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RiffTrax Discussion => Individual RiffTrax Discussion => Eragon => Topic started by: SecretAgentSuperDragon on May 09, 2007, 07:57:45 PM

Title: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: SecretAgentSuperDragon on May 09, 2007, 07:57:45 PM
I learned that I still want to constantly garden Rachel Weisz even if she is a dragon.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Quicksilver on May 09, 2007, 08:20:43 PM
I watched this under the influence, but I learned that you can take five or so movies and mix them together into some sort of crap. called e-ragon.

Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: AmandaGal on May 09, 2007, 10:23:01 PM
Disembaudio should keep his day job...
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Indomitus on May 10, 2007, 06:52:32 AM
I learned that if a fatally-wounded dragon flings you wildly from its tail, you'll hit your target precisely, even if it's over 400 yards away and moving.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: SecretAgentSuperDragon on May 10, 2007, 06:58:04 AM
I learned that Rachel Ray is a universally disliked person over at rifftrax,

And I for one, am ecstatic!  :clap:
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Minnesota on May 10, 2007, 10:55:13 AM
We learned that it's always a good idea to keep a spare Dragon saddle around
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: countv on May 10, 2007, 02:31:34 PM
I learned that Disembaudio rocks like a hurricane.

Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Raven on May 10, 2007, 03:39:40 PM
I've learned a new reason they should riff on Robin Hood Prince of Thieves- so Dis can sing some Brian Adams.   
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Literate Dead on May 10, 2007, 07:22:45 PM
I learned that magic words are learned by instinct. No need to know what they mean or lead to, just string some words together and it'll do what you want. 'Cause it's, like... magic!
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Bob on May 10, 2007, 07:34:38 PM
I learned that no one watches the NHL playoffs.............
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Hobbit on May 11, 2007, 12:38:22 AM
I learned that directors and producers should never be trusted with a book.  This is about a 6 on the faithfulness scale, but about a 2 or so on execution.

Did you know that Arya's an elf, or that the Scottish guys are dwarves?  The movie also jerks around a lot.  I don't think it's truly terrible, but seriously, some better editing, smoother transitions, and a little more faithfulness to the book would have gone a long way.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: LadyKenobi on May 11, 2007, 10:27:30 AM
I learned that I no longer have to attempt to produce work of any originality in order to get a multi-book offer from Knopf with a movie option.  Good to know that all those advanced degrees and backbreaking creative processes are paying off.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Tony Farms AKA Puma Man on May 11, 2007, 02:19:56 PM
I learned that The Lord of the Rings can be copied almost exactly with no lawsuits.

~runs off to write The Lord of the Necklace~
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: SecretAgentSuperDragon on May 11, 2007, 03:08:23 PM
Beats to the punch with Lord of the Bracelets: The Covenant of the Bracelet
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Just Some Guy on May 11, 2007, 06:18:25 PM
I learned that The Lord of the Rings can be copied almost exactly with no lawsuits.

~runs off to write The Lord of the Necklace~
Already knew this from the works of Terry Brooks (substitute that name for 85% of post-LotR fantasy authors).

I have learned that rebels can have sixty mile long massive stone fortresses that are somehow hidden.

I learned that copying your story from other stronger copies of the metamyth has similar results to photocopying a photocopy.

I was aware that Arya's an elf, but considering that the film is already a bad rip-off of The Lord of the Rings they don't need to bring over any other elements that the kid lazily copied into his published fan-fiction.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on May 11, 2007, 08:10:01 PM
Seeing an elf trotting up on a horse had the same effect on me that seeing Jar Jar answer the door in Episode II did. I'm so goddamn sick of elves in S&C movies, though it may be unreasonable of me to expect the writer/author to think up new races instead of flipping through his Dungeons and Dragons player's handbook.

More to the point, I learned that conquering overlords will keep their dragon in the closet behind a curtain until needed.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Just Some Guy on May 12, 2007, 03:29:29 AM
Seeing an elf trotting up on a horse had the same effect on me that seeing Jar Jar answer the door in Episode II did. I'm so goddamn sick of elves in S&C movies, though it may be unreasonable of me to expect the writer/author to think up new races instead of flipping through his Dungeons and Dragons player's handbook.
At this point I consider the existence of Elves, Dwarves, and/or Orcs as a distinct species in fantasy works a sign that the author is a hack and their work is not worth my time (exceptions being made for people actually working with Norse mythology or if the elves are faeries likely to replace your head with a donkey's just for the fun of it).
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on May 12, 2007, 08:36:55 AM
I've learned that in the world of Eragon, "simple, yet functional" applies to weapons that are rediculously impractical and covered in perfunctory spikes, hooks and other doo-dads that can't possibly serve a purpose.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Tony Farms AKA Puma Man on May 12, 2007, 12:12:20 PM
I learned that a film with two Oscar winners, and two Oscar nominees can still suck donkey balls.

I learned that John Malkovich should've accepted his paycheck with a mask and gun for his appearance in this flick
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Principal_Skin-trade on May 12, 2007, 12:40:48 PM
I've learned that Mike Nelson should lay off the Rachel Ray jokes, just as Overdrawn at the memory bank should lay off the constant anteater hatred.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: AmandaGal on May 12, 2007, 12:43:35 PM
(http://userpic.livejournal.com/37046317/1271644)
http://community.livejournal.com/rachael_ray_sux/
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: SecretAgentSuperDragon on May 12, 2007, 01:14:12 PM
YES! Awesome picture. Screw Rachael Ray, the fat little piggy. >:D
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: starfighter on May 12, 2007, 03:10:24 PM
    I learned that some horses get no credit for speed.  How the hell did Irons' horse stay so close behind a flying dragon at full speed?  I'll allow that in the training session that the dragon may have been circling around but when they go to rescue Arya the horse should have been left far behind.
   Or is it just a mistake to wish this movie made sense somewhere?
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: SecretAgentSuperDragon on May 12, 2007, 04:15:04 PM
Yeah. Everyone knows dragons fly at a top speed of 110 mph. It's in Nat. Geographic. Look it up.  ::)

 ;D
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Principal_Skin-trade on May 12, 2007, 06:07:08 PM
YES! Awesome picture. Screw Rachael Ray, the fat little piggy. >:D
LAY OFF THE ANTEATERS!
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Tyrant on May 13, 2007, 11:37:58 AM

  I learned that in any bad movie using lots of horses, the horses always wind up being the best actors in the whole thing.

 

  P.S. I actually learned that after watching Bloodrayne, but I figured it applied here as well.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Pak-Man on May 13, 2007, 04:21:57 PM
I learned that it's impossible to make a good dragon movie.

And I learned that Disembaudio can rock it like nobody's business. :^)
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Ortega on May 14, 2007, 01:36:42 AM
ive learned that even academy award winners and shakesperian trained actors still have gambling debts that need to get paid of ASAP!
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: DoctorZ on May 14, 2007, 10:08:08 AM
I learned that you save lots of CGI bucks by not moving mouth parts.  (I would have paid DOUBLE the theater asking price if they had John Cleese do the Dragon's voice in his fake female voice he did on Monty Python)

Disembodio needs to do his own Exotica Album.  I'll buy it.   Should work great when I want the party to end and everyone to leave.  ;D
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: eclipt1c on May 14, 2007, 09:34:36 PM
I learned that it's impossible to make a good dragon movie.

And I learned that Disembaudio can rock it like nobody's business. :^)

Dragonslayer?  Eh, I guess I'm just biased towards that movie.

But what about the animated Hobbit? [/sarcasm]
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Ranika on May 15, 2007, 01:59:58 AM
I learned CGI could move me to tears by the sheer pain it can cause. And good merciful Mary I cannot withstand the voices. A dragon should not sound like my friend's mother. Lest that scaley weird freak is making lemon biscuits and barging in at inopportune times during extended guitar riffs from the damn metal music she hates so much solely to bitch in her whiny voice, she'd better sound like some large horrifying hell beast, and not some frumpy bitty.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Quicksilver on May 15, 2007, 05:33:36 AM
oh eragon would you like some lady fingers with you tea?
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: MarkAndrew on May 15, 2007, 03:25:18 PM
Supporting characters shouldn't be able to overshadow your protagonist.
CGI shouldn't be allowed to overshadow your protagonist.
Your protagonist, in short, shouldn't be a forgettable puss.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Goshzilla on May 17, 2007, 02:45:46 PM
I learned that just because someone was 16 and published a book, doesn't mean that  the final product is worth anything.

Learned that dragon eggs come in a special coated shell to lock in the freshness.

Not exactly sure how dragons are supposed to reproduce.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: mrbasehart on May 18, 2007, 07:51:15 PM
I learned that even the major evil King of the movie didn't know it was a dragon's egg: "I suffer for my stone"
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Bob on May 18, 2007, 07:54:07 PM
I learned that this movie REALLY is hoping for a sequel.   REALLY BADLY.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: SecretAgentSuperDragon on May 18, 2007, 09:37:31 PM
They might get it. Fantastic Four 2, anyone?
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Hobbit on May 18, 2007, 11:08:50 PM
I learned that even the major evil King of the movie didn't know it was a dragon's egg: "I suffer for my stone"

That hurt me a little inside.  In the book, Galbatorix was like the Emporer from the first Star Wars.  He was talked about, but never seen.  He was just some far-away person guiding things, and the book covered his history, but nothing about what he was doing during the other events of the book.  You knew that the king sent people after Eragon because people showed up and tried to kill Eragon, and it was assumed that the king sent them.  This means that anyone who didn't know the premise of the book would have to figure out on their own that it was a dragon egg, though after hearing the history of the riders (which came later in the book than in the movie), it was pretty obvious what it was.

The movie, on the other hand, wanted to not let the audience know it was an egg, because it assumed the audience was stupid.  However, it also wanted to show John Malkovich being John Malkovich, because it was stupid.  Therefore, it had it call the thing a 'stone.'

P.S.  In the book, Glaxo-Smith Klein knew exactly what the "stone" was.  It was one of four (or maybe five) that he had and had been trying to coax into opening for many years, but to no avail.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 19, 2007, 08:58:41 PM
I learned that even if you make a weak, derivative fantasy novel, it can still be made into a weaker, more derivative, horribly butchered fantasy movie.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 19, 2007, 09:20:31 PM
I lurned that when you have horned Urgals and insectoid Razaks, you don't actually need prosthetics or special effects for your enemies, because random tatooed sweaty guys will be accepted as any kind of evil humanoid race.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: eegah on May 25, 2007, 10:16:23 PM
I learned that dragon armor completely changes appearance when you actually put it on a dragon.

For instance, a helmet that covers the entire head except for eye-holes suddenly becomes a smaller helmet that only covers the top and sides of the head.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Quicksilver on May 27, 2007, 09:51:00 PM
I learned that dragon armor completely changes appearance when you actually put it on a dragon.

For instance, a helmet that covers the entire head except for eye-holes suddenly becomes a smaller helmet that only covers the top and sides of the head.

shape shifting armor is no new ting. more than meets the eye. 
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: hare.29 on June 07, 2007, 08:57:18 AM
I learned that this movie REALLY is hoping for a sequel.   REALLY BADLY.

f-ragon?
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Hazzah on June 25, 2007, 06:38:28 PM
Rachel Weisz makes dragons even hotter.....rowr
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: jetjaguar15 on July 04, 2007, 02:49:45 PM
I learned DISEMBAUDIO can sing better than celine dion 
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: anais.jude on July 05, 2007, 12:42:58 PM
I learned that if a creature is so not orclike it shouldn't even be reffered to as "not orc", that begby is the poor man's snape, and kevin murphy likes his woman sweaty and in leather.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Pak-Man on July 06, 2007, 03:03:47 AM
I learned DISEMBAUDIO can sing better than celine dion 

OK. NOW we have a darn good reason to root for that Titanic Rifftrax. :^)
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: BBQ Platypus on August 02, 2007, 12:22:10 AM
I learned...absolutely nothing that I couldn't have learned from any of the countless other, better movies that this movie stole from.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Hebs on August 02, 2007, 08:08:54 AM
That every time I see a giant blue melon... I will expect a dragon baby to hatch and form a magical but creepy blood-bond with me.

And burn my hand.
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Gibborino on October 03, 2007, 08:43:27 PM
YES! Awesome picture. Screw Rachael Ray, the fat little piggy. >:D

Leave Robert Denby alone!
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: Gibborino on October 03, 2007, 08:45:21 PM
I learned that if you put face paint on a bunch of fat, bald guys, you can make yourselves some "budget Orcs".
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: kodiakthejuggler on March 31, 2008, 08:46:13 AM
I've learned that dragons should NEVER sound like pretty English actresses.

I've learned that you hire John Malkovich when you want someone to play the part of John Malkovich.

I've learned that Christopher Paolini is an EXCEPTIONAL author.   ???
Title: Re: What have we Dragon-rider-watchers learned?
Post by: MST3Kgirl on September 25, 2008, 08:43:01 PM
practicing evil over a short period of time will cause your teeth to go black and your mouth to look like you've eaten ding dongs & heroin.