourself wishing it had focused less on the birds and more on stock options, dinner dates, and fifty percent discounts? Did you wish that Rod’s friend who says “A day without sex is a day wasted” had been explored more as a character? Did you find Rod too charismatic and dynamic as a lead? Well spruce my bark beetles, this may just well be the Hot Ferrari you’ve been looking for!

Before he made Birdemic, James Nguyen made Julie and Jack. All the familiar Nguyen trademarks are there: poor Tippi Hedren. Blown out white balance. Characters announcing they are going to purchase Ferraris after their company is bought out and their stock options are fully vested for a childishly round number (seriously, that specific scenario happens in both his movies!) But while Birdemic explored the issue of global warming with the nuance of Grover explaining the terms ‘Near’ and ‘Far’ to a three year old, Julie and Jack attempts to delve into the deepest philosophical question of them all: what does it mean to truly love someone?

Needless to say, this goes very poorly. Nguyen shoots in a wide variety of exotic offices that he definitely used to work at, or at least deliver things too. The cast features some familiar faces from Birdemic, as well as actors that were evidently too crappy to cast in Birdemic. And just when you think it can’t get any better, the director makes a cameo himself. Sample line of his dialogue (keep in mind, he wrote it himself): "Jeez, you know, I mean, yeah, I'm so busy working on the computer theory, the algorithm, and uh, and the computing uh, math theory that I'm, that I totally ignore and forgotten about the computing history."

Julie and Jack is a must see for any fan of Birdemic, or for anyone who enjoys seeing the obsessions of a madman manifest themselves in movie-like form. Grab your favorite blurred candy, postpone that Victoria’s Secret cover shoot, and invite over your favorite marine mammals such as seals for James Nguyen’s first movie, Julie and Jack!

My Take:
Brought to you by the master of driving and parking shots: James Nguyen. This movie does actually have good premise, namely 'What is Love?'. Too bad there wasn't a better director and writer making the film. It could've been a good, deep, philosophical film. At least there are plenty of shots of driving and parking.

"Wait! He called a tech company and got a human? This is a fantasy."
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 12, 2020, 02:03:09 PM
We're now halfway through the list. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.

Now for your musical interlude!

https://www.youtube.com/v/z4RNPlgktpI
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: George-2.0 on January 12, 2020, 03:31:29 PM
James Nguyen is a gift from the riff Gods. He's to Rifftrax what Coleman Francis was to MST3K.



Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 12, 2020, 03:43:53 PM
7 minutes is a long time for your movie theme about low rent GI Joes.  It isn't exactly Bohemian Rhapsody or Roundabout in its variation.

The James Nguyen canon is all gold.  I think I accidentally kept Replica off my list and that was an oversight.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 12, 2020, 04:07:59 PM
7 minutes is a long time for your movie theme about low rent GI Joes.  It isn't exactly Bohemian Rhapsody or Roundabout in its variation.

But with the ear candy they're throwing at you, who cares?
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 12, 2020, 04:27:55 PM
Julie and Jack is #10 on my list. What a masterpiece.

I haven't been able to bring myself to watch This Is Hormel despite owning it since release.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 12, 2020, 04:36:13 PM
Julie and Jack is #10 on my list. What a masterpiece.

I haven't been able to bring myself to watch This Is Hormel despite owning it since release.

You'll love it for the bacon porn. You'll hate it for the tail.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 12, 2020, 05:35:57 PM
We're now halfway through the list. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.

Now for your musical interlude!

https://www.youtube.com/v/z4RNPlgktpI

Awesome to the max.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on January 12, 2020, 07:03:58 PM
Julie and Jack is #10 on my list. What a masterpiece.

I haven't been able to bring myself to watch This Is Hormel despite owning it since release.

You'll love it for the bacon porn. You'll hate it for the tail.

Don't think about the tail!

Kevin breaking down from riff overload and Bill only hearing "free swinging wieners discharged" is pure comedy gold.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 12, 2020, 07:11:52 PM
Julie and Jack is #10 on my list. What a masterpiece.

I haven't been able to bring myself to watch This Is Hormel despite owning it since release.

You'll love it for the bacon porn. You'll hate it for the tail.

Don't think about the tail!

Kevin breaking down from riff overload and Bill only hearing "free swinging wieners discharged" is pure comedy gold.

I'm just concerned it will finally turn me vegetarian.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 12, 2020, 08:15:06 PM
I'm pretty sure I had blocked out my memory of that Hormel short. Thanks so much for reminding me of it  >:(

That was a good short thought.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 13, 2020, 05:05:22 AM

I'm just concerned it will finally turn me vegetarian.
Hey, there's a lot of good vegetarian food out there.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 13, 2020, 08:25:41 AM
25: Twilight: New Moon

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/Twilight2Web.jpg)

44 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #3 George 2.0


Rifftrax Promo

Twi-Hard. A once proud word that has been shockingly cheapened by over-use. It used to mean something. These days, any given twelve year old girl with Team Edward wallpaper on her iPhone can be the star of a "Vampire Fever" cover story photo in USA Today. It's not right. Just because some soccer mom blows two months of grocery funds on an elaborate face tattoo replicating the iconic "Cullen baseball" scene, that DOES NOT make her a real Twi-Hard, okay? It's something you earn. It's something you live.

Forgive our emotion on this issue, but it's just that Mike, Kevin, and Bill are probably the biggest Twilight fans on the planet. Just survey Kristen Stewart's file of restraining order requests, and see which names pop up the most (Stephenie Meyer's file is alarmingly similar). So it should surprise no one that these three sparkly warriors trekked to the theater dozens upon dozens of times to feast upon the sweet succulent cinematic nectar that is New Moon. After the fourteenth viewing, the girl at the ticket counter was unable to make eye contact with them, muttering something about "grown men" under her breath. The pimply popcorn vendor filled his friends' inboxes with texts like "OMG third time today," while the theater janitor constantly fought the urge to beat them with his mop. In a word: epic.

But the shame they endured, along with the suffering of their long-neglected wives and children, is your gain. Thanks to these endless, obsessive, life-destroying viewings, Mike, Kevin, and Bill are able to present this RiffTrax of New Moon on the eve of its DVD release. Let's just hope that, now that the ride is over, they can put their lives back together once and for all (they're not making any more of these movies, right?).

My Take:
I haven't seen the movie or the riff so like the other Twilight movie I have nothing to add.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 13, 2020, 01:37:20 PM
24: Drag Me to Hell

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/Drag2HellWeb_0.jpg)

45 Points
2 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #3 F-Zero


Rifftrax Promo

Tired of horror clichés like empty parking garages, gypsy curses, and séances gone wrong? Drag Me To Hell sure isn’t! Wide-eyed ingénue Alison Lohman (featured in…some other films, presumably) navigates the heady politics of a small bank branch while voluntarily maintaining a relationship with Justin Long (Mac Guy , “funny person”). Yes, with a life like that, a refreshing trip to Hell is just what the doctor ordered!

Fortunately, condemnation is easy as pie—an oozing, eyeball-filled pie that director Sam Raimi will throw in your face! Because stuff like that is hilarious. Or maybe scary? Or probably neither. But back to the Hell-dragging:  it turns out gypsies are not the most reasonable people, and will sentence you to eternal suffering for any minor infraction. Refuse to extend my credit? Drag you to Hell! Cut me off on the freeway? Hope you like dry heat! Politely suggest that Evening Shade** wasn’t the greatest television show ever produced? Let me introduce you to your new roommate, Adolf “always leaves the seat up” Hitler!

Join Mike and Bill on this sentimental excursion down Hell Lane (Kevin dodged the bullet on this one thanks to an unassailable “no Justin Long” clause in his contract—well played, sir). Just watch out for falling anvils and, really, just copious amounts of eyeball splatter. 

 

** All of our research suggests that Evening Shade is universally beloved in gypsy circles. This will never be confirmed nor denied, as gypsies don’t use the internet.

My Take:
I haven't seen this movie either. I'm a failure as a host. The preview does look pretty funny and I'm generally a fan of Sam Raimi's work. He made my favorite Spiderman movie and Army of Darkness is one of the greatest movies of all times. I'm strongly considering buying this movie at the used DVD store and getting the riff.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: George-2.0 on January 13, 2020, 01:42:07 PM
25: Twilight: New Moon

"Line?" ---

New Moon was prime riff material - among the memorable moments, Edward in vapor form, with Bill singing, "Casper the unhealthily co-dependent ghost."
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 13, 2020, 02:03:03 PM
25: Twilight: New Moon

"Line?" ---

New Moon was prime riff material - among the memorable moments, Edward in vapor form, with Bill singing, "Casper the unhealthily co-dependent ghost."

I'm too afraid to watch the movie though  :-[
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 13, 2020, 02:12:05 PM
There's a line in New Moon I p
25: Twilight: New Moon

"Line?" ---

New Moon was prime riff material - among the memorable moments, Edward in vapor form, with Bill singing, "Casper the unhealthily co-dependent ghost."

When Jacob first takes his shirt off.. "Mom, I didn't know you liked Twilight.", "Quiet, mom's watching the movie!" Or something to that effect.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 13, 2020, 02:15:22 PM
Drag me to Hell? Really? Now there's one I definitely wasn't expecting. As far as I can remember, the riff was decent. But I really can't stand the movie, so I've only heard it 2 or 3 times.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 13, 2020, 02:22:05 PM
Drag me to Hell? Really? Now there's one I definitely wasn't expecting. As far as I can remember, the riff was decent. But I really can't stand the movie, so I've only heard it 2 or 3 times.

If the movie isn't suitable for riffing It's hard to enjoy the riff.

This one is the only 2 riffer I like.  This is one of those riffs that pops all the way through and never droops. 
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 13, 2020, 03:12:06 PM
23: RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/RiffTraxChristmasCircus_Poster.jpg)

45 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #8 Linszoid, #8 Edward J Grug III


Rifftrax Promo

Our Christmas special this year stars Whizzo the Clown. Whizzo’s not one of your big, flashy, Hollywood clowns who relies on clichés like “scripts” or “coherency.” Whizzo’s got huge, gross feet, a terrible catchphrase, and he’s ready to fly some kids to the North Pole on his streamer-powered magic carpet. And yes, for this movie, that qualifies as a plot description.

After thirty seconds with Whizzo, you’ll find yourself thinking, “Yeah, I can see where The Grinch was coming from.” Or maybe, “You know, Mr. Potter had some good ideas…” In fact, it might just be the movie to turn your coulrophobia into pantophobia!

RiffTrax Christmas Circus also features a short about Christmas trees that have human faces and communicate psychically with houseplants before dying and going to tree heaven. It is by far the most normal, sane part of this Christmas special.

We’re really sorry.

My Take:
FIDDLESPRUNG! This is the movie that turned the Grinch against Christmas. This riff has quickly become a Christmas staple of mine. It's ranked waaaay to low on this list IMO. I can only imagine that many of you haven't experienced the Whizzoness of this riff or else it would easily be a top ten riff. A must have track. And now I got the next entry to worry about.

"The close captions to this movie just say "Lucky You!""
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 13, 2020, 03:24:18 PM
Julie and Jack is #10 on my list. What a masterpiece.

I haven't been able to bring myself to watch This Is Hormel despite owning it since release.

You'll love it for the bacon porn. You'll hate it for the tail.

Don't think about the tail!

Kevin breaking down from riff overload and Bill only hearing "free swinging wieners discharged" is pure comedy gold.

I'm just concerned it will finally turn me vegetarian.

I've seen it several times and I still haven't bothered to try an impossible Whopper.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 13, 2020, 03:25:45 PM
It's been a couple years, and, "Well, now I have that to worry about" remains a household staple.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 13, 2020, 03:47:46 PM
I haven't heard the riff myself either, but did see Drag Me To Hell in the theater. Very very funny movie, I think intentionally too, at least mostly, but a riff is always good. If I rewatch it one day I'll add the riff to the mix.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 13, 2020, 04:07:19 PM
Just saw the Whizzo special for the first time this year.  It didn't make my list but it is a good one.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 13, 2020, 04:22:58 PM
22: Troll 2

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/Troll2WebPosterA.jpg)

46 Points
5 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #9 Johnny Unusual


Rifftrax Promo

"Be afraid...be twice as afraid!" So goes the tagline for Troll 2, the follow up, unsurprisingly, to Troll. A more fitting tagline might have been, "What the hell was that? Seriously, what was that? Was the director spraying Pam cooking spray into a paper bag and huffing the fumes throughout the production?

Was the script assembled by a madman using words clipped from Lyndon LaRouche pamphlets? Did the actors regularly ingest a cocktail of lithium and horse tranquilizers before each scene? And Eliot – someone please explain Eliot to me, using visual aids, if you will, because I cannot even begin to grasp the barest outlines of a concept of just what the hell Eliot is or was? Or does he just exist in some shadowy, nightmare dream world of my own creation? WHO IS ELIOT? WHY IS ELIOT?! WHERE AM I?!"

Yeah, that should have been the tagline, but it's a touch long. As it is, Rich Kyanka, the founder and proprietor of Somethingawful.com (and a huge "fan" of Troll 2) joins Mike for a hilarious RiffTrax.

My Take:
This is just a terrible terrible movie. I had a hard time making it through. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but it's not true. This movie just leaves me depressed about the human condition. Why is it that bad things happen to good people and movies like Troll 2 exist?
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 13, 2020, 04:34:55 PM
I really liked this one a lot.  I don't actually know all that much about Something Awful but based simply on this riff, I think that Lowtax acquits himself quite well.  I do miss the guest riffers simply because it is nice to have a different voice (figuratively and literally) in the mix, an itch that is scratched by the SF Sketchfest riffs (which all made my list).  Even though it is clear the performers generally don't write the riffs, it shows you how literally the personal sense of humour of the individual performer changes a riff.  Though to me, riffs happen in VERY specific ways in my head, which is why reriffs of MST3k material throws me.

Anyway, back to the subject, I think this is a great riff of one of the classic "So bad its good" movies.

"The Axe Effect: It can happen anywhere."

Also, pointing out the music sounds like its from a Homestar cartoon is very specific and very true.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 13, 2020, 04:49:19 PM
A magical riff for sure
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 13, 2020, 05:54:11 PM
Troll 2 just scraped onto my list at 25 - I like it a lot, though I think it could be even stronger if it was redone. Kind of surprised this hasn't been a live show yet.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 13, 2020, 05:55:40 PM
It's funny, I wrote "The Lowtax version" under the assumption that like Missile to the Moon, there was a three riffer edition.  There is not.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 14, 2020, 08:23:05 AM
21: Setting Up a Room

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/settingupposter.jpg)

49 Points
3 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #5 MartyS


Rifftrax Promo

To attempt to explain anything more about it would be an act of futility. It is one of the most baffling pieces we’ve ever encountered here at RiffTrax. It may not be for everyone. Like one of those Magic Eye images, you may have to stare at it for a little while before its brilliance snaps into place. Fortunately, you will have plenty of time to do this, because as we mentioned earlier, it is 27 minutes long.

No detail of the room-setting-up is unaddressed. Blocks are put away one by one. Cubby doors are tested to make sure they can fully be opened. Pegboard placement is hotly debated. And all the while a simmering resentment bubbles beneath the surface between the two leads. Probably because they were forced to appear in a 27 minute short instructing other adults how to set up a room.

We’ve already said too much. Please join Mike, Kevin and Bill for one of the greatest things you will ever witness.

My Take:
A short that features the most realistic sneeze ever captured on film. Ever wonder where the best place to a cubby? Me neither. Just make sure to place the hand tools within reach of the children. Needless to say, this is a really strange half hour short. Fantastic riffs here. Definitely a must have short.

"What the hell is going on!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on January 14, 2020, 08:31:45 AM
I wish they still did videos like this:

https://www.youtube.com/v/gI0uJfpKUPM

Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 14, 2020, 08:32:25 AM
Setting Up a Room is so weird. I don't think there was a script or a plan. I think they just got someone with a camera to film the room-setting-up process and hoped the audience would catch on through osmosis.

But man, I feel like I had preschool in that very classroom. I can smell every piece of furniture in my mind's nose.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 14, 2020, 08:41:13 AM
I wish they still did videos like this:

https://www.youtube.com/v/gI0uJfpKUPM

I'm hooked
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 14, 2020, 09:26:21 AM
21: Setting Up a Room

This is a classic! And it has one of my favorite riffs, when Bill just tells us to look at the Time Remaining number on our video player.  ;D
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 14, 2020, 09:27:41 AM
Setting Up a Room is so weird. I don't think there was a script or a plan. I think they just got someone with a camera to film the room-setting-up process and hoped the audience would catch on through osmosis.

But man, I feel like I had preschool in that very classroom. I can smell every piece of furniture in my mind's nose.

Its really the closest Rifftrax has done to riffing slow TV.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 14, 2020, 09:38:39 AM
Setting Up a Room is so weird. I don't think there was a script or a plan. I think they just got someone with a camera to film the room-setting-up process and hoped the audience would catch on through osmosis.

But man, I feel like I had preschool in that very classroom. I can smell every piece of furniture in my mind's nose.
It feels like this version was the first pass at editing just to assemble the raw footage. And then suddenly the editor had a heart attack:
(https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ScholarlyImperturbableIndochinahogdeer-size_restricted.gif)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 14, 2020, 12:59:22 PM
Setting Up a Room is so weird. I don't think there was a script or a plan. I think they just got someone with a camera to film the room-setting-up process and hoped the audience would catch on through osmosis.

But man, I feel like I had preschool in that very classroom. I can smell every piece of furniture in my mind's nose.

I think someone humored someone's mom's idea.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 14, 2020, 01:11:27 PM
20: Shake Hands with Danger!

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/ShakeHandsPoster3_0.jpg)

49 Points
4 of 13 Lists
Highest list: ##3 stethacantus


Rifftrax Promo

The world of Safety Instructional Films breaks down into two distinct categories: Shake Hands with Danger, and everything else.  If you like your hair feathered, your glasses huge and your moustaches grown at an eighth grade level, this is the short for you.

Narrated by a guy who was rejected from the Dukes of Hazard narrator job for sounding too much like a cotton-pickin' bumpkin, Shake Hands with Danger explores the terrifying world of construction work.  Sponsored by the Caterpillar heavy machinery company, it chronicles the myriad of ways you can hurt, dismember, maim or kill yourself using Caterpillar brand heavy machinery.  No action is free from potentially life-ending consequences!  Even if you stay home and lock yourself indoors, the bulldozer will just barrel your house over before seeking out the rest of your family!!  Nobody is safe!!! Nobody!!!!

Yes, riff fans of all ages will enjoy this lighthearted timecapsule of the 1970s, set to one of the catchiest Industrial Safety-based jingles we've ever heard.

Mike, Kevin and Bill have never shaken hands with Danger, but they did give Danger that "fist bump then explosion" thing, and then Danger called them all "Bro-seph."

My Take:
*insert guitar twang* Ok a small rant. I've only seen the MST3k reunion of this so maybe it's addressed in the original riff. But in the original short there is a segment about cleaning your tools with gasoline. HOW DID THEY NOT INCLUDE THIS. It's a great callback to another short that may or may not appear on this list. Oh well, I'm going to work off my anger by causing a greenhorn to have an industrial accident. This is still a great riff though.

"But then Harry also believes his wife has been faithful"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 14, 2020, 01:16:12 PM
Setting Up a Room is so weird. I don't think there was a script or a plan. I think they just got someone with a camera to film the room-setting-up process and hoped the audience would catch on through osmosis.

But man, I feel like I had preschool in that very classroom. I can smell every piece of furniture in my mind's nose.
Just picture it, a classroom of college kids in a teaching class. The professor opens up by saying they're going to watch a video today. The students see how big the film reel is on the projector and are excited because it will clearly take the whole class time. Great! And the movie they are stuck watching is THIS.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on January 14, 2020, 01:42:20 PM
Shake Hands With Danger is too much for me, the guy putting his arm in the bearing and then losing it just freaks me out.  I know they don't show what happens but there is no other outcome from having your arm replace a pin that would normally be holding back tons of force, and then have that force applied by accident.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 14, 2020, 02:52:57 PM
The parade of shorts continue!

19: Drugs Are Like That Too!

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/DrugsRlikeThat_0.jpg)

49 Points
4 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #2 MartyS


Rifftrax Promo

There are so many things to which drugs can be compared that to even attempt to catalog them would be an act of incomprehensible madness. Yet in this pastel colored, 1970's nightmare, two hard-of-hearing, loggorrheic pre-teens are up to the task! Have you always wondered, Are drugs like pumpkins? Like small willow saplings? Like those bags of cotton candy you can buy in gift shops? Find out as Mike, Kevin and Bill go once more unto the breach!

My Take:
Features a couple of kids with a big ol box full of drugs and a baby hooked on pacifiers. I didn't know about this short before starting this list but after watching the preview I figured I needed it more than Florida man needs meth.

"Why don't you listen you bonehead!"

Why don't you stop pulling your hair?
"It could lead to heroin!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 14, 2020, 05:05:01 PM
18 : Cool as Ice

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/CoolAsIce_Web.jpg)

52 Points
4 of 13 Lists
Highest list: #7 Russoguru, #7 Pak-Man


Rifftrax Promo

Vanilla Ice’s album To The Extreme sold fifteen million copies. It is important to keep this in mind while you watch Cool As Ice, because at some point in time, you will inevitably shriek at the TV, “Who thought this was a good idea? How did this happen? Are they really trying to make ‘yep yep’ his catchphrase? Why???” And the answer to most of those questions is: Vanilla Ice’s album To The Extreme sold fifteen million copies.

Vanilla Ice (That’s My Boy, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret Of The Ooze) stars as a troubled French missionary volunteering at a refugee camp in the Sudan we’re just kidding he plays a white rapper. The only stretch he gives his acting abilities is playing a character named “Johnny” instead of his real name. At this moment, we will point out for the record that his hilarious real name is Robert Van Winkle.

The sleepy little town that Vanilla rides his motorcycle through is not prepared for his chillaxed baditude and funky fresh fashions. Or perhaps they are just stunned that in a movie whose entire reason for existence is the star had a wildly popular album, none of the songs from said wildly popular album make an appearance. No Ice Ice Baby. No Play That Funky Music. Not even Havin’ A Roni. In fact, there is not even the vaguest hint that there was even a Roni anywhere to be Had on the set of Cool As Ice.

Despite the lack of Ronis, Cool As Ice is still one of the finest looking bad movies of all time. This is because the director of photography went on to do the cinematography for films such as Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan and Lincoln. That’s right, a mere three years after Janusz Kaminski made sure that Vanilla Ice’s Stussy shirt was properly lit during the construction site frolicking scene, he was finding the right lens to shoot Liam Neeson’s “I could have got more” speech in Schindler’s List.

It is perhaps the only movie that is more 90s than the entirety of VH1s I Love The 90s series. Stop, collaborate and listen as Mike, Kevin and Bill team up to riff Cool As Ice.

My Take:
Ninja Ninja Rap! Ninja Ninja Rap! Wait, diffferent movie. Vanilla Ice is the dirty laundry of the 90s. How did any of us think he was cool or hip? I haven't seen the movie but given it's ranked this high by the Rifftrax community maybe I should give it a try.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 14, 2020, 05:37:26 PM
20: Shake Hands with Danger!

...

My Take:
*insert guitar twang* Ok a small rant. I've only seen the MST3k reunion of this so maybe it's addressed in the original riff. But in the original short there is a segment about cleaning your tools with gasoline. HOW DID THEY NOT INCLUDE THIS. It's a great callback to another short that may or may not appear on this list. Oh well, I'm going to work off my anger by causing a greenhorn to have an industrial accident. This is still a great riff though.

Every segment in the original is golden. Why they decided to cut a few of them out is beyond me. There is one where a guy is trying to move a disabled vehicle and almost gets run over.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 14, 2020, 08:32:10 PM
The Iceman is a treasure, like a zen master. "Yep yep".
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 15, 2020, 01:10:14 PM
17 : Miami Connection

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/MiamiConnectionLive_PosterB.jpg)

56 Points
4 of 13 Lists
#6 Pak-Man


Rifftrax Promo

If you put everything about the 80s in a blender, then somehow ran the resulting smoothie through a translator that only speaks languages from another dimension, what you’d wind up with still wouldn't be half as hilarious, weird, and oddly charming as Miami Connection.

It's 1987, and the Biker Ninjas behind the Miami drug trade are finding themselves facing the newest heroes in town: the Taekwondo-loving rock band Dragon Sound! They'll focus all of their black belt skills, alongside performing their hit songs "Friends" and "Against the Ninja" at a popular Orlando night club - to end the threat of Ninja Biker violence once and for all!

It's the same script from one of our favorite live shows, without the crowd and occasional shots of the lovely mugs of Mike, Kevin and Bill!  It's Miami Connection!

My Take:
This movie is about programming circles and 4th best computer programming teams. Throw in an insanely jealous brother, a house where nobody wears shirts, and maybe a ninja or two and you get Miami Connection. But seriously it is actually hard to program a circle efficiently. We used to have whole pieces of hardware dedicated to just that task! Another fantastic riff for a crazy movie. Definitely a must watch! Also it's available on Amazon Prime right now so you have no reason not to watch it!

"Tae-Kwon....no"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 15, 2020, 01:54:07 PM
16 : Battlefield Earth

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/BfEarthWebPoster.jpg)

57 Points
3 of 13 Lists
#3 Russoguru


Rifftrax Promo

In the year 3000 man is an endangered species, enslaved, severely unshowered, beholden to a cruel alien race fond of dreadlocks and really impractical boots.

Only one man can break the yoke of slavery and lead mankind to victory over their cruel tyranny. And that one man is television character actor Peter MacNicol. Wait – slight error there. Salt of the earth, Peter MacNicol, but it's not him.

Actually, the one man who can break the yoke of slavery and lead mankind to victory is Johnny Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper), if you can believe that. Yes, Battlefield Earth, L. Ron Hubbard's epic tale of why you should become a Scientologist splashes* across the big screen in John Travolta's masterful** retelling.

Helping Mr. Travolta along in his masterful retelling are Mike, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett. Yes, the MST3K gang is back together in full force to take on the most legendary cinematic blunder since whatever Joel Schumacher's last film was.

*like vomit.

**here "masterful" is used in the sense of "revoltingly, irredeemably noxious"

My Take
John Travolta's finest work combined with all the Dutch angles you could ever want. I have a confession to make: I liked the book. And if I can remember the movie is pretty faithful to the source material. Throw in a scientology joke and that's my take. Oh but who names their lead character Johnny Goodboy? This movie is definitely up there on the bat-shit insane level. It also teaches you the importance of keeping your fighter jets well maintained. Who knows when you'll need them they're completely obsolete.

I would be nothing but a puppet!
"More like a muppet"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 15, 2020, 02:03:56 PM
Battlefield Earth was the first Rifftrax I ever saw/heard. Couldn't not have it on my list.

"So the guy who wrote this founded a religion with millions of followers. No joke there, just pointing it out."
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 15, 2020, 02:08:17 PM
I love that somehow knowledge of riding horses also prepares you to fly jets.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Russoguru on January 15, 2020, 03:27:21 PM
 Battlefield earth is a beautiful disaster. On one hand I want to call it the worst movie ever made.On the other hand even though It completely failed as a serious sci-fi film, at least it does comedy completely right. So it would be very difficult for me to say that it’s the worst movie of all time when it’s also so damn funny.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 15, 2020, 04:15:24 PM
15 : Future Force

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/FutureForce_Web.jpg)

58 Points
4 of 13 Lists
#6 PsychoGoatee


Rifftrax Promo

You’re casting the lead in an action movie. No, we don’t care if you’re reading this on the can, we’re making this decision now. Well, we just picked you OK? Look, we know you’re still on the other side of the stall door, we can hear you breathing.

Anyways, what qualities do you want in your lead action hero? I’m sorry, “Leave me alone” is not a quality. We’ll just answer for you. Big muscles? An iron jaw? Penchant for clever quips before snapping a villain’s neck? Dirty t-shirt whose bulge reveals a substantial paunch? Hm, kind of went off the rails with the last one there, but that’s OK, it’s actually what we were looking for!
 
David Carradine in Future Force is what you’d get if Arnold substituted creatine with frosting, Stallone started cutting his own hair and Seagal...Well, Seagal wouldn’t have to change much actually. As John Tucker, he’s the only member of the C.O.P.S. (Civilian Operated Police Incorporated) (That’s not a joke) who’s interested in standing up to corruption.
 
Fortunately, he’s got an incredible weapon at his disposal: his robotic remote-controlled glove, which can fire deadly lasers and fly and bears a hilarious resemblance to the Nintendo Power Glove. Something this powerful comes with great responsibility, so fortunately Carradine leaves it in his Jeep’s trunk most of the time and uses a standard pistol instead.
 
Aside from video phones in cars, the dystopian future of 1991 is not noticeably different from actual 1991, though we did notice a distinct lack of Color Me Badd music. So perhaps there isn’t much to complain about. Grab a warm can of High Life, slap on some Gold Bond Medicated Powder and get ready to watch David Carradine try not to pull a groin muscle while he’s kicking some butt in Future Force.

My Take
This movies takes place in a distant future known as the 80s. And you know this movie is good because they made a sequel out of it. Anyways this is the movie that shows off the awesomeness if the power glove. I'm impressed by the restraint of Carradine's character in using said glove. This is definitely a cheesy movie and it's accompanied by a good riff.

"David Carradine? How'd they rope him into this one?"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 15, 2020, 05:13:45 PM
So many great ones here, beautiful stuff. I have a Miami Connection poster by the way, just brings a smile thinking about that kooky stuff. Dragon Sound sure rocks. And hell yeah Future Force, that's cheese nirvana, great riffing there.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: stansimpson on January 15, 2020, 05:37:38 PM
15 : Future Force

58 Points
4 of 13 Lists
#6 PsychoGoatee


Rifftrax Promo

You’re casting the lead in an action movie. No, we don’t care if you’re reading this on the can, we’re making this decision now. Well, we just picked you OK? Look, we know you’re still on the other side of the stall door, we can hear you breathing.

Anyways, what qualities do you want in your lead action hero? I’m sorry, “Leave me alone” is not a quality. We’ll just answer for you. Big muscles? An iron jaw? Penchant for clever quips before snapping a villain’s neck? Dirty t-shirt whose bulge reveals a substantial paunch? Hm, kind of went off the rails with the last one there, but that’s OK, it’s actually what we were looking for!
 
David Carradine in Future Force is what you’d get if Arnold substituted creatine with frosting, Stallone started cutting his own hair and Seagal...Well, Seagal wouldn’t have to change much actually. As John Tucker, he’s the only member of the C.O.P.S. (Civilian Operated Police Incorporated) (That’s not a joke) who’s interested in standing up to corruption.
 
Fortunately, he’s got an incredible weapon at his disposal: his robotic remote-controlled glove, which can fire deadly lasers and fly and bears a hilarious resemblance to the Nintendo Power Glove. Something this powerful comes with great responsibility, so fortunately Carradine leaves it in his Jeep’s trunk most of the time and uses a standard pistol instead.
 
Aside from video phones in cars, the dystopian future of 1991 is not noticeably different from actual 1991, though we did notice a distinct lack of Color Me Badd music. So perhaps there isn’t much to complain about. Grab a warm can of High Life, slap on some Gold Bond Medicated Powder and get ready to watch David Carradine try not to pull a groin muscle while he’s kicking some butt in Future Force.

My Take
This movies takes place in a distant future known as the 80s. And you know this movie is good because they made a sequel out of it. Anyways this is the movie that shows off the awesomeness if the power glove. I'm impressed by the restraint of Carradine's character in using said glove. This is definitely a cheesy movie and it's accompanied by a good riff.

"David Carradine? How'd they rope him into this one?"

Future Force, huh? Really? The past dozen or so have been instant classics for me. This is the first title totally off my radar. Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up with the VODs so I shouldn't be terribly surprised. Might have to check this one out. Please tell me it's *more* than just a non-stop-Carradine death joke-a-thon.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 15, 2020, 05:48:34 PM
14 : Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/RockNRollNightmare_Poster_0.jpg)

60 Points
4 of 13 Lists
#3 Edward J Grug III


Rifftrax Promo

But it turns out it wasn’t Mötley Crüe, it was a Mötley Crüe tribute band. And it wasn’t The Muppets, it was some scrap foam from the Muppet factory that fused together when the dumpster behind the studio got too hot and a bum stuck googly eyes on it. And it wasn’t a Mötley Crüe tribute band, it was a sizeable pile of industrial ooze that was struck by lightning and achieved basic sentience and learned rudimentary musicianship. Wait, that actually may be Mötley Crüe...

Yes, Rock n Roll Nightmare combines the exciting worlds of hair metal and hideous puppets! The Tritonz have rented a house in rural Canada. Their ambitious goal? To record ten new minutes of music. For this they have set aside an entire month. Little do they know that years earlier, or perhaps the previous day, an Oven Skeleton killed the family that lived in the house (just stay with us.)

Needless to say, this causes any number of unspeakable horrors to happen, namely the full length performances of several Tritonz songs and the sight of singer Jon Mikl Thor’s butt in the shower. Also, a literal portal to hell opens up and the devil and several of his minions come through. Be warned, these scenes are not for the faint of heart, as a few of these puppets are slightly scarier and more grotesque than Baby Sinclair on Dinosaurs.

Like Spinal Tap recording The Basement Tapes on the set of Labyrinth if it was written by Otto from The Simpsons, Rock n Roll Nightmare is some serious 80s cheese. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill to talk about rock, around the clock, because their energy has got them where they wanna be.

aka The Edge of Hell

My Take
The alternate title for this movie is "The Edge of Hell" which is quite appropriate. There's even a sign in the movie that says ,"Thou shall take part in these scenes" or something to that effect. I hope you enjoy great riffs, long van rides and a band that sings about eating. The band doesn't contain Weird Al. Just remember, when fighting the devil he likes to throw starfish at you and flail around like Kermit the Frog. The real nightmare of this movie is the attempted Australian accent.

"Discount Galadriel has spoken!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 15, 2020, 05:50:50 PM
Please tell me it's *more* than just a non-stop-Carradine death joke-a-thon.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Well there are jokes about the Mr Clean henchmen, the power glove and terrible acronyms.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 15, 2020, 05:57:53 PM
It's pretty amazing that, as high as we are in the final list, only one entry has been on 5 of 13 individual lists.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 15, 2020, 06:04:36 PM
I attempted to read the book Battlefield Earth a while back. I only got maybe 100 pages in. I will say this: It is better than the movie, not that that's saying much. The Psyclos, and Terl in particular, come off less goofy and incompetent, and more menacing. And the book makes it clear that they stole most of their technology from other worlds they've conquered, so they're not particularly smart. One concept that I found actually kinda clever is that the Psyclos weren't made up of cells like humans. They're made of viruses. 

Also, the movie only actually covers the first half of the book. I've been told the second half, where the Humans join the rest of the galaxy, is much more interesting.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: F-Zero on January 15, 2020, 07:04:48 PM
I attempted to read the book Battlefield Earth a while back. I only got maybe 100 pages in. I will say this: It is better than the movie, not that that's saying much. The Psyclos, and Terl in particular, come off less goofy and incompetent, and more menacing. And the book makes it clear that they stole most of their technology from other worlds they've conquered, so they're not particularly smart. One concept that I found actually kinda clever is that the Psyclos weren't made up of cells like humans. They're made of viruses. 

Also, the movie only actually covers the first half of the book. I've been told the second half, where the Humans join the rest of the galaxy, is much more interesting.

Great book.  I've read it twice.  Couldn't get through the Battlefield Earth series though.

i like the part where Johnny was attacked by a creature in the ocean resembling the aliens from the banker planet.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 16, 2020, 05:15:06 AM
Rock n Roll Nightmare is a bizarre monster movie that, in the last act, decides to become a macho superhero movie with angels.  Its completely terrible but also fun to watch, especially with the riffing.  The last act basically reminds me of the Bobby and the Devil sketch from Kids in the Hall but without jokes and as a superhero from Heaven.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 16, 2020, 01:15:55 PM
13 : Fun in Ballon Land

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/Balloonland_Web_0.jpg)

63 Points
4 of 13 Lists
#3 Johnny Unusual, #3 MartyS


Rifftrax Promo

We would say that Fun In Balloonland is our favorite RiffTrax movie that we've ever done, but there’s just one problem: it’s hard to really describe it as a movie. It is an event. To attempt to describe its plot to you would be like attempting to divide by zero. There are balloons, there are kids, there is a parade, and there were mercifully cameras rolling to capture the madness. It’s a spectacle so cracked and baffling that you’ll have to double check to make sure it wasn’t recorded at Pirates World, home of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

In fact, the Ice Cream Bunny would have taken one look at this flick and begged off saying “Too weird for me man! Even I have my limits! Oh whoops, lost another kid off the back of the fire engine. Well, you’re gonna get that.” Fun In Balloon Land throws a whole casserole of crazy at the screen: kindergartners in gold lamé diapers, giant Indian stereotypes, a maniac of a parade host, blow fish who halfheartedly tell jokes, a lengthy guessing game, The Farmer In The Dell, two headed cats, and something called The Marrying Turkey. Then Santa shows up. Trust us, it will all make sense when you sit down and watch it.*

We've been holding this one back for the holiday season ever since we discovered it at the beginning of the year and we’re delighted to finally present—no, unleash would be the better word—we’re delighted to unleash it to all of you. Please join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and the Marrying Turkey for: Fun In Balloonland.

*100% untrue.

My Take:
This "film" is proof that no matter how terrible the material is, throw a few riffs in there and we poor souls will buy it. The narrator is definitely on something. She's so gay. The beginning is about some kid wondering around some giant balloon creatures. The second half is some terrible parade. How did Rifftrax find this film anyways? Remember to beat the cold out of your child.

"What a festive bloodbath that would be!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: The Lurker on January 16, 2020, 01:41:18 PM
Her voice is somewhere between drunk and cult leader
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 16, 2020, 02:36:36 PM
"Because we didn't think we could get you to watch "Fun in Balloon Land" either!"

12 : Rollergator

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/Rollergator_Poster.jpg)

64 Points
3 of 13 Lists
#4 Pak-Man, #4 PsychoGoatee


Rifftrax Promo

If you scooped a pile of goo out of a backed-up gutter, submerged a pair of electrodes into it, fed it a slurry of protein rich nutrients while sending jolts of ever-increasing voltages of electricity through until it demonstrated the most basic signs of what could technically be considered life, then immediately handed the pile of goo a video camera, it is impossible that it would make a worse movie than Rollergator.

Why is it so bad? Let’s start with the ultra cliched plot: The talking, purple, almost twelve year old alligator is on the run from the skateboard ninja who is employed by the evil carnival owner. We know, we’ve heard it a million times. But here’s where Rollergator differs from all the other talking animals the 90s gave us. Get this: he’s totally in your face. We’re talking x-treme with a capital X, ‘tude with a capital ‘. Does he rap? Please. You may as well ask if Poochie ever hitchhiked to the fireworks factory.

Standing in the way of Rollergator’s goal of endorsing every Blue Razzberry flavored product that 1996 had to offer is Joe Estevez. Joe is the villain, because he merely wants to put Rollergator in a cage, whereas the rest of humanity wants him destroyed in the quickest way possible. Joe thinks people will pay a pretty penny to see Rollergator quip at them. What he doesn’t realize is that nobody will be able to hear Rollergator’s quips because SOME HORRIBLE MUSICIAN IS PLAYING THE SAME AWFUL ACOUSTIC GUITAR RIFF OVER 98% OF THE MOVIE!!!

Shot on video without any fancy pants “microphones” or “lights” or “permits to record here”, Rollergator is truly something to behold. We’re not saying this is the worst movie we’ve ever done here at RiffTrax, but that’s only because we aren’t being asked to do so under penalty of perjury. Please join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Rollergator.

My Take:
Rollergator has an unforgettable soundtrack, no matter how hard you try. There's also an extremely annoying in-cohesive creature named Joe Estevez and also a slightly more charismatic rapping purple rollergator. Somehow Joe thinks people will pay to see the rollergator and that's the plot of the movie. The movie is bat-shit insane on a high level and the riffs are fantastic. Definitely a classic. Rembember, every time you see a power line: Drink!

"The Last Temptation of Slingshot"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 16, 2020, 02:38:11 PM
Yay yay! Fun in Balloonland!

Fun in Baloon Land is a divisive one between me and Tyrant. She reaches a breaking point where she just wants to strangle the daffy narrator and knife every one of the balloons. I become more and more delighted as it spirals further and further into madness. The guessing game that makes no sense! The narrator and her "nursery rhyme word salad!" Are marrying turkeys a thing? Beat the cold out of your children? This is ad-libbed right? Surely nobody wrote this stuff down in advance!

It's dickery-dock o'clock somewhere!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 16, 2020, 02:49:50 PM
Sorry, but Rollergator crosses the line for me. It's just way too annoying to watch. I prefer the incessant guitar noodling of Mesa of Lost Women.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 16, 2020, 04:19:11 PM
11 : Honor and Glory

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/HonorAndGlory_PosterA.jpg)

64 Points
4 of 13 Lists
#4 eegah


Rifftrax Promo

Honor and Glory - they’re not just Mike’s brand new knuckle tattoos, they’re the subject of this 90s martial arts movie that’s so magically inept it borders on the surreal. It’s like a child’s finger painting of what a big 90s action movie should be, except with much less innocence and way more hair grease, unmotivated rage, and “dime-store pimps” involved in major nuclear arms deals. In short, we really love this movie.

The story, as far as we can tell: two sisters, one an FBI agent (played by martial arts World Champion Cynthia Rothrock), the other a news reporter, both of whom are really into kicking and punching — don’t worry, they go out of their way to clarify which sister is Honor and which one is Glory — are out to take down the villainous Jason Slade. Jason Slade is the richest, most powerful man in the world, despite the fact he looks like a buff 14-year-old and does business from an office that an HR manager at a regional bottling plant would find insultingly small. On his side is the world’s greatest bodyguard, who is such a blatant imitation of Beverly Hills Cop-era Eddie Murphy you’ll find yourself waiting for that song to kick in every time he’s on screen.

All that, and so much more to love. We didn’t even mention the hammock-jumping! Treat yourself right, sit back with Mike, Kevin, and Bill and savor the glory that is, well, Honor and Glory!

My Take:
I couldn't tell this movie from a Bulgarian dildo. The movie's villian is so bad that he stands Ronald Reagan up for a prayer breakfast. And he drinks Heineken. It's actually a passable movie and I have a crush on the female lead (Not Cynthia Rothrock). There's some great riffing here that really elevates the fun. And don't go calling anyone Senator Sugar!

"So her secret information is public press conference?"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 16, 2020, 04:20:22 PM
The guessing game that makes no sense!


I reminds me of when I'm teaching and I realize there's a critical flaw in one of the lesson activities that just throws the whole thing into chaos with unclear instructions and a valiant but failed attempt to change horses mid-stream.  Only this lady has no sense of embarrassment or flop sweat, she just keep barrelling through to the next half-baked game that we actually aren't given time to play.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 16, 2020, 05:34:01 PM
10 : Twilight

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/TwilightWeb_0.jpg)

67 Points
3 of 13 Lists
#3 CJones


Rifftrax Promo

RiffTrax was caught up in the Twilight frenzy, and not surprisingly, given that we are staffed almost exclusively by 13-year-old girls. So when we heard rumors of the feature film—the whispers of John Goodman being cast as Edward were especially worrying—we sent so many texts beginning "OMG!!!1!!!!11!!" we nearly shut down our SMS service.

At the movie's premiere we were there among the throngs, shrieking with girlish glee when Robert Pattinson got out of his limo (it turns out we had mistakenly gone to the premiere of The Changeling and were actually shrieking for John Malkovich, but the point still stands.) And when it was finally released on DVD we ruined our first three copies by hugging them too much.

But we've overcome these obstacles to give you the best RiffTrax for a sparkly-emo-vampire film that we know how to make, and we say with as much humility as we can muster, that's a pretty darn good sparkly-emo-vampire RiffTrax! Turn off that Ashley Tisdale download, tell the clerk at Hot Topic you'll buy that hoodie later, and cozy up with Mike, Kevin and Bill for the mopiest RiffTrax ever!

My Take:
HOW MANY OF THESE MOVIES ARE THERE!!!!!1!!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: George-2.0 on January 16, 2020, 05:46:16 PM
10 : Twilight

My Take:
HOW MANY OF THESE MOVIES ARE THERE!!!!!1!!

Not enough man, not nearly enough.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Russoguru on January 16, 2020, 10:14:54 PM
Roller gator is a goddamn nightmare of a movie. I could totally see someone calling that the worst movie ever made and agreeing with them.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 16, 2020, 10:23:02 PM
That's what makes it so wonderful. I will take a insanely bad movie like that over a dreadfully boring one any day. Was a near miss for my list though. So was Honor and Glory, as much as I love it.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Russoguru on January 16, 2020, 10:36:05 PM
I understand where you’re coming from. For me though rollergator was the equivalent of the Ludovico technique to Alex DeLarge.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 16, 2020, 10:46:34 PM
I'm firmly in the, "It doesn't matter if the movie sucks as long as the riffs are funny" camp. I can't not enjoy Rollergator when the riffs are so good, and it provides a lot of great chances for great comedy.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 17, 2020, 05:08:41 AM
Honor and Glory completely won me over when a kung fu fight happened in the middle of a field piece by the subject of a previous story who just happens to know kung fu.  Over bad PR.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 17, 2020, 05:47:15 AM
Honor and Glory completely won me over when a kung fu fight happened in the middle of a field piece by the subject of a previous story who just happens to know kung fu.  Over bad PR.

...and then everyone walked away like nothing happened.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: stansimpson on January 17, 2020, 07:07:56 AM
Twilight is ranked #10? Wow. Thought that would be #1. Or at least Top 5.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 17, 2020, 08:19:17 AM
9 : The Room

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/TheRoomRedux_Poster.jpg)

70 Points
3 of 13 Lists
#2 Pak-Man


Rifftrax Promo

In 2015 we kicked off The Crappening by riffing The Room live! Due to a certain cast member who will remain nameless (OK, it’s the guy who says “Lisa looks hot tonight” during Johnny’s birthday party) we’re unable to release that live show on our site. But this studio MP3 of the live show is the next best thing!

Consider it a “Special Edition” MP3. Tons of all new jokes, fully riffed sex scenes, and Denny even shoots first! Just borrow a laugh track from Fuller House and you’ll feel like you’re watching it live!

Alley football, underwears, breast cancer, doggy, barbecue chicken rice, framed spoons: The Room has contributed so much to our culture, way more than suckers like Van Gogh or Thomas Pynchon. It is one of our all time favorite bad movies and this MP3 version is the definitive riffing! Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill-R for this studio MP3 of our The Room live show! Do it quickly, before Mark moves to a bigger place - word on the street is he’s making some pretty good money these days.

My Take:
You're tearing me apart Rifftrax! I really want to watch this riff, but I don't want to actually pay money for "The Room". And of course the movie pretty much riffs itself. Maybe Tommy Wiseau should be a guest riffer someday.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 17, 2020, 09:15:18 AM
Ah, Tommy Wiseau, you creepy creepy fucker. He has given the bad movie community such a memorable film. And the book about it and the movie of that book is quite fascinating too. But his 15 minutes of fame are uuuuup! Please go away.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 17, 2020, 09:32:55 AM
It really is Neil Breen's turn, anyways.

https://www.youtube.com/v/nD6gcqNEjvE
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 17, 2020, 11:21:32 AM
I've only ever seen The Room with the riff, the older one prior to the live revision, that's how I had shown the movie to friends. Just a classic riff, and while indeed the movie is prestigious in the funny bad movie world, that riff does help me having to face the film fully unprotected. Tommy is a legend, and Greg is pretty funny too. I've actually watched their newer film on purpose without riffs, Best F(r)iends, and was entertained by it's insanity. Haven't watched part two yet, and my friends oddly enough jumped off after only one half of the two film opus. And Tommy is also pretty funny in Samurai Cop 2.

But, even funnier than Tommy is the riffing by the champs here at rifftrax, who help protect us while we watch these quite possibly dangerously baffling filming.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 17, 2020, 02:09:36 PM
8 : The Guy from Harlem

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/Guy_From_Harlem_web.jpg)

85 Points
6 of 13 Lists
#2 Johnny Unusual



Rifftrax Promo
The Guy from Harlem is the first blaxploitation film we’ve ever riffed!

Why, you ask? To quote the temperamental yet ultimately quite sensitive gangster Harry De Bauld, a character you will grow to love as much as we do - “well, it’s...it’s kinda personal.” Okay it’s not actually personal at all, it’s just that the movie is really, really funny. It trades most of the sleaze, grime, and, well, exploitation that you expect from the genre for dopiness, sexual situations that fail to lead to actual sex, a clumsy confused sweetness, and more botched lines per minute than anything we’ve ever seen.

As you’d expect from the title, The Guy from Harlem is set entirely in Miami. The makers of Casablanca almost used the same approach, with early drafts titled The Dude from Somewhere Other Than Casablanca. It’s the story of private eye and titular Guy, Al Connors. Al’s a man with such a reputation that when it’s time to protect an African queen/princess/wife of a chief of state (her title changes pretty much every time it comes up) the CIA goes straight to his dingy shag-carpeted office and begs for help. Later, when gangster Harry De Bauld’s daughter is kidnapped by the sinister Big Daddy, and his own criminal organization is just “too upset!” about the whole thing to deal with the situation, where do you think he goes? That’s right. To the guy who’s the best at being from Harlem there is, baby.

Join Mike (what you say?), Kevin (that cat’s a bad duuuude), and Bill (get on down!) for The Guy from Harlem!

My Take:
There's two reasons why you watch this riff, TWO REASONS! And they're kind of personal. But this one is a classic riff. Our hero has power to sense burnt steak. The bad guy is someone that no one has ever seen, but everyone knows his most intimate details. The CIA hires the hero as a body guard because they're compromised somewhere and somehow. But the guy from Harlem has a secret hideout/shag pad: his girlfriend's apartment!

"I hope you like really tough burnt meat and shitty scotch!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 17, 2020, 02:38:13 PM
"What? Haven't you ever seen one of these? Get back in there!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 17, 2020, 03:13:58 PM
7 : The Happening

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/HappeningWebB.jpg)

90 Points
5 of 13 Lists
#2 George 2.0, #2 F-Zero


Rifftrax Promo

The Happening is a departure for director M. Night Shyamalan: he abandons his trademark conceit of the twist ending to tell a straight-forward tale of horror.  It's like going to a Gallagher show where he refuses to smash watermelons with a giant mallet.  The only difference is that Gallagher's comedy is grim and depressing and The Happening is hilarious.

Yes, the plants of the Northeastern United States are fed up with how we've been treating them and decide to simultaneously release a toxin that causes humanity to commit suicide in various comical ways.  Evidently this is something that is entirely scientifically valid, because a hot-dog obsessed lunatic says so at one point in time during the movie.  Mark Wahlberg baffles as a Lemon Drink-eyeing science teacher and the part of Zooey Deschanel is ably played by a Tarsier.  Mike, Kevin and Bill lend intentionally funny riffs to this masterpiece of unintentional comedy. (Unless there's some sort of real-life Happening, in which case they pre-emptively announce their allegiance to the plants.)

My Take:
Another one I haven't scene (Last one I promise!). I've vowed never to never see another M. Night Whatever movie after Lady in the Water almost killed me. This one looks like it has Mark Wahlberg trying to fight the wind or something. What I want to know is who pays the money to see this stuff in the theater when there's starving children in the world. Think about it, the price of one ticket could feed a starving 3rd world child for a month. Yet people would let a child starve in order to see a a M Night Shyamalan movie.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 17, 2020, 05:06:27 PM
I may have to retry The Happening. I'm pretty sure I've seen it. Though I may be thinking of the Quiptracks version.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 17, 2020, 05:24:20 PM
I've only ever seen The Room with the riff, the older one prior to the live revision...
That is the superior riff. I really don't understand why that's not available anymore.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 17, 2020, 05:25:40 PM
Twilight is ranked #10? Wow. Thought that would be #1. Or at least Top 5.
I'm surprised, too, albiet pleasantly.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 17, 2020, 06:10:29 PM
6 : A Talking Cat!?!

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/ATalkingCat_Poster_0.jpg)

103 Points
6 of 13 Lists
#2 Edward J Grug III


Rifftrax Promo

At long last, the movie with more punctuation than basic logical coherence, it’s A Talking Cat!?!

Who is the Cat who Talks? None other than Eric Roberts! Director David DeCoteau (who directed the movie under the alias Mary Crawford, can’t imagine why) famously admitted that Eric Roberts recorded all of his lines in 15 minutes in his own living room. Which you’d never believe, hearing him in the movie! Because it sounds much worse than that, like he’s speaking from inside a tin can deep in a garbage truck in another dimension. Or maybe Eric Roberts’ living room IS a tin can deep in a garbage truck in another dimension? We may never know.

There’s way too much good weird madness going on in A Talking Cat!?! to unpack in this blurb. But basically, he’s a cat sent by some mystic force with a magic collar that allows him to speak out loud, but only once to any given person, and always in a sarcastic tone of voice. He also thinks in a sarcastic tone of voice, like Garfield, but it takes a while to figure out when he’s talking and when he’s just thinking. Also, he’s there to set up a tech millionaire with a single mom who’s a caterer. Her catering business is apparently based 100% on her “top notch” cheese puffs. She’s all about cheese puffs, and you will never find a movie where the phrase “cheese puffs” comes up more often. Cheese puffs should honestly be mentioned in the title.

And that’s just the beginning. This dish of lasagna just gets weirder with every layer you pull back. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for this insane riff of A Talking Cat!?!, which they may or may not have recorded in Eric Roberts’ living room.

My Take:
I own this riff. I couldn't imagine even trying to get through this one without the riffs and several tens drinks of alcohol. As far as I can gather, there are several pretentious families whose problems can all be solved by Eric Roberts poorly recorded lines. Have you seen his IMDB page? Eric Roberts has like 100 projects in the pipe. Apparently people saw this and said, "I need that voice!"

"I feel like we should be drinking heavily"
"You're not?"

"Even John Arbuckle thinks this guy should grow a pair."
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 17, 2020, 06:11:20 PM
Stay Tuned for the exciting conclusion of this list tomorrow! (No Promises)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 17, 2020, 06:16:08 PM
The second musical interlude

https://www.youtube.com/v/R43dYg_Kuc0

https://www.youtube.com/v/70hmmKa9r2Y
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 18, 2020, 08:27:46 AM
"Guys, I've been starting to wonder. Were we too harsh on the Ice Cream Bunny?"

5 : Santa Clause and the Ice Cream Bunny

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/SantaAndBunnyLive2015_poster.jpg)

108 Points
6 of 13 Lists
#1 Edward J Grug III


Rifftrax Promo

“What a story!” This was the original studio tagline for Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. You will have to ignore, of course, that Santa & the Ice Cream Bunny barely contains a story, let alone a coherent thought. But you’ll be willing to let this pass, since it does contain pigs, gorilla suits, paper mache birds, soiled Santa costumes, pervy moles and, of course, an Ice Cream Bunny.

What is an Ice Cream Bunny? We’re not quite sure, and the movie doesn’t really bother to explain. Evidently he has a fire truck with an air raid siren, and lives at a place called Pirates World. We also know that we are strongly in favor of ceding all power to it and letting it enact whatever foul agenda it desires, just as long as it lets us take a ride through Pirates World in that sweet, sweet fire truck.

It’s one of the strangest and most baffling pieces of outsider art that Mike, Kevin and Bill have ever riffed. Please join us in experiencing: Santa & the Ice Cream Bunny.

My Take:
This riff comes in two distinct flavors. One has Thumbelina in the middle and other has Jack and the Beanstalk. I'm more familiar with the Jack version. The movie has Santa's sleigh being stuck in the sand. This dilemma lacks it's usual cheer. Not even kids and random zoo animals get the sleigh out, especially with Santa refusing to get out and help. The Jack and the Beanstalk short is hilarious as it contains violent yet democratic mobs and about five dollars worth of props.

"If you close your eyes this scene takes on a whole new meaning!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 18, 2020, 09:29:56 AM
Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny is a funny riff, but the "HURRR HURRR HURRR!" bit by Bill is one of the great Rifftrax moments.

And it inspired one of their very best songs:
https://www.youtube.com/v/oORPmu-05Uw
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 18, 2020, 09:56:07 AM
I prefer the Thumbelina version myself. It's the story of a girl who went to Pirate's World and spent entirely too long looking at a Thumbelina diorama.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 18, 2020, 11:06:57 AM
4: The Star Wars Holiday Special

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/StarWarsSpecial.jpg)

111 Points
6 of 13 Lists
#1 CJones #1 Russoguru


Rifftrax Promo

Have a Happy Life Day! And nothing kicks off a memorable Life Day quite so much as watching the legendary Star Wars Holiday Special receive a fully deserved Rifftrax parody treatment! Yes, all your favorite Wookies are here: there's Chewbacca, Malla, Itchy, Lumpy and Art Carney.

Tony Award Winner and Oscar nominated Diahann Carroll as a singing holographic prostitute who services Grandpa Itchy. And Bea Arthur stretches her talent by playing a woman. Not only that, there are commercials from 1978 that will come close to convincing you that "1978" is fairly synonymous with "Hell".

Because we taped ours off of the television set, and our NV-9300 doesn't have an "edit" function printed on one of its dozens of plastic piano key-style switches, we just left the commercials in there.

Bill, Mike, and Kevin make this the itchiest, lumpiest Life Day of them all!

My Take:
I was born in the early 80s. For the early part of my life the Holiday Special was some kind of far off hell that the elders sometimes spoke about in whispers. Some Star Wars trivia buffs knew that it had the first appearance of Boba Fett. Without the internet there was virtually no way of personally witnessing the horror. Then the dark times. Then Rifftrax can Youtube came to spread the terror across the land. The riffs are hilarious. I like the Jefferson Starship song and Diane Carrol singing to a horny wookiee, and Harvey Kormam trying. But seriously, who decided to make the first act grunting Wookiees! Did Art Carney even know where he was! Is there anything awesomer than Boba Fett riding a dinosaur?

Now when is Rifftrax going to do Caravan of Courage?

"Wow. Even in Modesto, is there really enough pot around to make this thing happen?"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 18, 2020, 11:09:33 AM
"Santa's Death Armada!"

The riff of the Holiday Special is awesome, and starts off great right away. The vintage commercials are perfect fodder too.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 18, 2020, 12:45:21 PM
"If that lands on the guy's body it'll be the first thing that gun ever hit"

The commercials are what really sells it for me though.  "Guys! Grapes and an Apple and... what the hell are you supposed to be, Tobacco?" I've often wondered that myself

Fun Fact: Flying High does have a Wikipedia page now.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Darth Geek on January 18, 2020, 01:19:12 PM


The commercials are what really sells it for me though.  "Guys! Grapes and an Apple and... what the hell are you supposed to be, Tobacco?" I've often wondered that myself

It'll be fun for approximately...3.7 seconds."
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 18, 2020, 02:42:47 PM
3: Samurai Cop

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/SamuraiCop_Poster.jpg)

111 Points
8 of 13 Lists
#2 eegah


Rifftrax Promo

The Samurai Cop is here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and he’s already infringed on enough movies and cliches so he’s just going to stop with that introduction right there.

Yes, the cop they call Samurai has travelled to Los Angeles from a faraway land they call San Diego. Because it would just make no sense to have the movie take place in San Diego, or to have the cop be from L.A. to start with. Or, y’know, Japan.

Why do they need the Samurai Cop in town? Because frankly, the chief was telling everybody how absurd his haircut was, and nobody would believe him, so he said “Look, I’ll have him come to town and you can see this damn thing for yourselves.” It is a work of art. If it seems like there’s a serious threat at any point in time, it’s going to leap off his head and start kicking ass on its own.

Samurai Cop is assigned a partner, whose main job appears to be mugging to the camera as the Samurai Cop punches people. Together, they’ve got to bust a gang whose stated goal is putting someone’s head on their piano. These villains are lead by Robert Z’dar, who will hopefully reinforce any piano he plans to put his own prodigious cranium on top of.

Decapitations, explosions, poorly subbed in stunt doubles, mangled dialogue, prominent lion heads, and unfortunate banana hammocks abound in this extremely eighties-y nineties movie. Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and Alfonso Rafael Federico Sebastian for Samurai Cop!

(https://thumbs.gfycat.com/BronzeExcitableFieldmouse-size_restricted.gif)

My Take:
Blue vans! Black gifts! Burn wards in random places! Samurai Cop is a movie about a Samurai Cop, or maybe a cop dealing with Samurai affairs. This movie is simply amazing for its utter disregard for cohesiveness and proper editing. Somehow it even got a sequel made. Let's face it, any riff with the word "Cop" in it is generally pretty good. I'm hoping for Maniac Cop (starring Robert Z'dar) willed be riffed next.

"We're going in folk!!! And we're coming out!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 18, 2020, 03:06:58 PM
He was trained by the masters in Japan by the way.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 18, 2020, 05:05:38 PM
He was trained by the masters in Japan by the way.

Masters of what?
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 18, 2020, 05:13:09 PM
He was trained by the masters in Japan by the way.

Masters of what?

Wig purchasing
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 18, 2020, 05:13:43 PM
2 : R.O.T.O.R.

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/ROTOR_WebA.jpg)

116 Points
6 of 13 Lists
#1 Pak-Man


Rifftrax Promo

R.O.T.O.R. could be described as The Room meets Cyborg Cop 2, and if that makes any sense to you at all then you know how excited we are about it!

It’s an embarrassment of riches, where to begin? Our hero Captain J.B. Coldyron, police robotics genius and ranch owner, whose dialogue was all dubbed by a different actor and written by a different species? The goofy office robot who somehow possesses more sophisticated intelligence than the dangerous “advanced” prototype on the loose, aka R.O.T.O.R.? Or what the acronym R.O.T.O.R. itself stands for: Robotic Officer of the Tactical Operations Research. Yes, the last word in the killer police robot’s name is Research, for some reason. Except later in the movie, when it suddenly stands for Reserve instead. Why? If you want an explanation, you’d better ask Shoeboogie, the wacky Native American janitor who loves to dance. Actually, don’t ask Shoeboogie anything, it’s probably best to avoid all eye contact with Shoeboogie.

Coldyron! Research! Shoeboogie! If you say those words real fast they kind of sound like a song, but they’re also three of the many reasons you should join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the wonder of wonders that is R.O.T.O.R.!

My Take:
One of my favorite riffs. This movie features the the best character to ever grace the silver screen: The Prophet Shoeboogie! I don't know where to begin with this movie. The skunk haired gym lady? There are cashiers in wood boxes with secret escape tunnels. It's all just amazing. It's definitely a must see riff.

"This was not a good idea!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 18, 2020, 05:41:41 PM
Sweet! I was actually getting worried that ROTOR hadn't shown up yet.

"How big is ROTOR? Sooo big!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 18, 2020, 07:27:49 PM
1 : Birdemic

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/BirdemicVOD_Poster.jpg)

212 Points
12 of 13 Lists
#1 F-Zero,  #1 Linszoid


Rifftrax Promo

Birdemic riffed by the stars of MST3K!  You asked for it, here it is!

Also check out our Birdemic Live Show riff here!

Birdemic: Shock and Terror is the story of a software salesman who founds his own solar energy company after cashing in his stock options. Where it differs from the countless other Hollywood tales of software salesmen who found their own solar energy companies after cashing in stock options is that occasionally birds attack and kill people.

Strong emphasis on occasionally, mind you. For while a less assured director might insist “I paid 12 dollars for these bird animations, and they’re gonna be on-screen for every frame dammit!”, Birdemic director James Nguyen instead chooses to focus on his characters. They eat meals, go to pumpkin festivals, hang out with their families, have themselves a party and every now and then make millions, buy Ferraris and date Victoria’s Secret cover models. You know, typical stuff.

The comic atmosphere is undercut, however, by the serious message Nguyen wants to impart onto the audience: the dangers of global warming. Trust us when we say that the only way that this sensitive issue could be handled more deftly is by anyone, anywhere, using any means.

Birdemic: Shock and Terror is what you’d get if the Ice Cream Bunny starred in The Happening as directed by Tommy Wiseau. Mike, Kevin and Bill invite you to join them for this must-see RiffTrax.

https://www.youtube.com/v/pxVs_Glpi7k

My Take:
The runaway winner with almost twice the points of the next entry. This is the movie that caused me to be skeptical of global warming and a believer in parking. slrpnls. Pumpkin festivals. Poorly animated birds and guys who hear lions. This movie is bat-shit insane at the highest level and the riffers take full advantage. The riff is definitely my hot Ferrari of riffs. If you haven't seen this then go see this. NOW!

Thank you all for hanging out with the family and joining me in counting down the greatest riffs of all time!

"What was peoples' complaints about this movie again?"
"The acting, dialogue, special effects, script, sound, and editing were really really terrible!"
"Yeah it's great isn't it? Brilliant!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: George-2.0 on January 18, 2020, 08:32:39 PM
Enjoyed it - thanks for hosting linszoid. I wonder if Russoguru was surprised by the #1?  ;)

Well, I knew I wouldn't contribute a lot (wound up with about 9), but here's the list, with a few notes on those that didn't make it.

1 Missile to the Moon
2 The Happening
3 Twilight: New Moon
4 Twilight
5 Buffalo Rider


6 Invasion of the Animal People - this is like an old-School MST3K episode. In that, you have a painfully bad B&W movie, hit with loads of funny reference style-riffing. Watch it with a short to add to the MST3K vibe and you got Heaven (wrapped in hell)

7 Cindy Goes to a Party - I like MJ & Bridget's, but Cole & Janet's was even funnier - the references - Bjork, Wes Anderson, Audrey Hepburn, Birdbox... just killer material

8 Day of the Animals
9 A Talking Cat

10 Act Your Age

11. The Cautious Twins - Frank and Trace, Sketchfest - Traces voice was shredded, but I wore earbuds and was able to pick up his lines. Half the fun was the audience absolutely losing their shit over the short and riffs.

12 Future Force
13 Amazing Mr. X
14 Twilight: Breaking Dawn pt 2

15 Magical Disappearing Money -  Bummer this didn't make it - it's a knock out classic to my mind.

16 Replica - Yes, this is my favorite from the director, even more than Birdemic

17 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
18 Sons of Hercules
19 Supersonic Man
20 Ghost - Janet & Cole
21 She - B&MJ
22 Beyond Christmas - B&MJ
23 Oblivion
24 Titanic
25 World Enough and Time
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 18, 2020, 08:40:42 PM
I think Supersonic Man definitely should've been on the list.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Russoguru on January 18, 2020, 09:37:15 PM
I got to admit I do feel like kind of an ass for leaving out Birdemic.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: stansimpson on January 18, 2020, 09:42:58 PM
Great list. I knew most of them. But R.O.T.O.R. is totally off my radar. Is really *that* good? Geez. Guess I'll be checking that out. Soon after I see Martial Law (I enjoy Cynthia Rothrock movies).
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 18, 2020, 10:11:02 PM
ROTOR is THAT good and my personal favorite. It's a bad movie in all the most enjoyable ways. It never drags. Every scene is jam-packed with pure uncut WTF.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 18, 2020, 10:11:53 PM
Great list. I knew most of them. But R.O.T.O.R. is totally off my radar. Is really *that* good? Geez. Guess I'll be checking that out. Soon after I see Martial Law (I enjoy Cynthia Rothrock movies).

ROTOR is definitely on my top tier of riffs.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on January 18, 2020, 10:14:29 PM
My list:

1   This is Hormel
2   drugs are like that
3   Fun in balloon land
4   Birdemic
5   setting up a room
6   Walking to school

         This one is amazing, 2 kids learn the rules for walking to school.  And their 100 mile trek to school goes through suburbia, mountains, downtown LA, overpasses, tunnels...

7   Avatar
8   Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
9   Wonderful World of Tupperware
10   Star Wars Holiday Special
11   3 magic words
12   One Got Fat
13   Cooking Terms
14   David and Hazel
15   buying food
16   Lemonade Stand
17   At Your Fingertips - Grasses
18   Your Chance To Live
19   Safe Living At School
20   People Soup
21   Starship Troopers
22   Color It Clean
23   Oh Boy Babies
24   Norman Krasner
25   Unto The Least Of These

 Helicopters chasing chickens, nuff said...
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Russoguru on January 18, 2020, 10:46:30 PM
Here’s my top 25!!
1.   The Star Wars holiday special
2.   ROTOR
3.   Battlefield Earth
4.   Star Trek: Generations
5.   Birdemic
6.   Jurassic Park
7.   Cool as Ice
8.   County Fair
9.   Improve your pronunciation
10.   Shake Hands with Danger
11.   Over the Top
12.   Drugs are like that, too
13.   Troll 2
14.   Norman Checks in
15.   Safety: Harm hides at home
16.   Top Gun
17.   Aesop’s frozen frolics
18.   Paper and I
19.   The Happening
20.   Julie and Jack
21.   Alien
22.   What about Juvenile Delinquency?
23.   Flash that smile
24.   Join hands let go
25.   Wonder Women
Hey!!! I did put Birdemic on my list!!!
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 19, 2020, 12:38:38 AM
My list hurts. A lot. But the riffing is top-tier on every one.

1. R.O.T.O.R.
2. The Room
3. Birdemic
4. Rollergator
5. Attack of the Super Monsters
6. Miami Connection
7. Cool as Ice
8. A Talking Cat!?!
9. Star Wars Holiday Special
10. Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
11. Setting Up a Room
12. Fun in Balloonland
13. Samurai Cop

14. House on Haunted Hill - The only respectable film on my list and it didn't make the top 50. I have a special fondness for this movie. It's goofy but it's got class.
15. Super Mario Bros. - Kind of surprised this one didn't make the cut. I'm really surprised Rifftrax hasn't ended up taking on more video game movies over the years. There are certainly a lot of contenders.
16. Welcome Back Norman
17. Rifftrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown

18. Measuring Man - A short with a dopey Superhero who comes to your house to teach you units of measurement. It's exactly the kind of short I love.
19. Drugs are Like That
20. The Wizard

21. Breaker, Breaker! - Chuck Norris infiltrates a corrupt, backwater town to rescue his brother, who was delivering some TV dinners. Roundhouse Kicks ensue.
22. To Catch a Yeti - I have a soft spot for kids movies gone horribly wrong, and it doesn't go much horribly wronger than having Meatloaf chasing a bad Yeti puppet.
23. Buffalo Rider
24. Shake Hands with Danger
25. Troll 2
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Pak-Man on January 19, 2020, 12:48:55 AM
And for my own reference: Movies from this list I still need to see:

Honor and Glory - I watched it this very night since the list completed and this is the highest-ranked one I've never seen. Holy inexplicable martial-arts scenes! This was an instant favorite.
Rock N' Roll Nightmare
Future Force
Hawk the Slayer
Day of the Animals
Megaforce (Which I hope becomes legally available again sometime...
Kingdom of the Spiders

Based on my fondness of 80s and 90s sci-fi/fantasy cheese, it looks like I have a number of treats ahead of me.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: stethacantus on January 19, 2020, 03:20:58 AM
#1 Overcoming Fear ( short )
#2 Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny
#3 Shake Hands With Danger ( short )
#4 Plan 9 From Outer Space
#5 Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer ( short 1948 )
#6 Welcome Back, Norman ( short )
#7 Reefer Madness
#8 Norman Checks In ( short  )
#9 The Magic Christmas Tree
#10 More Dangerous Than Dynamite ( short )
#11 Story Telling: Can You Tell It In Order ( short )
#12 The Guy From Harlem
#13 At Your Fingertips: Grass ( short )
#14 Highway Mania ( short )
#15 A Visit To Santa ( short )
#16 Mr Moto Takes a Walk ( short )
#17 Birdemic
#18 What Is Nothing? ( short )
#19 Galaxy Invader
#20 Ghosthouse
#21   Crater Lake Monster
#22  The House on Haunted Hill
#23  Carnival of Souls
#24  Planet of the Dinosaurs
#25  Swing Parade
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 19, 2020, 03:51:31 AM
The final list is pretty good. Many of the titles that weren't on my list are still ones that I like, and it reminded me about some of the other good riffs that I haven't watched in a while. There are some WTFs for me, though ("A Talking Cat!?!" and "Rollergator").

If I had to recommend just one riff from my list it would be "Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident". This is a great, corny spy movie starring Peter Graves. It is "Honor and Glory" levels of goofy, but the fight scenes are orders of magnitude worse. I would also like to give a shout out for Matt Elliott's riff of "Die Hard". It is one of our go-to riffs.

Here's my list:

1. Laser Mission
2. Samurai Cop
3. The Room
4. Honor and Glory
5. Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan ("Cooooommmmmmm!!!")
6. R.O.T.O.R.
7. Radical Jack ("He's, like, totally tubular")
8. Miami Connection
9. Time Chasers ("Jump!!")
10. The Guy from Harlem
11. Future Force
12. Ghosthouse
13. The Bourne Identity ("The squarest head in Hollywood")
14. Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident
15. Carnival of Souls (Live)
16. Casino Royale
17. Star Wars: A New Hope
18. Nightmare at Noon
19. Die Hard (MJE)
20. Birdemic
21. Firehead
22. High School Musical
23. Wonder Women
24. Sharknado
25. Mutant

These missed the cut:

26. Terminator 3
27. Brainiac
28. The Happening
29. Titanic
30. Supersonic Man
31. The Devil's Hand
32. Fist of Fury
33. Trucker's Woman
34. Jaws
35. Saw (Kevin and Bill)
36. Death Promise
37. McBain
38. Independence Day
39. Night of the Living Dead
40. Planet of the Apes (MJE)
41. Prisoners of the Lost Universe

I chose not to include shorts on my list because a good movie riff is many times as long as a good short, which presumably makes it "better". However, I decided to rank those separately anyway:

1. Improve Your Pronunciation ("Game. Set. Blanford!")
2. Self-Conscious Guy ("Boner City!")
3. Making Sense With Sentences ("I will end you!")
4. Seat Belts: The Life-Saving Habit
5. Measuring Man
6. Shake Hands With Danger
7. Safety: Harm Hides at Home
8. Magical Disappearing Money
9. The Calendar
10. Welcome Back, Norman
11. Cooking Terms
12. Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care of Your Own Things
13. Live and Learn
14. At Your Fingertips: Cylinders
15. Get That Job
16. Basic Job Skills: Handling Daily Problems
17. The Clean Club
18. Buying Food
19. At Your Fingertips: Grasses
20. Paper and I
21. This is Hormel
22. Good Health Practices
23. Dining Together
24. Your Chance to Live
25. Fashion Horizons
26. As We Like It
27. Library World
28. Setting Up a Room
29. A Visit to Santa
30. One Turkey, Two Turkey ("Turkeys hate kuzoos")

Edit: After a re-watching, I think "Story Telling: Can You Tell It In Order" and "Six Murderous Beliefs" may belong on my shorts list.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 19, 2020, 05:57:11 AM
Great list! Thanks for hosting Linszoid :) There are only a few I disagree with. I didn't particularly like Day of the Animals. Grizzly was a lot better. And Future Force was just okay for me. OTOH, Megaforce just barely missed being on my list. I hope they can put this back up someday.

1 Star Wars Holiday Special
2 The Empire Strikes Back
3 Twilight
4 Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
5 The Guy from Harlem
6 High School Musical
7 Star Wars: A New Hope
8 Battlefield Earth
9 Birdemic

10 The Wizard of Oz -- Sad this didn't make it. One of the best mp3 riffs "We don't work because we still believe in slavery"
11 Matrix Reloaded -- "He fell on his keys... to DEATH"
12 Attack of the Super Monsters
13 Setting Up a Room
14 Ghosthouse

15 Independence Day -- "Single payer health care, day one"
16 ROTOR
17 300
18 Samurai Cop
19 Kingdom of the Spiders

20 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets -- "Keep cheering! I don't remember a time when we weren't cheering!"
21 Titanic -- "Like the guy in the $3000 suit is going to jump in the water."
22 Voodoo Man -- "Gosh all fishhats OH I BLEW MY CATCHPHRASE!"
23 Death Promise -- This movie loves its boxes and bags of rats
24 Batman v Superman - The only part I thought was weak was Frank and Trace, strangely enough
25 One Got Fat -- Kinda surprised this didn't make it
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 19, 2020, 06:09:31 AM
Here's my re-watch list, based on the main list and people's individual lists:

Battlefield Earth
Troll 2
Daredevil
The Wizard
Hawk the Slayer
Story Telling: Get it in order
County Fair
Walking to School
Cautious Twins
Oh Boy Babies
Color It Clean
Lemonade Stand
David and Hazel
People Soup

Here are the riffs that, in retrospect, I regret not giving more love:

Fun in Balloonland
Drag Me to Hell
Cool As Ice
Wizard of Oz
Voodoo Man
Starship Troopers
Top Gun
Flash That Smile
What Is Nothing?
3 Magic Words
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 19, 2020, 08:00:41 AM
Some of my favorite riffs that were left off:

(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/ATOR_Poster.jpg) "Ator you naughty fighting eagle you!"
(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/PressurePoint_Poster_0.jpg) The guy is wielding a coke can, what more do you want? I mean besides at least two actors from Time Chasers.
(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/PlanetDinoWeb_0.jpg) Stupid characters and cheezy looking dinosaurs. What could be better?
(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/KillAndKillAgain_Poster.jpg) Martial arts movies are generally great fodder.
(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/posters/video/CyborgCop2_WebD.jpg) Features more fannie packs than every movie in the last 20 years
(https://www.rifftrax.com/sites/default/files/styles/poster_medium/public/images/posters/WonderfulLandofOz_Poster_0.jpg) If you liked the short in Santa Clause and the Ice Cream Bunny, then this is a must have. It's the same director using the same style.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: PsychoGoatee on January 19, 2020, 12:50:22 PM
Great countdown, nicely done! Here's to another thousand rifftrax, or maybe several thousand!

I haven't seen the ROTOR riff, will have to, but I have had a lot of fun watching that movie. What a B-movie cheese classic. Birdemic is mighty fine choice for #1 as well.


01. Starship Troopers
02. Aeon Flux
03. The Room
04. Rollergator
05. The Wizard
06. Future Force
07. Icebreaker
08. Paranormal Activity
09. The Happening
10. Battlefield Earth
11. Hawk the Slayer
12. Troll 2
13. Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
14. Top Gun
15. Honor and Glory
16. Transformers
17. Sharknado
18. Samurai Cop
19. Birdemic
20. To Catch a Yeti
21. Jaws
22. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
23. MegaForce
24. xXx
25. Tourist Trap
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 19, 2020, 01:09:32 PM
Great list Lins!  Thanks so much for doing it.

1.   Rifftrax Live: MST3k Reunion Show
2.   The Guy from Harlem
3.   Fun in Balloonland

4.   Night of the Shorts - SF Sketchfest 2016
5.   Night of the Shorts – SF Sketchfest 2015
6.   The Rifftrax Yulelog
7.   A Talking Cat!?!
8.   Julie and Jack
9.   Troll 2 (w/ Lowtax)
10.   The Star Wars Holiday Special
11.   Honor and Glory

12.   Tourist Trap
13.   Megaforce
14.   No Retreat, No Surrender
15.   Night of the Shorts - SF Sketchfest 2013
16.   Rifftrax Live: Birdemic
17.   Cool as Ice
18.   Shake Hands with Danger
19.   The Last Slumber Party
20.   The Creeps Machine
21.   Making Sense with Sentences
22.   Drugs are Like That
23.   Day of the Shorts: SF Sketchfest 2019
24.   Rock n Roll Nightmare
25.   Psycho II
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: George-2.0 on January 19, 2020, 02:33:21 PM
What this thread needs as a nice musical wrap-up, with a sad girl looking sad...

https://www.youtube.com/v/bgfQ-QZXtlc

Your welcome.

Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 19, 2020, 04:06:29 PM
24. xXx

xXx is my favorite Mike only riff. I love the running joke about everything exploding. "My stockpile of oily rags!", "My collection of old film stock!"
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 19, 2020, 04:12:28 PM
The correct answers:

1   Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
2   A Talking Cat!?!
3   Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
4   Birdemic

5   The House on Sorority Row
6   Contamination - I know this one is very new, but we really enjoyed it. Only one watch so far, but it's super fun, If you haven't got to it yet, check it out.
7   Day of the Animals
8   Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!

9   Road House - Did this really not make the list? Or did I miss marking it off. Bonkers!
10   Julie and Jack
11   Ruby - Sad to see there's not more love for this one.
12   Miami Connection
13   R.O.T.O.R.
14   Star Wars Holiday Special

15   The Apple - Another one I can't believe didn't make the list - I thought this was a Rifftrax classic!
16   Blood Theater - Another fairly new one - a super fun, super goofy movie.
17   Zombie: I Eat Your Skin - Same again. (These two were released back to back)
18   Samurai Cop
19   Terror at Tenkiller - I know this one is divisive, but we've watched it a bunch and love it.
20   Star Games
21   Cool as Ice
22   The Guy From Harlem
23   Fun in Balloon Land

24   Psycho II
25   Troll 2
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: eegah on January 19, 2020, 04:43:39 PM
6   Contamination - I know this one is very new, but we really enjoyed it. Only one watch so far, but it's super fun, If you haven't got to it yet, check it out.
17   Zombie: I Eat Your Skin - Same again. (These two were released back to back)
I loved these after the first viewing, but was hesitant to add them without multiple viewings.

11   Ruby - Sad to see there's not more love for this one.
My wife likes this one, but it annoys me for some reason.

16   Blood Theater - Another fairly new one - a super fun, super goofy movie.
We just rewatched this one. I thought it was definitely above average.

19   Terror at Tenkiller - I know this one is divisive, but we've watched it a bunch and love it.
I really like this one. I've seen it many times on PlutoTV. 
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 19, 2020, 04:48:30 PM
11   Ruby - Sad to see there's not more love for this one.
My wife likes this one, but it annoys me for some reason.

It's one of my wife's favourites too, which I think boosts my enjoyment of it. Rock n Roll Nightmare is her very favourite. She is always ready to rewatch that one.
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: linszoid on January 19, 2020, 04:54:36 PM
Where do you find wives that like Rifftrax?
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: Edward J Grug III on January 19, 2020, 05:28:29 PM
Where do you find wives that like Rifftrax?

Mine was into MST3K before we met (As was I) and we bonded over it - Given how hard it was to come by here, we experienced most of the episodes together for the first time well after the show was cancelled.

We watched the first Rifftrax together the day it launched (well, we tried to - that was before they figured out they needed to alter the speed for PAL viewers :D)
Title: Re: List of Crap #122: Best of Rifftrax!
Post by: CJones on January 19, 2020, 06:09:10 PM
5   The House on Sorority Row
15   The Apple - Another one I can't believe didn't make the list - I thought this was a Rifftrax classic!

And here I thought I was the only one who liked these. I considered both of them, but ultimately they didn't make my final list.