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RiffTrax Discussion => Individual RiffTrax Discussion => xXx => Topic started by: Ivan Druzhkov on September 18, 2006, 11:41:02 AM

Title: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Ivan Druzhkov on September 18, 2006, 11:41:02 AM
Reading the thread on anarchists got me thinking about the myriad others XXX offended through its idioicy.  To that end, I have started to compile a short list of the bereaved, complete with a short explanation why.

The Czechs - Their country was depicted as a mix of slums and garish clubs, and the one "Czech" character in the film was both inept AND a turncoat.

The Russians - I'm pretty sure Yorgi was Russian (at least, that's the language he was speaking), so another apology is required for the 13,721 depiction of Russians as evil by Hollywood. (counter running since 1951)

Russian Viral Biologists - You don't seriously think a real ex-Soviet biologist wouldn't have a backup plan in case his employer tried to kill him?  If they're working for scum, you can bet they have a way to cover their ass and get their money.

White Men - We're not all like wanna-Q, and I quite frankly found his potrayal of a white guy offensive to both my race and gender, which is white and male.  We've had it hard enough what with running the planet and oppressing everyone, and now this?  For shame!

Gamers - I resent the implication that all video gamers are head-shaving numbnuts who destroy the cars of congressmen and skateboard all the time.  Many of us are pale, timid people who, through a tragic fault of all are own, do not have any muscle tissue at all.  Have you no decency, sirs?

Mike Nelson - You think he wanted to sit through this six times?  No!  He did solely out of the need to feed his family, and now his emotional scars are on your heads, filmmakers!

Well, is there anyone else who should go on this tally of the bereaved and humiliated?
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Mrbnatural on September 20, 2006, 02:08:14 PM
I think "everyone, everywhere" covers it quite nicely.
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Joe Don Faker on September 20, 2006, 02:20:21 PM
Ha ha, nice list.

Let's add waitresses everywhere, due to Vin Diesel's tyrannical insistence on what footwear is "believable" for them to own.  For that you are a heel, buster brown!
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Rube_Maroon on September 20, 2006, 02:44:58 PM
Did Mike really watch Xxx six times?
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Joe Don Faker on September 20, 2006, 02:56:27 PM
He watched it xXx, where x=the square root of 6.
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: gammer on September 21, 2006, 06:11:29 PM
Dont forget bald people.

Like me (http://www3.sympatico.ca/inch77/mst3k.htm)  >:(
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: SmilinJackRoss on September 22, 2006, 11:09:28 AM
The Russians - I'm pretty sure Yorgi was Russian (at least, that's the language he was speaking), so another apology is required for the 13,721 depiction of Russians as evil by Hollywood. (counter running since 1951)

C'mon, we all know that if you're Russian, and a scientist, you're inherently evil.  It comes with the job...

Just look at the average college transcript of a Russian scientist:
Malevolent Bomb Making 101
Sneaking Plutonium Out Of Offical Government Buildings 275
Genetics and You: Destroying Human DNA (I think this is BIO 304)
Underground Cash Laundering 290 (lab + lecture)
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: King Rygar on October 16, 2006, 06:31:34 AM
I think an apology is owed to the people who like this movie and were not automatically killed. Thank you.  ;)
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: BBQ Platypus on November 03, 2006, 04:43:14 AM
Reading the thread on anarchists got me thinking about the myriad others XXX offended through its idioicy.  To that end, I have started to compile a short list of the bereaved, complete with a short explanation why.

The Czechs - Their country was depicted as a mix of slums and garish clubs, and the one "Czech" character in the film was both inept AND a turncoat.

The Russians - I'm pretty sure Yorgi was Russian (at least, that's the language he was speaking), so another apology is required for the 13,721 depiction of Russians as evil by Hollywood. (counter running since 1951)

Russian Viral Biologists - You don't seriously think a real ex-Soviet biologist wouldn't have a backup plan in case his employer tried to kill him?  If they're working for scum, you can bet they have a way to cover their ass and get their money.

White Men - We're not all like wanna-Q, and I quite frankly found his potrayal of a white guy offensive to both my race and gender, which is white and male.  We've had it hard enough what with running the planet and oppressing everyone, and now this?  For shame!

Gamers - I resent the implication that all video gamers are head-shaving numbnuts who destroy the cars of congressmen and skateboard all the time.  Many of us are pale, timid people who, through a tragic fault of all are own, do not have any muscle tissue at all.  Have you no decency, sirs?

Mike Nelson - You think he wanted to sit through this six times?  No!  He did solely out of the need to feed his family, and now his emotional scars are on your heads, filmmakers!

Well, is there anyone else who should go on this tally of the bereaved and humiliated?

Hmm...you forgot these two:

- Physicists: To them, this movie must have been PURE TORTURE.
- The Laws of Physics:  The makers of this movie should also apologize to the laws of physics themselves, for violating them to the point of rape.  They should still press charges, though.
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: AvestheFox on November 04, 2006, 01:10:06 AM

Hmm...you forgot these two:

- Physicists: To them, this movie must have been PURE TORTURE.
- The Laws of Physics:  The makers of this movie should also apologize to the laws of physics themselves, for violating them to the point of rape.  They should still press charges, though.

Naturally every bad film owes an apology to the Laws of physics.. dont you dare make me bring up Puma Man!
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Rufus T on November 06, 2006, 09:49:33 AM
Puma Man! That's one of my favorite episodes. "I'm confused, now I'm happy."
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Toby Danger on January 03, 2007, 05:37:47 PM
The NSA deserve an apology for being portrayed as complete idiots. Seriously, how hard would it have been (and less expensive than hunting down some felons and dumping them in a Colombian drug cartel) to just train an agent in how to blend in with Anarchy 99? It's not like acting like a drunken, hard-partying twat is hard to do, is it? And what was the ponit of testing Xander when all he ever had to do was hang with Yorgi and Co and ply them for secrets.

Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: mrbasehart on January 03, 2007, 06:02:04 PM
Daniel Craig would kick the crap out of Xander Cage.
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Cosmic Muse on January 25, 2007, 09:32:58 AM
I really would love to see what Mike would do with xXx: Stateof the Union.
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Svengoolie on March 07, 2007, 10:29:53 AM
XD.  It's such a stereotypical movie.  Watching it with Rifftrax made it even better.

This is the kinda stuff I want Mike to do more of.  Bad mainstream movies.
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: kodiakthejuggler on March 07, 2007, 10:55:08 AM
Daniel Craig would kick the crap out of Xander Cage.

Correction: Daniel Craig's James Bond would kick the crap out of Xander Cage, but not so easily. It would be a decent fight. Xander's got plenty of brute strength and agility.

Daniel Craig vs. Vin Diesel, on the other hand...
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Svengoolie on March 08, 2007, 12:48:31 PM
Casino Royale might as well have been called XXX 3.... the James Bond franchise is now ruined because of it.
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: sarcasm_made_Easy on March 08, 2007, 12:52:34 PM
Quote
Correction: Daniel Craig's James Bond would kick the crap out of Xander Cage, but not so easily. It would be a decent fight. Xander's got plenty of brute strength and agility.

Malarky, daniel craig james bond would destroy xander.  It would look essentially like the opening sequence of casino royale.  One bullet to the head as xander tries to think up some dumb one liner. 

Quote
Casino Royale might as well have been called XXX 3.... the James Bond franchise is now ruined because of it.

no casino breathed life into a corpse of a franchise that had been left to rot by hollywoods gutting, the only reason you dont think it looks like a proper bond film is because we once again see the healthy glow as blood flows back into it. 
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Svengoolie on March 08, 2007, 06:21:38 PM
I dont... know what you mean by that comment, but no it was terrible.  James Bond flicks have been my favorite for years, and I'm extremely pissed because of this new movie.  They claim that it's truthful to the book and it goes back to how Bond originally was.  O rly?  Well I've read the book, and hardly ANYTHING is the same.  They even changed the centerpoint of the film (Baccarat) to bloody Texas Hold 'Em because that's what's trendy now!  And it's funny, but I remember the original Bond being a wise cracking ladies man, not an asshole that nobody would like... with a waxed chest. 
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: sarcasm_made_Easy on March 08, 2007, 06:26:22 PM
i just cant agree, not after the invisible car and all the other NONSPY crap they had in some of the recent movies.  The dialague was spot on, crisp and interesting, the action was interesting, and the gritty new look was fun to watch without being overly hard to watch.  the new bond did more with a cell phone than most people can do with a lab. 
Title: Re: Who Else Deserves An Apology for XXX?
Post by: Hobbit on April 24, 2007, 08:05:21 AM
On Casino Royale, my favorite Bond film that doesn't star Sean Connery.

1)  Even though he trusted and fell for a woman, we have to remember that this was Bond learning to be what he is in most of the movies, and that is, a love 'em and leave 'em guy.  I thought it was interesting to see the transformation.

2)  Yeah, it's updated for modern audiences.  I'm not enough of a book snob to care if they change the type of poker rules they're using, so long as it's still played with an actual deck of cards.  Also, I have no clue what the rules of Baccarat are, and it helps to be able to know what's going on.  On the other hand, I don't live under a rock, so I know (sorta) how to play Texas Hold 'Em.

3)  Bond in this movie is more Bond-like than anybody since Sean Connery.  He doesn't smile.  He's smoothe.  The whole thing isn't tongue-in-cheek.  He's clever.  He's tough.  I, for one, was happy to see that the movie involved some, you know, spying, rather than centering around a ludicrous end fight sequence.  While I still enjoyed the Brosnan Bonds, they share more with xXx than with the Connery Bonds.  This one returns to its roots.

If you're a book snob, admit it, and learn to live with the fact that you will never enjoy a movie based on a book you have read.  It's a hard life, but the sooner you admit it, the better.