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General Discussion => General (Off-Topic) Discussion => Topic started by: Miku Fan on July 24, 2015, 03:22:12 PM

Title: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 24, 2015, 03:22:12 PM
Are you neurotic? Sure, we all do!   :P

We have a thread for acute psychological distress, where help is needed.  But, sometimes, we aren't in a crisis, and just want t discuss psychological issues.  So, I decided to create this thread, so that we don't clog the "Distress: help!"  thread with posts that are of a general nature. This is also a good place to discuss things of a chronic nature.

So, if you have a problem or issue of a psychological/emotional nature, that doesn't fit in the "Acute psychological distress: help needed" thread, feel free to post here. 

Disclaimer: You'll be sharing your thoughts with and receiving feedback from other posters in a non-professional setting.  This is not a replacement for therapy or medications.  However, it can be therapeutic!

Go nuts!
   Express yourself!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on July 24, 2015, 03:30:55 PM
Like calling a radio attorney to get marginal legal advice only for him to just tell you that you have no case?
Perfect! Now I need some psycho-anal-ysis :speechless:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 24, 2015, 03:32:34 PM
Or being charged 5,000 bucks for a social security lawyer that doesn't even show up for your case, and gets paid anyway?  Yeah, that still burns my ass after 6 years. :angry:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on July 24, 2015, 03:34:25 PM
Or being charged 5,000 bucks for a social security lawyer that doesn't even show up for your case, and gets paid anyway?  Yeah, that still burns my ass after 6 years. :angry:
That really happened ???
He should have been reported to the state bar for Abandonment :o
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 24, 2015, 03:42:00 PM
Well, I was crazy back then.  :o   OK, "crazier."   :speechless:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on July 24, 2015, 07:05:41 PM
I'm very, VERY lucky I didn't need a lawyer for my case. I did have to work very hard to get all the necessary medical records together though. That was very stressful, very time-consuming, and very tedious.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 24, 2015, 08:18:59 PM
I should rename this, "The worthless legal advice" thread.  ;D

I don't know how you got approved without a lawyer, Soguru, but I am glad you did.  :highfive:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on July 24, 2015, 08:36:18 PM
I should rename this, "The worthless legal advice" thread.  ;D
I don't know how you got approved without a lawyer, Soguru, but I am glad you did.  :highfive:
They're actually still reviewing it. There's a final stage called quality review.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 24, 2015, 08:42:41 PM
Are you asking for Social Security Disability? (SSDI) or something else?  I had three years of submitting medical reports and being told "You have failed to prove your case."  Finally went to an Administrative Law Judge who approved me retroactively to 1988.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on July 25, 2015, 09:37:27 AM
Are you asking for Social Security Disability? (SSDI) or something else?  I had three years of submitting medical reports and being told "You have failed to prove your case."  Finally went to an Administrative Law Judge who approved me retroactively to 1988.
It's just SSI. I don't know how their system works. But I'll just have to wait and see, still waiting on that final, final decision.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on July 26, 2015, 08:55:07 PM
Every night, I feel like crying around 8 pm. EVERY night. I start feeling horrible. I just keep running out of things to do... videos to watch, nothing I used to do interests me any more. I'll occasionally work on a Pokemon team, or play a little Smash, but things just keep... idk. I'm still kind of depressed about Bas not being here. I mean, I'll be seeing him this fall... and if I don't then I don't know what I'll do. I'm not sure I'll be able to take it. Everything is weighing so heavily on me lately. I'm tired. So tired. I don't sleep more than 5 hours a night any more. I'm eating too much, and horrible food. I'm bordering on that 200 mark again, and if I hit that I think it'll really hurt.

I've also been really obsessed with the idea of marrying Bas lately, and starting a family and all that fun stuff. I don't know why. It's just stuck in my head and won't get out.

Every one of my old friends haunts me now. Constantly, I have thoughts of them running around my head. I'm trying anything to get them out, but they're persistent. Everything hurts.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 27, 2015, 03:56:42 AM
I don't know where you live, but if it's safe, maybe 8 p.m. would be a good time to exercise, Just strolling, if nothing else. 

Or maybe try meditating at 8pm- creative visualization, that sort of thing.  Your brain and spirit need a break from the constant negative voice that tries to drag you down.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on July 27, 2015, 07:34:46 AM
I managed to stay up until Bas was awake. Then we got on skype and he stayed with me till I fell asleep. So comforting.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on July 27, 2015, 09:26:07 AM
That does sound really nice.  Nice to have a moment like that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on July 27, 2015, 12:45:18 PM
From the Random Thoughts Thread:

I had a lengthier response to this, but my computer froze and there was no way to save it.  I simply don't have the capacity to try to recreate it.

I feel like I should point out a few things:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Also I need to add:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I did not mean anything I wrote to be critical.  My responses were based solely on what you'd written.

With your comment '4', people using terms like "lazy" are the opposite of helpful.  That is one of the most DEmotivating comments that can be made to someone who is overweight, and result in additional emotional responses that can feed into binging and exercise avoidance.

In response to the term 'lazy': first, people who have made attempts at change are not lazy.  People with psychological difficulties are almost never lazy (generally they have too much going on inside and are often, at best, mentally exhausted from it to the exclusion of other actions).  In addition, when food is involved, there are a large number of biological components to food addictions (e.g. sugar/corn/wheat) that often trump the psychological functioning of people without psych difficulties.

If your yo-yo dieting is related to sugar (or wheat or corn - which behave the same as sugar in the body, but with additional problems), then I might suggest this book: The Sugar Impact Diet (http://www.amazon.com/JJ-Virgins-Sugar-Impact-Diet/dp/1455577847), in which she discusses how to phase out sugar, as she points out that going cold turkey on sugar is next to impossible, given the way human biology works.

What I've written on the forum about nutrition and exercise is what I have synthesized from watching over 100 hours of health presentations by specialists in assorted medical and medically-related fields.  It sounds different from what most people say because it is based on the most up-to-date scientific research.  Does everything I've ever written apply to everyone?  No.  Nothing does.  But from the large degree of overlap between what various medical professionals have said, apparently it does apply to the majority of people most of the time, so I believe it is worth trying.  Otherwise I wouldn't spend the time describing it, and describing it in enough detail so that it can be seen it isn't just the adoption of a bit of 'common knowledge' that doesn't happen to be true (e.g. the food pyramid was created by companies with a vested interest in getting people to eat their products like grains and dairy; the 'eat less and exercise more' idea that simply does not work and is actually problematic for people whose biology has been adversely affected by everything from their microbiome being devastated by antibiotics to autoimmune thyroid problems to the simple truth of poisons in the food they eat; etc.).  [Seriously: look up the FDA and GRAS regulations, it is horrifying how little the FDA protects the food you eat from completely untested chemicals.]


I really don't want to get into a debate about if I am addicted to one kind of food because I am not. I am addicted to numbing myself with any and all foods. I was trained from a very young age to eat and eat a lot (thanks DAD  :grr:), and if you asked me to remove one type of food, then I would just end the day doing some sort of d r u g anyway, so it's the psych issues that are my biggest obstacle.

Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on July 27, 2015, 01:29:33 PM
First, Miku Fan, good idea to start a non-crisis thread for psych discussions.

From the Random Thoughts Thread:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)


I really don't want to get into a debate about if I am addicted to one kind of food because I am not. I am addicted to numbing myself with any and all foods. I was trained from a very young age to eat and eat a lot (thanks DAD  :grr:), and if you asked me to remove one type of food, then I would just end the day doing some sort of d r u g anyway, so it's the psych issues that are my biggest obstacle.

Understood.  With the comment I made, I was saying "if" you had food addictions.  With eating a lot (per your father, I'm guessing either a "clean your plate" person, or taught it by example), if you change what you eat, you weight will still be massively impacted by it (i.e. eating bunches of organic veggies will not result in weight gain, but in weight loss).  And the key - as many health presenters pointed out, is not removing foods, but substituting different ones, ones that are healthier.  That is what the JJ Virgin 'Sugar Impact Diet' is about: substitution of healthier foods for foods that are damaging or problematic.

Veggies with a lot of healthy fat on them [coconut oil, ghee, etc.] are very filling, and - with the healthy fats - satisfying and healthy.  Fried foods, or prepackaged foods stable at room temp, are neither (both because they are nutritionally void, and because they have massive omega-6 oils which are whole-body inflammatory).

I think one of the things that may be most helpful about the sources I referred to is that they normalize a fair number of reactions, so that one doesn't feel as guilty about them.  That reduces the psychological burden that you have to dig out from under in order to feel able to make progress.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on July 27, 2015, 01:37:21 PM
No, it wasn't a clean your plate thing. It was a "I'm in a bad mood and all I want to do is eat and I am going to encourage you to eat way more than you should and then when I feel fat I am going to yell at you for also being fat even though neither I nor your mother ever bothered to teach you how to eat to live and not live to eat."

I don't know. I'm sorry I brought the whole thing up. Just ignore me and carry on with your broadcast day*.




*Would the kids of today even get that reference?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on July 27, 2015, 02:51:22 PM
Sorry, wasn't clear, that was what I meant by the 'teaching by example' possibility.

If you don't bring up these things, then those negative thoughts just roll around in your head without any possibility for new ways to interrupt and disrupt them.  So by all means, if there are difficulties or frustrations, bring them up.  Someone can usually give a different insight than what may have occurred to you (I know I've received a lot of help here).
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on July 27, 2015, 09:09:58 PM
For those interested, this is the next health summit (group of professionals giving presentations on state of the art knowledge in their specialized area).  I am putting it here because it is the Mental Wellness Summit (https://www.facebook.com/events/1423640924627191/).  I have seen presentations by at least a few of the presenters that will have information there, and they were good.  But I don't know all of them, so can't vouch for the entirety of what will be presented.

It is FREE to sign up and 'attend'.  Usually presentations are available to watch online for 24 hours, after that it costs money to get the collection.  It runs August 10-17.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 27, 2015, 10:53:31 PM
Thank you, Lucas!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 28, 2015, 01:01:02 PM
Here are some workshops I tried to attend last year.  For some reason, I was told these workshops didn't exist!  :o

Fence posts: Talk to them or not?
Raving Today: Should I rave in Public, or on social media? Why not do both?
Fearing Anxiety: Flight or Flight?
So, you hate Peter Jackson: An Unexpected Mental Case.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on July 28, 2015, 03:26:52 PM
Here are some workshops I tried to attend last year.  For some reason, I was told these workshops didn't exist!  :o

Fence posts: Talk to them or not?

The follow-up to this was a riveting discussion of old men and their propensities to yell at clouds.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 28, 2015, 09:58:51 PM
Sounds like a Simpson's reference.  Could that sunset BE any more orange?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on July 30, 2015, 06:24:33 PM
I'm really upset about everything that's happened tonight. I'm just really, really not sure what to do. I don't even know who I am anymore, or how the hell I'm supposed to live with feeling like my gender is some kind of stigma.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 30, 2015, 07:10:27 PM
I don't understand group therapy.  If you aren't allowed to be upset, what's the point?   
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on July 30, 2015, 08:48:27 PM
I don't understand group therapy.  If you aren't allowed to be upset, what's the point?
Miku I don't know. At this point I don't think I could ever get into another support group. I'm... ironically intimidated by other men, and if women aren't comfortable around me at all, then I don't see any way how I really belong anywhere. I think I need to just find a group of people and meet someplace where we can play a tabletop game like Yahtzee or Superfight or something.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on July 30, 2015, 09:08:30 PM
I understand. I was the same way.   Maybe you need to find another group, or, take a deep breath and go back to the old group.  Or if possible, look into one on one therapy.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on July 30, 2015, 09:12:01 PM
I'm... ironically intimidated by other men, and if women aren't comfortable around me at all, then I don't see any way how I really belong anywhere.

This would be ideal for the way to 're-introduce' yourself to the group that you just left.  I think that the rest of the group hearing about your reaction to their reactions to your anger, and what feelings that brought up in you, would be helpful to all of you.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on July 30, 2015, 09:35:14 PM
I'm still wondering on what exactly it was that intimidated the other Group members. I mean, they're totally allowed to tell you that you're doing something that makes other group members uncomfortable, but unless it's a persistent problem, then I don't see any reason that you shouldn't continue going.

I think Lucas's idea of reintroducing yourself is a fantastic idea.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on July 30, 2015, 09:44:13 PM
I was told the group members didn't want to tell me straight out because they didn't want to hurt my feelings. :(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on July 30, 2015, 09:50:32 PM
I was told the group members didn't want to tell me straight out because they didn't want to hurt my feelings. :(

Absolute bullshit. You have a right tj be told what it it is you've done.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on July 30, 2015, 10:46:54 PM
If being in the same room with an upset man was triggering bad memories in the women, shouldn't that be something to be worked on by the group?  Couldn't that be used in some way to help them heal?

I have to agree with LucasM, the person running the group sounds terrible.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on July 30, 2015, 11:31:17 PM
Well... I always have a great deal of respect for someone who manages to keep a group going that consists of a lot of people who've been in it for years.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on August 01, 2015, 08:47:03 PM
You know what's fantastic? When people who you thought were your friends treat you like garbage, act like you're just a lazy jerk who doesn't want to change. Recently had someone bring up the idea to me that "You're not an adult until you start making your way in the world and no one but you is paying for you." Either she was MASSIVELY tactless, because she knows my current situation, calling me a child because I have issues with finding a job, or she didn't think about it while she was talking to me. Judging by the fact that she is very self righteous, I'm inclined to believe its the second. It really hurts because I know it's thrown in with a lot of my mother's thoughts of me, "HE'S just lazy and doesn't want to grow up." Garbage. I want to work. I've tried. I've been trying to find work recently. I don't want to be under my mother's thumb anymore. I want to do my own things and make my own way. Unfortunately, the fact that I have panic attacks persistently, the fact that even though I had a great time Thursday, I've been so terrified to leave my house that I'm probably not going out for more other than to take Ein out until Monday, kinda make working extremely fucking difficult,  and even the task of finding a job daunting as hell. It's pretty hard to say too myself "Ok, you need to get a job at this place so that you can earn money and get out from under your mother and eventually move," when I know that there is a MASSIVE risk of panic attacks.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 01, 2015, 09:27:05 PM
You're a human being, a good person, an adult under the law, therefore you are entitled to be seen as an adult and treated with the respect due you. Sometimes shit happens and people have to rely on others. That doesn't make them any less deserving or entitled to respect... what's the old saying? A friend in need... is a friend indeed. Friend to me is somebody you respect, and even love to some extent. These days, love is in short supply and for me is something that should in theory inextricably be linked to respect.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 01, 2015, 09:29:59 PM
I slowly learned that the people who react the most negatively  to me (in my family) are the people with the most emotional troubles of their own.  I try to remember that when dealing with them.   It makes for a much less painful conversation, and makes coping much easier.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 04, 2015, 03:28:58 AM
I think I've finally adjusted to my new, lower dosage of klonopin.  I took 3mg a day for the last 20+ years.

Reduced to 2mg a day.  Had about 2 months of mood swings, Possibly withdrawal syndrome. Or just adjusting to the anxiety with less meds.

Anyway, that's finally over, and I am back at my (medicated) baseline anxiety.  I hope to decrease even further in the future.  My goal is to take nothing.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on August 04, 2015, 10:11:20 AM
I think I've finally adjusted to my new, lower dosage of klonopin.  I took 3mg a day for the last 20+ years.

Reduced to 2mg a day.  Had about 2 months of mood swings, Possibly withdrawal syndrome. Or just adjusting to the anxiety with less meds.

Anyway, that's finally over, and I am back at my (medicated) baseline anxiety.  I hope to decrease even further in the future.  My goal is to take nothing.

Klonopin is especially difficult to get off of because of the withdrawal symptoms, which are (not a big surprise) increased anxiety, as there's a rebound effect.  [I was on it for a few years for the PTSD.]  Other benzodiazepines have similar difficulties, but Klonopin is apparently one of the worst (according to a friend who is a pharmacist).

To reduce the dose or get off of it with minimal withdrawal effects (with the approval of your doctor, of course), try cutting back by MUCH smaller amounts than what it sounds like you did.  I was on a very small dose (injured brain was very sensitive to it), and cut it back by about 1/6th (or less) of my dose until I felt 'normal' again.  Then cut it back by another tiny amount.  Each drop was for about two to three months, which apparently is what you discovered for stabilizing afterwards.

Yes, dropping it by much smaller amounts will result in it taking much longer to reduce it or get off of it, but minimizing the withdrawal symptoms was - to me at least - a far more important consideration than time.  And that withdrawal time will have much higher anxiety levels than what you will have once you are normalized after the higher dose is out of your system and your brain has re-adjusted.  So they will go back down.  It isn't "just adjusting to the anxiety with less meds".

If you are on 2mg now, if it is two 1mg tabs, I'd go with maybe 1/4 of a tablet less for each dosage drop (for a month or two or three for each drop).  If a 2mg tab, then 1/8 less for each drop.  Yes, that small a drop each time, as you've experienced how disruptive larger drops are.

Good luck with that.  I hope it works out.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 04, 2015, 06:00:43 PM
I see him in about 2 weeks.  I plan on discussing that with him. ;)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 04, 2015, 06:44:09 PM
I think I'm going to be okay without group. I'm just hanging in the air a bit mostly because my therapist is still recovering from surgery and I probably won't see her for two more weeks. I used to have a chat group where we'd meet every saturday night and chat while watching an episode of MST. Anybody interested in getting in the Rifftrax chat room and doing something similar some time? It might be good for us all to chat with each other while watching an episode of MST together... more or less. Or doesn't even have to be that, just schedule a good time for the majority of us RT regulars to get online and talk to keep our collective spirits up.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 04, 2015, 06:54:07 PM
What Rifftrax chat room? I didn't know there was one. :o
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on August 04, 2015, 07:33:40 PM
I didn't know there was STILL one..

http://www.rifftrax.com/chat
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 04, 2015, 08:05:11 PM
wow, and it's on IRC!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 04, 2015, 09:29:20 PM
Well? If anybody's down for chatting in there, let me know... or everyone else.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 05, 2015, 12:41:51 AM
I'm scared. Sometimes, when I'm up this late I will... get very moody... I will get apathetic, I just won't give a shit anymore about myself and that really worries me. It's almost like someone else is taking over and turning me into someone else.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 05, 2015, 04:32:56 AM
Have you ever read Carlos Castaneda?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 05, 2015, 11:29:08 AM
Have you ever read Carlos Castaneda?
No, why?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on August 06, 2015, 10:56:47 PM
Went out tonight. The fact that the local Smash tourneys take place at a bar is nice for my self medication. I got knocked out and drank till I thought about giving the bartender my number, remembered I'm taken, and called my ride.

I'll probably massively pay for this tomorrow. I feel massively guilty about being all horny and wanting physical when I'm a "married" woman... The worst part is that I know Bas, and I'd I asked, he'd agree to letting me have one night stands occasionally, but it'd kill him. And then I thought about him, and our planned children, our little house that we both want so much and the dogs that I'd bully him into, and I felt so warm and amazing. And then I remembered how I felt today, when I realized that i never had thought that a man would see me as anything but a fetish, and how amazing and wonderful it is to have a man who loves me enough that he tells me that nothing about my transiton matters to him; he always considered me a woman and will always consider me that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 07, 2015, 01:47:49 AM
Miku Fan? Still waiting on you to explain why I should have read Castaneda.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 07, 2015, 02:16:06 AM
I saw some video on youtube where he was quoted and it reminded me a lot of what you were talking about.  A lot of people have read those books, so I thought I'd ask you if you have.   
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on August 07, 2015, 05:54:09 AM
And then I remembered how I felt today, when I realized that i never had thought that a man would see me as anything but a fetish, and how amazing and wonderful it is to have a man who loves me enough that he tells me that nothing about my transiton matters to him; he always considered me a woman and will always consider me that.


That's wonderful! He sounds like an A+ guy!  :highfive:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 07, 2015, 11:35:58 AM
I saw some video on youtube where he was quoted and it reminded me a lot of what you were talking about.  A lot of people have read those books, so I thought I'd ask you if you have.
Ahhhhh... interesting. I seem to remember him being referenced in an episode of MST3K once?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 07, 2015, 05:32:17 PM
I'm sure you did, yes.  I can't remember which one(s), but it's a fairly common pop-psychology/pop-culture reference. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 07, 2015, 06:59:29 PM
I remember now, it was Pumaman! PUMAMAN!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on August 07, 2015, 11:14:05 PM
I really love Bas. I has a pretty good day, and he decided to start talking about our plans for a future wedding to cheer me up. I was extremely obvious what he was doing, but every time I think about being with him and starting s family, it helps a million.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 07, 2015, 11:29:00 PM
I really love Bas. I has a pretty good day, and he decided to start talking about our plans for a future wedding to cheer me up. I was extremely obvious what he was doing, but every time I think about being with him and starting s family, it helps a million.
Good for you! I could only dream of being in a similar situation some day with a family of my own.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: UncleDesIsBack on August 09, 2015, 06:12:31 PM
For any of you young people struggling with depression - take it from me as an old git that it actually gets BETTER with age. I still have my dark days, but nowhere near as bad as it was in my youth.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on August 10, 2015, 06:34:17 PM
I don't know what to do anymore... I don't feel like I have enough time to become able to do the functions required for me to work right now. My support group leader says that I should apply for disability assistance and that he thinks I'd definitely qualify. The problem I run into for that is that for me, and I mean ME specifically, it feels like a defeat. But right now I don't know what else to do.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: UncleDesIsBack on August 10, 2015, 06:54:18 PM
I don't know what to do anymore... I don't feel like I have enough time to become able to do the functions required for me to work right now. My support group leader says that I should apply for disability assistance and that he thinks I'd definitely qualify. The problem I run into for that is that for me, and I mean ME specifically, it feels like a defeat. But right now I don't know what else to do.
The only permanent defeat is the final one we all get. All others are temporary. Take this as a respite and a chance to regroup.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 10, 2015, 07:15:19 PM
Since I don't get much money I was able to easily apply for and get Medicaid and Food Stamps. I also applied for Monetary Assistance from the state... but I backed out of that for personal reasons, plus I was applying for SSI and if I was approved I would have to pay back all the monetary assistance, which I wasn't exactly keen on doing. It's all about getting your medical records and having them in order. Go to doctors, but more specifically, psychiatrists, psychologists, whatever, get diagnosed and make sure to get your records. Keep copies for yourself, and get your paperwork submitted, fax is in my experience the best method. In my state, you have a case worker. Once you fill out all the paperwork, eventually they'll ask you to fill out some more paperwork. It may take quite a while to get disability or SSI. For some people it can take quite a long time.

My intent is not to discourage, it's just to paint a realistic picture of the time frame that I've heard from other people and seen for myself. Just be patient with the system.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on August 11, 2015, 06:32:02 AM
If disability gets you away from your mother, then it's not a defeat at all.


If you are into reading, I would suggest The Buddha and The Borderline. The first half is about the author dealing with the depths of her mental and emotional issues and also getting disability. It might be helpful to see it from another person's POV (although I admit, it does seem easier for her).
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on August 12, 2015, 04:19:24 PM
Tried applying for a job, started to panic, closed it down, and went to sign up for disability benefits... and felt horrible about myself. Fucking useless.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 12, 2015, 06:13:47 PM
Fucking useless.
You're not useless Lawful! You're a valuable person and a good friend on this forum. You help keep the spirits of everyone up around here and we're glad to have you here and glad you are here. Lawful... you are so far from useless. :) I truly mean that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 13, 2015, 07:39:03 AM
This is one of those times when having an anxiety disorder really comes in handy kicks you in the stomach

I had a doc appointment Tuesday. Get a call at 8:30 this morning.  It's the nurse, wanting to discuss my lab results.  She hangs up before I can get to the phone.

I've been going to the VA since 1989 (or earlier) and this is the first time they've ever called wanting to discuss lab results.

The nurse said, "call me back, so we can discuss your lab results."  She didn't bother leaving a phone number.

So, I call the clinic where I'm enrolled.  No answer.  That's not surprising, as that place is swamped all day, every day, and they have little time for phone calls.

So, I feel anxiety sweep through my body.  My brain starts telling me: "Man, you KNOW they are calling to tell you that you've got cancer or some other hideous disease."

Of course, I DON'T know that, but this is why  I hate anxiety- I'm going to be terrified until I find out why they want to talk about my lab results.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 13, 2015, 07:51:17 PM
So.  My Psychiatrist secretly cancelled my clonazepam prescription today, over a drug screen.. 

He said, "you tested positive for marijuana, and negative for benzodiazepine. WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

The lab result is clearly wrong, I say. It's someone else's lab results. 

Why do I say this? well, I've been taking clonazepam three times a day for twenty fucking years.  So, there's no way I tested negative for that.  It's not my lab results. 

But, you may think, surely your lab-work had a label on it?  Nope. Nurse gave me an unmarked bottle, and told me to go urinate in it.  Then she had me put it on a shelf.  I distinctly remember that the bottle was unlabeled- I remember because in the more than 20 years I've been going to the VA, this is the first and only time I've been given an unlabelled bottle. 

I assume she did that to other Vets, and applied the labels later.  Somewhere in the VA, there is some poor guy, who's being accused of illegally taking clonazepam.  :gouge:

So, he thinks I'm ON marijuana, and for reasons unknown, not taking my narcotic nerve pills- pills that would rapidly put me in serious withdrawal, if I stopped taking.

Does he send me to the lab for a second test? Nope.  He sends me out for an EKG.  That's right, my psychiatrist sent me for an EKG- just two days after I saw my general practitioner.  When I get back, I've been checked out, and told to come back in 4 months.

Being suspicious, I call the VA's automated prescription service line and check the status of my clonazepam. "No refills allowed." But, the bottle in my hand says, "two refills remaining."

The print out I got from the VA just two days ago says, "two refills remaining."

So, this guy cut me off a narcotic I've been on for 20 years, without notice, and is leaving me to go through withdrawal...without a wean or even advanced notice.  No medical monitoring, nothing.

...Just another dickhead, incompetent doctor abusing his power, because he thinks he's special, when he's just a typical psychopath in a white jacket, which is my experience, is the case with most doctors.     Incompetent psychopaths in white jackets.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: UncleDesIsBack on August 13, 2015, 08:44:13 PM
That is awful. I've never understood why vets get such bad treatment. "Two-faced" doesn't even begin to describe the attitude of the politicos as they wipe away a tear on Memorial Day and then millions of dollars off the Vet Affairs Department the next day.

Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on August 13, 2015, 08:52:41 PM
So.  My Psychiatrist secretly cancelled my clonazepam prescription today, over a drug screen.. 

He said, "you tested positive for marijuana, and negative for benzodiazepine. WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

The lab result is clearly wrong, I say. It's someone else's lab results. 

Why do I say this? well, I've been taking clonazepam three times a day for twenty fucking years.  So, there's no way I tested negative for that.  It's not my lab results. 

But, you may think, surely your lab-work had a label on it?  Nope. Nurse gave me an unmarked bottle, and told me to go urinate in it.  Then she had me put it on a shelf.  I distinctly remember that the bottle was unlabeled- I remember because in the more than 20 years I've been going to the VA, this is the first and only time I've been given an unlabelled bottle. 

I assume she did that to other Vets, and applied the labels later.  Somewhere in the VA, there is some poor guy, who's being accused of illegally taking clonazepam.  :gouge:

So, he thinks I'm ON marijuana, and for reasons unknown, not taking my narcotic nerve pills- pills that would rapidly put me in serious withdrawal, if I stopped taking.

Does he send me to the lab for a second test? Nope.  He sends me out for an EKG.  That's right, my psychiatrist sent me for an EKG- just two days after I saw my general practitioner.  When I get back, I've been checked out, and told to come back in 4 months.

Being suspicious, I call the VA's automated prescription service line and check the status of my clonazepam. "No refills allowed." But, the bottle in my hand says, "two refills remaining."

The print out I got from the VA just two days ago says, "two refills remaining."

So, this guy cut me off a narcotic I've been on for 20 years, without notice, and is leaving me to go through withdrawal...without a wean or even advanced notice.  No medical monitoring, nothing.

...Just another dickhead, incompetent doctor abusing his power, because he thinks he's special, when he's just a typical psychopath in a white jacket, which is my experience, is the case with most doctors.     Incompetent psychopaths in white jackets.

First: go over his head at the VA.  Explain the situation (unlabeled specimen jars).  Get another appointment quickly.  DEMAND THAT YOU BE RETESTED!  And demand that you get in again IMMEDIATELY because it was their fuck-up - not four months from now.  Cold turkey benzos is not healthy.

Not sure if you can afford it, but possibly get a drug test on your own at a reputable lab.  Then send this information to the VA, and then the state licensing board for this doctor and he will get investigated.

In the other area, if you cannot get in to the VA again before your current script will run out, contact your own physician (the GP) and explain the situation.  Possibly he or she can perform the repeat drug test, and at least give you a script for enough clonazepam to get you through until the next VA appointment.


[Sorry if this is confused.  Not doing well, but couldn't just ignore this.  Fucking outrageous incompetence on this asshole's part.]
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 13, 2015, 10:53:32 PM
I was angry at myself for a big chunk of the day today. First, I forgot to call a company for dad to put his business leads on hold(I was feeling like shit all morning and afternoon today). Then earlier tonight my goddamn piece of shit phone dialed a friend by accident, a friend who only told me yesterday they didn't want to talk for several days, so I was all the more pissed at myself because now my good friend must think I'm a fucking asshole .

Last night my dad was having problems with his phone so I thought I backed up his contacts because as part of trouble-shooting they would have to restore his phone. As a result last night I tried backing up all his stuff. Then when I tried putting the data back on the restored phone, I couldn't find anything. I was a mess, I was crying, snot was dripping out of my nose, and I was hyper-ventilating like mad. Eventually, the phone company helped me find an app that could help me restore his contacts. That helped, and reassured myself that I did everything right and some other BS happened that I didn't even know about, but god dammit it still fucking pisses me off! I even cut my face a couple times. My dad could hear how upset I was, and he kept telling me not to worry, but I was determined not to let him down. I'm just glad I at least got his contacts back. But I was really, REALLY upset about that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 14, 2015, 03:00:55 AM
Thanks for your thoughts, Uncle Des and Lucas.

I'll be fine. There is a channel at the V.A. to address this type of thing.  My anger is about his incompetence and arrogance.  I'm happy to get off clonazepam. But, I want to wean, not  be thrust into withdrawal by some idiot.  I'm certain I can get that accomplished.

 Ironically, I had just mentioned wanting to wean off clonazepam two minutes before this happened. I was taking 1.5 mg a day for 20 years. 4 months ago, I dropped to 1 mg a day.  I liked how that felt, so want to wean off it completely. 

I have read, as Uncle Des said,  that clinical depression and anxiety tend to decrease as you age. I think that is occurring with me.

There was a time when clonazepam was like a security blanket for me.  I didn't think I could live without it.  But, over time, I came to see it as a wall, holding me back.  And certainly, I didn't and don't like being at the mercy of some doctor's whims.

So, my goal here is get put on a wean, and be free. :highfive: Free of dependence on  a chemical, and free of a bureaucratic system.

This guy is from Kenya.  So, I am thinking of dressing as a Zebra, going to the VA, charging into his office and kicking him in the face with my hind legs. After all, I'm crazy. ;D


Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 14, 2015, 03:14:34 AM
Soguru,  did you cut yourself by accident? 

I hope your friend believes you that you accidentally called.  I know that really happens. My friend butt-dialed me, while driving to work one day.  It was actually pretty funny. He was driving to work, and complaining about people driving too slow. He had no idea I could hear him, and I had no idea why my phone rang, only to hear, "out of the way, slow-fuck!"  :D

You got things fixed for your dad.  So, concentrate on that. You made an honest mistake, and found a way to correct it. Concentrate on your success, not your fuck up!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 14, 2015, 11:17:31 AM
Yeah it's like the buttons on my phone are really sensitive. a stiff wind could potentially dial a number on the key pad.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on August 15, 2015, 12:50:59 PM
My fucking phobias are getting out of hand. My fear of snakes a few years ago progressed to a full blown fear of reptiles, and now I'm thinking about snakes all over the place. Was just in the shower, and kept imagining a giant black snake slithering up from the drain, or over the edge of the tub. Snakes are still the worst thing, by far. It's getting harder and harder for me to justify leaving the house, the other day I tried to fill out a job application and freaked out, tried to do the stuff for disability application, had a panic attack. My anxiety is getting really ridiculously high. When you couple that with the fact that my car is out of commission, for the most part, I'm running out of ways to get out and get to the few things that ARE good for me, like therapy, the support group, and the weekly Smash Bros tourney that I've been having a REALLY good time at.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 16, 2015, 10:25:01 PM
Do you watch Archer? He's got a similar phobia. I do understand it to some extent. I kind of like reptiles, but if it makes you feel any better, I rarely, if ever see them come indoors by any way, shape or form. My cats killed one in the garage one time but that was the last time I saw a snake. Outside the house, I see a lizard once in a while more and they're always running away from me anyways even though I am happy to carry on a friendly monologue with them. To be honest... I think most of them would rather stay outdoors and even if you're outdoors, they will usually go the other way Lawful. Now, I'm no biologist but if that helps you sleep or in other aspects of your life, take that thought with you.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on August 18, 2015, 03:40:49 AM
New research (I haven't yet fully read any - I'm tired and it's late, and I have to get up in the 'morning'):

Playing Tetris could lessen PTSD symptoms (http://www.zdnet.com/article/playing-tetris-could-lessen-ptsd-symptoms/)

Study: Tetris wipes out bad memories, heals trauma (http://www.zdnet.com/article/study-tetris-wipes-out-bad-memories-heals-trauma/)

Tetris can reduce risk of PTSD, scientists say (http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/tetris-can-reduce-risk-of-ptsd-scientists-say-10372094.html)

...and then a biggie for a lot of people:
Tetris can block cravings, new study reveals
Playing 'on the go' reduced cravings by one fifth (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/08/150813101535.htm?utm_source=DanielAmen&utm_medium=DanielAmen&utm_campaign=DanielAmen)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on August 18, 2015, 08:59:36 AM

I think this is the second link you were going for:

http://www.zdnet.com/article/study-tetris-wipes-out-bad-memories-heals-trauma/

Interesting, I'm guessing other games that require intense concentration would also work, but tetris might be the easiest one to put on all the mobile devices we carry around.

The part about playing the game immediately after a traumatic event should get a lot more study, if methods could be developed to prevent future flashbacks that would be great.

I find playing freecell to be therapeutic, but actually trying to map out the quickest way to win every game so concentrating more than casual playing.  I've tried chess but it's really hard to set up the skill level of the computer to make the games interesting, limiting the number of moves ahead the computer can look at can sometimes get it to make bad moves, but it's still not the same as playing a person at your own skill level.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on August 18, 2015, 10:41:34 AM
Thanks for the fix... appears I was so tired I forgot to copy the link over to the post's code (now I have).

Like you said, it seems it needs more study.  Until there is more research, and until this is more widely known (presuming it is found to work immediately after trauma), it will be incredibly awkward for someone to say, "you were in a near-fatal car accident?  Here: play some Tetris."  This will have to be closer to common knowledge before that won't be seen as incredibly dismissive of traumatic events.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 18, 2015, 02:24:38 PM
I bet it won't cure Atari Thumb Syndrome.  ::)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RoninFox on August 19, 2015, 05:44:34 AM
I've thought about death more in the last week than I can remember, it just seems to be everywhere. One of the employees I supervise is coping with the loss of his grandmother and planning for her funeral at the end of the week. I got a call over the weekend to tell me that my own grandfather has been moved to a hospice and isn't expected to live much longer. He hasn't been awake since, according to my brother, and since I'm still in Texas and most of my family is in Ohio I can't just pick up and go to see him quickly. Add to that a 24 year old co-worker in another department recently put in her two week notice, quietly worked her last day this past Friday, then killed herself on Saturday.

I can't say I'm in distress, but it's been a dark time.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 19, 2015, 07:18:49 AM
I'm sorry to hear this, Ronin.   That sort of thing seems to happen to most people at one point or another.  It's just random chance, but it's really sad random chance.  :'(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on August 19, 2015, 01:17:40 PM
I'm sorry Ronin.  All of that combined sounds mood-crushing.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on August 23, 2015, 07:23:46 PM
I'm not sure how much longer I can take this
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on August 24, 2015, 08:41:29 PM
I couldn't feel today. Or all weekend. I went through the motions a lot... but I got nothing. Todat I broke down and had an anxiety attack because I didn't feel love for my boyfriend, which is the one thing I'm most terrified of losing. I feel a little better tonight, but I still am having issues feeling anything. Being empty hurts.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: UncleDesIsBack on August 25, 2015, 04:55:24 PM
Hang in there, guys.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on August 26, 2015, 07:34:31 AM
Made a list today, setting the things I need to deal with and their urgency.  People say money doesn't buy happiness but $10, 000 or so would let me take care of almost everything outside of mental & weight issues. 

Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: UncleDesIsBack on August 26, 2015, 09:11:43 AM
Made a list today, setting the things I need to deal with and their urgency.  People say money doesn't buy happiness but $10, 000 or so would let me take care of almost everything outside of mental & weight issues.
Money buys you "absence of grinding misery". Hope your day is going well.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 26, 2015, 10:10:30 AM
Made a list today, setting the things I need to deal with and their urgency.  People say money doesn't buy happiness but $10, 000 or so would let me take care of almost everything outside of mental & weight issues.
Money buys you "absence of grinding misery". Hope your day is going well.


Yeah. Money won't buy happiness, but it will take a mountain off your shoulders.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 26, 2015, 02:20:11 PM
It can also buy a house, a car, and steaks.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 26, 2015, 02:39:27 PM
House and car are mountains.  8)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 26, 2015, 04:16:22 PM
House and car are mountains.  8)
Does that make my wallet Fort Knox?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on August 26, 2015, 08:34:57 PM
House and car are mountains.  8)
Does that make my wallet Fort Knox?

Maybe...but it makes mine a ghost town.   :highfive:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on August 26, 2015, 11:11:13 PM
Maybe...but it makes mine a ghost town.   :highfive:
You're far too modest buddy man. :)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on August 27, 2015, 07:58:40 PM
House and car are mountains.  8)
Does that make my wallet Fort Knox?

Maybe...but it makes mine a ghost town.   :highfive:

My heart is a ghost town
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on September 02, 2015, 12:34:55 AM
In other news... I don't like to feel sorry for myself. I don't want people to pity me or anything, i just want people to see the good in me. My life is just such a mess. How the hell am I ever supposed to be in any kind of relationship when I have to explain the part about still living with my parents and might be doing just that for the foreseeable future? I mean, I think a lot more of myself than I used to dear friends, but I also still have confidence issues. I also have... I eat when I get depressed... I try to fill the void with food. Obviously that's not healthy. I just wish I could get out more and hang out with people more often. The problem is that town is 25 miles away... and mom and dad aren't the most hearty of company, seeing as how they're both in their late 60's now. That leads me to another thing. There's this dark road I travel in my mind a lot of times. It's a morbid, macabre road. There's this sick part of me that makes me think about death and loss and that terribly melancholic music that plays at the moment you realize the most important people or person in your life are gone and you're never getting them back.

I think I need to start going back to my support group.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on September 08, 2015, 07:10:16 AM
I feel so different and outside of normal society that I keep wondering why I want "normal" things, like friends, a husband, and to get higher on the company ladder. I am not a freak...I am just stuck outside of societal norms.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on September 08, 2015, 10:20:18 AM
I absolutely hate one of the meds they put me on in the hospital. Its making me hungry all the time and gain weight, plus it's not super effective. swing and a miss. The ativan works though.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on September 08, 2015, 02:20:41 PM
Speaking of, I'm currently still on my meds. I'm going to my doctor tomorrow because i think I really need to change my meds. I kind of like one certain tranquilizer better because it at least helps stabilize me without affecting other aspects of my personality.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on September 11, 2015, 03:34:42 PM
OKay, I got some samples of something called Latuda and I know it's only been a couple days, but I'm starting to have more positive feelings lately, more positive than anything I've had in a long time. I've got this certain feeling of lightness that's making life seem much more colorful and enjoyable than it used to be.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on September 11, 2015, 07:24:31 PM
OKay, I got some samples of something called Latuda and I know it's only been a couple days, but I'm starting to have more positive feelings lately, more positive than anything I've had in a long time. I've got this certain feeling of lightness that's making life seem much more colorful and enjoyable than it used to be.

I know several people on that, and they really enjoy it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on September 11, 2015, 07:46:02 PM
I know several people on that, and they really enjoy it.
Too bad I just have samples. :( My insurance would have to pre-auth it because they might not pay for it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: UncleDesIsBack on September 12, 2015, 09:29:24 AM
I've realized that most of my personal issues are due to the fact that my mood swings a lot during the day, but I don't have a root cause. Most people are a lot more stable than I am.

Any thoughts?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on September 12, 2015, 03:03:32 PM
You're crazy.  :highfive:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on September 12, 2015, 03:06:34 PM
I've realized that most of my personal issues are due to the fact that my mood swings a lot during the day, but I don't have a root cause. Most people are a lot more stable than I am.

Any thoughts?


I think that's true of a lot of people.  A lot of us seem to be neurotic with no apparent cause.  Maye it's normal to be neurotic, at least in the world in which we currently live. :o
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on September 12, 2015, 03:09:59 PM
At the one month mark of getting off clonazepam. Been an adventure.  :o
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: UncleDesIsBack on September 13, 2015, 05:37:17 AM
At the one month mark of getting off clonazepam. Been an adventure.  :o
After what you said, I was really worried for you, but you seem to be OK...ish(?),
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on September 13, 2015, 01:23:06 PM
clonazePAM(that's how it's capitalized on my RX bottle anyway) has helped me with my episodes of mania a bit, but it mostly helps me from getting too anxious. The Latuda has been helping me with my major depressive emotions at the deep end of my BP. The anxiety/mania is like the height and the depression is like the low... or something. BP just confuses me so much. It's starting to raise my BP(the other BP)!  :o
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on September 13, 2015, 02:16:24 PM
At the one month mark of getting off clonazepam. Been an adventure.  :o
After what you said, I was really worried for you, but you seem to be OK...ish(?),

It's been hell, at times.  But, I'm OK.    I took it for anxiety.  Learning to treat anxiety like chronic pain...just move on and ignore it.  In the long run, I'll be glad about this.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on September 14, 2015, 09:23:45 AM
I wish I could do something more with my life.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: UncleDesIsBack on September 14, 2015, 09:36:22 AM
I wish I could do something more with my life.
Then take the next chance that comes up to get the hell out and go for it. That's what I did when I was in a funk 25years ago.**

**True story.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on September 14, 2015, 09:44:21 AM
I wish I could do something more with my life.
Then take the next chance that comes up to get the hell out and go for it. That's what I did when I was in a funk 25years ago.**

**True story.

That's kind of my idea for planning out this trip to The Netherlands. I have the means, barely, but I do have them, and I feel like spending a good amount of time with my boyfriend will help me out a lot.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: UncleDesIsBack on September 14, 2015, 01:51:10 PM
I wish I could do something more with my life.
Then take the next chance that comes up to get the hell out and go for it. That's what I did when I was in a funk 25years ago.**

**True story.

That's kind of my idea for planning out this trip to The Netherlands. I have the means, barely, but I do have them, and I feel like spending a good amount of time with my boyfriend will help me out a lot.
That's kinda what I did, except it was to Japan and on my own, but that's the drift. break the pattern.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on September 14, 2015, 08:06:23 PM
I'm broken. I'm garbage. I want to feel it. I miss it. I want it again. I want to feel the blood down my arm. I can't do anything. Im useless trash and shouldn't be alive.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on September 15, 2015, 08:56:09 AM
I'm broken. I'm garbage. I want to feel it. I miss it. I want it again. I want to feel the blood down my arm. I can't do anything. Im useless trash and shouldn't be alive.
Hey... come on. Don't be like that Cupcake. You know I feel the same way a lot of times too. But then I think about how much everybody I know... just KNOW would be hurt and be devastated that I was gone. I know you must have family, and however you think or feel about them, ask yourself would they truly want you gone? I don't care what you're thinking, the answer is NO.

My point is I may not know you all that well but from what I do know, you deserve better than to think of yourself and your own life in those terms! Your life is precious, so precious Lawful! Don't do anything to hurt yourself, ever! We care about you dearly and deeply here and I know there are so many others counting on your mere existence to make their lives better. Don't throw that away for any reason, ever!

*hugs*
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on September 15, 2015, 09:53:06 AM
I'm broken.

When that pain hits try to distract yourself from it, don't give in to it, you've got things to look forward to, if you give in at the moment of pain you are denying yourself those things that will happen in the future.

I know it's hard when most people don't understand that it's the worst pain there is, but there are those of us that do understand, so you are not alone.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on September 15, 2015, 04:28:00 PM
Today I found out that the trip I want to take will be nearly impossible. I don't know what to do.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on September 15, 2015, 08:14:21 PM
Today I found out that the trip I want to take will be nearly impossible. I don't know what to do.
There are just some things I cannot answer Lawful. Just remain hopeful, and whatever variables are in the way, see if there's any way at all of working around them, and even if there aren't, you should still never give up.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on September 16, 2015, 06:58:47 PM
I don't know who I am and I don't know who I want to be. I don't know what I can trust about myself. I don't know what I'm supposed to do any more. I don't want my boyfriend to keep having to deal with this. I just want to understand why I feel so wrong and broken. About the only thing I am sure of is the fact that I am a woman and heterosexual. Everything else is blurry
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on September 30, 2015, 10:34:48 PM
I wish it wasn't night. I can't sleep without hours of fighting it. I can't be happy. Everything and all the crappy stuff gets amplified.  I hate the night and dark.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 01, 2015, 02:11:00 AM
Can you sleep in the day?   I can't sleep at night, either...have to do it in the day. Well, most of the time.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 01, 2015, 06:29:27 AM
I wish it wasn't night. I can't sleep without hours of fighting it. I can't be happy. Everything and all the crappy stuff gets amplified.  I hate the night and dark.
It's not the night and the dark that bothers me anymore. Believe me, it used to quite frequently. Then I realized that not only is nothing in the dark, but all the scary stuff is not external, it's all internal to myself, so I reason that in fact I am scarier than the darkness in some ways.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 02, 2015, 04:42:03 AM
Can you sleep in the day?   I can't sleep at night, either...have to do it in the day. Well, most of the time.

It might end up coming to that, but I doubt it. It's mainly the dark and the cold and the loneliness, so being awake during the night wouldn't really help that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 02, 2015, 03:11:31 PM
Ah, I see.  Yeah, sleeping during the day probably wouldn't help with that :-[
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 02, 2015, 06:15:55 PM
Every once in a while, every so often, I go to a Twitch stream of the Youtuber who I was a massive fan of up until a few months ago, and I don't know why. It only hurts. It only makes me sad and miss everything. But no, I'm to useless and shitty to move on. I have to dwell on it forever, because I just do that and I can't stop and I hate myself for it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 02, 2015, 08:45:48 PM
I'm still having my episodes. I have a sinking feeling like my body is building a resistance to the medication. :(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 02, 2015, 10:12:19 PM
I hope not, but that can happen.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 03, 2015, 04:46:53 AM
I hope not, but that can happen.
On the other hand, these diet pills my Doctor prescribed me seem to be working pretty well so far. I just hope my dumbass body doesn't build up a tolerance to them as well.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 03, 2015, 10:55:54 PM
Now I'm really disturbed. It's almost midnight, everybody is asleep, and I'm... feeling like shit again. Dammit, medications aren't working anymore. That's how it seems anyway. It's like all these negative emotions seeping through the dam.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 04, 2015, 11:59:59 AM
Now I'm really disturbed. It's almost midnight, everybody is asleep, and I'm... feeling like shit again. Dammit, medications aren't working anymore. That's how it seems anyway. It's like all these negative emotions seeping through the dam.

If the diet pills you mentioned in the previous post are stimulants, then you may be suffering a rebound effect from them when they wear off, which would be likely to crash your mood.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 06, 2015, 07:39:27 AM
If the diet pills you mentioned in the previous post are stimulants, then you may be suffering a rebound effect from them when they wear off, which would be likely to crash your mood.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
To be fair it's no different than before I started them, so no I honestly don't think it's a crash
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 10, 2015, 09:07:45 PM
It's really cool when you're majorly depressed, and you feel like you're going to have to kill yourself in a few weeks, even though you really don't want to because for the first time in your life you have something to live for and someone who loves you, and you're at a mega low point and you can't go an hour without thinking about how absolutely useless and hopeless it is, and all of your friends don't talk to you much any more, and you live alone, and you try texting that stupid crisis text line, and you explain you're scared, because you're at a point where you're only seeing the option of killing yourself, and you tell them that you don't want to, but you can't see any other way, and the person says "Why do you want to kill yourself?" and asks you a bunch of questions you'd just answered previously, which makes you feel worse because it's just reinforcing the idea that no one ever is going to listen to anything you say, because you're trash, you're useless, you're complete garbage and it just make sense that you should kill yourself because why would anyone want to talk to you, why would the friend that you've had for nearly 12 years want to talk to you when you're going through an extremely hard time, why would that person be anything but hostile towards you, because you're just garbage, because you're sitting there, stagnating doing nothing because you don't have any hope, you've known for years that if you live to 25 it's a miracle and you know that you're coming up on that really quickly and you're terrified because you just lived knowing that you would die soon, and now that it's come to it, you don't want to, but you don't have any options left, you're just alone in a room, sitting in the dark wishing that you'd just wake up and that all the bad stuff is a nightmare and it will all be ok but you know that it's not. Really good feeling.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 10, 2015, 09:22:40 PM
Is that text system anonymous?  If so they probably don't keep a record of what you have sent in before.

Try to use the repeat questions as an exorcise, try to think of different answers, anything to get your mind looking at anything from a different perspective, rather than repeating what you have thought before.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 10, 2015, 09:34:57 PM
Is that text system anonymous?  If so they probably don't keep a record of what you have sent in before.

Try to use the repeat questions as an exorcise, try to think of different answers, anything to get your mind looking at anything from a different perspective, rather than repeating what you have thought before.

It's anonymous yeah, but at the same time, I'm not getting mad at him for not knowing what I said in conversations with other people. I'm mad at him for asking me about stuff that I just told him.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 10, 2015, 09:46:47 PM
Listening and remembering are two different things. I've learned that the best thing to do with remembering is obviously, write yourself a damn note, but say it three or four times so you don't forget what you're doing or where you are going! I can't begin to tell you how many times I've passed by a place I intended to go and said out loud to myself "God dammit you stupid shit!"
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 10, 2015, 10:38:36 PM
Is that text system anonymous?  If so they probably don't keep a record of what you have sent in before.

Try to use the repeat questions as an exorcise, try to think of different answers, anything to get your mind looking at anything from a different perspective, rather than repeating what you have thought before.

It's anonymous yeah, but at the same time, I'm not getting mad at him for not knowing what I said in conversations with other people. I'm mad at him for asking me about stuff that I just told him.

In the same session the questions he asked were repeating?  Sorry to hear that, I thought maybe some time had passed and he thought you were a new person.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 10, 2015, 11:02:24 PM
My new medication doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot, so I might have to go back to my doctor and get something else. I gotta tell you, I am getting really depressed about not finding a med that's working for one aspect of one of my many disabilities.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 12, 2015, 09:06:51 AM
I've been having hard times this weekend. I finally get over it a bit last night, and have started feeling like I actually can accomplish something, and start to feel a bit better. My mother wakes me up with a phone call this morning, literally calling to say "I CAN'T HELP YOU GET A JOB." Aside from the fact that I'd never go to her for money again, even if my life was on the line, she knows that specifically her saying those things is NO help to me, and is a massive trigger for me. The worst part is I accused her of only thinking of herself, and got pissed at her because she calls to specifically trigger me, and say that the only reason she's worried is because she doesn't want to seem like a failure of a parent with a child on the street. "No, I just wanted to call and see where you were at cause I'm afraid that you are going to call me at the end of the month and ask for money and I won't have it." Woman. I hate you. I would rather be homeless then have to go back to you for money. I will die before I ask her for help again.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: The Lurker on October 14, 2015, 08:59:23 AM
http://www.sciencealert.com/new-alzheimer-s-treatment-fully-restores-memory-function (http://www.sciencealert.com/new-alzheimer-s-treatment-fully-restores-memory-function)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 14, 2015, 10:08:42 AM
http://www.sciencealert.com/new-alzheimer-s-treatment-fully-restores-memory-function (http://www.sciencealert.com/new-alzheimer-s-treatment-fully-restores-memory-function)

Wow, I really hope this scales up and works on larger brains, this would be a massive breakthrough if it does.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 14, 2015, 10:44:52 AM
he promised me he said he wouldn't leave me like everyone else does. he promised.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 14, 2015, 04:02:01 PM
So today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Out of left field. On the plus side, I have vodka.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 14, 2015, 05:47:46 PM
Some days are better than others. tonight particularly is really bad for me. now.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: BathTub on October 14, 2015, 05:48:51 PM
So today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Out of left field. On the plus side, I have vodka.

Wow, things seemed to be going so well. Sorry to hear that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 14, 2015, 06:26:40 PM
So today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Out of left field. On the plus side, I have vodka.

Wow, things seemed to be going so well. Sorry to hear that.

Agreed.  I was going to post today that you have gone a long time here without a serious "episode".  I'm sorry to hear the bad news for you, and Soguru, too.  Hope you both feel better soon.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 14, 2015, 06:45:10 PM
He says he wants to talk tomorrow. I don't know if I want him back after this. I feel so hollow and empty.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 15, 2015, 04:44:12 AM
Well its done. Over. I feel horrible. I want to die. I feel like I'm going to puke.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 15, 2015, 09:13:08 AM
So, that's what he wanted to talk about.  :-[    I hope you can cope with this. *hugs*
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 15, 2015, 10:45:40 AM
So, that's what he wanted to talk about.  :-[    I hope you can cope with this. *hugs*

My coping methods for this, I think are going to be drastically restructuring my life. Moving to a new state and trying to pick myself up.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 15, 2015, 08:02:29 PM
I can't do this. I'm so alone. I want to die. He promised me that he was different. He promised me he wouldn't leave like everyone else. I trusted him. I believed him. He told me we'd grow old and we would have a life. He told me all that. Why would he tell me that and then leave.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 16, 2015, 03:29:08 PM
He told me he still loves me. And I still love him. I just need to get better. I need to handle myself better and be someone who's worth being. I'm getting him back. I don't care how long it takes. He still loves me, and I'm getting him back. I just need to work for it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 17, 2015, 01:42:17 PM
This hurts so much. I wish my last suicide attempt worked.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 19, 2015, 07:48:34 PM
This hurts so much. I wish my last suicide attempt worked.
Lawful you really, really need to stop thinking that way. It doesn't do you any good and it just hurts us all here. I have my moments where I think people don't care, but that's wrong because people do care. From the one person at Starbucks who enjoys your jokes, to the random person on the street you smile at. You make a difference in the lives of people with your life. Never throw it away Lawful, please, not for anything. Please, you've REALLY got to stop talking that way. You deserve to have and live a healthy and happy life and you deserve no less than that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 20, 2015, 12:03:47 AM
Spent 10 minutes arguing with someone about transwomen. His assertion was that I am not and will never be a woman, because I don't have a period, can't get pregnant, things like that. I argued that so the fuck what, a woman isn't her chromosomes. People that are convinced that facts are people are very dickish.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on October 20, 2015, 06:50:26 AM
So I found out something last night that I should've figured out a while back, but didn't notice because I had other things on my mind. My ex-wife told me earlier in the day that she wanted to talk to me about something that night. I figured that I'd done yet another thing wrong in her eyes and that I'd have to endure another lecture. Then I met her while her boys (my ex step sons) were in a scout meeting. As soon as she got out of the van, I knew what she wanted to talk about. Turns out there was a reason she was wearing baggy, loose clothing every time I saw her up until now. Yeah, the damn woman got herself knocked up. And not only that, but she knew she was pregnant before we even physically separated. I know it's not mine because not only had it been a while since we'd had sex, but we'd used protection as well. Which brings up a point. What kind of idiot cheats and doesn't use protection? So now I don't know how to feel about this. In a selfish way, I'm happy because that's yet another thing I have against her if she decides to get nasty. But it also means that the dumbass she's with now will be around for at least the foreseeable future. I have a feeling it won't last in the long run, though. They weren't even a month into the affair when she got pregnant, it seems. And now my depressive side has kicked in. I don't know how to feel about it. I told her I wouldn't say anything to my family, but I reeeeeeally want to. I called a friend as soon as I got home because I had to tell someone. It's one of those things where you're surprised, but not really. It explains a lot of why she's jumped into the relationship with the new guy so quickly. She rationalizes it by saying that they already knew each other, but that was over 15 years ago. People change quite a bit in that time. I know I have. Anyway, I'm thinking I need to look for affordable counseling in my area because I need some help processing all this without resorting to self medication.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 20, 2015, 08:27:16 AM
Spent 10 minutes arguing with someone about transwomen. His assertion was that I am not and will never be a woman, because I don't have a period, can't get pregnant, things like that. I argued that so the fuck what, a woman isn't her chromosomes. People that are convinced that facts are people are very dickish.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a gene for the differences between the male and female brain, independent from the ones that tell the body to be configured male or female.  They are finding stuff like that all the time now.  Eventually all this stuff society has issues with will be proved to be stuff people are conceived with and not changeable by simply telling people not to be that way.

Back to the argument, did you ask him if a woman has a hysterectomy is she still a woman?   Are elderly woman still women?

Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 20, 2015, 08:44:46 AM
Spent 10 minutes arguing with someone about transwomen. His assertion was that I am not and will never be a woman, because I don't have a period, can't get pregnant, things like that. I argued that so the fuck what, a woman isn't her chromosomes. People that are convinced that facts are people are very dickish.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a gene for the differences between the male and female brain, independent from the ones that tell the body to be configured male or female.  They are finding stuff like that all the time now.  Eventually all this stuff society has issues with will be proved to be stuff people are conceived with and not changeable by simply telling people not to be that way.

Back to the argument, did you ask him if a woman has a hysterectomy is she still a woman?   Are elderly woman still women?

No, I didn't. I was rather upset.

This morning I want to call Bas so much and I know that it's a horrible idea but I misss him. This hurts so much and I feel like my heart has been ripped out of mychest. I feel so empty and hollow right now. I've not really had anyone come round for days.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 20, 2015, 09:19:27 AM
Spent 10 minutes arguing with someone about transwomen. His assertion was that I am not and will never be a woman, because I don't have a period, can't get pregnant, things like that. I argued that so the fuck what, a woman isn't her chromosomes. People that are convinced that facts are people are very dickish.
Fuck that guy. Just ignore him.
Anyway, I'm thinking I need to look for affordable counseling in my area because I need some help processing all this without resorting to self medication.
That may be for the best. Go to a place that accepts your insurance and you may need to talk to more than one counselor before you find one who matches your personality and everything.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 21, 2015, 07:03:20 AM
I wish my friends weren't leaving me alone alll the time right now... I don't have the willpower to not message Bas :(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on October 21, 2015, 11:15:27 AM
Anyway, I'm thinking I need to look for affordable counseling in my area because I need some help processing all this without resorting to self medication.
That may be for the best. Go to a place that accepts your insurance and you may need to talk to more than one counselor before you find one who matches your personality and everything.

The only problem with insurance is that due to budget restraints, I opted for the preventative only insurance plan, so I don't think that will be a help to me in seeking counseling. But I do know that there are some counselors that charge on a scale, depending on your income, so I'll look for one of those and go from there if the first one doesn't work. I know I'm not stepping anywhere near a faith-based counselor, though. I don't need scripture, I need an ear and an idea of how to cope with all the bullshit life keeps tossing me.

I'm kinda glad my ex didn't tell me before now, though. I probably would've punched her bf when he tried to talk to me once instead of simply ignoring him like I did. Fucker thinks because he knocked up my wife we're equals. Fuck that jackass redneck.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 21, 2015, 11:42:15 AM
Even my counselor despite having her own faith doesn't try to push any kind of religion on me. But what might help are learning some meditation and breathing techniques. Keep in mind though... I'm no doctor.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 21, 2015, 07:49:58 PM
For the last week or so (month?) I’ve again been at the level of mental exhaustion where I am near tears and can barely move I am so brain-tired.  If I try to watch something on TV with a plot I end up with a headache, and usually confused about what happened in the show (or simply not remember any of it).  Reading here takes enormous energy and I can't think enough to respond to people like I might otherwise - any thoughts I try to formulate in response are fractured and incomplete.

I am so fucking sick of this.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 21, 2015, 08:22:03 PM
Wow, I certainly hate to hear that, Lucas!  :'(

Is there anything you can do about it?   

Watch something that's plotless...maybe some MST or cartoons.

Take a break from serious posts and stick to fun threads for a while.

I sure hope there some way to re-energize yourself!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 22, 2015, 05:16:05 AM
Or listen to music?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 22, 2015, 11:22:37 AM
Thanks, Miku and anais.

[[Edit just before posting: As usual when in this state I wrote a lot when I should have kept it short.]]

One of the only things that works is to not use my brain as much, which is very difficult because I've had to shut down the pursuit of so many interests since the TBIs there's little left to eliminate.  [I realize that doesn't quite make sense, but can't figure out how to explain better. :(  (Edit before posting: but, of course, I wrote a lot here to try.)]

I've used most MSTs as 'sleep aids' for years (the less-funny ones provided just enough word-based attention to keep me from circular thinking which kept me awake, and since I watched them so much, they were too familiar to remain interesting enough to keep me attentive [or require effort to process]) so those aren't available.  The RiffTrax and other riffings I have require a lot of energy to process, because I have to process both the film and the comments simultaneously (constantly alternating between the two) in order to comprehend the humor.  So they are, when I'm like this, exhausting to watch.  I will likely try cartoons at this point.  Thank you for the reminder, Miku Fan.

These days, if I try to 'do nothing' (like not watch TV or do stuff on the computer) I tend to have thoughts about the multitude of regrets I have.  Everything from being unable to socialize (so no potential for dating or a life partner for the rest of my life, unable to visit with my parents in Illinois for almost a decade who are now about 90 years old and clearly getting ready to 'move on', much less have even just short visits with friends), to losing my career that I spent so much of my life attaining, to not being able to read much (because visualizing for a novel is mentally exhausting [though even reading comics is mentally exhausting], and reading more technical stuff is exhausting to comprehend), to the huge amounts of money I've lost because I couldn't think clearly enough to do things (everything from selling things worth over $1000 on eBay for about $50 because I couldn't think clearly enough to recognize what I was doing, to the over 1/4 of a million $ I've lost to the insurance company's avoiding medical reimbursement, to losses even predating the head injuries [where those investments could really help me out financially now, had I held on to them (near-complete Marvel superhero comics I collected in my teens, but sold before moving to Michigan for grad school for neuropsychology training, would be worth 2-3 million dollars now and would make life considerably less financially stressful - plus I just regret getting rid of them)]).  And numerous other things I regret and/or get angry about.  So 'not distracting myself' with something results in a downward spiral of my mood.

I do try to force myself to listen to very involving music, but can't always manage to do that as I can't even focus on that sometimes.  At my best, I can become so involved with music that I don't think about all the regrets, but that happens less when I am in bad shape because I don't have the capacity to process the depth and intricacies of the music I really love at those points, so it becomes background music for the regrets.  If I'm subclinically seizing I can't shut my thinking off either, but right now I'm past that point into 'system crash'.

I've likened my functioning (like now) to Windows 95: my thinking fucks up more and more simply from being 'on', until finally none of the programs work worth shit and it has to be turned off for a bit, then rebooted.  I'm in the 'have to be turned off for a bit' stage now.  But with demands on me for things on deadlines (financial processing [checking VISA statements and prepping info for insurance submissions, shipping out Amazon Marketplace sales, etc.]), and simply for things like 'remembering to eat on time', I often end up pushing myself when I don't have the mental energy for it.

The only thing that really works is try as much as possible not to think and wait it out.  Not an easy thing to do.  It is like frequently walking on a broken ankle, but trying to put little pressure on it: every additional step hurts and makes it take longer to heal.  But this is a perpetually broken brain, so there IS no end-stage healing for it, I can only do 'a bit better' with it over time [and other than the changes I noticed from cutting sugar out of my diet, we're talking 5-10 years for noticing improvements].
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 23, 2015, 12:01:26 AM
I'm not sure what to say Lucas. :( I really wish I knew. I don't like to see people suffering or struggling. Human beings deserve better, especially those who've put forth a true effort to really do something with their lives. Just don't forget you fall into that category and you owe yourself a quality of life that makes you happy.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 23, 2015, 05:38:34 AM
Lucas, I thought of this last night. I hope I come across as what I am trying to be: helpful


These days, if I try to 'do nothing' (like not watch TV or do stuff on the computer) I tend to have thoughts about the multitude of regrets I have.  Everything from being unable to socialize (so no potential for dating or a life partner for the rest of my life, unable to visit with my parents in Illinois for almost a decade who are now about 90 years old and clearly getting ready to 'move on', much less have even just short visits with friends),

I don't want to invalidate these feelings. Even though I am very anti-friendships and relationships at the moment, I recognize that is actually mentally unhealthy, so wanting friendships, a relationship, and to see your parents are very very normal.

But....

I want to say you DO have friendships. You have us. I don't know if you visit any other forums, but I know in this forum, and me especially, your presence is welcome, appreciated, and I notice when you energy is missing from this community. It might not be the traditional idea of friendship you grew up with, but it is there.

to losing my career that I spent so much of my life attaining,

Expanding on what I said above, you practice your career here everytime you comment on those of us feeling down. For me, you helped me through a very rough time, and you used the practice and training from that career to do it. You sent me butterfly and rabbit pictures and started a beautiful pictures thread because you know how important cute and pretty things are to our pysches. You respond very often in our mental health threads because that is the career you wanted for so long. Again, you might not be using your schooling/training in the exact way you thought, but you are using it, and you. are. helping!


to not being able to read much (because visualizing for a novel is mentally exhausting [though even reading comics is mentally exhausting], and reading more technical stuff is exhausting to comprehend),

This one I might not be able to help you with because without reading, I would end up punching everyone in the face. (hopefully you at least laughed :) )

to the huge amounts of money I've lost because I couldn't think clearly enough to do things (everything from selling things worth over $1000 on eBay for about $50 because I couldn't think clearly enough to recognize what I was doing,

I can understand this feeling to an extent. Recently, I blew $200 bucks booking a hotel through travelocity I ended up cancelling (I had to pay at least night. They wanted to charge me the entire amount). I also lost $300ish bucks to a student loan consolidation scam. And...I don't have head trauma, so it is a lot easier to chalk my money problems to sheer stupidity on my part (I don't. They were just very costly mistakes :( )

to the over 1/4 of a million $ I've lost to the insurance company's avoiding medical reimbursement,

You are NOT alone in this. My only advice is to #FeelTheBern.

(If you ever want to share details of your story, I would be happy to write an article and post it on the internet. The more data on these horrible practices, the more leverage we have).


to losses even predating the head injuries [where those investments could really help me out financially now, had I held on to them (near-complete Marvel superhero comics I collected in my teens, but sold before moving to Michigan for grad school for neuropsychology training, would be worth 2-3 million dollars now and would make life considerably less financially stressful - plus I just regret getting rid of them)]).  And numerous other things I regret and/or get angry about.  So 'not distracting myself' with something results in a downward spiral of my mood.

This sounds like good old fashioned regret. But if I learned anything from The Last Unicorn (other than not to use magic to turn trees into large-boobied women), it's that regret is an important part of life because it makes us who we are. You used that money for your schooling (which you still use all the time, at least with us). I know it would be nice to have financial safety right now, but I don't think you made a mistake selling them.




I really hope this makes you feel a little better. You mean so much to me as a member of this forum (and I assume lots of other people, but I am not going to talk for them). You are still a wonderful person, and I appreciate you.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 23, 2015, 03:19:39 PM
Thank you very much Soguru and anais.  Brain past overload.  Will try to respond more later, but wanted to acknowledge that I read and appreciated what you wrote now.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 24, 2015, 09:46:58 AM
Since Bas left me, I've gone from extremely depressed, to positive, to depressed as fuck. Now I'm in the stage where my inhibitions are pretty much gone. I flirted with some guys yesterday while I was out having a ciggie. ME. Flirting... Put an ad on craigslist last night for hookups. I don't know whether I should be ok with what I'm doing now, or if I should feel shitty. I've always said that sex is way more in this country than it should be, random hookups are ok, but I feel like I'm cheating, and I feel terrible, because it's like, I want him back, but will he take me back since I've gone on a binge of sleeping with pretty much anything that moves?  :-\
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 24, 2015, 05:56:41 PM
Functioning (marginally) better today... at least enough to write more than what I did before.

Thank you, Soguru.  I really appreciate the support.

Thank you very much anais.  I greatly appreciate you addressing each point I made.  And yes, I did get a couple chuckles from things you wrote (about reading, and the parenthesied 'learned thing' from The Last Unicorn).  It does help to know that you care about my presence here, and that I've made a difference.  Because I tend not to think about it as I'm just 'doing what I do'.  With that, it often doesn't register for me that what I write has impact (unless it is the negative from my botching writing something [or simply write too much] and that is pointed out to me).

And, anais, to respond to your semi-question, no, I don't visit any other forum regularly, and even if I do visit on rare occasion, I almost never comment elsewhere: so if I'm not commenting here, basically I'm not 'talking' anywhere online.

anais, I plan to print out what you wrote so I can remind myself as needed of the many helpful things you wrote.  Thank you.



Lawful_Cupcake, how everyone treats and acts on their sexuality is their own decision.  The only thing that would be 'wrong' was if you were doing things you weren't comfortable with as a way to 'punish' yourself or make yourself feel worse.  With that, use protection for disease prevention, as you don't want experimentation or sex play to result in lifetime disease of any kind that could make things worse for you.  [You might want to rethink your sources for partners, as I've heard some bad things about Craig's List contacts.  But that may not be the case.]
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 25, 2015, 12:24:24 AM
Functioning (marginally) better today... at least enough to write more than what I did before.

Thank you, Soguru.  I really appreciate the support.

Thank you very much anais.  I greatly appreciate you addressing each point I made.  And yes, I did get a couple chuckles from things you wrote (about reading, and the parenthesied 'learned thing' from The Last Unicorn).  It does help to know that you care about my presence here, and that I've made a difference.  Because I tend not to think about it as I'm just 'doing what I do'.  With that, it often doesn't register for me that what I write has impact (unless it is the negative from my botching writing something [or simply write too much] and that is pointed out to me).

And, anais, to respond to your semi-question, no, I don't visit any other forum regularly, and even if I do visit on rare occasion, I almost never comment elsewhere: so if I'm not commenting here, basically I'm not 'talking' anywhere online.

anais, I plan to print out what you wrote so I can remind myself as needed of the many helpful things you wrote.  Thank you.



Lawful_Cupcake, how everyone treats and acts on their sexuality is their own decision.  The only thing that would be 'wrong' was if you were doing things you weren't comfortable with as a way to 'punish' yourself or make yourself feel worse.  With that, use protection for disease prevention, as you don't want experimentation or sex play to result in lifetime disease of any kind that could make things worse for you.  [You might want to rethink your sources for partners, as I've heard some bad things about Craig's List contacts.  But that may not be the case.]

I could look at my dating profiles on okcupid and pof... idk. Theyre not much better. Besides the danger aspect kind of does it for me...
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 25, 2015, 04:43:35 PM
My anxiety levels are going through the fucking roof right now. God dammit I don't need this!!!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 26, 2015, 02:40:39 AM
Called Bas. Talked to him for like two hours. Got told that he doesn't love me anymore.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on October 26, 2015, 07:51:36 AM
Called Bas. Talked to him for like two hours. Got told that he doesn't love me anymore.

That's shitty. I've never understood how people just fall in and out of love like that. Maybe it's because for me, "love" is more than just that butterfly feeling in your stomach. It's more about attachment and truly caring about the person you're with and their wants and needs. It's why I say that I loved my ex-wife, but I was never "in love" with her. She never gave me that euphoric feeling you get with someone you're attracted to, but I cared about her and did what I could to support her. I never fawned over her, or whispered sweet nothings, or did any of that romantic shit that apparently she wanted. And over the years, her "love" for me turned into resentment that blew our differences out of proportion until that was all she saw anymore. And then she found someone else and got knocked up.

Anyway, what I'm saying, LC, is that I understand what being dumped by the one person who was supposed to be there for you is like. It's even worse when they took a vow in front of everyone you know to be there for you. And I know how empty meaningless sex can feel for someone who tends toward depression. It's good to get out there every now and then when you aren't looking for anything serious, but don't let it drag you down further or hurt someone else in the process.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 26, 2015, 08:28:52 AM
I don't even want to know what that feels like. Most of my "relationships" if you can even call them that failed to even take the most basic level of flight. In the year 2000, I had a couple dates with someone I met and then... nothing. We met a couple times for lunch and those were the only times we were together. I admit, it was my fault for waiting so long and after a while I tried calling her and she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I definitely wasn't ready for a relationship back then because there were too many things in the way in my life.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 26, 2015, 09:32:28 AM
Called Bas. Talked to him for like two hours. Got told that he doesn't love me anymore.

That's shitty. I've never understood how people just fall in and out of love like that. Maybe it's because for me, "love" is more than just that butterfly feeling in your stomach. It's more about attachment and truly caring about the person you're with and their wants and needs. It's why I say that I loved my ex-wife, but I was never "in love" with her. She never gave me that euphoric feeling you get with someone you're attracted to, but I cared about her and did what I could to support her. I never fawned over her, or whispered sweet nothings, or did any of that romantic shit that apparently she wanted. And over the years, her "love" for me turned into resentment that blew our differences out of proportion until that was all she saw anymore. And then she found someone else and got knocked up.

Anyway, what I'm saying, LC, is that I understand what being dumped by the one person who was supposed to be there for you is like. It's even worse when they took a vow in front of everyone you know to be there for you. And I know how empty meaningless sex can feel for someone who tends toward depression. It's good to get out there every now and then when you aren't looking for anything serious, but don't let it drag you down further or hurt someone else in the process.

I called him because I thought we'd still had a chance, I thought that maybe we could work things out, because he'd been telling me he still loved me. Then when I try to work stuff out with him, he tells me that he hasn't loved me since a few days before he broke up. It's like I'm getting broken up with all over again.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 26, 2015, 08:28:55 PM
Having a panic attack because I am going to buy a new car tomorrow.

Just confirms I haven't been doing enough different stuff during the last year, same patterns every week, anything new has me messed up.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 26, 2015, 10:00:41 PM
I'm sorry that's happening, Marty.  I hope that things go smoothly with the car you choose.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on October 26, 2015, 10:01:06 PM
And I was stressed out the other day because I thought I needed to buy a cell phone... and luckily as it turns out I didn't have to, but for some reason that whole ordeal caused me some serious grief.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 26, 2015, 10:26:36 PM
I hope the new car will alleviate some of your anxiety, Marty!  Good luck~
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 26, 2015, 10:49:47 PM
I hope the new car will alleviate some of your anxiety, Marty!  Good luck~

It's the process of buying the darn thing that has my heart racing.  I hate haggling, hate listening to sales people trying to push stuff, hate the trying to get more for the trade in, etc, etc....  Once it's over I'll be able to calm down.

Took 2 benadryl 2 hours ago hoping it would make me drowsy enough to want to sleep, so far not so much, but I better get off the computer and at least lie still all night and even if I don't fall asleep I'll be somewhat rested.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 26, 2015, 11:40:34 PM
I hope the new car will alleviate some of your anxiety, Marty!  Good luck~

It's the process of buying the darn thing that has my heart racing.  I hate haggling, hate listening to sales people trying to push stuff, hate the trying to get more for the trade in, etc, etc....  Once it's over I'll be able to calm down.

Took 2 benadryl 2 hours ago hoping it would make me drowsy enough to want to sleep, so far not so much, but I better get off the computer and at least lie still all night and even if I don't fall asleep I'll be somewhat rested.


I understood what you meant.  ;)   I meant, after the car is purchased, and you are driving around in your new car, (I hope) THAT will ease some of your general anxiety.
At least any "old car" or "no car" anxiety you may have.

I suffer from anxiety, myself.  I bought a new car 4 years ago.  It was hell, even though everything went fine, and within 4 or 5 hours of walking onto the car lot, I drove away in my new car. 

I hope you get some rest.

I started feeling better immediately. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on October 27, 2015, 07:23:04 AM
Called Bas. Talked to him for like two hours. Got told that he doesn't love me anymore.

That's shitty. I've never understood how people just fall in and out of love like that. Maybe it's because for me, "love" is more than just that butterfly feeling in your stomach. It's more about attachment and truly caring about the person you're with and their wants and needs. It's why I say that I loved my ex-wife, but I was never "in love" with her. She never gave me that euphoric feeling you get with someone you're attracted to, but I cared about her and did what I could to support her. I never fawned over her, or whispered sweet nothings, or did any of that romantic shit that apparently she wanted. And over the years, her "love" for me turned into resentment that blew our differences out of proportion until that was all she saw anymore. And then she found someone else and got knocked up.

Anyway, what I'm saying, LC, is that I understand what being dumped by the one person who was supposed to be there for you is like. It's even worse when they took a vow in front of everyone you know to be there for you. And I know how empty meaningless sex can feel for someone who tends toward depression. It's good to get out there every now and then when you aren't looking for anything serious, but don't let it drag you down further or hurt someone else in the process.

I called him because I thought we'd still had a chance, I thought that maybe we could work things out, because he'd been telling me he still loved me. Then when I try to work stuff out with him, he tells me that he hasn't loved me since a few days before he broke up. It's like I'm getting broken up with all over again.

Well, like I said, that is really shitty. Even if it was true, you don't tell someone that. You make up a pretty lie and tell them that it's not you, it's me. Geez, use some decorum, people. It's why past asking whether my wife was in love with her new guy before we officially, physically separated in June, I haven't asked her a damn thing about her feelings about me. I don't want to know. I really don't give a shit. Especially knowing what I know now. Her stupid ass doesn't deserve me.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 27, 2015, 08:43:13 AM
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 27, 2015, 09:22:52 AM
Called Bas. Talked to him for like two hours. Got told that he doesn't love me anymore.

That's shitty. I've never understood how people just fall in and out of love like that. Maybe it's because for me, "love" is more than just that butterfly feeling in your stomach. It's more about attachment and truly caring about the person you're with and their wants and needs. It's why I say that I loved my ex-wife, but I was never "in love" with her. She never gave me that euphoric feeling you get with someone you're attracted to, but I cared about her and did what I could to support her. I never fawned over her, or whispered sweet nothings, or did any of that romantic shit that apparently she wanted. And over the years, her "love" for me turned into resentment that blew our differences out of proportion until that was all she saw anymore. And then she found someone else and got knocked up.

Anyway, what I'm saying, LC, is that I understand what being dumped by the one person who was supposed to be there for you is like. It's even worse when they took a vow in front of everyone you know to be there for you. And I know how empty meaningless sex can feel for someone who tends toward depression. It's good to get out there every now and then when you aren't looking for anything serious, but don't let it drag you down further or hurt someone else in the process.

I called him because I thought we'd still had a chance, I thought that maybe we could work things out, because he'd been telling me he still loved me. Then when I try to work stuff out with him, he tells me that he hasn't loved me since a few days before he broke up. It's like I'm getting broken up with all over again.

Well, like I said, that is really shitty. Even if it was true, you don't tell someone that. You make up a pretty lie and tell them that it's not you, it's me. Geez, use some decorum, people. It's why past asking whether my wife was in love with her new guy before we officially, physically separated in June, I haven't asked her a damn thing about her feelings about me. I don't want to know. I really don't give a shit. Especially knowing what I know now. Her stupid ass doesn't deserve me.

No, I mean that part hurts, but that's not the reas on I'm upset. I'm upset that he tried to protect me from feeling bad by leading me on and letting me think that it was possible it wasn't over. It hurts because if he'd told me before it got so bad, maybe I could've done something about it. But he just kept telling me that everything was ok, that he'd never leave. Then I finally bullied him into giving me s straight answer, and this.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 27, 2015, 10:08:12 AM
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 27, 2015, 11:33:23 AM
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 27, 2015, 04:23:07 PM
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.

I understand that.  But, he told you he stopped loving you a few days before the breakup.   I find that odd, as in, "don't believe him."    I think it's more likely what you just said, that it degraded over time.  That seems to be how it goes for most people.  :(


Anyway,  I must say, LC-  Compared to my impression of you when I first arrived here, you seem to be a much stronger person now.    I'm not saying you don't hurt, or anything like that.  But, you have grown much stronger.  :)   I'm glad about that!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 27, 2015, 08:13:31 PM
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.

I understand that.  But, he told you he stopped loving you a few days before the breakup.   I find that odd, as in, "don't believe him."    I think it's more likely what you just said, that it degraded over time.  That seems to be how it goes for most people.  :(


Anyway,  I must say, LC-  Compared to my impression of you when I first arrived here, you seem to be a much stronger person now.    I'm not saying you don't hurt, or anything like that.  But, you have grown much stronger.  :)   I'm glad about that!

I'm not. I'm not anything. Im useless and I'm trash. I'm not worth caring about. I should've ended it properly ages ago.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on October 28, 2015, 08:52:37 AM
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.

I understand that.  But, he told you he stopped loving you a few days before the breakup.   I find that odd, as in, "don't believe him."    I think it's more likely what you just said, that it degraded over time.  That seems to be how it goes for most people.  :(


Anyway,  I must say, LC-  Compared to my impression of you when I first arrived here, you seem to be a much stronger person now.    I'm not saying you don't hurt, or anything like that.  But, you have grown much stronger.  :)   I'm glad about that!

I'm not. I'm not anything. Im useless and I'm trash. I'm not worth caring about. I should've ended it properly ages ago.

Alright, none of that, missy. I understand your hurt over being led to believe everything was fine when it wasn't. That's why I've made sure that in the small amount of dating that I've done since separating I've been completely up-front and honest and not said anything that I didn't actually feel. So when I've come to the conclusion that I didn't see it going anywhere, I told them that. I'm not going to lie and drag anything out to smooth things over. I've seen firsthand what happens in the long run. And it ain't pretty.

Just because this relationship ended, don't let it mess with your sense of self worth. It hurts and it'll take some time to grieve before you move on, but who you are at the core was not dependent on that relationship. I've come to see that myself recently. I even hid some aspects of my true self during my marriage and found other parts to play, but now I'm rediscovering who I am and what I really want for my life. Yeah, at the worst times, I feel like a failure and that I'll never find someone who will get me, but one thing I know now for certain is that being alone is much better than being with the wrong person. It's never good when a relationship becomes a prison instead of a partnership.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 28, 2015, 09:12:50 AM
Suppressing who you are is bad in all aspects of life.  The energy require to keep it going forever will wear you down eventually.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 28, 2015, 01:00:14 PM
It's odd her can tell LC basically the day he stopped loving her.  Odd...

I was thinking the same thing, love is not something you can normally switch off that quickly.

I'm half way through buying a new car, kind of worked out well splitting it up since I had to come in to work for a few hours after noon.  So test drove the car in the morning and started some of the paperwork, going back in the afternoon to finish up.  Doing it in stages is keeping my heart rate down a bit.

He didn't just switch it off. Things had been apparently degrading for a month or so.

I understand that.  But, he told you he stopped loving you a few days before the breakup.   I find that odd, as in, "don't believe him."    I think it's more likely what you just said, that it degraded over time.  That seems to be how it goes for most people.  :(


Anyway,  I must say, LC-  Compared to my impression of you when I first arrived here, you seem to be a much stronger person now.    I'm not saying you don't hurt, or anything like that.  But, you have grown much stronger.  :)   I'm glad about that!

I'm not. I'm not anything. Im useless and I'm trash. I'm not worth caring about. I should've ended it properly ages ago.

Alright, none of that, missy. I understand your hurt over being led to believe everything was fine when it wasn't. That's why I've made sure that in the small amount of dating that I've done since separating I've been completely up-front and honest and not said anything that I didn't actually feel. So when I've come to the conclusion that I didn't see it going anywhere, I told them that. I'm not going to lie and drag anything out to smooth things over. I've seen firsthand what happens in the long run. And it ain't pretty.

Just because this relationship ended, don't let it mess with your sense of self worth. It hurts and it'll take some time to grieve before you move on, but who you are at the core was not dependent on that relationship. I've come to see that myself recently. I even hid some aspects of my true self during my marriage and found other parts to play, but now I'm rediscovering who I am and what I really want for my life. Yeah, at the worst times, I feel like a failure and that I'll never find someone who will get me, but one thing I know now for certain is that being alone is much better than being with the wrong person. It's never good when a relationship becomes a prison instead of a partnership.

It's evidence saying that I will screw up all the relationships I'm in, because I'm a psychocrazybitch and no one should have to deal with that. I can't control myself and manage my stress properly, I'm a wreck and a horrible person and useless. Bas did something wrong in not communicating to me how badly my state was affecting him. But I could've done more to try and make it better on him.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on October 28, 2015, 03:44:10 PM
I'm sure you could've done more. Just like I could've in my marriage. But in the end, would it have been enough to fix things or enough to prolong the inevitable? In my case, it would've been the latter. When it comes down to it, I never should've married my wife. Or perhaps I shouldn't have hidden my real feelings behind passiveness and been honest enough to end it years ago. I love my daughter more than life itself and she's the only thing about that relationship I don't regret in the slightest.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 31, 2015, 10:06:18 AM
I'm pretty fucking defeated today. All I can think about is the fact that my parents have a lot of guns in their house, and since I'm going to be there in a week, i could easily just do it then. Last Sunday I had a belt around my neck and almost did it in my closet. I hate being so absolutely alone right now, but I don't want to inflict myself on anyone. I can't do this anymore. The only reason I'm smoking again is because I know that it has a pretty good chance of giving me a clot, which has a good chance of killing me. I mean, obvious benefits of liking it and it being somewhat soothing are a plus. I just don't see the point in anything anymore. I want to be gone. I can't do this.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on October 31, 2015, 02:24:32 PM
If you kill yourself, you will mentally harm others. Especially if you do it at someone else's house or with someone else's gun.   I can't recall you ever wanting to harm someone else, but suicide will hurt those around you.  Absolutely will. 

What exactly is it you can't do?

You're smoking to commit suicide? Well, that might work, but it would surely suck if you found your happiness a day before you realize you have terminal cancer.


Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on October 31, 2015, 02:45:57 PM
If you kill yourself, you will mentally harm others. Especially if you do it at someone else's house or with someone else's gun.   I can't recall you ever wanting to harm someone else, but suicide will hurt those around you.  Absolutely will. 

What exactly is it you can't do?

You're smoking to commit suicide? Well, that might work, but it would surely suck if you found your happiness a day before you realize you have terminal cancer.

Terminal cancer isn't the idea. The idea is that it increases my chance of clots exponentially when mixed with estrogen.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on November 01, 2015, 12:06:16 AM
This inertia is getting ridiculous, spending weeks/days/hours leading up to seeing anyone stressing about how long I've had to get in better shape, sort my head/finance/life out, etc, etc but transferring that into ANY energy or momentum takes so much focus. Ugh. maybe time to go back on medication
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 02, 2015, 08:28:52 AM
This is probably a better place to post this than in the Completely Random Thoughts thread..
My 'bipolar' roommate that lives in the 'Mega Shed' we built back in 2011 has turned into a complete asshole towards me since the end of September!
To start off, he was living homeless out of his van for over 3 years; sometimes at acquaintances driveways, other times in my driveway. The wife was getting tired of seeing this big red Chevy van in our driveway and I had a vacant lot next door so I came up with the idea that we could build something on the lot so he would have a roof over his head. The deal was I financed the supplies and he and I built it.
After completion by the end of 2011, I basically owed him around $10000 dollars for his labor. The deal was he would live there for $300 a month minus $150 that would go towards the labor I owe him, the other $150 would go towards the monthly utility payment. Sometimes he would work and pay his monthly portion and other times he wouldn't. After 4 years the amount has now dwindled down to about $1800 I still owe him.

So anyway, I asked for his portion of the October utility bill 1 day early because we were leaving for Mexico early October 1 and he goes off on me by email that it's not his problem and rambles on accusing me of spying on him and other crazy BS, and even threatens to call the dog pound to pick up my dog.. I ignore the emails and go on my vacation.
Return October 14 and ask for his portion and he leaves it on the fence. My dog is still here but my 2 bunnies mysteriously died; one apparently a couple days before we got home and the other a couple days after we got home.. No explanation so I decide to bring my dog over to my side of the fence and lock the gate because I feel like my dog's life could be in danger since I don't know what killed both my bunnies..
Now it's November 2 and there's been no utility payment and no communication from him. He didn't go to work today so that gets me thinking back that he may be having problems at work as well.. He's been fired twice from the same employer and amazingly they rehired him a third time, probably because he's meticulous when it comes to his quality of work.. It's the main reason I've kept him around and put up with his crazy attitude but my patience, not to mention the remaining labor balance I owe him is running out and by next year when the money I owe him for labor is done, I'm probably gonna file 30-day eviction papers on him.
I sacrificed my retirement savings to help put a roof over his head, not to mention I helped him out multiple times over the last 18+ years when he had car trouble and I let him use my truck and other vehicles I had in the past.. Many other people have stopped having anything to do with him but I hung in there cause I felt sorry for him. He seems to mooch off people for as long as he can and then when you try to cut off the 'leach', he turns 180 degrees on you.
He just needs to go; off my property and out of my life once and for all!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on November 03, 2015, 07:47:02 PM
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/45/d4/c3/45d4c384c0bbd3ffe45dff7855d6a6d5.gif)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on November 05, 2015, 06:23:00 AM
RVR,
    I'm sorry to hear about this guy stressing your life.   The sooner he is out of your life, the better!
He sounds like trouble. :(   
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 05, 2015, 06:32:28 AM
RVR,
    I'm sorry to hear about this guy stressing your life.   The sooner he is out of your life, the better!
He sounds like trouble. :(
He finally paid me on the 3rd but only after I had to email him to remind him..
Because I still owe him money on labor I need to remain patient but when my debt to him is paid off sometime next year, yeah I think eviction papers will be filed!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 05, 2015, 06:48:20 AM
I burned the card Bas sent me on my birthday last night.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on November 05, 2015, 08:24:04 AM
I have done something like that before. My previous BF and I exchanged postcards all the time. I burned all of them after we broke up. (It was actually a really nice collection, so I probably should have kept them, but I needed to move on with my life).
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 05, 2015, 11:10:20 PM
I has a fun night... why do I want to die
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on November 06, 2015, 12:19:33 AM
I has a fun night... why do I want to die
You need something to distract yourself from whatever is causing all your stress and anxiety. Whenever you feel that way, call the help line, 1 800 273 8255, watch an episode of MST3k, a movie, a tv show, eat a bowl of cheerios, ANYTHING to get your mind off that stuff. Just keep in mind... I'm no doctor and all my advice amounts to basically little more than me just talking out my ass.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on November 06, 2015, 10:44:52 AM
FUUU*k!   Today is Friday??  DAMN IT! :angry:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Parker_Hylton on November 06, 2015, 11:12:20 AM
FUUU*k!   Today is Friday??  DAMN IT! :angry:
Yep...going to have to play Diablo 3 all day tomorrow and Sunday, Fallout 4 isn't out yet.  Sigh :P
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on November 06, 2015, 11:21:16 AM
FUUU*k!   Today is Friday??  DAMN IT! :angry:
Yep...going to have to play Diablo 3 all day tomorrow and Sunday, Fallout 4 isn't out yet.  Sigh :P

And Obduction isn't due until summer of next year.  8)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on November 07, 2015, 06:11:13 AM
Well I woke up and I feel a lot better. Not as horribly lethargic as last night anyway. I think I'm just gonna have to stick with one of my other meds that doesn't cause me problems. I swear, sometimes guys the cure is worse than the disease. :(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on November 07, 2015, 10:38:52 AM
I hate to hear it, Soguru.   My withdrawls are about over, afer several long months.    :D

Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 07, 2015, 02:27:13 PM
My mother dropped a he within 5 minutes of me being around her. This is going to be a long month.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on November 07, 2015, 08:50:34 PM
No offense Lawful but I'm not a big fan of your mom.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 08, 2015, 05:04:30 AM
I don't think many are, if they know about her non public face. I'm being allowed the couch, because even though they have a guest room, she insists that she has to sleep there
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 08, 2015, 12:41:49 PM
Read this article today, and thought maybe it would interest you guys (http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/10/ignore-gender-pronouns/)

I already sent a link to my mother, for all the good it'll do. She'll just say, "WELL YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY SON" and refuse to change anything about that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on November 08, 2015, 02:30:54 PM
That's way over my head. This is all pretty complicated.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 08, 2015, 05:54:09 PM
I don't really see how it's complicated. Not using someone's pronouns is a shitty thing to do. It takes minimal effort on your part, and makes a good difference in the other persons world.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 10, 2015, 06:51:24 PM
This thread might as well be named Cupcake and a few others when they're having problems...

So, I'm back living at my parents. I hate it. I don't want to be here. They don't want me here. But I don't really have anywhere else to go. When I got here, there weren't any hugs, or "Hey, haven't seen you in a while, how've you been?"'s. It was just "Oh, CODY'S here." Misgendered every time my mother mentioned me to another person, in front of me. They're not even giving me my own room, even though they have a guest room and I'm going to be here a while. I get to stay on the couch, because mother refuses to get ear plugs. I try to engage them. I try to talk to them, ask them how their days were, talk about things that happened with me that I thought were interesting. I get 1-2 word responses. Meanwhile, my brother gets here, they all talk to him a ton. He brings his girlfriend. My mother seemed legitimately MUCH more interested in her than she has been with me.

I expect this kind of behavior from them. I know they don't love me or care about me. But being here is making me feel like crying all the time. I'm kind of throwing myself into tumblr, which I've got mixed feelings about. I started it generally as a porn thing for myself after Bas left, where I could just post whatever I wanted, be a deviant, I don't know. I do enjoy the attention I get from it. It makes me feel attractive and desirable... but idk. It's probably not really that healthy... then again, it's fun and exciting. I don't know if I'm feeling weird about it because I'm having doubts, or if it's because I want doubts? There's super nothing wrong with doing that kind of stuff, and I do want to. I just don't know if it's for healthy reasons.

I don't really have the energy to do anything. Fallout 4 is being weird and I don't have the energy to troubleshoot it. I've been playing Pokemon on Showdown, but I lose a lot, and that's not good for my spirits, because I always know that it's my fault when I lose. Smoking has been happening more. I'm up to two packs a week now, which is more than I used to smoke, ever.I'm not too happy about it, but I just don't care. That's the big problem... I just don't care about anything. I'm just existing right now, and I don't care about anything.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 17, 2015, 05:12:43 AM
Went on my tumblr last night. Someone I knew recognized me. Strangely, I don't care. I'm 24 years old, I'm my own woman, what I do with my body is my business. I'm just surprised I got found, its unconnected to any accounts I use.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on November 17, 2015, 09:15:42 AM
I met a man I am actually attracted to, and it's weird. Shit just got real.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 17, 2015, 10:10:49 AM
I met a man I am actually attracted to, and it's weird. Shit just got real.
So is he a Man's-Man, a Ladies-Man, a Man-Bear-Pig? :P
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Hung william on November 17, 2015, 03:10:29 PM
For my birthday next week can I please troll this thread?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 17, 2015, 03:12:38 PM
For my birthday next week can I please troll this thread?

No.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on November 17, 2015, 03:20:44 PM
A second no.

Our words are backed by nuclear banhammers.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Hung william on November 17, 2015, 04:02:32 PM
"..my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives! You don't want the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall."
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 17, 2015, 04:07:07 PM
Why am I still talking to Bas? I still don't know. I know that he keeps telling me how great of a girlfriend I was, and then saying reasons why he left.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on November 17, 2015, 05:40:58 PM
Why am I still talking to Bas? I still don't know. I know that he keeps telling me how great of a girlfriend I was, and then saying reasons why he left.

Oh, FFS. Why even say stuff like that? That's some serious mind fuckery right there.

I finally told my ex that I'd told my lawyers about her being pregnant and that they'd gotten an extension until a paternity test was done. Why? Because she asked. I'm tired of the lies and dishonesty. I was trying to come up with a way to tell her, but I didn't want to lie and say that I didn't know what was going on with my attorney. She asked and I bit the bullet and told her. The last thing she said in a text was "Thank you for telling me."

(https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSFAdyMN8hgGFWjxOsytHddarE9Nrfdxif1RTe8fqh-zILkNq8y)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 17, 2015, 06:25:53 PM
Why am I still talking to Bas? I still don't know. I know that he keeps telling me how great of a girlfriend I was, and then saying reasons why he left.

Oh, FFS. Why even say stuff like that? That's some serious mind fuckery right there.

I finally told my ex that I'd told my lawyers about her being pregnant and that they'd gotten an extension until a paternity test was done. Why? Because she asked. I'm tired of the lies and dishonesty. I was trying to come up with a way to tell her, but I didn't want to lie and say that I didn't know what was going on with my attorney. She asked and I bit the bullet and told her. The last thing she said in a text was "Thank you for telling me."

(https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSFAdyMN8hgGFWjxOsytHddarE9Nrfdxif1RTe8fqh-zILkNq8y)

Hopefully she's being civil... itd be really shitty of her to being plotting revenge after that.

Bas said that he's saying it to try and make me realize that I was a great girlfriend. Which makes me feel worse, because if I really was great, we'd still be together.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on November 17, 2015, 06:42:08 PM
Just because someone is a 'great girlfriend' doesn't necessarily mean that you are compatible together.  So the one doesn't necessarily correspond to the other.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time still.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on November 17, 2015, 07:10:22 PM
Just because someone is a 'great girlfriend' doesn't necessarily mean that you are compatible together.  So the one doesn't necessarily correspond to the other.

I can second that. My son's mom was an amazing girlfriend. Sweet, thoughtful, and great in bed. But after a while, I realized that our personalities just didn't sync. Not for me, anyway. So I broke it off. And then she found out she was pregnant. Sigh... Sometimes I think my divorce is karma paying me back for what I did during that time. I was kind of an ass.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 17, 2015, 07:15:43 PM
Just because someone is a 'great girlfriend' doesn't necessarily mean that you are compatible together.  So the one doesn't necessarily correspond to the other.

I can second that. My son's mom was an amazing girlfriend. Sweet, thoughtful, and great in bed. But after a while, I realized that our personalities just didn't sync. Not for me, anyway. So I broke it off. And then she found out she was pregnant. Sigh... Sometimes I think my divorce is karma paying me back for what I did during that time. I was kind of an ass.

The reason we're trying to remain friends is because our personalities are in such sync. He'd had to step away because he felt like he was responsible for curing my depression and stopped loving me because of it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on November 19, 2015, 05:02:35 AM
I met a man I am actually attracted to, and it's weird. Shit just got real.
So is he a Man's-Man, a Ladies-Man, a Man-Bear-Pig? :P

Whichever one makes him super smart, really funny, and....well also super hot (well, to me: super tall and skinny, I mean HOW? I friggin get off watching American Ninja Warrior and this guy, although all muscle, couldn't get more muscle mass or muscle definition to save his life...but I digress....)

I also digress because he lives in Denver, and I am still here....for now*



*I was planning on moving back to D-town before I met him.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 19, 2015, 06:02:39 AM
I met a man I am actually attracted to, and it's weird. Shit just got real.
So is he a Man's-Man, a Ladies-Man, a Man-Bear-Pig? :P

Whichever one makes him super smart, really funny, and....well also super hot (well, to me: super tall and skinny, I mean HOW? I friggin get off watching American Ninja Warrior and this guy, although all muscle, couldn't get more muscle mass or muscle definition to save his life...but I digress....)

I also digress because he lives in Denver, and I am still here....for now*



*I was planning on moving back to D-town before I met him.
super skinny guys don't do it for me... I like at least some muscle structure. Don't have to be huge guys, but a bit... and a beard... and a healthy smattering of body hair...
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on November 19, 2015, 07:31:35 AM
super skinny guys don't do it for me... I like at least some muscle structure. Don't have to be huge guys, but a bit... and a beard... and a healthy smattering of body hair...

I love muscles, beards, and chest hair. This guys has none of those things*. Despite all this, I was still attracted to him. It's weird. Not sure if I like it. There is a lot of safety in never putting yourself out there to the opposite sex.

*Well he has muscles, but like I said, he is still super skinny.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 19, 2015, 10:08:50 AM
super skinny guys don't do it for me... I like at least some muscle structure. Don't have to be huge guys, but a bit... and a beard... and a healthy smattering of body hair...

I love muscles, beards, and chest hair. This guys has none of those things*. Despite all this, I was still attracted to him. It's weird. Not sure if I like it. There is a lot of safety in never putting yourself out there to the opposite sex.

*Well he has muscles, but like I said, he is still super skinny.

My ex wasn't muscly... but he has a sexy personality.

Actually had a near sexual thing with him today..  feeling like an idiot. Angry hate sex. I knew it was a bad idea, I'm glad we stopped. Still feel annoyed. It didn't mean anything, just... he's so pretty :\
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Hung william on November 22, 2015, 01:22:31 PM
PLEASE
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 22, 2015, 02:05:00 PM
PLEASE

No.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on November 22, 2015, 05:51:14 PM
PLEASE

Hammer, don't hurt 'em
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 22, 2015, 05:58:45 PM
PLEASE
MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?? :-X
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on November 22, 2015, 06:23:42 PM
PLEASE Thank you sir,
MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?? :-X

Get on the ball, RVR
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 22, 2015, 06:38:29 PM
PLEASE Thank you sir,
MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?? :-X

Get on the ball, RVR
Yes Maam!  :speechless:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 22, 2015, 07:10:02 PM
PLEASE Thank you sir,
MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?? :-X

Get on the ball, RVR
Yes Maam!  :speechless:

Careful, RVR seems to be engaging masochism mode
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 23, 2015, 03:25:25 PM
So, when I was with Bas, there was a friend of his, a girl, who he spent a lot of time with. Tonight, he tells me that he's been getting something going with her.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 23, 2015, 06:34:38 PM
I see someone about to get banned is what I fucking see.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on November 23, 2015, 06:36:21 PM
Hung, stop this now. We have no loyalty to you.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 23, 2015, 06:43:42 PM
Hung is banned. I picked him when he joined, and we gave him the benifit of the doubt. Sorry LC, should have gone with my gut and ejected him then and there.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 23, 2015, 06:45:01 PM
Thankfully I have enough loyalty to rifftrax forum for both of us. 
Not anymore BWAHAHAHAHA
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 23, 2015, 06:46:35 PM
Hung is banned. I picked him when he joined, and we gave him the benifit of the doubt. Sorry LC, should have gone with my gut and ejected him then and there.

Thanks Grug. I'm having a bad night, I really didn't need this.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 23, 2015, 06:59:17 PM
Hung is banned. I picked him when he joined, and we gave him the benifit of the doubt. Sorry LC, should have gone with my gut and ejected him then and there.

Thanks Grug. I'm having a bad night, I really didn't need this.

Sorry to hear that.

I am certain it is the same dummy who used to join, cause havoc and get banned. He is so dumb that I picked him three posts in.

I would recommend that these threads both have updates to their first posts (and first lines, probably) to say that only members with a minimum post count can participate. People who don't make the cut will have their posts deleted, and people who keep posting will be banned.

(This is a suggestion that you guys are welcome to ignore)

If it makes you feel any better, it's pretty obvious that he camped in this thread because it was an easy way for him to get ammunition and to upset people. He is not a real person with real opinions, just a not very smart piece of shit looking to upset people to get off.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 23, 2015, 07:07:26 PM
Hung is banned. I picked him when he joined, and we gave him the benifit of the doubt. Sorry LC, should have gone with my gut and ejected him then and there.

Thanks Grug. I'm having a bad night, I really didn't need this.

Sorry to hear that.

I am certain it is the same dummy who used to join, cause havoc and get banned. He is so dumb that I picked him three posts in.

I would recommend that these threads both have updates to their first posts (and first lines, probably) to say that only members with a minimum post count can participate. People who don't make the cut will have their posts deleted, and people who keep posting will be banned.

(This is a suggestion that you guys are welcome to ignore)

If it makes you feel any better, it's pretty obvious that he camped in this thread because it was an easy way for him to get ammunition and to upset people. He is not a real person with real opinions, just a not very smart piece of shit looking to upset people to get off.

Yeah, I wasn't even upset with him. I'm having arguments with Bas right now, and I just can't deal with annoying crap like that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 23, 2015, 07:11:44 PM
Banned in 3   2  1  ...
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 23, 2015, 07:12:22 PM
So boring.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 23, 2015, 07:12:56 PM
Thankfully I have enough loyalty to rifftrax forum for both of us. 
Not anymore BWAHAHAHAHA

I think you may be barking up the wrong tree, fruity
Go Hung yourself :rimshot:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 23, 2015, 07:14:54 PM
So boring.

admit it you're getting a boner

No more than you getting a life. Heyooooo
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 23, 2015, 07:17:43 PM
AAAAAND... YER GONE!!! 8)
No more of that Fake TheRealHollyHolm >:D
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: torgosPizza on November 23, 2015, 07:18:46 PM
Seems like a sad person. Banned now, but if he comes back yet again, feel free to let us know.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 23, 2015, 07:20:00 PM
Seems like a sad person. Banned now, but if he comes back yet again, feel free to let us know.

This is why we need likes back, Erik. ;)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 23, 2015, 07:20:29 PM
Seems like a sad person. Banned now, but if he comes back yet again, feel free to let us know.

He'll probably be back another few times tonight. He's convinced he's getting under my skin :P
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 23, 2015, 07:22:54 PM
Seems like a sad person. Banned now, but if he comes back yet again, feel free to let us know.

He'll probably be back another few times tonight. He's convinced he's getting under my skin :P

That is his usual style. It must really burn him up that after disappearing for about six months I still picked him right away.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: BathTub on November 23, 2015, 07:42:26 PM
At least don't quote him.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 23, 2015, 07:44:49 PM
At least don't quote him.

Yeah, I went through and deleted most if not all of his posts from today, and the posts of people that quoted him.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 23, 2015, 07:51:26 PM
Oh my bad :o
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 23, 2015, 07:53:55 PM
Oh my bad :o

You're next on the banning list!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 23, 2015, 07:57:16 PM
Oh my bad :o

You're next on the banning list!
:scared: :speechless:
I'll be good ;D
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on November 23, 2015, 09:24:27 PM
I feel like a LOT just happened in the past few hours and I missed the forum drama. Oh well, I did not like that HW guy. There was something about him that set me on edge.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 23, 2015, 09:28:50 PM
He was trolling and attempting to upset me by attacking my identity. Didn't bother me, he got banned, came back, got banned again, now Grug I'd going to ban RVR because he's from the south.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on November 23, 2015, 09:51:57 PM
He was trolling and attempting to upset me by attacking my identity. Didn't bother me, he got banned, came back, got banned again, now Grug I'd going to ban RVR because he's from the south.
Ahhhh. I think RVR will be okay. Don't worry. :)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 23, 2015, 09:55:22 PM
He was trolling and attempting to upset me by attacking my identity. Didn't bother me, he got banned, came back, got banned again, now Grug I'd going to ban RVR because he's from the south.
Ahhhh. I think RVR will be okay. Don't worry. :)

I'm very contrary, so you are just making me want to ban him more!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on November 23, 2015, 10:09:52 PM
I'm very contrary, so you are just making me want to ban him more!
But without RVR who will be here to do stuff like post gifs?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on November 23, 2015, 10:14:01 PM
(http://savedelete.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/gif-maker.gif)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 23, 2015, 10:15:36 PM
I'm very contrary, so you are just making me want to ban him more!
But without RVR who will be here to do stuff like post gifs?

You nearly changed my mind, but then Pak showed he was on it.

I guess we don't need him at all any more.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 23, 2015, 10:16:11 PM
OK, that's probably enough silliness/disrupting this thread. I'm gonna bow out.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on November 23, 2015, 11:10:22 PM
Well that was bound to happen!  ;D So... I'm seeing a new therapist at the end of the month and I am a little nervous. I have made transitions before but I think this one might be a little painful because I'm going to have to get a read on a totally new person, introduce them to me, hope we have the kind of chemistry necessary between patient and therapist, and just hope I don't fall to pieces like I so often do during therapy sessions. I find sometimes that I feel like I'm doing okay, then something random, something as small as  feeling will turn into this big weight on my shoulders and all of a sudden I'll be all emotional and worrying what's going to happen.

I just want a happy life. I want to be surrounded by friends, family, have them tell me "We love you.". I want to meet cool, new people like you guys on the forum and just be here, there for everyone. But trust me, while this may sound like something completely egotistical... you all know what I'm like and who I truly am.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 24, 2015, 03:08:38 AM

I guess we don't need him at all any more.
Aww golly gee wiz I'm gonn miss you guys :'(
...
Ok I"m back ;D Did ya miss me? :P
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 24, 2015, 06:08:56 AM
I fucking hate him. He's such a douchebag fucking asshole bastard. He goes to fucking her. HER. Fuck him.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 24, 2015, 10:54:25 PM
OK! Tonight had an AMAZING night! I talked to a guy off Tinder, figuring, hey, I'll only be in town for a few days, he's cute, let's meet up, have a date, have some fun, awesome. So we met up and went to dinner, and talked a lot. Lots of stuff in common, I felt more comfortable talking after a little bit, and asked him a lot of questions, trying not to hog the date. Phone stayed away all through dinner, which was awesome, because I'd had issues with Bas the past few days, and I was worried that I'd be into that... but nope! Didn't cross my mind once. After dinner, we left and got ice cream, which was crazy because it was freezing, but he thought it was a good idea. We had fun picking out what we'd get, and kind of snuggled a bit closer as we sat waiting for them to give it to us. Then we walked about a bit more, ended up deciding to walk to the Nebraska Furniture Mart near there. On the way, he took my hand, which was a huge unexpected surprise... but not unwelcome at all. Conversation never stopped, we chatted easily the whole night. When we got to the furniture place, we went in, walked around for like 5 minutes before we were told to get out. We ended up walking to the movie theater, stood outside, joking about the titles of movies(There's a Tom Hanks movie out called Bridge of Spies, but it was cut of to Bridge of Spi... so we assumed it was Spiders.) before settling on the Peanuts Movie. Can't remember much about it, as we got intimate, kissing and cuddling and just talking through the whole movie, since we were alone in the theater. We made plans to meet up on Friday and pick things up where we left off.

I really, really fucking needed a night like this. Like seriously. This put my mood through the roof, I feel confident, I feel sexy, I feel so damned good. Fuck Bas, he's a totall douchenozzle for what he did. Fuck his new gal pal. I don't care about them. I had an amazing night, and am planning another on Friday :D
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on November 25, 2015, 12:59:38 AM
Good for you Lawful!!!! Sounds like you had one hell of a great evening. It's good to see you're really happy like you are now! Now if only I can figure out how to get even just one date.  :P
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 27, 2015, 08:51:33 AM
So, that's pretty cool. I'm starting to feel like, yeah, maybe I am actually pretty. Bas said it, the guy I went out with Tuesday said it. I feel better and more confident. I care about my appearance and I want to do more dating. Can't wait till this afternoon, seeing him again :)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 29, 2015, 07:37:23 PM
I get to Tennessee. I walk in. It all hits me. I don't want to do this. I can't do this. I'm a horrible piece of shit and a waste of space. I need to die.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on November 29, 2015, 07:57:44 PM
What happened in TN?  I thought you were getting away from the ones in your family that are crappy to you?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 29, 2015, 08:01:04 PM
I was. But I got here, and I just couldn't stay. And this morning I wanted to say "take me back to Colorado instead"
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 29, 2015, 08:01:42 PM
I also found out Ein isn't allowed.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on November 29, 2015, 08:52:00 PM
I also found out Ein isn't allowed.

Well that sucks, sorry to hear that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on November 30, 2015, 07:00:39 AM
Firstly I'm sincerely sorry about not being more active on here, I wanted to post on here a lot from the beginning of the year but my depression has basically given me zero mental or psychical motivation for anything but going to work.  The upside is I'm going to work most days and on time which is one less thing to worry about (being fired/money) and I'm slowly chipping away at my credit card debt at least ...downside is I'm living pay to pay and drinking WAY too much still but I've 'obtained' some Xanex so that could do the numbing/time travel job of booze while being cheaper and slightly more healthy.   

What's MOST frustrating is I know what I need to do to improve myself about 50%, not drink as much, go to the gym regularly, reach out to friends, etc, etc and they're all obtainable things but I just have NO ENERGY OR DRIVE ever.


...things brings me to Saturday, it was/is a good day (no AK needed)

1. Was out of bed and out the door before 8am (I usually don't get up until 3)
2. Realised I was an hour early so walked back home and took some turkey out of the freezer for dinner, then walked back
3. Went to a game convention for locally made computer games (alone obviously), almost all of which were WAY better than I expected, some I would happily buy as an app.
4. Chatted to developers and strangers without feeling like a weird alien, it was comfortable and fun
5. Won a book for beating the top score on a awesome Super Smash Brothers/Metroid mash-up game
5. Went to Electronic's Boutique and thought about buying WWE2k16 ...I could have if I didn't *have* to buy booze later (BOOOO)
6. Looked at Pop Vinyl characters I want, overheard a voice say "Dipper Pines" and felt confident enough to ask the 3 tweeny scene girls if they meant Gravity Falls and we talked about Gravity Falls for a while
7. Went home, was happy and not mentally exhausted or kicking myself for dumb things I'd said or ways I'd acted.  Just happy and a little proud of myself
8. Had a few drinks (BOOO) and fell asleep watching The Twilight Zone

Yay! ...Sunday was less positive but you have to celebrate the wins while still pushing forward 


Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on November 30, 2015, 12:48:00 PM
On my car ride back with my aunt I try talking to her and explaining that my parents are emotionally and verbally abusive people "I've only ever seen them love and support you." Yeah, that's because they don't want everyone to know what kind of people they are.

But whatever. This is the woman who thinks that there isn't a gendered wage gap and a disproportionate amount of the workforce being white males because her experiences at K-State have been a diverse and equally paid workforce. -_-
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on December 03, 2015, 07:27:06 AM
EXTREMELY PERSONAL STUFF, DON'T QUOTE IF YOU REPLY

I've been contemplating GCS(gender confirmation surgery, for those who don't know) a lot the past few days. I'm no where near being ready for it; for one, I don't have the money, and for two, I don't think I'm ready for it physically or mentally. I have that drive for it, definitely. DEFINITELY. I've been trying to comprehend what things will be like, how I'll manage, what things will be like after it happens, and I just can't. I feel like it'll be a huge positive change, but I can't fully comprehend what it will be like, how things will be different. I guess it kind of mirrors the feelings I had when I started HRT, or even when I came out. When I came out, it was a huge relief, but when I was younger, I couldn't comprehend what life would be like. After I got used to living as a woman, and being viewed as one, I started HRT, and it was a huge change. It was another step, one that I wouldn't comprehend, and had no idea how it would work for me. I still had a lot of issues about seeing myself, in a mirror after a shower, for instance, and not seeing who I was. Now, though, I can see myself in the mirror, and things are more congruent with who I am. I don't have dreams and fantasies involving the girl I wish I was, my dreams and fantasies now have ME in them. That is HUGE for me. I think a lot of people dismiss someone being Trans as something like not being happy with their body. When I first expressed dissatisfaction with my genitalia to some of my close friends, they said things that, thinking back, we're really damaging to me. Things like "Would you still think you were a woman if you were more endowed," or just be happy with what you have, everything is ok, there's nothing wrong". Those things put me in a state of mind where I was just unhappy with myself, but it's not that. It's not at all like being unhappy with my body; it's that my body is WRONG.

Through therapy, both hormone and talk, I've come to accept myself more and more. There's still that one problem with my downstairs area, though. To me, it's that glaring obvious problem with myself. It's not a feeling of "I have to receive GCS or I'm not trans"; I know that there is no external pressure for me to change that about myself. At least, I don't feel it. I know that society has certain expectations of me as a transwoman. I still get asked about it in early conversation with people who recently find out I'm trans. It's a preoccupation with a Trans individual's personal business, and that sucks. But it doesn't bother me as much as some people. I tell them that it's not their business, as politely as I can.

But it still bothers me that I have to step out of the shower and be confronted with it every day. That I have to (for my own sanity) take those extra steps to conceal everything. I want GCS, but comprehending what things will be like still baffles me. Not negatively. But it throws me off.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on December 03, 2015, 08:04:04 AM
You know, most people think that "just be happy with what you have" is good advice, but, is it?  Maybe it was good advice when there was nothing people could do to change their lives, if there really is nothing you can do about something then you should try to learn to accept the situation, but if there are things that you can do about something that is making you miserable people should be encouraging change instead of acceptance.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on December 03, 2015, 08:36:30 AM
LC,

Thank you for being so open with those feelings. I appreciate that you feel you can share such personal things with us. I can never understand how you feel (the closest is that I feel in my soul that I am meant to be thinner than I am but the weight won't come off), but I do like knowing your struggles, ESPECIALLY when you can overcome little bits of them.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on December 04, 2015, 05:11:38 AM
The period-related hormone fluctuations are making this week very hard. Starting at 4:00pm (EST) I am locking myself in my room and not talking to anyone until Monday morning.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on December 04, 2015, 07:07:56 AM
Can't imagine what going through that is like, LC. I'm glad you were able to find a little happiness last week, though. But I do know all about people wanting you to be something you aren't and can't be. I haven't been on here lately because I've been back and forth emotionally and just couldn't find the emotional energy to spend on seeking or giving advice. For the most part, I'm much happier on my own than I was married. In fact, the only time I get depressed lately is when I have to deal with my ex. She has this way of making me feel like less of a person because I wouldn't and don't live up to her own life ambitions. I don't know why I let her get to me like that, but I do. I still find myself having difficulty telling her no, even though I can now ignore her much more easily. Case in point, this Saturday is my family's Christmas party and I asked to get my daughter early since I'm not supposed to have her until Sunday night. My ex wanted me to take her on Friday night because it's easier for her since she has to work on Saturday. Thing is, I have a date planned for Friday night, so I told her I couldn't do it. So she gives me a guilt trip about having to disappoint my daughter because she already told her I would. And this is after she also got onto me about keeping my daughter overnight when I had her for Thanksgiving. Obviously it's more about what's convenient for her, rather than what our daughter wants. And yet that episode last week bummed me out for days and made me miss a possible date last Saturday night because I just didn't feel like doing anything. I'll be glad when everything is done and legal and I can finally ignore her when she starts in on her bitching.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on December 04, 2015, 08:42:22 AM
That really sucks, MST. I just don't understand why people can do that to their children. If your daughter wants to spend time with you, why would you stop that from happening? If you can't take her that night, it's her fault for making a promise she can't keep. The way people treat children in a divorce really steams my beans  >:(

On my front, my father called me Tegan when talking to my mother this morning. I wasn't in the room and they thought I was asleep in the other room. That made me really happy.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on December 04, 2015, 09:55:53 AM
I am having a really hard week. I haven't had a week like this in a long time. I will not let it break me!


But I am going to cry a whoooooooooooooooooooole lot.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on December 04, 2015, 10:31:09 AM
Crying is so nice... I need to do it more. I don't cry like ever, and every time I do it just gets so much out.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on December 15, 2015, 09:58:00 AM
I really hate Christmas. It's looking increasingly likely that I will be alone, and then a week later, homeless.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: soguru on December 16, 2015, 10:38:36 AM
I am having a really hard week. I haven't had a week like this in a long time. I will not let it break me
But I am going to cry a whoooooooooooooooooooole lot.
We're all here for you Anais.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on December 20, 2015, 09:32:09 AM
Been extremely down this week... The job that I thought was a perfect dead lock for me turned out to be garbage. I know my therapist won't understand, she'll just see it as me sabotaging myself. I'm going to be completely homeless in the next couple of weeks. I haven't been able to get myself to file the disability paperwork online, I haven't been able to get myself to apply for a job, I just fucking can't do anything. I feel like complete shit and just want things to not suck. I wake up each day and go, damn, guess I have to continue. better luck tomorrow.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on December 20, 2015, 10:37:24 PM
I'm really worried that I'm going to kill myself by the end of the year. I don't know what to do or where to go. Therapist hasn't been the most helpful lately.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on January 04, 2016, 11:53:06 AM
Apparently I need to apologize to my parents for being abused by them.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russell AKA Soguru on January 06, 2016, 10:49:06 AM
My art therapy group Tuesday nights has not been too bad. We had an interesting session last night where we wrote three questions then wrote our names on pieces of paper, but them in a little basket then randomly selected names and asked a question of whoever's name was selected. Pretty fun stuff, if I weren't an emotional wreck last night.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on January 11, 2016, 09:59:08 PM
Today I was talking to some guys on tinder as a way to get out of the boredom of my aunt and uncles. Most were meh. One guy, really cute, great conversation, single dad. I hate when we get to the point that I need to drop out the whole Trans thing. I hate it. It's awkward, it's weird. You have to time it right so you're not wasting his time, but wait until you get a feel for him and don't expect him to freak out.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on January 16, 2016, 08:40:35 PM
A friend of mine is wanting to have no strings attached sex with me. I'm pretty fucking caught off guard and have no idea what the fuck to think. So damned weird.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russell AKA Soguru on January 17, 2016, 05:39:58 PM
I totally developed kind of a crush on somebody... who recently got engaged. I realized that I need to put my crush aside because if I truly love this person then I need to be happy for them and be happy that they are happy with who they're going to be with. I realized that's the only ethical and moral way for me to feel.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on January 18, 2016, 10:25:09 AM
I totally developed kind of a crush on somebody... who recently got engaged. I realized that I need to put my crush aside because if I truly love this person then I need to be happy for them and be happy that they are happy with who they're going to be with. I realized that's the only ethical and moral way for me to feel.

The film Love, Actually begs to differ.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on January 18, 2016, 02:48:09 PM
My philosophy (Back when I was eligible) on crushes in committed relationships is to let 'em go. 2 reasons:

1) Horning in on someone else's relationship is kind of crummy. But more importantly:
2) I don't want to date the kind of girl who would walk away from a committed relationship for someone else, because I would eventually be in that same committed relationship.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russell AKA Soguru on January 18, 2016, 03:21:43 PM
There's also the distance factor. Somebody you have a huge, royal crush on may just be on another coast. Also, there's a bit of an age gap. She's not too much younger than me(29), but I'm not sure how some people feel about age gaps. I'd rather not say who she is, but I've mentioned her a LOT. She's the prime example of personality over looks. I really need somebody like that, really upbeat, really sweet, who laughs a lot, puts her head on my shoulder(that's VERY important to me) and loves to go places with me.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on January 26, 2016, 06:58:51 AM
I've started seeing someone recently who I've been talking to for months off and on, but it never really gelled until now. We tend to send a lot of flirty texts through the day, which is nice after a distinct lack of romance in my marriage. Normally it's great, but I tend to be a little scatterbrained. Yesterday I accidentally sent "Good morning, sweetie" to my ex wife because we'd been discussing my daughter earlier in the morning. I quickly sent an "oops" text to let her know that she wasn't the intended recipient, but now I'm conflicted about how to feel about it. On one hand, I'm amused because now she'll wonder who the hell I meant to send it to and on the other, I almost feel bad because I think a lack of romance on my part may have been what originally triggered the slow implosion of our marriage. Sometimes I wish I could just be an ass and not care like she seems to do.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on January 27, 2016, 05:33:36 PM
So, tomorrow, I'm checking myself into a hospital. I've been extremely depressed lately. The usual scale I use is 0-10, with 0 being the worst I've ever felt, I'm about to kill myself, and 10 would be extremely good, which I've never come close to. My usual ranking is about a 2-3, because chronic major depression. In the past month, I've been around -5. I was going to check myself in Friday, but I found out I won't be able to reach my appointment in Denver, so I'm heading in tomorrow. I should be there for 3-7 days, and I'm really, really not looking forward to it. I know that I need to get stabilized and on some meds, and hopefully they'll help me with that. I'm not going to tell them Xanax is the best I've taken, because then they'll just think I'm an addict. Hopefully they'll be helpful and not shitty. That's incredibly rare of them, though.

So I found out that there's another option. My friend is going to take me to a community health center where I can get hooked up with a psychiatrist same day. good. The only reason I wanted to do the hospital was to get started on meds.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MightyBombJack on February 01, 2016, 03:25:00 PM
Thought this might be worth passing along:

(https://scontent-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpl1/v/t1.0-9/12376331_1667194406889158_2929369411198430799_n.png?oh=653b2dede450329586ff0dfe847e8c9d&oe=5730FF67)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on February 01, 2016, 07:12:59 PM
Glad you are getting to see someone so quickly, L_C.

Superb quote, MBJ!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russell AKA Soguru on February 01, 2016, 07:41:32 PM
Agreed. It is a wonderful quote Lucas. :)
I remember something profound said, something from that video on Youtube, entitled "Saddest suicide story-You will cry":
"you don't have to live in pain anymore... but everyone else will.". While suicide is not the answer... I can't agree with the assessment that it's an act done completely out of selfishness. In part, it's when your pain exceeds your threshold for tolerance of said pain. I could only imagine that in one's last moments, they'd only be thinking of mom, dad, friends, all the people cared about and loved and even though this person knows they'd be missed... there's a part of them that wants so strongly for the pain to end that your survival instinct, your barrier of desire to keep living is just completely broken. It's possible to piece it back together, but the barrier that most people possess is a fragile one, it's this intangible little piece of your heart, and once it starts breaking like a dam, feelings like despair, confusion, hopelessness, fear and anxiety reach out and grip you just a little bit. You can fight back, but feelings run our entire life because we are human beings and the meaningfulness of our existence hangs a lot upon our emotions. They can give us strength but they can also make us irrational, fearful, and hopeless.

It's also sad because years ago, I used to be stronger, but now, while I'm more empathetic to others and more understanding of myself and more respecting of people's boundaries... I'm also more weak and vulnerable too.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on February 01, 2016, 08:47:48 PM
What you wrote on suicide is also quite touching, and true, RS.

[I wrote more, but in my current condition I opted to delete it before it was finished... I just don't have the mental capacity to finish the thoughts at this time and wasn't going to put them out there in the state they were in.]
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on February 01, 2016, 11:47:26 PM
  Thinking of others is what pulls you back from the brink, the idea of it being to late and having that happening is kind of horrific.  Like jumping off a tall building and then changing your mind.

  Applying rational ideas to an irrational act after the fact doesn't help anyone.  What is needed is finding ways to help with the pain before it blots out all other thoughts.

  Wish I could write that a better way but I've got to try and not think about this any more or I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on February 02, 2016, 05:23:15 PM
Had my first therapy session yesterday, it was good but pretty draining.  Looking forward to the next one
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on February 06, 2016, 10:53:01 PM
Spent the last week in a behavioral hospital. Started me on Lexapro and Trazedone, and I'm not happy that they didn't give me a PRN of Xanax for anxiety and panic attacks, OR a daily to help manage my anxiety. I'm also back in Kansas. And Smoking.

Before you guys give me shit for the Xanax thing, there's a difference between taking it every day constantly for years and taking it once or twice a month for crisis situations. In my work with the support group, I've learned a lot about meds and junk, and the reason benzos get so harsh is because they're taken/prescribed wrong.

I'm not convinced that Lexapro will do it for me, but I'm giving it a shot. It's better than the Lamectal people have been forcing down my fucking throat for years, mainly because it actually makes SENSE to give it to me(For the unaware, Lexapro is an SSRI and used to combat major depression, where Lamectal is a mood stabilizer to combat bipolar disorder, which I DON'T have, making the dumbass fucking drug useless.)

The doctor had started me on Remoran, which did wonders for my anxiety, nothing for my depression, and sent my appetite and sleep through the roof. It seemed to be this doctor's favorite catch all drug, since it's supposedly going to hit most things at once. It also can be backwards and have decreasing side effects as you increase the dose, but when she'd pushed me 15 mg past the usual dose(you can go up to 60mg and I was at 45mg), and I had to restrain myself from eating the table every meal as well as having so much difficulty falling asleep due to the restless legs it caused that I needed a clonapin, she switched me to what I'm on now.

So now I'm sitting in Kansas, back at square one.

I didn't attempt suicide, btw. I went in voluntarily because it was a safe way to start me on something quickly, and because I had no where else to stay. Now I'm back at mom and dad's and I hate the fuck out of this place.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MSTJedi on March 18, 2016, 07:56:26 AM
Today is my wedding anniversary. The first one since we separated. So I'm reminded of what a failure I am at marriage and that I'm still alone. Most of the time I can tell myself that it hasn't even been a year yet, so I shouldn't want to rush into another relationship. Today is not one of those days. On one hand, it's good that I have my daughter tonight, so I won't feel completely abandoned, but at the same time, I can't get properly shitfaced because I need to be responsible. Add to that wonderful feeling of inadequacy that my son called me last night and told me that he wants to change his last name to his mother's. I'm not surprised and it's been coming for years, but I always hoped that he'd decide to keep my name. I don't blame him. I haven't reliably been there for him other than paying my child support. Some of that is his mother's fault, but in all honesty, I could've fought harder for him like I have for my daughter. I'm sure as far as he's concerned, I chose my ex-wife's boys and my daughter over him. And look what that got me . . .
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on March 18, 2016, 08:47:01 AM
Today is my wedding anniversary. The first one since we separated. So I'm reminded of what a failure I am at marriage and that I'm still alone. Most of the time I can tell myself that it hasn't even been a year yet, so I shouldn't want to rush into another relationship. Today is not one of those days. On one hand, it's good that I have my daughter tonight, so I won't feel completely abandoned, but at the same time, I can't get properly shitfaced because I need to be responsible. Add to that wonderful feeling of inadequacy that my son called me last night and told me that he wants to change his last name to his mother's. I'm not surprised and it's been coming for years, but I always hoped that he'd decide to keep my name. I don't blame him. I haven't reliably been there for him other than paying my child support. Some of that is his mother's fault, but in all honesty, I could've fought harder for him like I have for my daughter. I'm sure as far as he's concerned, I chose my ex-wife's boys and my daughter over him. And look what that got me . . .

I know it's not quite the same, but i went through the same thing on the 7th of January, and have every 7th since. The January 7th was when Bas and I officually got together, and we always made dates on the 7th where we would do special things together. Just remember, it wasn't your fault. She was the one who split you guys up with her misunderstanding, and her cheating on you. You have difficulties that you have to deal with, and had them. Those aren't things you can't change, and she needed to be there for you, and she wasn't. As for your son, its a bit of a blow, yeah, but really, it's not gonna change the fact that he's your son. It's like my name issues with my parents. I'm still their kid, my name just changed. I've considered changing my last name, but in the scheme of things, it's a name that doesn't matter. It's not who I am. All you can do is your best, and nothing more. It'll always hurt, but it'll grow less over time.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on April 04, 2016, 03:11:21 PM
I don't post here much but..
Got an ongoing issue with my soon-to-be ex-roomate that helped me build my Mega-Shed on my vacant lot next door back in 2011 and has been living in it ever since. I owed him $10000 dollars for labor owed that I have been paying off since January, 2012; He would pay me $300 a month where $150 would go towards the monthly utility bill and the other $150 I let him keep to put towards the labor owed.
I've mentioned him before in the completely random thoughts and RRRRRARRRRRGH threads I believe because back in September, 2015, I asked for the $150 utility payment 1 day early because we were heading off to Mexico October 1st and he went off on me by email saying that it wasn't his problem it was mine and saying "I'm not your ATM", and accused me of spying on him yet he installed cameras when I was in Mexico spying my me and my property, threatened to call the police if I had anymore fires in my outdoor fireplace, as well as threatening to call animal control about my dog so I had to basically give him away. A couple months back he threw out 8 rolls of insulation that were for under the floor and got rained on a little as well as dragging my chest freezer out and shoving it up against the back gate to where I couldn't open it. I have since sold the insulation and chest freezer. I also got word from one of his coworkers that he poisoned my bunnies while I was in Mexico just before we got back and he bragged about it to his coworkers! And just a couple weeks ago while I was at a St Patrick's Day event in downtown, he chains up and locks my back gate preventing me access to that portion of my property!
We were friends for over 18 years and I knew he had mental issues but I, as well as my family tried to help him by giving him work over the years but he ended that back in September with his psycho actions and accusations!
Now as the remaining balance is $595, I have refused any further payment from him. I had an attorney draw up a '30 Day Notice of Termination of Agreement' to be sent to him the end of this month stating that effective May 2, he will have 30 days to vacate the property.
The next couple of months are gonna be interesting because the remaining balance as of this month is $595 and now he's starting to wonder what I'm doing because he didn't pay anything in March and I just refused April's payment and then he sends me an email asking if I'm waiting on our agreement to end before putting him out? I didn't reply as I don't need any additional stress because of his bipolar issues and it's quite possible he could do something stupid that will require me to call the police.
I simply want him gone by the end of May but if he chooses to pack up earlier then I'm all for that but I just don't think this will go very smoothly :-\
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on April 04, 2016, 04:52:45 PM
Ugh, good luck with that,
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on April 04, 2016, 04:57:03 PM
Ugh, good luck with that,
Thanks. I'm sure gonna need it :-[
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on April 04, 2016, 06:46:44 PM
That sucks, I knew there was something bad about how those bunnies died, unfortunately it sounds like you are going to have to call the cops to remove him.  Hope he doesn't damage your property on his way out, he sounds crazy enough to start a fire or something.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on April 04, 2016, 07:01:55 PM
That sucks, I knew there was something bad about how those bunnies died, unfortunately it sounds like you are going to have to call the cops to remove him.  Hope he doesn't damage your property on his way out, he sounds crazy enough to start a fire or something.
Agreed.
I have good insurance coverage on my property and I did add a stipulation in the 30 Day Notice of Termination of Agreement about being held responsible for any damage and theft so Hopefully he will keep his mental stability in check and not try anything idiotic cause I will have No Problem calling the cops and having him forcefully removed..
I'm actually being respectful (despite his lack there of) enough to let him leave peacefully and I hope he doesn't screw up that opportunity :-\
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on April 09, 2016, 09:45:57 PM
So last time I went in to see my med doctor, she took me off something that wasn't working very well, and put me on something else. The something else is not working at ALL. I've been extremely depressed. Near suicidal. It's terrible.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on April 14, 2016, 08:24:55 AM
Out of curiousity, I looked up a list of symptoms and signs of emotional abuse, and surprise surprise, they all fit my relationship with my mother.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on April 25, 2016, 07:05:43 AM
I don't post here much but..
Got an ongoing issue with my soon-to-be ex-roomate that helped me build my Mega-Shed on my vacant lot next door back in 2011 and has been living in it ever since. I owed him $10000 dollars for labor owed that I have been paying off since January, 2012; He would pay me $300 a month where $150 would go towards the monthly utility bill and the other $150 I let him keep to put towards the labor owed.
I've mentioned him before in the completely random thoughts and RRRRRARRRRRGH threads I believe because back in September, 2015, I asked for the $150 utility payment 1 day early because we were heading off to Mexico October 1st and he went off on me by email saying that it wasn't his problem it was mine and saying "I'm not your ATM", and accused me of spying on him yet he installed cameras when I was in Mexico spying my me and my property, threatened to call the police if I had anymore fires in my outdoor fireplace, as well as threatening to call animal control about my dog so I had to basically give him away. A couple months back he threw out 8 rolls of insulation that were for under the floor and got rained on a little as well as dragging my chest freezer out and shoving it up against the back gate to where I couldn't open it. I have since sold the insulation and chest freezer. I also got word from one of his coworkers that he poisoned my bunnies while I was in Mexico just before we got back and he bragged about it to his coworkers! And just a couple weeks ago while I was at a St Patrick's Day event in downtown, he chains up and locks my back gate preventing me access to that portion of my property!
We were friends for over 18 years and I knew he had mental issues but I, as well as my family tried to help him by giving him work over the years but he ended that back in September with his psycho actions and accusations!
Now as the remaining balance is $595, I have refused any further payment from him. I had an attorney draw up a '30 Day Notice of Termination of Agreement' to be sent to him the end of this month stating that effective May 2, he will have 30 days to vacate the property.
The next couple of months are gonna be interesting because the remaining balance as of this month is $595 and now he's starting to wonder what I'm doing because he didn't pay anything in March and I just refused April's payment and then he sends me an email asking if I'm waiting on our agreement to end before putting him out? I didn't reply as I don't need any additional stress because of his bipolar issues and it's quite possible he could do something stupid that will require me to call the police.
I simply want him gone by the end of May but if he chooses to pack up earlier then I'm all for that but I just don't think this will go very smoothly :-\
And so it begins..
This weekend, the idiot mounted 2 infrared cameras (one on each end) of my Mega-Shed aimed directly on my house and backyard. We have to keep our bathroom blind closed now or he can see right in! Talked to the police about it this morning and they said theirs nothing they can do about it as he has the right to aim them where ever he wants so long as they are not inside my home..
In fact, he helped me install my 10 year old surveillance system when I bought it brand new back in 2006 (including programming the IP addresses and passwords) so it's quite possible he may have access to all 8 of my inside and outside cameras but without executing a search warrant, it's just a suspicion and if it turns out he actually didn't have access then I could get in trouble, so I bought another DVR from Amazon that will be here tomorrow to eliminate that possibility..
Also contacted my attorneys and they will be sending out that '30 Day Notice of Termination of Agreement' letter today to make it official that he has till May 31 to vacate my property so the next 5 weeks are gonna be interesting  :-X
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on April 25, 2016, 04:49:11 PM
I feel sick for you. I hope it goes better than I think it will.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on April 25, 2016, 05:24:37 PM
I feel sick for you. I hope it goes better than I think it will.
Oh I know. Thanks. :-[
I'm thinking about if he doesn't leave by the end of May, I will execute a 14 day eviction order with the Constable at the Sheriff's Dept. that I think they can still enforce if I'm not home cause I'm going on vacation to Mexico on June 12 should he still be here, but if not then I could just have the utility company come by and and shut off the power and water on June 13 till I return on July 1.. The Summer heat will be intolerable without air conditioning and running water but I Hope I won't have to go that far and he does have the common sense enough to leave voluntarily.
Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst 8)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on April 25, 2016, 06:47:25 PM
I hope it goes smoothly, RVR II.  It sounds very disturbing to deal with the bizarre and invasive behavior.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on April 25, 2016, 07:01:38 PM
I hope it goes smoothly, RVR II.  It sounds very disturbing to deal with the bizarre and invasive behavior.
Oh it is.
I keep thinking positive cause I can see the light at the end of the tunnel because soon he will be gone 8)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 02, 2016, 02:35:05 PM
He has received this letter both by mail and by email:
(Edited for confidentiality)
(http://i.imgur.com/zvvPVVU.png)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 08, 2016, 05:19:54 AM
Awesome! He has started moving stuff out! :highfive:
Looks like he's going to leave quietly for the most part which is great for my wife and I :o
Looking forward to his last day when I take complete control of my property once again 8)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on May 08, 2016, 10:59:04 AM
That's awesome, RVR! Super happy for you!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 08, 2016, 11:10:33 AM
That's awesome, RVR! Super happy for you!
Thanks! I'm quietly celebrating  ;D
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on May 08, 2016, 03:22:02 PM
That's awesome, RVR! Super happy for you!
Thanks! I'm quietly celebrating  ;D

I never imagined you to do things quietly.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 08, 2016, 03:29:18 PM
That's awesome, RVR! Super happy for you!
Thanks! I'm quietly celebrating  ;D

I never imagined you to do things quietly.
Well, that may be true but this is an exception ;D
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on May 08, 2016, 03:31:47 PM
That's awesome, RVR! Super happy for you!
Thanks! I'm quietly celebrating  ;D

I never imagined you to do things quietly.
Well, that may be true but this is an exception ;D

When he's finally gone the real celebrating will happen then?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 08, 2016, 03:46:42 PM
That's awesome, RVR! Super happy for you!
Thanks! I'm quietly celebrating  ;D

I never imagined you to do things quietly.
Well, that may be true but this is an exception ;D

When he's finally gone the real celebrating will happen then?
Almost immediately! :cheers:
I also plan on moving a lot of stuff over there right away; from our spare bedroom, and stored in my shed, freeing up a lot of space in both places.
It will become my very own 'Man Cave' ;D
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: TheRealUncleDes on May 08, 2016, 05:57:21 PM
That's awesome, RVR! Super happy for you!
Thanks! I'm quietly celebrating  ;D

I never imagined you to do things quietly.
Well, that may be true but this is an exception ;D

When he's finally gone the real celebrating will happen then?
Almost immediately! :cheers:
I also plan on moving a lot of stuff over there right away; from our spare bedroom, and stored in my shed, freeing up a lot of space in both places.
It will become my very own 'Man Cave' ;D
If he hasn't booby trapped the place. I'm not joking.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 08, 2016, 06:05:13 PM
That's awesome, RVR! Super happy for you!
Thanks! I'm quietly celebrating  ;D

I never imagined you to do things quietly.
Well, that may be true but this is an exception ;D

When he's finally gone the real celebrating will happen then?
Almost immediately! :cheers:
I also plan on moving a lot of stuff over there right away; from our spare bedroom, and stored in my shed, freeing up a lot of space in both places.
It will become my very own 'Man Cave' ;D
If he hasn't booby trapped the place. I'm not joking.
I don't think he's that stupid but I wouldn't put it past him..  :scared:
He watches a lot of those 'doomsday' shows and gov't conspiracies on the internet and prefers to live off the grid so if he wants to jeopardize his freedom, it'd be in his best interest to not do that  :-X
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: TheRealUncleDes on May 08, 2016, 06:14:14 PM
Watching TV and going on the web. Explain this "off the grid" to me again.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 08, 2016, 07:18:51 PM
Watching TV and going on the web. Explain this "off the grid" to me again.
Living off the land basically; little to no contact with others.. Living like a hermit.
He was stock piling containers of water and non perishable foods when last I was over there in September, 2015 :o

He's already adapted to a Digital Antenna for TV but yet he's complained about the internet speeds here at my place.. Not sure how living off the grid will get him fast internet ???
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 15, 2016, 08:19:41 AM
Progress update: The move out of psycho continues at a slow but steady pace
:highfive:
Just 2 more weeks to go..
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: TheRealUncleDes on May 15, 2016, 08:36:41 AM
Progress update: The move out of psycho continues at a slow but steady pace
:highfive:
Just 2 more weeks to go..
Ain't over 'til it's over.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 15, 2016, 09:03:10 AM
Progress update: The move out of psycho continues at a slow but steady pace
:highfive:
Just 2 more weeks to go..
Ain't over 'til it's over.
This is true :o
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on May 16, 2016, 08:43:44 PM
Been noticing that since I quite caffeine a few months ago my occasional episodes of depression have been easier/faster to get out of.  I was expecting the opposite to be true after giving up a stimulant...
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on May 16, 2016, 10:03:47 PM
7th therapy session done, making an emotional timeline of my life and keeping an emotion journal, both of which are really making me look at my life in a way I haven't before.  So weird to try an unlearn the ways you've developed to deal with feelings and look at how your childhood has shaped the problems you have in such a clear way in some cases.

Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on May 21, 2016, 11:24:41 AM
Progress update: The move out of psycho continues at a slow but steady pace
 :highfive:
Just 2 more weeks to go..
Ain't over 'til it's over.
This is true :o

You ARE going to murder him, to avenge the bunnies, right? :grr:


Also, he can't cause any immigration trouble for "The Wife," can he?   I wouldn't put anything past this guy...be careful and keep your eyes open.
 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on May 21, 2016, 11:33:27 AM
Better to send him to the Cave of Caerbannog, just tell him there's a bunny there that needs to be taken care of....
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on May 21, 2016, 11:49:15 AM
I clicked on the like button, but I actually LOVE that post.  And, I laughed my ass off.  :highfive:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 21, 2016, 04:20:33 PM
Progress update: The move out of psycho continues at a slow but steady pace
 :highfive:
Just 2 more weeks to go..
Ain't over 'til it's over.
This is true :o

You ARE going to murder him, to avenge the bunnies, right? :grr:


Also, he can't cause any immigration trouble for "The Wife," can he?   I wouldn't put anything past this guy...be careful and keep your eyes open.
I'm a firm believer in Karma 8)

The wife became a Naturalized Citizen back in 2006 so she's good. I just want the guy gone and if he tries anything stupid, he'll just be shooting himself in the foot so to speak  :-X
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on May 21, 2016, 08:01:10 PM
Progress update: The move out of psycho continues at a slow but steady pace
 :highfive:
Just 2 more weeks to go..
Ain't over 'til it's over.
This is true :o

You ARE going to murder him, to avenge the bunnies, right? :grr:


Also, he can't cause any immigration trouble for "The Wife," can he?   I wouldn't put anything past this guy...be careful and keep your eyes open.
I'm a firm believer in Karma 8)

The wife became a Naturalized Citizen back in 2006 so she's good. I just want the guy gone and if he tries anything stupid, he'll just be shooting himself in the foot so to speak  :-X

Yeah, I wasn't serious about murder.  :speechless:    Karma WILL take care of this guy...   

I'm glad Mrs. VR can't be hassled!  :highfive:


Hopefully, he wants to move on with his life, and will do just that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 22, 2016, 02:45:15 AM
Progress update: The move out of psycho continues at a slow but steady pace
 :highfive:
Just 2 more weeks to go..
Ain't over 'til it's over.
This is true :o

You ARE going to murder him, to avenge the bunnies, right? :grr:


Also, he can't cause any immigration trouble for "The Wife," can he?   I wouldn't put anything past this guy...be careful and keep your eyes open.
I'm a firm believer in Karma 8)

The wife became a Naturalized Citizen back in 2006 so she's good. I just want the guy gone and if he tries anything stupid, he'll just be shooting himself in the foot so to speak  :-X

Yeah, I wasn't serious about murder.  :speechless:    Karma WILL take care of this guy...   

I'm glad Mrs. VR can't be hassled!  :highfive:


Hopefully, he wants to move on with his life, and will do just that.
The first part of the week was a steady flow of him moving boxes out of there but nothing the last few days (probably due to the rainy weather), but so far it appears he will be out by the end of May. :o
Keep your fingers crossed :-X
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 22, 2016, 01:16:55 PM
Looks like he just finished loading another load into his van to be taken out early in the morning so the move is still progressing..
Less than a week and a half to go :o
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on May 22, 2016, 01:51:03 PM
I've been having issues. I'm in a good, stable relationship. I love him, he loves me. We listen to each other's needs.Everything is going great. Except that I resent him for not being my ex.It's stupid, it's ridiculous, and I hate myself for it. They're even similar people, except my new boyfriend is 13 years older. We get along despite our differences in opinions on politics. I feel like I'm sabotaging it by constantly being annoyed that he's not Bas, and I just don't know what to do.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on May 23, 2016, 08:50:35 AM
I've been having issues. I'm in a good, stable relationship. I love him, he loves me. We listen to each other's needs.Everything is going great. Except that I resent him for not being my ex.It's stupid, it's ridiculous, and I hate myself for it. They're even similar people, except my new boyfriend is 13 years older. We get along despite our differences in opinions on politics. I feel like I'm sabotaging it by constantly being annoyed that he's not Bas, and I just don't know what to do.

Well, I think you are probably not really *over* Bas. So, first, you really, really need to say goodbye to him. You can write a letter to him you never send or you can do some sort of cleansing ritual. I also tend to literally destroy every keepsake. Like one time, I burned over 600 postcards.

Sorry I can't help more.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 23, 2016, 09:01:27 AM
I burned over 600 postcards.
AH HA!
I found the culprit for Global Warming! :P
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on May 23, 2016, 09:41:58 AM
I burned over 600 postcards.
AH HA!
I found the culprit for Global Warming! :P

Naw, I didn't have a car for over a year, so my carbon footprint is still clean. :P
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on May 25, 2016, 11:56:56 PM
When you realize the reason you probably don't like adult drama is because actual mature feelings, problems and emotions are so scary and alien to you but you'll cry at the drop at a hat at any kids movie especially when it's about friendship, a parent/mentor and child building a bond or generally connecting with people because those are the things you want most in the world.

Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 27, 2016, 02:21:01 PM
Psycho has been busy today..
Didn't go into work but he moved out 4 van loads of his crap out of my Mega-Shed..
Probably trying to beat the rainy weather that's moving in here by Sunday from a newly formed tropical depression that formed off the coast today.
What ever, just so long as he's gone in less than 5 days.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 28, 2016, 02:57:57 PM
Another 5 or 6 loads were moved out today including all appliances (washer, dryer, fridge, and window ac unit) as well as the cameras that were aimed towards my house have been removed :o
Won't be much longer before he's gone for good with 3 days to go 8)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 30, 2016, 04:56:46 PM
Moved the last of his possessions out today and thought he was going to leave a day early but no-no..
no-no..

Looks like he's going to 'camp-out' inside his van in the Mega-Shed driveway..
He's run an extension cord out to the van to power his portable AC unit and rigged his mobile digital antenna on to the roof of his van.

Oh, and he was even nice enough dump his old tube tv in the yard and he slung a few rocks at the screen shattering it.
The parting actions of a 46 year old adolescent ladies and gentlemen ::)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on May 30, 2016, 07:02:59 PM
What a dick. :angry:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 30, 2016, 07:52:18 PM
What a dick. :angry:
Actually, it looks like he already left for good a couple hours ago :o
So I decided to go over and check out the inside but he apparently changed the door locks and never returned the keys..
No big deal really as I had already planned on calling a locksmith to re-key all the door locks on both my house and the Mega-Shed anyway before we left for Mexico so I guess I'll be giving them a call first thing in the morning ::)
Went ahead and threw that tv in the garbage can since trash day is tomorrow and went ahead and wheeled it down to the street so that'll be one less thing to worry about.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on May 30, 2016, 08:05:48 PM
What a dick. :angry:
Actually, it looks like he already left for good a couple hours ago :o
So I decided to go over and check out the inside but he apparently changed the door locks and never returned the keys..
No big deal really as I had already planned on calling a locksmith to re-key all the door locks on both my house and the Mega-Shed anyway before we left for Mexico so I guess I'll be giving them a call first thing in the morning ::)
Went ahead and threw that tv in the garbage can since trash day is tomorrow and went ahead and wheeled it down to the street so that'll be one less thing to worry about.

Glad he is gone and the new locks were already planned for.

But old tube TV's are the source of some MAJOR lead poisoning of the environment. If you have a Best Buy near you, they'll take and recycle it for free. Otherwise, it is considered toxic waste and (at least around here) requires special disposal. So please don't just toss it in the trash.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 31, 2016, 04:59:59 AM
The city has a recycling truck that will come by and pick it up 8)

My Happy pic as I officially take full control of my Mega-Shed after 4 1/2 years 8)
(http://i.imgur.com/3PxyPUH.jpg)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on May 31, 2016, 11:50:50 AM
The city has a recycling truck that will come by and pick it up 8)

My Happy pic as I officially take full control of my Mega-Shed after 4 1/2 years 8)
(http://i.imgur.com/3PxyPUH.jpg)


I'm glad things are apparently working out, but...don't rent to anyone else, O.K?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on May 31, 2016, 12:16:44 PM
The city has a recycling truck that will come by and pick it up 8)

My Happy pic as I officially take full control of my Mega-Shed after 4 1/2 years 8)
(http://i.imgur.com/3PxyPUH.jpg)


I'm glad things are apparently working out, but...don't rent to anyone else, O.K?

Just turn it into a wank cave. :D
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 31, 2016, 12:43:04 PM
The city has a recycling truck that will come by and pick it up 8)

My Happy pic as I officially take full control of my Mega-Shed after 4 1/2 years 8)
(http://i.imgur.com/3PxyPUH.jpg)


I'm glad things are apparently working out, but...don't rent to anyone else, O.K?
Well I need the money but let me show you what he left on the inside once the locksmith was able to pick the locks..
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Cut cables and internet cable, trashed his desk and I just chunked it outside to eventually burn in my outdoor fireplace..
This is the thanks I get for helping a guy out for over 18 years ::)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on May 31, 2016, 01:36:59 PM
can you call the cops, over him cutting cables??
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on May 31, 2016, 01:54:03 PM
It varies a lot by state but vandalism by a tenant is usually handled in small claims court.

The cut cables should be disconnected, they could be shorted or sending noise back into the cable system, possibly messing up other people on that node.

Oh, and the forum no longer resizing images it kind of a pain, I ended up installing a "view image in new tab" plugin in order to see the pictures.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 31, 2016, 01:56:00 PM
can you call the cops, over him cutting cables??
It's probably not worth it..
Just some minor infraction and a minimal cost. :-\
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 31, 2016, 01:57:23 PM

Oh, and the forum no longer resizing images it kind of a pain, I ended up installing a "view image in new tab" plugin in order to see the pictures.
Yeah I couldn't do anything with the size of the pics either..
I just right-clicked each one to view it :-\
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Miku Fan on May 31, 2016, 02:03:25 PM
can you call the cops, over him cutting cables??
It's probably not worth it..
Just some minor infraction and a minimal cost. :-\


yeah.  After I posted, I started thinking along the lines of what Marty said: Small claims court.     Hopefully, this will be over forever, and you'll not have to deal with this guy again.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 31, 2016, 02:46:57 PM
can you call the cops, over him cutting cables??
It's probably not worth it..
Just some minor infraction and a minimal cost. :-\
yeah.  After I posted, I started thinking along the lines of what Marty said: Small claims court.     Hopefully, this will be over forever, and you'll not have to deal with this guy again.
Oh yeah I'm so done with him.
In fact, I just deleted his email off my account and he's had that email for almost as long as I've known him
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on May 31, 2016, 05:11:08 PM
Worth it to be rid of him, I'm sure.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 31, 2016, 05:14:59 PM
Worth it to be rid of him, I'm sure.
Yeah the cut cables, his trashed desk, and all the other stuff caused by his temper-tantrum are minor and not worth perusing.
He's gone and I'm done with him 8)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on May 31, 2016, 07:33:59 PM

Oh, and the forum no longer resizing images it kind of a pain, I ended up installing a "view image in new tab" plugin in order to see the pictures.
Yeah I couldn't do anything with the size of the pics either..
I just right-clicked each one to view it :-\

For the future, if you want, in the image code you change it from this: "img]"  to this: "img width=600]"  (open bracket "[" left off so it could be seen here) it will resize to almost fit the width that appears to be 'normal' here (at least it shows as normal for me... may be different for different displays, e.g. phone or tablet may differ).
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on May 31, 2016, 07:40:04 PM
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
OOO It worked!
Now you can see the cameras he used to spy on me and the lock and chain on my back gate, as well as the cut cables and the demolished desk..
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on May 31, 2016, 08:21:50 PM
Wow.  That's some nasty shit there (the trashed desk, but mostly the multiply-cut cables - that's just being a dick).  But like you said: a small price to pay to be rid of him.

I was thinking about it, and wondering if in his paranoia (colloquial def'n, not clinical one), he wasn't so much spying on you, but trying to keep track if someone else was spying on him... in other words: not so much that he wanted to see what you were doing, but to be able to see instantly if someone was looking at him.  With him not liking to be 'tracked', that seems a possibility (if only of intellectual, not practical, interest).
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on June 01, 2016, 04:03:01 AM
Wow.  That's some nasty shit there (the trashed desk, but mostly the multiply-cut cables - that's just being a dick).  But like you said: a small price to pay to be rid of him.

I was thinking about it, and wondering if in his paranoia (colloquial def'n, not clinical one), he wasn't so much spying on you, but trying to keep track if someone else was spying on him... in other words: not so much that he wanted to see what you were doing, but to be able to see instantly if someone was looking at him.  With him not liking to be 'tracked', that seems a possibility (if only of intellectual, not practical, interest).
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face, walked over to the back side of the Mega-Shed, looked at the debris pile and just laughed. I'm talking a good belly laugh! >:D

I really don't have an answer there.. He seems schizophrenic and delusional all at the same time.. His 'perfection' (if you can call it that) was also noted in the damage he did; the desk, the cut cables, that was his or what he installed and was no loss to me. Also items that were left over there that I paid for (left over building supplies, some castor wheels, and a few other small items) were left behind were not damaged and not stolen so again, he seemed to be aware of things.. :-\
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on June 01, 2016, 02:31:47 PM
I'm starting with a new therapist tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, because it's always hard to start with a new therapist, but I'm glad I got myself to do the legwork while I was riding the high from the move. Starting over is a pain in the motherfucking ass, though. I've had several problems over the past month, mainly because my main coping skill of gaming has been nearly impossible for me to do, what with the busted computer. Yes, I can use my boyfriend's stuff, and I have my 3DS still, but not having a computer of my own really kills me. I've been depressed, and really haven't had anyone to talk to about it, so I feel bottled up and stressed to the max. My boyfriend tries, but he's very solution focused, when what I need is a way to vent. It makes me miss Bas, because I was able to get him off the solution focused thinking and to just be there for me to listen, lean on, all that. I love Washington, but I've felt massively cooped up over the past month, and if I don't get some kind of relief soon, I'm going to have issues managing my depression. I think it's a reason I've been so bored and lonely. There are 5 cats and a dog in the house, and I'm getting my own cat soon, which will be nice. I just wish I had something else to do other than housework and Netflix all day.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on June 01, 2016, 04:57:49 PM
I've started learning mindfulness, it's SO difficult focusing on one specific thing at a time.  My therapist legitimately just assumed I had diagnosed ADHD because my attention span is so terrible and I have a billion thoughts, second, third and fourth guesses spinning around in my head at all times.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on June 01, 2016, 05:11:20 PM
It's been a very therapeutic day..
Vacuumed up the remaining crumbs of the demolished desk inside the Mega-Shed, then I started a fire in my outdoor fireplace around 10am to burn said demolished desk and the last piece of desk will be going in the fire shortly ;D
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on June 07, 2016, 11:12:20 PM
I wish things in my head would quiet down and I could just be happy. Right now, I love my boyfriend and don't feel in love with him. I'm happy in Washington. But I feel so empty and unfulfilled right now and I'm exploding with thoughts and fears and just don't know. I do feel like this is not my final stop on my road of life, but I'm completely unsure about where this stop is going to leave me. The novelty of this relationship is wearing thin on me, and I can't easily communicate how I feel without sounding like a hammer. I don't regret the relationship, I think, I just don't feel completed or satisfied. I've done some awesome things in getting a lot of stuff done, but his constant "You have to do this" is driving me up the wall. He pushes hard to get in, and I feel myself pulling back constantly. It feels like he has no regard to how I feel or think, merely what I can do for him at the time, and I'm to much of a wuss to say no. I can't build a life with this man, and I feel like I'm drifting. I don't even know what to think about now.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on June 09, 2016, 09:20:09 AM
I had a really hard time adjusting to life, back in Denver, with a man a hardly knew. It has taken some time and lots of arguments, but him and I have hit a happy medium, I think.

I have a lot of issues with my identity. I tend to back down what I want just to make others around me happy. Once I stopped doing that with my boyfriend, but also took a good hard look at myself to see if the requests he was asking were outrageous (sometimes they are). I choose my battles, but I have my dealbreakers.

Once you get your computer up and running and you get your #1 outlet back, I think that will help because you can lower your stress level.

Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on June 09, 2016, 10:56:23 AM
Some unsolicited advice about picking battles in a relationship:

If the stakes are truly important to you, don't back down. Work for a compromise or agree-to-disagree state. Don't give up something fundamental to you for anyone else.

If the stakes have somehow simply become about winning- if you find yourself saying, "I don't even care about the stupid _____ I just can't let them have this!" Walk away. You don't really need that kind of victory.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on June 09, 2016, 11:08:33 AM
Some unsolicited advice about picking battles in a relationship:

If the stakes are truly important to you, don't back down. Work for a compromise or agree-to-disagree state. Don't give up something fundamental to you for anyone else.

If the stakes have somehow simply become about winning- if you find yourself saying, "I don't even care about the stupid _____ I just can't let them have this!" Walk away. You don't really need that kind of victory.

With me, the hardest thing is that he thinks differently than me due to his....spectrum thing. Anyway, the point is, my arguments are more like "do I need him to understand that it is NEVER ok to talk about what I am or am not eating" vs "do I really care if he thinks I drank half a bottle of vodka (it was 3 shots. I track everything I eat. I measure stuff).

Here is another example: He wanted to watch Vacation (the new one) for a 'few minutes'. I could care less if I watch this movie, so I watched it half-assed (I was sitting on the living room coloring and listening to the movie). He got pissed because I wasn't 'watching' (ie not taking my eyes off) the movie.

Is this important? Yes. Because I am not going to spend the rest of my life ignoring my stress relief because he decided he randomly wants to 'watch' a movie he found on the TV. So, I told him I have a finite amount of time after work to relax, and I am not going to be forced to do something. He didn't ask me to watch, he just left the movie on and then got mad when he saw me coloring.

Luckily, I never consider it a 'win,' so hopefully I won't keep arguing for that reason.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on June 09, 2016, 11:17:23 AM
I'll settle for nothing less than the 'W'  8)
...
Unless she surprises me with dinner from Captain D's :P
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on June 21, 2016, 05:38:43 PM
I'm a masochist. I'm in to extreme bdsm. A few weeks back, I had a really hard day. The day before consisted of hours of running errands, including getting stranded at a therapists office for an hour or so because I needed to get tested to make sure EBT cash benefits were something I needed. All I wanted to do the next day was read. I was withdrawn and suffering because of my condition. I couldn't get myself to do any of my chores that day.

My boyfriend is a sadist. We make a fairly good couple, although I don't think it will end up being a long term relationship. He came home, and we went to get a dresser for our room. When we came back, I went in to move the stuff around in the space, while he was carrying it in with our roommate. I stepped on a plate that was on the floor, that I was supposed to clean up but didn't because I was recovering and re gathering myself from the day before.

Our relationship is not only a romantic one, it's also a 24/7 dominant/submissive relationship. This means that I knew going in that I needed to keep up my half of it; I cook, I clean, I allow him to play with my body when he wants to. "Play" includes pain, sex, pleasure, and in cases where I don't perform my other duties properly, punishment and discipline. I consented coming into the relationship that he had the right to discipline me if I did something wrong, or if he felt that I was being particularly snotty with him.

After I broke the plate, he decided that I needed punishment. I was dizzy, I was terrified, and I was scared. I didn't think I deserved to be punished, because my disabilities prevented me from functioning at a level that was asked. I should have told him before he did anything to me. I should have told him that morning that I wasn't able to function, and that the things he wanted me to do wouldn't be possible. I thought I could fight through it, do my chores, and be ok. I was wrong.

He took a paddle that is 1 and 1/4 inch thick of solid plywood. Think a cricket bat with all but about 8 inches of the flat part off and a handle. He gagged me, because I was going to scream, had me strip, and proceeded to hit me with it on my posterior 10 times. It HURT. I was screaming into the gag in my mouth. I had got a large set of bruises. Afterwards, he held me, told me he was sorry, and that he loved me. I was sobbing and terrified, and tried to pull away from him. He pulled me into his arms until I stopped fighting. I had a panic attack so severe that I passed out for about 3 minutes. We went to get food, walked down to the river, and I proceeded to chain smoke half a pack of cigarettes. We talked a little about it. One of the things he'd accused me of not doing was the laundry, and I informed him that the laundry that was in the basket was really clean. He immediately regretted what he did, and told me that in the future, I would have a chance to defend my actions before punishment. He understood that he had crossed the line. I explained to him that my disabilities had kept me from doing the work I was supposed to. He seemed to understand. He's never had a girlfriend with my particular mix of dysfunctions. He didn't understand why I hadn't done those things.

I've been feeling awful and guilty about this ever since. Not because I did something wrong. Not because I should just be able to get over my problems and do simple housework. No, I feel guilty and awful because I didn't say anything to stop him. I didn't explain the situation. I just let him hit me. I've brought it up a few times. He says that he will never harm me. He says that he'll never just punish me without asking. He says that he isn't coercing me into anything. He says that I knew what I was getting into.

That's true, I did. I consented myself to his rule, because he provided me with an experience. He provided me with a new start and a way out, and I am grateful to him for giving me that.

I did not consent to being beaten when I was so messed up I couldn't function. I took it for granted that he would understand the problems I face day to day, and understand that on those days, he would understand the need to be easy on me. But he didn't. He insists that there is no coercion in our relationship, but "do this or will beat your assistance so hard that you can't sit" is coercion.

I don't object to punishment or discipline when it's earned. If I was feeling 100% ok, and I didn't do stuff because I said "funk him, I'm going to do me today even when I don't need it," I can justify that punishment, because that was our agreement, that was what I consented to. What happened a few weeks back wasn't anything like that. He crossed the line from consent to abuse. What he did was abusive, plain and simple.

I talked to my new therapist today about it. She agrees with me that he was abusive in that instance. Other than that, he's been fine. He's understood that he crossed the line. He's started giving me less to do. I've been upfront with him about my needs, and he understands and tries to cope with them. He does well with things now, and is much better.

It doesn't change what happened though. I still feel torn up inside because I knew what I should have done and I didn't. Not the chores. I should have told him what was happening with me. I feel like if I hadn't been such an idiot, such a coward, I would be fine. I don't think he will cross that line again, because he knows it was traumatizing for me, and I believe that he doesn't want to inflict any more trauma on my already fucked up head. I still trust him. But I feel awful because I didn't do what was necessary to protect myself.

I've been struggling with this for weeks now. Part of me says that I can't trust him. It's the reason why I'm not giddy and excited. It's the reason that I don't love him in the same way I did with Bas; he caused me trauma, and now my heart is wary. It's why I don't see this relationship progressing much, and that I feel like this is just a stepping stone point in my life. I'm taking time to build a new me, better and stronger than before. I won't let him hurt me like that again. I will not be abused. I will not let him cross that line again, and if he does, then I will figure out some way to leave. I did not deserve that. I do not deserve to be abused.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on June 24, 2016, 07:54:12 AM
I hardly think anyone is going to disagree with you Lawful. I also hesitate to offer any relationship advice because well... never been in one, and I'm hardly qualified, but most importantly it's important that you make your own decisions in such delicate circumstances.

Last few weeks, I've been getting up LATE, like between 11 and 12, and I HATE that. I may be disabled, but dammit I think most people will agree that it's not good to be sleeping that late. I tried my hardest to get to bed before midnight last night and I somehow managed that. I think Doctors refer to it as "sleepy hygiene".
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on July 18, 2016, 10:30:35 PM
I've fucking had it with my brother.

His thinking is so twisted, and he just - in his most recent e-mail - said that he would not read my reply to his latest angry tirade (brought on because I responded in good faith to something I later realized was a LIE he'd told me, when I've made it clear I don't tolerate lying to me from people I interact with in any serious fashion).  His tirade?  Because he couldn't keep track of his lie to me for even 24 hours to understand the context of my response!

After over 58 years, I've come to the conclusion I basically can't associate with him any longer.  In those 58 years he has exhibited ZERO effort to actually see who I really am, despite me sharing with him about most every aspect of my life.  He simply projects his own WORST characteristics onto me when it serves his whim.  I'm wasting too much of my very VERY limited energy on HIS bullshit twisting of the truth and disturbed thinking.  I am not paid to be his fucking therapist, I refuse to deal with it - just like EVERY friend or female he's ever interacted with has.  [i.e. after me, he has NO-ONE to interact with, because he's driven them all away by basically lying to them about anything/everything and using basically spousal abuse patterns (explode, apologize saying he'll never do it again, repeat endlessly)]

[I get the impression I talked about some of this on here before.  But his response today was the clincher that made this a situation where there was NO WAY I can continue in this relationship.  Not even some minimal amount for the next 3-5 years until both my parents are dead and I have to force myself to travel to dismantle the house because I don't trust him AT ALL with what I have there.]
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on July 18, 2016, 10:35:05 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that Lucas. :( I can imagine that's been very trying for you.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: ScottotD on July 18, 2016, 11:03:05 PM
So, a friend who was basically the inspiration for my fiiiiiiiiiiiinally getting into therapy committed suicide, she had a lot of mental and physical illnesses all of which seemed to be getting worse along with her life generally (understandably) not going well however she was in-person very chatty and friendly.

The last interaction we had she had was trying to arrange a table for a quiz night, I said I couldn't go for no real reason other than anxiety and wanting to 'save' money for drinking and she said she was disappointed.  After I heard the news I checked the FB conversation and literally everyone on the list that had responded had said no ...I can't help but think the idea that she was going to see friends and have a nice night might have kept her going for at least another couple of weeks. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on July 18, 2016, 11:25:11 PM
So, a friend who was basically the inspiration for my fiiiiiiiiiiiinally getting into therapy committed suicide, she had a lot of mental and physical illnesses all of which seemed to be getting worse along with her life generally (understandably not going well) however she was in-person very chatty and friendly.

The last interaction we had she had was trying to arrange a table for a quiz night, I said I couldn't go for no real reason other than anxiety and wanting to 'save' money for drinking and she said she was disappointed.  After I heard the news I checked the FB conversation and literally everyone on the list that had responded had said no ...I can't help but think the idea that she was going to see friends and have a nice night might have kept her going for at least another couple of weeks.

I'm really sorry to hear that, man, and while she might have been trying to see a friend, it wasn't in any way your fault.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on July 19, 2016, 12:13:36 AM
I'm so sorry to hear that Lucas. :( I can imagine that's been a very trying for you.

Thank you.  I've dealt with him for years because I kept thinking (likely largely because of his constant deception) that he at least understood some aspects of me when he wasn't going off.  The latest interactions (over the course of the last month) have proven beyond any doubt that that was fantasy.

A part of me is relieved, but I really do not want to deal with being around him when my folks have both died and I have to get my stuff (and 'distribute' theirs) from their house.  It will be trying enough to simply get there (~275 mile drive each way - no way could I deal with airports, plus I'll need a car while there).


So, a friend who was basically the inspiration for my fiiiiiiiiiiiinally getting into therapy committed suicide, she had a lot of mental and physical illnesses all of which seemed to be getting worse along with her life generally (understandably not going well) however she was in-person very chatty and friendly.

The last interaction we had she had was trying to arrange a table for a quiz night, I said I couldn't go for no real reason other than anxiety and wanting to 'save' money for drinking and she said she was disappointed.  After I heard the news I checked the FB conversation and literally everyone on the list that had responded had said no ...I can't help but think the idea that she was going to see friends and have a nice night might have kept her going for at least another couple of weeks.

I'm really sorry to hear that, man, and while she might have been trying to see a friend, it wasn't in any way your fault.

I am very sorry for the loss of your friend, ScottotD.

I agree completely with EJG III.  No matter what the circumstances are, you are not at all responsible for someone else's actions.  I understand that now you are thinking that you want to have been there for her for that quiz night, especially since she had helped you before.  People deal with their lives in their own fashion.  It is quite possible that no amount of friends being around could have helped.

I am sorry that she is gone.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: BathTub on July 19, 2016, 01:50:04 AM
I'm sorry to hear that. I've had a roommate and a close friend commit suicide, that shit can eat you if you let it. I'm glad you already have someone you can talk to about it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on July 19, 2016, 12:38:28 PM
So, a friend who was basically the inspiration for my fiiiiiiiiiiiinally getting into therapy committed suicide, she had a lot of mental and physical illnesses all of which seemed to be getting worse along with her life generally (understandably) not going well however she was in-person very chatty and friendly.
I'm so sorry Scott. It's times like this I wish I had something more to offer than mere words. :(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on July 19, 2016, 01:06:21 PM
I can't help but think the idea that she was going to see friends and have a nice night might have kept her going for at least another couple of weeks.

I know it's hard to avoid thinking that way, but even if everyone had showed up and had a great night it still could have happened the next day.  There's no knowing at what time someone's defenses are unable to deal with that pain.

A part of me is relieved, but I really do not want to deal with being around him when my folks have both died and I have to get my stuff (and 'distribute' theirs) from their house.  It will be trying enough to simply get there (~275 mile drive each way - no way could I deal with airports, plus I'll need a car while there).

Will you have to deal with selling the house?  Or is someone in the family going to get it?

I'm glad I don't have to deal with that since my dad sold the house 4 years ago, all I have left to deal with are bank accounts, just spent the morning at Bank Of America signing things, signing papers to get a bunch of money would normally be a fun thing to do, but it was depressing as hell.  The papers today are supposed to be the last ones needed to release the funds to me, but I'm guessing the chances of BOA not messing something up are about 50/50.

Well, there is one other thing to deal with, his ashes, I think he is eligible for the Navy burial at sea program, so I need to call and get that info.  Although they don't allow civilians to attend since they do it from a ship on active duty.  So the decision for me is to sent him off that way or take him myself to the same spot in the ocean off Block Island that my mom was placed.  The Navy option I would get the flag and they usually record a video, so I'd have that as a memento, and he talked about his time on the USS Blenny more than any job he ever had....
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on July 19, 2016, 05:36:49 PM
A part of me is relieved, but I really do not want to deal with being around him when my folks have both died and I have to get my stuff (and 'distribute' theirs) from their house.  It will be trying enough to simply get there (~275 mile drive each way - no way could I deal with airports, plus I'll need a car while there).

Will you have to deal with selling the house?  Or is someone in the family going to get it?

I'm glad I don't have to deal with that since my dad sold the house 4 years ago, all I have left to deal with are bank accounts, just spent the morning at Bank Of America signing things, signing papers to get a bunch of money would normally be a fun thing to do, but it was depressing as hell.  The papers today are supposed to be the last ones needed to release the funds to me, but I'm guessing the chances of BOA not messing something up are about 50/50.

Well, there is one other thing to deal with, his ashes, I think he is eligible for the Navy burial at sea program, so I need to call and get that info.  Although they don't allow civilians to attend since they do it from a ship on active duty.  So the decision for me is to sent him off that way or take him myself to the same spot in the ocean off Block Island that my mom was placed.  The Navy option I would get the flag and they usually record a video, so I'd have that as a memento, and he talked about his time on the USS Blenny more than any job he ever had....

Thank you for the thoughts.  I'm hoping there is something that you can be comfortable with with regards to your dad's ashes.  It can be a difficult decision.

Yes, I will likely have to deal with selling the house.  I hope to spend some time, once I calm down and recover a bit from this stuff with my brother, and talk with my dad on the phone about this.  First I have to make it clear just how incompetent my brother is (not knowing the value of anything, such as the antiques and collectibles the house is FULL of, or how to actually interact with the real world on issues like that), and possibly I can talk to him about things like property values in the area of the house.  However apparently my father got angry at one point when my brother brought up selling the house (because my mother irrationally tried to get him to move for years when my dad could not deal with [or possibly survive] that).  I don't know if I could get my dad to recommend a Realtor in the area... I think that would be too much for him and he'd get angry.

So I'm hopeful that I can at least get 'consultations' from my oldest friend, even though we have only had limited contact for a decade or so (since I can't 'do' the phone like we used to).  He had to deal with selling his mother's condo when she died just a few years ago, so the area and it's Realtors are at least somewhat familiar to him.  I have NO idea what to do about the antiques.  I have only the vaguest idea of what they might be worth NOW, but I knew what they were worth a couple decades ago (where my brother basically thinks they are worthless and hasn't the slightest clue about artwork they have).

In addition to the problems from all that, I have to somehow get my father to at least make me co-executor of the will, because my brother - with this shit the way its been - would definitely be fucking me out of my stuff (a huge number of valuable '60s collectibles), and my half of the folks' stuff if I don't have SOME level of control.

And somehow, in all that, I may have to try to explain how I will make ONE trip there (for a month or more) to deal with the house after they are both dead, but that I can't make it there to visit them.  That's NOT going to be an easy discussion!  But, despite it's intense wear on me, I could potentially deal with being ALONE in the house, working at my own pace, interacting with NO-ONE.  But even THAT only if I know going in that it will be a one-time-only event and I will never have to travel again afterwards.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on July 19, 2016, 07:32:57 PM
In addition to the problems from all that, I have to somehow get my father to at least make me co-executor of the will, because my brother - with this shit the way its been - would definitely be fucking me out of my stuff (a huge number of valuable '60s collectibles), and my half of the folks' stuff if I don't have SOME level of control.

That's a lousy thing to have to deal with, I know someone at work that dealt with a brother that wanted the house but didn't want to give the other siblings anything, took years for them to settle it.

Certainly try to get as much as possible figured out and in place as soon as possible, so you don't feel like you've been thrown into the deep end of the pool...
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on July 26, 2016, 10:56:53 AM
I got dumped! woooooooooooooo

can i die now i don't want to do this anymore
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on July 31, 2016, 07:03:56 PM
Do you know how impossible it is to find someone that I not only like, but likes me and wants to sleep with me, be in a relationship with me, AND is able to look past my horrific birth defect that rendered my clitoris gigantic and my ovaries to fall out and produce the wrong stuff? It's fucking impossible. And the worst thing, the thing that hurts the most, are when the guys that I really like and am into, and who are into me, start going at it, and they just can't get going because they can't look past it, and they say that it's not my fault but the problem is me, because I'm not attractive, I've got this fucking growth on my crotch and nobody wants me and I fucking hate it. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and I've been dumped by both because of my other illnesses. How the he'll am I supposed to find a guy who wants the package?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on August 04, 2016, 12:43:31 PM
 I was feeling depressed about getting the check from the one account my dad had the money from selling the house I grew up in.  Brought up all kinds of stuff from now and the past.  Although recent events have dulled the regret over not being able to save anything from the house, if storage units to hold the few things from my dad's little room were too expensive there was no way I would have been able to afford it 4 years ago.

 Anyway, found a bunch of charities to give some money to, and one local place that deals with abused kids that had an Amazon wish list, I had no idea there ware so many games to help kids deal with anger and other emotional issues.

 Helping out in that way has helped my mood tremendously, even though more bad news just keeps coming about people at work, this summer really can't end fast enough.  In the spring I'll start to think about what to do with my dad's money, after next years taxes are done and I know exactly how much I'll have left.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on August 04, 2016, 01:32:45 PM
I'm sorry so much is going on Marty.  It sounds like you found a great way to mediate some of that grief, with the donations.  I hope that this eases at least somewhat for you soon, though I know grief and mourning work their own paths in people in their own time.  First and foremost in the grief, take care of yourself.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on August 04, 2016, 03:41:54 PM
Thanks LucasM, the grief is much less now since it's been almost 2 months, although the instantly interconnected world we live in now has made it a bit strange, I'm still taking pictures with my phone and have to remember I can't email them to him any more.  Getting the first chunk of money brought up more regrets than grief, regrets might linger in the back of the mind longer but are easier to clear away than grief.

Just got back from a nice tour of the Taylor Memorial Arboretum that my school recently acquired, walking around nice landscaping and huge old trees also helps a lot with mood...
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Quantum Vagina on September 16, 2016, 07:58:27 AM
So after Paul dumped me, I went into kind of an emotional tailspin. In that tailspin, I'm rebounding with Bas. Except that he's made it clear to me that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. He just wants to have no strings attached sex. Except that for me, there are a million strings. I still love him. But what he's doing now is nothing short of emotional blackmail. He says he doesn't want to leave me, but also when I say that it's a bad idea, he says he'll just leave me again, which he knows I don't want. I don't know what to do. I know I should stop, but I can't bear to lose him again.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 06, 2017, 07:45:08 PM
I'm bringing back this thread for those on the Forum who need it, and also for the day when hopefully, Lawful Cupcake AKA Quantum Vagina arrives back here.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 07, 2017, 04:46:44 PM
Maybe I should say something to get the ball rolling on this thread again. My name is Russell, I'm 39, I have had bipolar type 2 for the past few years now, and I'm just here to associate with some other people who share the same interests. I've been coming here on and off over the past 11 years or so and while it's taken time, I've slowly matured into a better and more respectful person in spite of my mental illness.

I think it's safe to say we were all drawn here by our intense love for MST3K. After all, without Mystery Science Theater 3000, there would be no Rifftrax. I'm saying this in this thread because I think being able to laugh is important for maintaining our sanity. Of course, you could also be insane and laugh like crazy, but those of us who suffer from things like bipolar, depression, or losing somebody, being able to laugh again is very important because it allows us to cope with all the bad stuff in our lives. It is by no means a cure but if you're a fan of MST at all, then watching other people making fun of bad movies or old shorts is just a part of our lives. There's an underlying emotional bond to those who make us laugh because personally, for me it fills an empty space in my life. Maybe that's just sad, or maybe not, but I hope you get the point. It's important to laugh, because sometimes we take life too seriously and it's important to be reminded to calm down because things aren't always as seriously bad as they seem.

Of course there are many, many other things out there that can make you laugh, but there's something special about both MST3K and Rifftrax. We didn't just laugh at the antics of Joel Hodgson, Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett, but we could relate to the jokes and the characters. I see people who want us not just to laugh, but to laugh at ourselves for some of the ways in which we see not just our lives but the world too. That's important, and I don't know of anybody who makes fun of movies and shorts quite as well as our MST3K Alums.

I won't be free of being mentally ill for the rest of my life, but I still owe a great debt to MST3K and Rifftrax for helping me maintain at least a shred of my sanity and coping with my disabilities.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 08, 2017, 10:28:08 AM
Well said.


I think I prefer the shared pop-culture reference. When, randomly in conversation as I am wont to do, I say something like "I've got a mantis in my pantis," anyone who gets that reference is automatically a cool and potentially safe person. I certainly use pop culture to remind myself of the skills I use in therapy, so these references help my daily life.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 10, 2017, 08:17:41 PM
I just have to get this off my chest... for all the things we disagreed about, I really miss Lawful Cupcake. I also really miss Miku Fan. I hope they come back some day. They were really active on this forum and they were really good people.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 10, 2017, 10:21:04 PM
I hope LC is doing better these days, or at least hanging in there....
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on October 12, 2017, 05:48:27 AM
Shame.  She was a joy to have around.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 12, 2017, 07:45:12 AM
I hope LC is doing better these days, or at least hanging in there....

She's going to school and in a healthier relationship, although she still lives with her family. She seems to be doing better. We are facebook friends.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on October 12, 2017, 09:19:18 AM
Good to hear!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 12, 2017, 01:35:53 PM
Glad to hear that, let her know there are people here that miss her.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on October 13, 2017, 04:35:47 AM
BTW, I meant to say "same" not "shame".  But yeah, that's good news.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 14, 2017, 07:15:29 PM
Yes, I'm doing better. Tearing my hair out nonstop because god damn school is rough. Still, better relationship and all that jazz.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 14, 2017, 07:32:55 PM
It's great to have you back here!  :)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 14, 2017, 07:35:13 PM
Well, Andrea told me that people were reminiscing and junk, and I've been debating popping back in for a while because my social circle is small as heck. Figured now was as good of a time as any.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on October 14, 2017, 07:43:44 PM
Woo! Welcome back!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on October 14, 2017, 07:45:11 PM
Well, Andrea told me that people were reminiscing and junk, and I've been debating popping back in for a while because my social circle is small as heck. Figured now was as good of a time as any.

Good to see you're back.  You were missed. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 14, 2017, 09:44:44 PM
Yay, good to see you back here.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 14, 2017, 11:31:00 PM
Welcome back!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on October 15, 2017, 03:45:12 PM
Welcome back, Lesbunny!  Really good to hear from your again!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on October 15, 2017, 06:51:13 PM
In general I consider myself well adjusted.  I'm calm, and I can take things in stride.  I have been fortunate enough to have avoided any seriously traumatizing experiences in my life.  But there has been one that has come back to haunt me, and I've been having nightmares about it lately.  Not typical nightmares, just dreams with a deep desire to go back and change the past.  My wife is very understanding when I want to talk about it, but I've been feeling the desire to tell more of it.  So thanks to those who read this very long post, but this isn't about something that happened to me.  It's about something I did to someone else.  Telling people this isn't going to make them like me or feel sorry for me, but I guess I'm trying to do something, or anything to atone.

I'll start with the story from my previous point of view.  I call it a story because it very much is a story. The facts are all true, but it's from my old perspective. 

I was a freshman in college.  My high school crush, an unrequited crush despite letting her know my feelings multiple times (too many times really [should have moved on sooner]), invited me over to her apartment to watch a movie.  Unbeknownst to me, she had finished about half a bottle of wine by the time I showed up.  She, like me, didn't drink (I still don't [and have no plans to]).  She had been given the bottle as a gift and didn't want it in the apartment anymore, but also didn't want to throw it out.  She proceed to finish the bottle during the movie. 

So the person I had a crush on all through highschool is now very, very drunk and coming on to me.  I refused.  She kept saying that she really wanted to have sex, but that I could have been anyone.  I refused.  I tried to leave a couple times, but she didn't want to be drunk alone.  And after a few hours, when she seemed less drunk (she was still very drunk), and was still coming on to me, I couldn't refuse any more.  We didn't have sex, I wouldn't have done that.  But we did make out and my hand did go down her jeans.

Afterward, she went to the bathroom, then I guess woke up and came to because she started sobbing hysterically, telling me to leave.  It went from dreams coming true to nightmares almost instantly.  I tried to stay and understand what was wrong but that wasn't happening. I IMed her constantly the day after (story is pre texting) to try and see what she was thinking, and apologizing constantly, but she wouldn't give me anything other than anger.   I spent the next week hiding in my apartment in fear.  Everyone was angry at me.  A few wanted to beat the shit out of me.  I kept trying to figure out what I did wrong and if I could fix it. I mean, I knew I shouldn't have done it, even though she knew how I felt about her and had decided to drink a bunch of wine anyway.  And why would she tease me like that? 

I would find out a a little later from a mutual friend that she thought I had sex with her because her underwear was a little ripped.  The friend was obviously very mad at me, but at the time I couldn't understand why.  After I explained my side he calmed down a little, but only a little, because we never really talked after that. 

About a year later I did reach out to try to make amends with her.  She wanted to put it behind her and so we kind of ignored it.  We even hung out a few times over the next few years, but I moved across the country and we fell out of touch eventually.

And that's the story I would tell myself for years and years about what happened.  It doesn't make you hate me, right?  It leaves in plenty of doubt about her motives, and explains my intentions in a sympathetic way.  But it's not what really happened.  What really happened is I sexually assaulted a girl who was black out drunk.  A girl who could in no way give consent.  I am a rapist.

It's this realization that is giving me nightmares.  It's the years of never really understanding what it was I had done.  I was so naive, having never been around people who were that drunk or having experienced it myself.  I assumed that drinking released your inhibitions.  That's what I had been told by television. That if you drink enough you end up doing the things you're normally too scared to do.  I didn't know that when you're black out, you're a different person.  I didn't know it (I mean deeply know it) until picking up my wife from the hospital after she had mixed some medication with too much alcohol.  The things that came out of her mouth, the way she treated the staff at the hospital, and the way she treated me; that was not my wife.  It was a different person that wasn't in control of anything she did. 

Then Brock Turner was in the news, and in that monster I saw some of me.  Thankfully not much of me, but enough to disturb me, and to disgust myself.  I was disgusted that like him, nothing happened to me.  I lost a bunch of friends, but that's it.  I was disgusted that for all this time I had been sorry for all the wrong reasons, and never fully taken responsibility for the horrible thing I had done.

I desperately want to go back and tell her how horrible I feel now, and that I have finally learned.  I don't want forgiveness (I don't feel I deserve it), but I want her to know that I have actually changed.  After one nightmare I got up and wrote her a long text, but held off on sending it after convincing myself it was in fact selfish. Its been almost a decade since we've talked, and all it would do is dredge up old trauma that would do nothing to make her feel better. 

So after ruling that out, there's only one thing I can do: teach my future children about consent, and make sure they know exactly what it means.  It's such a passive thing that does nothing for the victim, but I guess it's something. 

I've phrased this all as if I had one sudden realization of what I did, but no, it's been a slow process.  And I expect these nightmares will last a while too.  However, I don't think I want to get rid of them.  I didn't post this looking for help necessarily, or as a way of releasing and unburdening.  I posted this as a way of focusing my thoughts on what I have done.  Forgiving yourself and moving on are important, but I too easily rationalized without ever really understanding what I did.  I deserve these nightmares, at least for now.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 15, 2017, 07:34:23 PM
Holy shit, that's a lot to take in. Variety, I admit I don't know you all that well, but from what you're describing here, I don't think you're a bad person. you made a terrible mistake, one you very much regretted and as a result you felt deep pain and sorrow, not just for what you did, but also for her. Most importantly though, in your words I see a person who resolved to never, ever repeat that mistake ever again. That's what's most important. The world is filled with people who do horrible things over and over and don't feel half an ounce of regret. I think under the circumstances you tried to behave like a gentleman but in the end your moral barriers were kind of broken down by a lot of key factors. All I can say is... just try to move on. I know that's not the most therapeutic advice, but it's the best I can give you. I'm certainly not a woman so I can't speak for the other side of the issue, but I don't think any of us would hold this incident over your head. If your words are any indication, you are a changed man for the better, and that's what really counts. Try to take that to heart when you sleep tonight. I know a lot of what I'm saying is kind of re-hashing what you said, so I'm sorry for that.

I just think it's important for me to reinforce you're now a person who has truly good values and I deeply admire and respect that.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 15, 2017, 10:16:31 PM
 I'm not sure about the part where you think telling her you were sorry for the right reasons would not make her feel better. 

 You might be correct that it wouldn't, but maybe it would?  I just don't think it should be dismissed, but don't know who would be able to give good advice as to telling her or not.  One thing I can think of is taking responsibility for the non-consensual touching might relieve lingering self blame she might still have.  In the time you spent with her before drifting apart did she ever blame herself?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 15, 2017, 10:47:17 PM
I was writing this while MartyS was posting.  I agree 100% with what he wrote.  From my experience as a therapist, I can say that avoiding a difficult conversation because it may 'dredge something up' often prevents a new, deeper level of healing from a trauma by both parties involved.  I also agree with Russoguru, your empathy, and your insights into your behavior demonstrate that you are a caring person.

Now to what I spent the last hour or so writing.


Variety of Cells, you've brought up a great deal.  I can read the pain in your description of what happened.  You are clearly suffering from those events.  I am sorry that is the case for you, just as I am sorry if she is still suffering from them.

Hopefully anyone reading this will know some things about me.  The first I hope they keep in mind is that, with my head injuries, when past my limits I may not always express myself completely or clearly (and I have been so messed up of late that most days out of the last couple months I have slept between 10-14 hours because I have been so mentally exhausted).  So please, if something I've written here is unclear, or sounds odd, please ASK before jumping on me, OK?  Thank you.  The second is that, when I was a therapist, while I did neuropsychological testing, and studied the brain both functionally and biochemically with the intent after my PhD becoming a certified Neuropsychologist, when I did therapy while working on my dissertation, I worked almost exclusively with abuse and neglect survivors (learning way more than most of my colleagues knew in that area).  So I know something about traumas.


Now I would like to start to reframe your experience, particularly your current one, regarding this past event:

Both you, and the young woman involved, were traumatized by the sick culture you grew up in, the culture which led to that experience.  Clearly from how disturbed you have been by it, you were traumatized by the experience.  In a different way from how she was, but you were traumatized nonetheless.

This country has been sexually sick for a LONG time.  It originates with sex being 'hidden' and avoided by parents, as if it is somehow different than teaching a child how to eat properly or how to brush their teeth to protect their health.  It then comes from things like you described: media feeding false information ('alcohol just reduces inhibitions' and up until recently 'no means maybe').  And then there is the 'sport' of sex for teenage and young adult males... that approach persists and is so massively ingrained in EVERYONE in this sick culture, that I dare say it would be incredibly difficult in this culture to find anyone who did not understand what, "I got to second base with her," meant.  Sex is not a 'game' (unless two consenting parties want to make it one for fun).  And then there is the 'conquest' that males are taught - in sport, in business, and in sex.  Some who are particularly sick carry the belief that this is OK through adulthood (e.g. the Sexual-Predator-in-Chief).

Again: this entire culture has been sexually sick for a LONG time.

Luckily for this culture, that attitude would have persisted if not largely for brave women who have stepped forward and begun to say, "this is very much NOT OK!"  There is, as enraging as it is in each instance, a benefit to the culture as a whole from things like white student athletes getting off with minimal sentences for raping a woman.  It is benefiting the culture because it has forced the problem into the mainstream where those who would normally choose to ignore and avoid it (and thereby perpetuate it) cannot avoid it any longer and now have to THINK and ACT on it, to whatever degree they are capable of.

You have said that you have learned from your experience, and will be a strong force for teaching your future children about consent.  That is great.  It is many people, like you, who are waking up to how sick this society has been, and how it has victimized both males and females, that will ultimately change it.  One child at a time.  But hundreds - thousands - of individuals waking up to this awareness, means hundreds or thousands more children at a time will be learning that all human beings have the right to respect and self-determination in their actions and with what happens with them.

But that still leaves that, what you experienced was - for YOU - a traumatic experience.  You were traumatized by the culture and what it did in helping shape your behavior.  Your description of your feelings are basically a definition of a trauma response.  [I cannot go through the symptoms of PTSD with you, but you certainly fit some of those as well as a 'less diagnosis-based' definition of trauma response.]

I dare say you (and others) may possibly indignantly ask, "you're saying that his experience was as bad as hers?"  Well, one can't 'compare traumas' any more than one can 'compare injuries' from an auto accident.  e.g. Who is 'worse off': a person who is paraplegic following an accident, or one with a significant change to their brain functioning from a head injury from an accident?  It depends on how each affects the individual.  There is no way to compare traumatic experiences, whether they are physical or psychological.

Guilt over actions of the past is a sign of someone who actually cares enough to look deeply at their history and learn from it.  But maintaining that guilt is likely to cause additional problems going forward.  So please think about what I have written and see if it at least partially fits for you.

My best to you, and I hope that you can continue to heal from this trauma.


If you are interested, the best overall book I've seen on trauma is this one: Aphrodite Matsakis I Can't Get Over It (http://www.amazon.com/Cant-Get-Over-Handbook-Survivors/dp/157224058X/).  It may help to read it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on October 16, 2017, 02:32:12 AM
Thank you all for your responses. And thank you Lucas. I always appreciate it when I see a long post from you because I know how much it drains you.

I appreciate all your affirmations. I know I’m not a bad person. I do not have a lack of self esteem. I just feel that I forgave myself too quickly, to the point where I didn’t properly learn from what happened.

Society is definitely changing, and in this case it’s for the better. All of these sexual abuse cases being thrust into public view is a good thing. And I hope it has made others, like myself, reflect on their past.

To what Lucas had to say, I definitely experienced trauma. It is one of the only, if not the only traumatic thing to have happened in my life. And I’m probably experiencing some sort of ptsd. If this lasts too long I know I can seek professions help. But airing this here has helped. Putting down my thoughts physically and hearing responses has helped, instead of keeping them swimming in my head.

Is it all of your opinion that reaching out to her would be a good thing?  I know it would help me. But thinking that it would do anything for her feels too optimistic. I honestly don’t know if she ever blamed herself. She might have now that I think about it. When I reconnected with her she did say she was young, made a mistake and didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe that was her blaming herself, and in that light freeing her from blame could maybe do some good.

But I still don’t know. I’ll have to think about it more.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 16, 2017, 08:53:52 AM
As a woman, what I say may or may not matter as much, but here goes:


Lucas is 100% correct. You realize that she continually violated your boundaries while she was drunk. If you say No, SHE should have stopped and her blaming it on the fact that she was drunk is no worse than Brock Turner blaming his thing on drinking.

Everything else that happened is based on our sick culture of society as Lucas said.

But the absolute BEST thing about you, which Brock hasn't done, my ex-boyfriend (he didn't sexually assault me, but that is a small digression), and so many other men never do is that you told us. You told us the truth including what you did that you regret. That is the best way to heal.

I am the type of person who equates sexual violence with some sort of proof that a woman is highly beautiful and desired. I get jealous when I read about other, prettier, more successful women who have been assaulted. My therapist and I are going to spend a LOT of time figuring out what exactly happened in my life to make my brain think that way. Is it victim shaming or victim blaming to say I'm jealous of women who are assaulted? Many others will think so, but it's my truth, and lying about it is not going to help me in any way.

What you experienced is very powerful and very important. Owning it, living with it, and growing from it is taking responsibility, which, again, the Brock Turners and Benjamin Kellers of the world don't do.

Score one for the good guys!

Love,

Anais


PS: You have no control over her, so deciding to engage with her because you think it would help her is probably dangerous. If she reacts negatively, how will that make you feel when you thought you were helping her. Talk to and engage with her because it will help you, the only person in this world you are in control of. You can hope it helps her, but please don't think that you are some white knight and talking about this will save her. A) she is an adult and doesn't need a white knight and B) if she rebukes you, that might make you feel like an asshole again.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on October 16, 2017, 10:26:04 AM
Thanks anais. I am glad to hear a female opinion on the subject. As you said, I think it is important to be honest about what we have done and how we think, and work from there to either try and change it or accept it. But it’s hard sometimes. I know I was very careful to use the word rapist only once, because it’s still hard for me to say.  But it is the most direct legal definition of what happened.

It’s also hard for me to take your point about responsibility. I understand it, and legally I feel you may be right. But I was sober and responsible. I should have known better, and like I said, my kids will know better.

But I agree with you about contacting her. If she were to take it the wrong way, it would ruin the purpose of contacting her.  It might not be helpful for her at all. I think it’s best if I leave it as it is.

I hope you find out why your brain thinks that way about assault victims. It makes a certain sort of sense. But Thankfully there are no facts to support it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 16, 2017, 10:30:51 AM
You realize that she continually violated your boundaries while she was drunk. If you say No, SHE should have stopped and her blaming it on the fact that she was drunk is no worse than Brock Turner blaming his thing on drinking.


It falls on the sober person to recognize the intoxicated person is not behaving rationally.   If the sober person continues to say no and the drunk person forces themself onto the sober person then it is the intoxicated person at fault.  But saying no and then deciding to say yes while the other person is still intoxicated is still the fault of the sober person.

Cultural bias does make it harder for a man to refuse, guys are never supposed to say no, and while a woman could kick the crap out of a guy while saying no it would not be seen the same way if a guy did the same while saying no.






Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 16, 2017, 03:52:21 PM
You realize that she continually violated your boundaries while she was drunk. If you say No, SHE should have stopped and her blaming it on the fact that she was drunk is no worse than Brock Turner blaming his thing on drinking.


It falls on the sober person to recognize the intoxicated person is not behaving rationally.   If the sober person continues to say no and the drunk person forces themself onto the sober person then it is the intoxicated person at fault.  But saying no and then deciding to say yes while the other person is still intoxicated is still the fault of the sober person.

Cultural bias does make it harder for a man to refuse, guys are never supposed to say no, and while a woman could kick the crap out of a guy while saying no it would not be seen the same way if a guy did the same while saying no.

So, she can blame the fact that she was drunk? That seems like a slippery slope. Do all women just get a pass? Should it always be the man's responsibility? That seems like a slippery slope too. But I'm sure I'm just victim blaming again (sarcasm).

I actually have a specific therapist for boundaries and consent. I will discuss it on Thursday.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on October 16, 2017, 03:57:38 PM
I hate slippery slopes altogether myself :P
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 16, 2017, 03:59:15 PM
I hate slippery slopes altogether myself :P


What if you are sliding down them?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on October 16, 2017, 04:02:07 PM
Slippery slopes lead to broken limbs, and broken limbs lead to crowded hospitals, then that leads to widespread disease, and pretty soon you have an entire zombie apocalypse to deal with!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 16, 2017, 04:12:27 PM
Slippery slopes lead to broken limbs, and broken limbs lead to crowded hospitals, then that leads to widespread disease, and pretty soon you have an entire zombie apocalypse to deal with!

President Pak Proposes to Outlaw All Waterslides! News at 10.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on October 16, 2017, 04:16:10 PM
I hate slippery slopes altogether myself :P


What if you are sliding down them?
Well..

(https://i.imgur.com/otRxlfU.jpg)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 16, 2017, 06:57:39 PM
You realize that she continually violated your boundaries while she was drunk. If you say No, SHE should have stopped and her blaming it on the fact that she was drunk is no worse than Brock Turner blaming his thing on drinking.


It falls on the sober person to recognize the intoxicated person is not behaving rationally.   If the sober person continues to say no and the drunk person forces themself onto the sober person then it is the intoxicated person at fault.  But saying no and then deciding to say yes while the other person is still intoxicated is still the fault of the sober person.

Cultural bias does make it harder for a man to refuse, guys are never supposed to say no, and while a woman could kick the crap out of a guy while saying no it would not be seen the same way if a guy did the same while saying no.

So, she can blame the fact that she was drunk? That seems like a slippery slope. Do all women just get a pass? Should it always be the man's responsibility? That seems like a slippery slope too. But I'm sure I'm just victim blaming again (sarcasm).

It seems like you are equating space or boundary violations with physical violations, and read the situation as my second sentence where the drunk person forces themselves on the sober person?  Asking for sex is not the same as jumping on them and tearing their cloths off.  A drunk woman jumping on a guy and tearing his cloths off doesn't get a pass, no.

I specifically wrote that first paragraph gender neutral.  The second was just to talk about cultural double standards.  Culturally a woman asking for sex is looked at very differently than a man doing the same.  Think about a sober woman and a drunk guy that she had a crush on in the past, if she says yes it's the same situation, there is no consent, but would she be seen as violating the guy?  Pretty much all of those situations the guy would blame himself for getting drunk and sleeping with someone he wouldn't have normally.

As for victim blaming, it's another aspect of the sick culture LucasM was talking about, guys can't be expected to keep saying no, so a woman should never get drunk and talk about sex, if they do it's their fault because guys just can't control themselves.  Guys try to score, women play defense, do anything that weakens that defense and blame is placed there.

I've rewritten this 4 times, not sure it's quite right but as close as I can get.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 16, 2017, 07:32:10 PM
Thanks for being logical at least.


This stuff is very nuanced, but I believe we need to discuss it. I read a Cracked article once where a man and woman (not a couple) were both drunk, and the woman starting giving him a BJ. He had a GF and he said No, but she kept going and his body did what male bodies do. He called it rape, I call that rape, and if the man was sober and the woman in this situation was drunk then I would feel the same. I have never been in a situation where I kept going after the man said no, probably because I feel to stupid no matter how drunk or high I am. Well, that is not true, I might have done something to my ex while blackout drunk, but he would LOVE to shame me about something like that, so I doubt it actually happened. He was a man who said no to me a lot, he used sex to control me. The man in the cracked article was dumped by his girlfriend because she didn't believe him. Shit like this is why I have just given up on relationships for now. I don't need anyone that I don't pay for (therapists & support groups).


Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 16, 2017, 07:40:22 PM
[[[This triple-bracketed paragraph written just after hitting "Post" because MartyS's response, and anais's response to that were written while I was writing this.  I agree with MartyS (and what I wrote below I think says the same thing in different words or from a slightly different 'direction').  I also agree with anais: this is nuanced and we need to discuss it.  I also agree that the Cracked article (that was supposed to be FUNNY?!!) was a male being raped.  The easiest way to look at ANY of these things is to ask yourself: "would I feel exactly the same way if the genders were reversed?"]]]

[Hopefully how I've written my thoughts in this are 'intact' and makes sense/convey what I mean.  After the intense focus for last night's writing I've ended up with a day's worth of needing extra seizure meds.  But with my particular perspective, I thought it was important to add my thoughts.  (Hopefully that doesn't sound egotistical, I've just had specific relevant training in sexual trauma and its treatment is all I mean by that.)

[I also apologize to VoC, most of this reads as if you are not here, reading this.  I can tell in editing this that this is far more disconnected and analytic/clinical than my post yesterday.  My apologies, but it has taken what focus I have left today to respond to anais in this detail.  I also apologize if I've unknowingly co-opted thoughts that someone else (including you) wrote as I wrote here.]

As a woman, what I say may or may not matter as much, but here goes:

Honestly I am very glad that a woman joined this discussion.  Because, in this particular instance, Variety of Cells could have dismissed some of what I said because of the natural distrust resulting from someone coming out of the disturbed roles of this society.  He may have dismissed part of what I said based on the distortions of responsibility that he has been becoming aware of, the distortions that are present in most male-male communication and bonding in this society.  So your words mean (and meant) a LOT here!  I know VoC thanked you, but thank you from me also.


Lucas is 100% correct. You realize that she continually violated your boundaries while she was drunk. If you say No, SHE should have stopped and her blaming it on the fact that she was drunk is no worse than Brock Turner blaming his thing on drinking.

Everything else that happened is based on our sick culture of society as Lucas said.

Actually I hadn't even thought of what you described: VoC saying no repeatedly while the young woman was drunk and coming on to him itself being sexual assault by her toward him.  It seems that MY awareness and biases in this area still need some work, too, as that passed right by me!  As you point out, that is a violation of VoC, just as the reverse would be for a male-toward-female encounter of the same type.  That he wanted a relationship with her for years colored my response.  But you are very right: regardless of whether he would have wanted such interactions if she had been sober, it was date-rape on her part for that aspect while she was drunk and he said no.

When writing, I was thinking more on the "who was sober" aspect when thinking about the events, because, as MartyS described, the sober person in any such interaction is the responsible one for 'gatekeeping' one's own level of participation based on both party's consent.  When I was referring to VoC's trauma, I was referring to being put into the role by society (of male's 'getting some' and the distortions learned in society on the effects of alcohol which changed his behavior), as well as him then being blamed for what society - and she - had said she wanted (confusing attacks for behaving how she appeared to want him to behave), which led to the specifics of the painful and threatening fall-out afterwards with her and those in the building and people who had been his friends as well.

That society 'trained' him to act in a certain way and believe certain things, as well as the consequences for doing what he'd been trained for, were what I was referring to.  To be attacked afterwards and lose friends for doing what someone said they wanted is traumatic (when 'under the influence' of society's distortion of alcohol being only a 'disinhibiter', that is how it would have felt at the time).  Had he continued to fight her off and she touched his crotch repeatedly (since not mentioned in VoC's write up of the event, I am presuming this did not happen), then I would have included the entire interaction itself as traumatic.


But the absolute BEST thing about you, which Brock hasn't done, my ex-boyfriend (he didn't sexually assault me, but that is a small digression), and so many other men never do is that you told us. You told us the truth including what you did that you regret. That is the best way to heal.

Very, very true.  Admission of one's responsibility for actions taken is the first step in detoxifying them.


I am the type of person who equates sexual violence with some sort of proof that a woman is highly beautiful and desired. I get jealous when I read about other, prettier, more successful women who have been assaulted. My therapist and I are going to spend a LOT of time figuring out what exactly happened in my life to make my brain think that way. Is it victim shaming or victim blaming to say I'm jealous of women who are assaulted? Many others will think so, but it's my truth, and lying about it is not going to help me in any way.

That believing that being sexually victimized is a sign of desirability is not unusual in people who have been sexually abused.  Though I have heard nothing of the origin of such beliefs, it may originate in some cases with abusers who told their child victims or implied to them that they, "can't help themselves," in their abusing the child, because of how "attractive" the child is.  One of the most painful things I learned about (while studying abuse and its treatment so I could help my clients), were instances when a mother was informed by her daughter that she had been sexually abused by the mother's boyfriend  The mother got angry at the daughter, as if the daughter was 'the other woman' and was trying to 'take her man away'.  Obviously from that, the untreated or unhealed sexual abuse of the mother (the most likely cause of such damaged thinking) results in causing even further damage to a next generation of victims than the abuse alone would have.


What you experienced is very powerful and very important. Owning it, living with it, and growing from it is taking responsibility, which, again, the Brock Turners and Benjamin Kellers of the world don't do.

Score one for the good guys!

Love, Anais

Agree.


PS: You have no control over her, so deciding to engage with her because you think it would help her is probably dangerous. If she reacts negatively, how will that make you feel when you thought you were helping her. Talk to and engage with her because it will help you, the only person in this world you are in control of. You can hope it helps her, but please don't think that you are some white knight and talking about this will save her. A) she is an adult and doesn't need a white knight and B) if she rebukes you, that might make you feel like an asshole again.

Very true.  VoC: talking to her would have to be about your experience and awareness for your own sake, not for what it might do for her.  But do not discount the value of your own possible need to do so!  And, although she might be likely to have a new layer of processing and healing from her experience with you letting her know of your newer awareness, as anais says, she may have negative reactions too.  It is much like what is taught to those who confront their abusers, just what anais said: it has to be for your healing, as you cannot control their response, and you would need to be prepared for anything from the best case scenario to the worst.  While I think the chances are good for her having a positive response (given that she has remained in contact with you since the event), it still could not be guaranteed.

Another aspect of this, that leads me to believe that she likely blames herself (a question posed by someone in a post early today), is her consumption of so much alcohol.  She very likely has thought it is all her fault for insisting on drinking the bottle of wine by herself, after specifically inviting you over, and then sexually 'attacking' you.  She, too, may have operated under the misinformation that alcohol is merely a disinhibiter, leaving her feeling it is 'all her'.


You realize that she continually violated your boundaries while she was drunk. If you say No, SHE should have stopped and her blaming it on the fact that she was drunk is no worse than Brock Turner blaming his thing on drinking.
It falls on the sober person to recognize the intoxicated person is not behaving rationally.   If the sober person continues to say no and the drunk person forces themself onto the sober person then it is the intoxicated person at fault.  But saying no and then deciding to say yes while the other person is still intoxicated is still the fault of the sober person.

Cultural bias does make it harder for a man to refuse, guys are never supposed to say no, and while a woman could kick the crap out of a guy while saying no it would not be seen the same way if a guy did the same while saying no.
So, she can blame the fact that she was drunk? That seems like a slippery slope. Do all women just get a pass? Should it always be the man's responsibility? That seems like a slippery slope too. But I'm sure I'm just victim blaming again (sarcasm).

I actually have a specific therapist for boundaries and consent. I will discuss it on Thursday.

She can't blame the fact that she was drunk for assaulting VoC.  That is 100% on her.  But, prior to the final outcome, VoC could have pried himself away from her and left without injuring her - because men are physically stronger than women in general.  And him having that responsibility is not because men need to be the responsible parties all the time, but because he was the one who was SOBER, that put him in the 'gatekeeper' position for how much he would participate in the events of the night.  The fact is that he 'gave in' and participated since it was someone who he had wanted to be with for a long time.  So the responsibility is split: her for initiating romantic/sexual contact while drunk and not taking his repeated 'no's as his response, and him for using society's distortions (e.g. alcohol=disinhibiter) as a personal rationalization at the time for ultimately joining in.

That leaves a mess, ultimately.  Neither was 100% responsible for the entire event, nor was either 100% victim.  But both participated in part, and both were victims in this event.

What each does with that is up to them.  VoC has already said what he plans to do, with teaching his children about responsibility and consent.  That is a very proactive way of dealing with it, by preventing future instances where such difficult and painful experiences could occur.  A good outcome, to help improve the future of this sick society.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 16, 2017, 08:35:36 PM
She can't blame the fact that she was drunk for assaulting VoC.  That is 100% on her.  But, prior to the final outcome, VoC could have pried himself away from her and left without injuring her - because men are physically stronger than women in general.  And him having that responsibility is not because men need to be the responsible parties all the time, but because he was the one who was SOBER, that put him in the 'gatekeeper' position for how much he would participate in the events of the night.  The fact is that he 'gave in' and participated since it was someone who he had wanted to be with for a long time.  So the responsibility is split: her for initiating romantic/sexual contact while drunk and not taking his repeated 'no's as his response, and him for using society's distortions (e.g. alcohol=disinhibiter) as a personal rationalization at the time for ultimately joining in.

That leaves a mess, ultimately.  Neither was 100% responsible for the entire event, nor was either 100% victim.  But both participated in part, and both were victims in this event.

Yeah, this is probably the best way to describe the situation, I guess it comes down to how aggressive she was while VOC was saying no.

Don't know what to think of the Cracked article, was it to say a drunk no is the same as a drunk yes?  Neither one should hold up?  If the guy was too drunk to push her off him then yes it is rape.  Well, I guess if he was sober and said no but did nothing to stop her, it is still rape, it's the same as a situation where a woman freezes up when a guy gets aggressive, it just doesn't feel the same applying that to a guy.  I guess the article was a gender flip on the Brock Turner case?  To show he really was guilty, there were too many that seemed to be on his side just because he was almost as drunk as she was.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 17, 2017, 07:29:43 AM
First, Cracked has not focused on only funny articles in at least a year. This one was interviewing a male rape victim. The point was, literally, men can be raped. Many people still don't think that's true.

Also, if a man wants to stop the women's flirtations and then uses his physical strength to stop her, does that become assault because, as Lucas said that I don't agree with, "men are stronger than women."

Sometimes there are situations where it is VERY clear who was in the wrong. Sometimes both parties made mistakes. One of the things about our society is we never talk about any of it. This and racism are times where we need to talk more and listen more. Hopefully with wise mind and not with our emotion mind.

Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on October 17, 2017, 07:37:26 AM
I probably should have posted my incident here instead of the Completely Random Thoughts thread so I'll quote it here for some Anais (and others) feedback :o
Ok this is.. Weird..
A woman I dated briefly back in the mid-90s called me out of the blue a little while ago and sent her condolences for my wife. Her mother passed away back on April 10 so she's a mess emotionally so we talked for a couple of hours.. She's been through a lot with a psycho ex that was killed in a head on motorcycle crash back in 2015 and seeing this guy in his late 50s to early 60s (she's 40 I think), had a bankruptcy several years ago and has had either a drug or alcohol addiction that she's still recovering from but yeah she just calls me up out of the blue after all this time ??? Don't even know what to do with her :-\
She called again and wanted to meet up.. Oh boy.. :-\
I go to her apartment and she's so happy to see me after all this time and she wanted to go out somewhere so I took her to a restaurant we went to back 22 years ago because she hadn't been to the new location before. We caught up on old times on the way and while there.. Then she ordered a screwdriver and I asked if that was a good idea because of her issues from the past and she said it was ok and she would be fine.. Not even half way through the drink and she's ready to sleep with me! Literally, she wanted me to take her to my place and fuck!! I told her that we've both been through a lot of emotional trauma and I think we should hold off on that for now.. After 3 hours at the restaurant I take her home and on the way she became and emotional mess saying she didn't want to go back to her place because her boyfriend was gonna be there ... "WHAT?! I didn't know you were still seeing someone!!" I said adamantly! I told her that I don't need to be involved in this and reaching her apartment complex I drove around to another parking lot so that her boyfriend wouldn't look out the window and see her getting out of my van.. She didn't want to get out because she was scared he would beat her! I'm thinking to myself what the fuck did I just get myself into and said look I can't get involved with this and I wasn't bringing her to my place.. She started to come to her senses after passing out in the passenger's seat for 30 minutes and I'm sitting in the driver's seat wondering what the fuck I was going to do with her.. After waking up she apologized to me for dragging me into this and as she's fumbling around in her purse for her keys, a pint of Svedka Vodka falls out of her purse! I'm just quietly thinking to myself "PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETTHEFUCKOUT..." and before she finally does, she hugs me and kisses my neck saying she loves me 3 or 4 times before finally closing the door and then I bolted out of there and came home! :scared:

Yeah my first date since my wife's passing and now I'm ready to stay single for quite some time :speechless:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on October 17, 2017, 07:39:23 AM
This should be taken as the joke it is meant to be, but I never in my life thought I’d have to defend myself against accusations that I’m not a rapist.

I do not remember any physical advances on me. It was all verbal. I was the one capable of making decisions, and I should have been aware that she was unable to make decisions. If this were to be taken to court, and if I wanted to be a douchebag, I do not think much would happen to me. Even if I were to tell the whole truth and not lie (which I easily could do), I don’t think much would happen to me.

But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I have taken responsibility for my actions in a situation where I was in control. At no point was I forced to do anything, it was just my constitution that was slowly eroded out of a selfish desire. Should she have acted the way she did?  No, and obviously she regrets it. But I am the responsible party. 

I appreciate everyone’s responses. Anais’ female perspective has been invaluable and allowed me to better see how she might react. Marty’s thoughts have been susinct and illuminating. And Lucas, your posts have been very well thought out, completely coherent, and very educational. I really appreciate all the effort you have exerted to help me. You have given me a better understanding of what is going on in my head. So please, as a favor to me, take a break from this conversation for a few days. I think it has pretty much wound up, so please get some rest. And thank you all again.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 17, 2017, 08:24:19 AM
I went to see my therapist yesterday. Lord knows what I would do without her. Over the past 2 and a half years or so she has gotten to know me extremely well because I have felt more than comfortable completely talking about my whole life to her. She told me that I just need to learn to forgive myself for things and to move ahead and to replace all my bad thoughts with good thoughts. Up front she asked me "What's one good thought you can focus on?". That kind of hit me out of nowhere because my brain is sometimes so dazed from the depression that it's hard to think of a good answer. I just kind of thought of a general answer to her question "That I'm a good person.", and she said "That's right, try and focus on that every time one of those negative thoughts swirls around in your head.".

I think most people should have a therapist. Without my therapist I wouldn't have learned about some very important interpersonal issues such as boundaries. Hell, I think that's a subject that in all honesty should be taught in High School FFS. I don't know how much things have changed since I was in high school, but some things really, really need to be taught early on. Things like manners, etiquette, boundaries, all need to be subjects with their own curriculum. Why can't we learn about that kind of thing in Social Studies? Shit, I don't remember any of those things being taught in school. We just learned a lot of stuff about English, Math, Science, History, Auto shop, Wood shop, Gym and all that other stuff. While those things are important I must stress the need for subjects like communication to be expanded upon so that everybody can have a chance to learn some important life lessons. I'm only speaking for myself here, but I can't tell you how many awkward situations and relationship drama that could have been avoided if I had known before hard the proper way to approach and deal with certain situations. I've had bad breakups with people, and I've lost friends over the years. While these things may not have always been completely my fault, I could have at least dealt with these losses more gracefully and with fewer tears.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on October 17, 2017, 08:34:42 AM
I probably should have posted my incident here instead of the Completely Random Thoughts thread so I'll quote it here for some Anais (and others) feedback :o
Ok this is.. Weird..
A woman I dated briefly back in the mid-90s called me out of the blue a little while ago and sent her condolences for my wife. Her mother passed away back on April 10 so she's a mess emotionally so we talked for a couple of hours.. She's been through a lot with a psycho ex that was killed in a head on motorcycle crash back in 2015 and seeing this guy in his late 50s to early 60s (she's 40 I think), had a bankruptcy several years ago and has had either a drug or alcohol addiction that she's still recovering from but yeah she just calls me up out of the blue after all this time ??? Don't even know what to do with her :-\
She called again and wanted to meet up.. Oh boy.. :-\
I go to her apartment and she's so happy to see me after all this time and she wanted to go out somewhere so I took her to a restaurant we went to back 22 years ago because she hadn't been to the new location before. We caught up on old times on the way and while there.. Then she ordered a screwdriver and I asked if that was a good idea because of her issues from the past and she said it was ok and she would be fine.. Not even half way through the drink and she's ready to sleep with me! Literally, she wanted me to take her to my place and fuck!! I told her that we've both been through a lot of emotional trauma and I think we should hold off on that for now.. After 3 hours at the restaurant I take her home and on the way she became and emotional mess saying she didn't want to go back to her place because her boyfriend was gonna be there ... "WHAT?! I didn't know you were still seeing someone!!" I said adamantly! I told her that I don't need to be involved in this and reaching her apartment complex I drove around to another parking lot so that her boyfriend wouldn't look out the window and see her getting out of my van.. She didn't want to get out because she was scared he would beat her! I'm thinking to myself what the fuck did I just get myself into and said look I can't get involved with this and I wasn't bringing her to my place.. She started to come to her senses after passing out in the passenger's seat for 30 minutes and I'm sitting in the driver's seat wondering what the fuck I was going to do with her.. After waking up she apologized to me for dragging me into this and as she's fumbling around in her purse for her keys, a pint of Svedka Vodka falls out of her purse! I'm just quietly thinking to myself "PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETTHEFUCKOUT..." and before she finally does, she hugs me and kisses my neck saying she loves me 3 or 4 times before finally closing the door and then I bolted out of there and came home! :scared:

Yeah my first date since my wife's passing and now I'm ready to stay single for quite some time :speechless:

Have you heard from her since?  This was a little while ago as I remember. I hope you are both in better places.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 17, 2017, 08:37:10 AM
I probably should have posted my incident here instead of the Completely Random Thoughts thread so I'll quote it here for some Anais (and others) feedback :o
Ok this is.. Weird..
A woman I dated briefly back in the mid-90s called me out of the blue a little while ago and sent her condolences for my wife. Her mother passed away back on April 10 so she's a mess emotionally so we talked for a couple of hours.. She's been through a lot with a psycho ex that was killed in a head on motorcycle crash back in 2015 and seeing this guy in his late 50s to early 60s (she's 40 I think), had a bankruptcy several years ago and has had either a drug or alcohol addiction that she's still recovering from but yeah she just calls me up out of the blue after all this time ??? Don't even know what to do with her :-\
She called again and wanted to meet up.. Oh boy.. :-\
I go to her apartment and she's so happy to see me after all this time and she wanted to go out somewhere so I took her to a restaurant we went to back 22 years ago because she hadn't been to the new location before. We caught up on old times on the way and while there.. Then she ordered a screwdriver and I asked if that was a good idea because of her issues from the past and she said it was ok and she would be fine.. Not even half way through the drink and she's ready to sleep with me! Literally, she wanted me to take her to my place and fuck!! I told her that we've both been through a lot of emotional trauma and I think we should hold off on that for now.. After 3 hours at the restaurant I take her home and on the way she became and emotional mess saying she didn't want to go back to her place because her boyfriend was gonna be there ... "WHAT?! I didn't know you were still seeing someone!!" I said adamantly! I told her that I don't need to be involved in this and reaching her apartment complex I drove around to another parking lot so that her boyfriend wouldn't look out the window and see her getting out of my van.. She didn't want to get out because she was scared he would beat her! I'm thinking to myself what the fuck did I just get myself into and said look I can't get involved with this and I wasn't bringing her to my place.. She started to come to her senses after passing out in the passenger's seat for 30 minutes and I'm sitting in the driver's seat wondering what the fuck I was going to do with her.. After waking up she apologized to me for dragging me into this and as she's fumbling around in her purse for her keys, a pint of Svedka Vodka falls out of her purse! I'm just quietly thinking to myself "PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETTHEFUCKOUT..." and before she finally does, she hugs me and kisses my neck saying she loves me 3 or 4 times before finally closing the door and then I bolted out of there and came home! :scared:

Yeah my first date since my wife's passing and now I'm ready to stay single for quite some time :speechless:

Ghost* that crazy person. She is clearly addicted to drama (and alcohol).




*I am perfectly ok with Ghosting in certain circumstances. This is one. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 17, 2017, 08:40:16 AM
That is probably another reason I avoid relationships. Not just because of my financial situation, there's not just the potential for unhealthy drama, but you never truly know a person until you've spent so much time with them. Some people put up a veneer where they seem to be totally in control of themselves, but sometimes you never know how a person may act or behave when that veneer disappears and you're left wondering WTF to do.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on October 17, 2017, 08:45:16 AM
That is probably another reason I avoid relationships. Not just because of my financial situation, there's not just the potential for unhealthy drama, but you never truly know a person until you've spent so much time with them. Some people put up a veneer where they seem to be totally in control of themselves, but sometimes you never know how a person may act or behave when that veneer disappears and you're left wondering WTF to do.

That's basically what Benjamin did. But the more he became unraveled, the more I realized he was manipulating me, the more violent he got, the more I was willing to call the cops.

BTW, the day I finally called the cops on him, he was mostly finished with his yelling/assaulting fit, and I was in my room watching Game of Thrones and HE KEPT INTERRUPTING ME TO YELL AT ME MORE. By the third time, I called the cops.

So, for the rest of my life, I can say this: "You know what happened to the last person who disturbed me during Game of Thrones!"
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on October 17, 2017, 08:49:59 AM
I probably should have posted my incident here instead of the Completely Random Thoughts thread so I'll quote it here for some Anais (and others) feedback :o
Ok this is.. Weird..
A woman I dated briefly back in the mid-90s called me out of the blue a little while ago and sent her condolences for my wife. Her mother passed away back on April 10 so she's a mess emotionally so we talked for a couple of hours.. She's been through a lot with a psycho ex that was killed in a head on motorcycle crash back in 2015 and seeing this guy in his late 50s to early 60s (she's 40 I think), had a bankruptcy several years ago and has had either a drug or alcohol addiction that she's still recovering from but yeah she just calls me up out of the blue after all this time ??? Don't even know what to do with her :-\
She called again and wanted to meet up.. Oh boy.. :-\
I go to her apartment and she's so happy to see me after all this time and she wanted to go out somewhere so I took her to a restaurant we went to back 22 years ago because she hadn't been to the new location before. We caught up on old times on the way and while there.. Then she ordered a screwdriver and I asked if that was a good idea because of her issues from the past and she said it was ok and she would be fine.. Not even half way through the drink and she's ready to sleep with me! Literally, she wanted me to take her to my place and fuck!! I told her that we've both been through a lot of emotional trauma and I think we should hold off on that for now.. After 3 hours at the restaurant I take her home and on the way she became and emotional mess saying she didn't want to go back to her place because her boyfriend was gonna be there ... "WHAT?! I didn't know you were still seeing someone!!" I said adamantly! I told her that I don't need to be involved in this and reaching her apartment complex I drove around to another parking lot so that her boyfriend wouldn't look out the window and see her getting out of my van.. She didn't want to get out because she was scared he would beat her! I'm thinking to myself what the fuck did I just get myself into and said look I can't get involved with this and I wasn't bringing her to my place.. She started to come to her senses after passing out in the passenger's seat for 30 minutes and I'm sitting in the driver's seat wondering what the fuck I was going to do with her.. After waking up she apologized to me for dragging me into this and as she's fumbling around in her purse for her keys, a pint of Svedka Vodka falls out of her purse! I'm just quietly thinking to myself "PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETTHEFUCKOUT..." and before she finally does, she hugs me and kisses my neck saying she loves me 3 or 4 times before finally closing the door and then I bolted out of there and came home! :scared:

Yeah my first date since my wife's passing and now I'm ready to stay single for quite some time :speechless:

Ghost* that crazy person. She is clearly addicted to drama (and alcohol).




*I am perfectly ok with Ghosting in certain circumstances. This is one.
K.. Maybe I'm old but what's Ghosting ???
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 17, 2017, 09:18:14 AM
I probably should have posted my incident here instead of the Completely Random Thoughts thread so I'll quote it here for some Anais (and others) feedback :o
Ok this is.. Weird..
A woman I dated briefly back in the mid-90s called me out of the blue a little while ago and sent her condolences for my wife. Her mother passed away back on April 10 so she's a mess emotionally so we talked for a couple of hours.. She's been through a lot with a psycho ex that was killed in a head on motorcycle crash back in 2015 and seeing this guy in his late 50s to early 60s (she's 40 I think), had a bankruptcy several years ago and has had either a drug or alcohol addiction that she's still recovering from but yeah she just calls me up out of the blue after all this time ??? Don't even know what to do with her :-\
She called again and wanted to meet up.. Oh boy.. :-\
I go to her apartment and she's so happy to see me after all this time and she wanted to go out somewhere so I took her to a restaurant we went to back 22 years ago because she hadn't been to the new location before. We caught up on old times on the way and while there.. Then she ordered a screwdriver and I asked if that was a good idea because of her issues from the past and she said it was ok and she would be fine.. Not even half way through the drink and she's ready to sleep with me! Literally, she wanted me to take her to my place and fuck!! I told her that we've both been through a lot of emotional trauma and I think we should hold off on that for now.. After 3 hours at the restaurant I take her home and on the way she became and emotional mess saying she didn't want to go back to her place because her boyfriend was gonna be there ... "WHAT?! I didn't know you were still seeing someone!!" I said adamantly! I told her that I don't need to be involved in this and reaching her apartment complex I drove around to another parking lot so that her boyfriend wouldn't look out the window and see her getting out of my van.. She didn't want to get out because she was scared he would beat her! I'm thinking to myself what the fuck did I just get myself into and said look I can't get involved with this and I wasn't bringing her to my place.. She started to come to her senses after passing out in the passenger's seat for 30 minutes and I'm sitting in the driver's seat wondering what the fuck I was going to do with her.. After waking up she apologized to me for dragging me into this and as she's fumbling around in her purse for her keys, a pint of Svedka Vodka falls out of her purse! I'm just quietly thinking to myself "PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETTHEFUCKOUT..." and before she finally does, she hugs me and kisses my neck saying she loves me 3 or 4 times before finally closing the door and then I bolted out of there and came home! :scared:

Yeah my first date since my wife's passing and now I'm ready to stay single for quite some time :speechless:

Ghost* that crazy person. She is clearly addicted to drama (and alcohol).




*I am perfectly ok with Ghosting in certain circumstances. This is one.
K.. Maybe I'm old but what's Ghosting ???

Cutting them out, not returning calls or messages.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on October 17, 2017, 09:24:08 AM
I probably should have posted my incident here instead of the Completely Random Thoughts thread so I'll quote it here for some Anais (and others) feedback :o
Ok this is.. Weird..
A woman I dated briefly back in the mid-90s called me out of the blue a little while ago and sent her condolences for my wife. Her mother passed away back on April 10 so she's a mess emotionally so we talked for a couple of hours.. She's been through a lot with a psycho ex that was killed in a head on motorcycle crash back in 2015 and seeing this guy in his late 50s to early 60s (she's 40 I think), had a bankruptcy several years ago and has had either a drug or alcohol addiction that she's still recovering from but yeah she just calls me up out of the blue after all this time ??? Don't even know what to do with her :-\
She called again and wanted to meet up.. Oh boy.. :-\
I go to her apartment and she's so happy to see me after all this time and she wanted to go out somewhere so I took her to a restaurant we went to back 22 years ago because she hadn't been to the new location before. We caught up on old times on the way and while there.. Then she ordered a screwdriver and I asked if that was a good idea because of her issues from the past and she said it was ok and she would be fine.. Not even half way through the drink and she's ready to sleep with me! Literally, she wanted me to take her to my place and fuck!! I told her that we've both been through a lot of emotional trauma and I think we should hold off on that for now.. After 3 hours at the restaurant I take her home and on the way she became and emotional mess saying she didn't want to go back to her place because her boyfriend was gonna be there ... "WHAT?! I didn't know you were still seeing someone!!" I said adamantly! I told her that I don't need to be involved in this and reaching her apartment complex I drove around to another parking lot so that her boyfriend wouldn't look out the window and see her getting out of my van.. She didn't want to get out because she was scared he would beat her! I'm thinking to myself what the fuck did I just get myself into and said look I can't get involved with this and I wasn't bringing her to my place.. She started to come to her senses after passing out in the passenger's seat for 30 minutes and I'm sitting in the driver's seat wondering what the fuck I was going to do with her.. After waking up she apologized to me for dragging me into this and as she's fumbling around in her purse for her keys, a pint of Svedka Vodka falls out of her purse! I'm just quietly thinking to myself "PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETOUT-PLEASEGETTHEFUCKOUT..." and before she finally does, she hugs me and kisses my neck saying she loves me 3 or 4 times before finally closing the door and then I bolted out of there and came home! :scared:

Yeah my first date since my wife's passing and now I'm ready to stay single for quite some time :speechless:

Ghost* that crazy person. She is clearly addicted to drama (and alcohol).




*I am perfectly ok with Ghosting in certain circumstances. This is one.
K.. Maybe I'm old but what's Ghosting ???

Cutting them out, not returning calls or messages.
Ah ok cause she's tried contacting me a couple days after this happened and I ignored her, then nothing till October 5th when she messaged me inviting me to meet her at Applebees for dinner and I never responded again so I'm Ghosting her pretty well then 8)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 17, 2017, 09:28:51 AM
That is probably another reason I avoid relationships. Not just because of my financial situation, there's not just the potential for unhealthy drama, but you never truly know a person until you've spent so much time with them. Some people put up a veneer where they seem to be totally in control of themselves, but sometimes you never know how a person may act or behave when that veneer disappears and you're left wondering WTF to do.

That's basically what Benjamin did. But the more he became unraveled, the more I realized he was manipulating me, the more violent he got, the more I was willing to call the cops.

BTW, the day I finally called the cops on him, he was mostly finished with his yelling/assaulting fit, and I was in my room watching Game of Thrones and HE KEPT INTERRUPTING ME TO YELL AT ME MORE. By the third time, I called the cops.

So, for the rest of my life, I can say this: "You know what happened to the last person who disturbed me during Game of Thrones!"
As much as I hate to say it, there is just so much potential for shit to come with relationships. They're like a double edged sword. They have their good points, but they can be a huge burden too.

Also RVR I'm sure that ghosting will work after some time. Some people are thick but they'll eventually get the point and back off.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 17, 2017, 12:10:15 PM
Also, if a man wants to stop the women's flirtations and then uses his physical strength to stop her, does that become assault because, as Lucas said that I don't agree with, "men are stronger than women."

You mis-read what I wrote:

But, prior to the final outcome, VoC could have pried himself away from her and left without injuring her - because men are physically stronger than women in general.

"in general" is an important qualifier in that sentence.

I realize I wrote a lot and so bits could be missed here and there, but I just wanted to make sure that was clear.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on October 17, 2017, 12:22:09 PM
Also RVR I'm sure that ghosting will work after some time. Some people are thick but they'll eventually get the point and back off.
Next time she tries to contact me, I'll just tell her directly to leave me alone.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 17, 2017, 12:53:33 PM
Also RVR I'm sure that ghosting will work after some time. Some people are thick but they'll eventually get the point and back off.
Next time she tries to contact me, I'll just tell her directly to leave me alone.

I think that it's best to be direct in general. As long as you're direct from the get go, there's usually no misunderstandings, unless it's willful. I think there's a lot of societal pressure to not be direct and to pussyfoot around topics that are difficult. We can't expect the people around us to know how we're feeling, and interpersonal relationships aren't a game where you should be dropping hints. Whatever you think is obvious may not be obvious to someone else.

Also, VoC; Yeah, you did a wrong thing. The goal is to accept that you fucked up, which you've done, and be able to move past that. Without delving too much into my past history: I was sexually abused by an older cousin from about 10-13 or so. He told me that that was just what relatives do, it wasn't bad or wrong. I believed him. It led me to do somethings that I am definitely not proud of or even ok with having done them to my younger siblings, and a young lady I was in school with. I had the wrong information, I didn't know that what I was doing was wrong, no body had educated me on any of this. When I found out, I was absolutely mortified. It doesn't matter that I didn't know or whatever. What matters is that I did it. I've been working on the feelings associated with all of this for a while now. Part of me wants to excuse what I did, but I can't do that. I hurt those people. I accept that. What you have to do is understand that what happened has happened, and no amount of guilt or stressing or worrying is going to change what happened. If you can apologize to the person, do so. If you can't, then you can't. It does no good for someone to dwell on the "should"s, because what should have happened, or what should be, is irrelevant and ignores the reality of the situation. For instance, if I dwell on the fact that I should've been born with the proper organs in the proper configuration, all that will happen is that I will continue to be obsessed with how things should be and not work to improve my reality as it is now. You can never satisfy the should game, because whenever you reach the way things should be, there will always be something else that should happen.

Long story short, accept what you did as wrong, internalize that, learn from that, and focus on your now to move forward.

On to me! I've been feeling rubbish all day. I keep getting flashbacks to what happened last year with Paul, I can't sleep, I'm exhausted, things generally suck. My girlfriend has had a massive mood crash the past 3 nights in a row, and I'm getting drained. She talks about how she can't see anyway out of the situation she's in, even though I've gone over with her the things that she needs to take care of to get her situation sorted. I'm dropping a class, which makes me feel like a god damned failure. I'm fairly confident that the rest of my classes are going well. Anatomy is surprising me with how well it's coming to me, although I think that's because the prof cuts out 90% of the fluff in the text book. I don't have the motivation to do anything that I need to, and I'm paranoid that the only reason I've had such a massive style change from like fairly femme to straight up butch dyke is driven by the fact that I just can't trust men any more, and that I'm trying to be the exact opposite of what Paul found attractive about me. Problem is that I hate my appearance. Not necessarily the style, but just how I look. I've gained a load of weight since being back at my folks after my UK visit to Hana, partially because they don't know that vegetables are a thing and partialy because I'm stress eating like a fucking panda. I feel like I'm being pressed from all sides and I don't have any options to get out of the situation I'm in at the moment. Disability STILL hasn't come through, haven't even gotten the court date scheduled. I'm supposed to be getting married next summer, but I need to make sure that my disability stuff has gone through so that I can afford the Visa and the marriage certificate. Still haven't been able to get my name change, because every time I get money it goes to my medications or food. I'm getting fucking tired of having to tell people that my name is Cody. It's not. I've not gone by that name for literal years. And even after the name change goes through, I've got to figure out how I'm gonna sort out my license, because Kansas is a bassackwards state and requires a court order to change the gender marker on my license, and the court order can only be given AFTER SRS. My plan is to chill out in CO with a friend for a few days and get my license there, because CO isn't about being a cunt to people who don't fall into their heteronormative standards of life.

I'm just fucking tired. I need things to stabilize. Shit's getting so crazy and I don't know how to handle this.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 17, 2017, 04:26:52 PM
That's some serious stuff you went through LB. I'm not sure there's much else I can say aside from the usual, but just know we value you here. I'm very very sorry.  :(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 30, 2017, 08:42:40 PM
So, I need some advice. A friend of mine is having a bit of a crisis, and I honestly have absolutely no idea of what to do to help them. They're feeling as if they don't belong to the correct race. I know that there are a lot of people who instantly discount this kind of thing as ridiculous, and I can understand that to an extent. At the same time, though, many of the things that they are describing are things that I have gone through as a trans woman.

I feel like they want me to outright tell them that it's a horrible thing, because they want a reason to say that it's worng and they shouldn't feel that way. However, I've been in a position where I have strongly felt something about myself that most people in my life have adamantly rejected. I can't, in good conscience, tell them that it's a bad thing to feel this way.

The issue is a muddy one, because on the one hand, I understand the feelings, to an extent, but on the other hand, it's widely considered to be appropriation at best, or outright racism at worst. They have done a lot of research into cosmetic surgeries(something I also can relate to) relating to altering their appearance to be more in line with the view they hold of themselves. A part of me wants to acquiesce and tell them that it's wrong, but another part of me is questioning the reasoning for why it's wrong.

There are obviously differences between being transgender and transracial, but many of the arguments I see against one can be applied to the other interchangeably. TERFs argue against trans women being acknowledged as women, because they haven't experienced what it is like to grow up as a woman. Likewise, people discount transracial persons in the same way: changing skin tone, or facial structure doesn't impart the experience of being that race. At the same time, the arguments used in favour of trans persons on that point can also apply to transracial individuals. It's not those experiences that make you belong to a group, it is your self identity that is important.

They're in a way where they're inclined towards self harm and suicidal ideation. There are a lot of reasons why psych treatment isn't practical in this situation, and you cannot force someone into treatment. I've told them that they need to do what makes them happy, no matter what it involves. I can't give them the go ahead, encouraging them to go through with something that very likely will leave them a social pariah. But I can't abandon them when they're in so much pain. I will always support someone's right to do what they want to their own body. It would be massively hypocritical of me to oppose that. I don't know what to do, and I'm scared.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on October 30, 2017, 09:16:18 PM
I'm not really sure what to think about that at all.

My wife offered these links, and I'm going to read them myself and have a think about it:

https://theconversation.com/the-contradiction-at-the-heart-of-rachel-dolezals-transracialism-75820

http://www.thestranger.com/features/2017/04/19/25082450/the-heart-of-whiteness-ijeoma-oluo-interviews-rachel-dolezal-the-white-woman-who-identifies-as-black

http://www.chronicle.com/blogs/ticker/journal-apologizes-for-article-likening-transracialism-to-transgenderism/118084

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/16/transracial-definition-destructive-rachel-dolezal-spokane-naacp
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 30, 2017, 10:06:02 PM
The only thing I can say is that this person is adamant that they are this race. I've also not seen any articles or thoughts on it that aren't about the black Vs white dynamic, which is a distinction that needs to be made. It seems imprudent to allow arguments depicting the black Vs white to be extrapolated to the entire debate. Surely it should be decided on group by group basis?

I place this distinction, because they're not wanting to be black. I don't want to say too much about their situation, as it would not do for me to out them.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 30, 2017, 10:26:11 PM
It still bothers me that people are insisting that there are differences between transgenderism and transracialism. In the articles that I've read and of the ones you've posted I've read, the general consensus is that it's wrong to romanticise a racial identity and ignore the less good portions of that identity. For one, as far as I can be aware, the friend has no intention of ignoring the less positive aspects of the race they identify as. For another, I still do not see the difference between this and being transgender. It seems like it's the EXACT same argument TERFs trot out, trans women only look to the "positives" of being a woman, and their identity is a product of their male privilege in believing that they can assert themselves into any group. And yet, transgenderism is widely accepted, more or less, and transracialism is frowned upon as something taboo. I want to understand their point of view. I'm really torn. I can't tell if it's a gut reaction to it or if I genuinely think it's wrong.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on October 30, 2017, 10:30:26 PM
Yeah, this is a thing where I have no idea what to think.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 30, 2017, 11:18:54 PM
That is a tough one.  Is it a case of wanting to behave a certain way and feel they can't due to the community they live in, or do they look in the mirror and expect to see something else?  One can be solved by moving (easier said than done), the other is a much more difficult issue.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on October 30, 2017, 11:27:11 PM
My wife offers this:

Quote
The idea that Dolezal and transgender people are fundamentally alike shouldn’t need another debunking.
There are at least 700,000 transgender people in the U.S. alone—enough to establish it as a palpable, if often invisible, population. People like Rachel Dolezal, on the other hand, are few and far between, hence her almost inherent newsworthiness.
The American Psychological Association (APA), too, has long recognized the possibility of one’s “gender identity” not conforming to “the sex to which they were assigned at birth.” There never has been nor is there likely to ever be equivalent recognition for identification as another race.
Transgender people transition out of medical necessity. Dolezal’s “transition” to black, on the other hand, is surrounded by layers of deception—the Howard lawsuit, the false claim to an African-American father, the refusal to correct newspapers that misidentified her as “biracial”—that she was unwilling to fully unravel in her conversation with Lauer.
And unlike transgender people who can undergo medically-proven hormonal and surgical treatments to embody their new gender, Dolezal cannot become black in any meaningful sense. When asked by Lauer how she had altered her physical appearance, she responded, “I certainly don’t stay out of the sun.”
There’s no comparison between the effects of years of hormone therapy and a day on the beach.
from here: https://www.thedailybeast.com/dolezals-damaging-transracial-game
Can they also consider for a minute that race and gender are actually two different things? That however you want to argue for the complexities of the constructions of both — and I'm with you there — those complexities are not the same? A fascinating Rolling Stone piece just last year explored the biology of being transgender, noting, among other points, "the brains of trans people do look different." A Boston University study earlier this year supports the idea that "There is increasing evidence of a biological basis for gender identity." And as trans woman Meredith Talusan further illuminates, "The fundamental difference between Dolezal’s actions and trans people’s is that her decision to identify as black was an active choice, whereas transgender people’s decision to transition is almost always involuntary." So if you want to make a case that being "transracial" is like being transgender, knock yourself out, but I'd like to see some data first, thanks.
From here: https://www.salon.com/2015/06/15/rachel_dolezal_is_not_caitlyn_jenner_race_and_gender_are_not_the_same/
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 31, 2017, 06:02:39 AM
I'm not arguing that what Dolezal did is right. As far as the recognition of the population, that can be accounted for by a shifting of the times. 100 years ago, it was widely considered to be a disease or disorder to be transgender. It can be argued that the shifting understanding of gender has contributed to acceptance of transgender persons.
I'd also argue the idea that hormone therapy and surgery qualifies as inherently more meaningful than procedures(which do exist in a capacity more than getting a tan) to alter someone's appearance to the desired traits. I say this as someone who has undergone hormone therapy for multiple years. It's changed my chemistry to an extent, but it's not permanent. If I stop taking pills, I will more or less revert to a masculine state. It doesn't alter my bone structure, it doesn't give me the ability to bare or create children. Indeed, it actually hinders me in that regard; hormone replacement is essentially chemical castration. My breasts are legitimate, I suppose, although they're not what I would like them to be, another mark of the testosterone poisoning me. My hip to waist ratio will never be comparable to a via woman's, unless it's via surgery. As far as surgery is concerned, how can you argue in favour of what is, essentially cosmetic for both sides. My eventual SRS isnt going to provide me with a uterus or ovaries. Functional to an extent, and meaningful to ME, but I'm not sure that it could widely be recognised as more meaningful than, say, a procedure to appear more Arabic, or Chinese, or, yes, black.
As far as the biological basis, the more that I study the human body, the more that the arguments of different brains dubious. Brains look the same. If you want to say that they light up differently, well, I suppose you could say that, but I'd argue that that's more to do with the brain being quite capable of rewiring itself to suit different needs.
I don't want to come across as having made my mind up. I really haven't. Of course, I want to defend my friend, and I will stand by them, but I am not clear to my feelings on this issue. It's very very muddy. I do not believe that there is any meaningful difference between races, as it were, a difference in culture, yes, but I would say culture is somewhat independent of race, although it usually dominates in certain groups.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 31, 2017, 11:08:57 PM
I don't think I've ever talked about this episode in my life publicly, and it's... honestly something I am really not proud of, but here it goes. It was back in 2003, I was in my mid-20's, and there was this store I still go into from time to time, but back then there was this gorgeous, gorgeous red-haired woman in her early to mid-30's who worked there. I became... completely infatuated with her. Turns out she was married, and while part of me said this was wrong, another side of me just didn't care. She was one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen and I flirted often with her and it didn't help that she always welcomed my flirtations openly. She was always smiling and she often dressed very sexy. I just wanted her SO damn badly that I was just unable to control my attraction to this lady. Anyway, our flirtations sometimes became rather intense and one day... she disappeared. I couldn't help but feel that my being so flirty with her had something to do with her possibly leaving her job. I said to myself, "You have nobody to blame but yourself, you had no right to be flirting with a married woman.". While I will never forget her, it's an episode of my life that I think hopefully is something we can all learn from. I guess I should just be glad that I didn't let things escalate beyond flirtations.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: anais.butterfly on November 01, 2017, 12:09:05 PM
Lesbunny, I think the only thing you can do is validate your friends' feelings and support them. If this person is suffering from a type of dysphoria, you could possibly help with that? I felt dysphoria for a 24 hour period once. It was insane how hard that affected my psyche, so maybe your friend could use help with that?



Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on November 01, 2017, 12:54:23 PM
Lesbunny, I think the only thing you can do is validate your friends' feelings and support them. If this person is suffering from a type of dysphoria, you could possibly help with that? I felt dysphoria for a 24 hour period once. It was insane how hard that affected my psyche, so maybe your friend could use help with that?

Yeah, they definitely are. I've been pushing them to go to therapy and talk about it to someone who actually, you know, has training and might be able to help better than just being supportive.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Thorpe Nuttox on November 02, 2017, 12:22:11 AM
What is the life satisfaction rate for people who have gotten therapy vs those who have not gotten any therapy?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 02, 2017, 12:26:51 AM
What is the life satisfaction rate for people who have gotten therapy vs those who have not gotten any therapy?

What is the life satisfaction rate for people who keep registering accounts and being so bad at trolling they get banned right away?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on November 02, 2017, 05:50:26 AM
What is the life satisfaction rate for people who have gotten therapy vs those who have not gotten any therapy?

What is the life satisfaction rate for people who keep registering accounts and being so bad at trolling they get banned right away?
OH SNAP!! :rimshot:
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on November 02, 2017, 07:05:42 AM
Wait is this that same guy who was doing this a year ago?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 02, 2017, 04:57:05 PM
Wait is this that same guy who was doing this a year ago?

He's been at it since 2013 at least. That's how sad this guy is. I feel a little bit sorry for him, to be honest.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on November 02, 2017, 06:27:38 PM
Wait is this that same guy who was doing this a year ago?

He's been at it since 2013 at least. That's how sad this guy is. I feel a little bit sorry for him, to be honest.

If nothing else, he's got dedication.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on November 02, 2017, 10:03:01 PM
You find dedication in a lot of places, that unfortunately doesn't make it a redeeming quality.  :(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on November 02, 2017, 11:01:52 PM
He's seriously just the worst. You don't WANT to just ban everyone who comes in and says something in his unique color of stupid, because maybe it's just some other dumb guy who thought he was being funny, but it's always him. I think we're in the high-20s/low-30s for how many times he's pulled this.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on November 03, 2017, 10:29:07 AM
He's seriously just the worst. You don't WANT to just ban everyone who comes in and says something in his unique color of stupid, because maybe it's just some other dumb guy who thought he was being funny, but it's always him. I think we're in the high-20s/low-30s for how many times he's pulled this.
That many?! Holy shit! Man, get a clue and find another forum already... or better yet, learn to follow the forum rules!
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on November 12, 2017, 11:35:42 AM
I woke today thinking it was Monday. Something is seriously, seriously wrong with me. I am just getting so fucked up in the head lately I can't even tell what goddamn day it is!!! What is wrong with me?! Please, please don't tell me it's old age setting in. I'm only 39 and I refuse to believe that my brain is already shriveling up into a wrinkled, slimy mass of neurons.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 12, 2017, 03:35:59 PM
Waking and thinking it's a different day isn't a very big deal, I do that all the time.

But maybe you're just set to Australian time? It is Monday here. ;)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: BathTub on November 12, 2017, 03:39:30 PM
Yeah especially if something disrupted your routine significantly.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: wastrel on November 12, 2017, 06:41:35 PM
He's seriously just the worst. You don't WANT to just ban everyone who comes in and says something in his unique color of stupid, because maybe it's just some other dumb guy who thought he was being funny, but it's always him. I think we're in the high-20s/low-30s for how many times he's pulled this.

Loser linked to a Youtube clip here.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 12, 2017, 06:47:46 PM
I decided to leave his account and just edit his post so everyone can see how lame he is. Banned within minutes of going through the effort of signing up, but unable to stop himself from signing up again and again.

Poor, sad thing.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on November 12, 2017, 06:53:59 PM
Again? Guy needs to get a clue, like seriously, immediately.

Waking and thinking it's a different day isn't a very big deal, I do that all the time.
But maybe you're just set to Australian time? It is Monday here. ;)
It just bothers me because I seem to be doing that a lot more often than I used to.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on November 13, 2017, 09:31:57 PM
The fuck is wrong with some people in the BDSM community? Fiancée and I both enjoy the lifestyle. She's a switch, which, for those unaware, is someone who enjoys both a dominant and submissive role. The person she exercises her submissive side with is alright. I'm not the biggest fan, but I'm not fucking her, so it's all good.

She has set rules for Hana to follow, which is fairly normal. What is NOT normal, or OK, is that when Hana has had trouble following the bed time issue because she's got issues with paranoia, especially at night. Hana tells her this, and the response is essentially "do what I say, or I'll dump you".

That's straight up abusive. Relationships aren't dependent on if someone wholly obeys another person, even if a large part of that relationship is based on Dominant/submissive role play. It reminded me of how Paul treated me, essentially dropping me when I disagreed with his treatment of me. Anyone who says something like that or sees dominance as a tool to get what you want is disgusting. Submission is not a thing to be taken, it's a gift given by the submissive to her dominant. The submissive chooses to become vulnerable to their dominant, and the relationship is incredibly intimate. It's not something to be tossed aside, like an old shoe. The dominant is the tool which allows a submissive to live out their fantasies, and a dominant has to take special care of someone who offers them this. And Hana's dominant threatened to dump her because she didn't go to bed on time. Disgusting
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on November 15, 2017, 04:34:51 PM
Totally agree with you 100% LB. I don't know a whole lot about the community but there should always be set rules and boundaries that both parties are mutually agreeable to.

I feel like my Mania is getting out of control now, I keep having to jump around, waving my finger in front of me(Don't ask, it's just a coping mechanism), then hum really loudly inside my head to try and get my mind off what it's currently thinking
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on December 01, 2017, 06:30:18 PM
Am I allowed to be annoyed with my fiancee for being a completely insensitive jerk sometimes even when she's stressed out beyond her usual limits and isn't really thinking about the effects of what she's saying? Right now she's in Seattle with a partner/girlfriend/one week stand/whatever. She lives in the UK, this was her first time flying to another country solo, and she has a big fear of crowds and all that, so the trip stressed her out big time. Today, she's been a little down and was talking to me, and brought up that maybe it'd be better for her to move here instead of me moving there, because the US immigration is an easier ask than UK immigration(she says, I've no idea). I tell her that's fine, we can live here, it would give me an excuse to move back to Colorado in the future.

She complains about how we don't have plans to get this stuff sorted, but what she MEANS is that things aren't going fast enough. Right now I'm in school, set to get my RN in a few years, and she's just about to start school, to learn the skills necessary for translation services. I thought we had big goals road mapped out pretty nicely; married this summer, few visits a year in the next 3, and then one of us gets going on a visa to move. She's wanting to move here now, and so she suggests the thing that really annoyed me. She suggested seeing if the person she's with right now, who has a stable job and income and has her life together, would marry her, and then she could move to the US. Aside from the millions of potential ways that won't work, I'm pretty hurt. It legitimately seems like getting married isn't important to her, because she would literally just marry someone to move to the country. Not to mention that it hurts the fuck out of my feelings, saying that she should just marry this person because their life is together.

She was saying a lot of stuff that's potential lead ins to break up territory, too, but I'm not too worried on that front, I think it was more just the stress making her feel overwhelmed at the moment. I did ask if she would rather be marrying the other woman she's with right now, and her response was, "No, I'd rather just marry both of you, or have you both be one person." I'm trying trying trying to take this stuff with a grain of salt and all, but fucking hell, sometimes the stuff she says makes it seem like she doesn't want to be with me.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on December 10, 2017, 05:14:57 PM
I'm sad to relay this horrible news, but our great friend and wonderful poster Anais.Butterfly passed away on Friday. Her brother called me today to let me know what happened. I was worried about her but I never expected this. I'm seriously heartbroken right now, and I just know everyone here thinks highly of her because she was the greatest and I will always care about her as one of my dearest friends.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on December 10, 2017, 05:20:59 PM
Oh not, that's incredibly sad to hear.

Thank you for passing it on.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on December 10, 2017, 05:24:31 PM
What makes this that much more difficult is that she was going to drive down here and we were going to see the Last Jedi together. She was such a good person and she was only 36, that's way too young to have been taken from us.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on December 10, 2017, 06:21:54 PM
Don't know what to say, this is awful news.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on December 10, 2017, 06:38:57 PM
I need to find a candle so I can light it for her. Andrea was so humble, but I can at least do that for her. In fact, I've got a lit candle right now, sitting next to me.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Kete on December 10, 2017, 09:58:29 PM
Oh geez. Andrea, I'm so sorry.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on December 10, 2017, 10:22:51 PM
That is so sad.  She was so sweet, and so young.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on December 10, 2017, 10:32:14 PM
I know. I knew her for six years and we exchanged messages often, and even met once, and we were planning on meeting again so getting past losing her is going to be extremely tough for me. She was always so wonderful, supportive, and she would tell me all the time how proud she was of me. We were definitely just friends, but we still had a special bond that you can't expect from just any old friendship. She was aware of my mental problems and she always tried to help me in any way she could. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Pak-Man on December 10, 2017, 10:44:28 PM
She's been a big part of these forums for a long time. It's not gonna be the same without her.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: BathTub on December 11, 2017, 01:30:49 AM
That's, wow, shocking. So unexpected.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on December 11, 2017, 06:08:25 AM
She will definitely be missed. I always appreciated what she had to say.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Darth Geek on December 11, 2017, 06:38:54 AM
Sorry to hear about that. I actually got to meet her once, a few years ago. She came to one of the Quiptracks showings when I was visiting them in Colorado.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on December 11, 2017, 06:51:10 AM
Sorry to hear about that. I actually got to meet her once, a few years ago. She came to one of the Quiptracks showings when I was visiting them in Colorado.

I met her a couple of times for the same reasons. Completely unexpected and a bit of a gut shot.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on December 11, 2017, 07:11:05 AM
I got to talk to her a few times back when she worked at Dish about my late wife's satellite bill issues she was having at that time and she was a trip to talk to!
Did anyone else ever get to request an order of her homemade bacon-chocolate chip cookies?? They were so awesome!
*sigh* I hate that she will never get to hang out with us on the forum ever again :'(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on December 11, 2017, 10:30:06 AM
You're telling me. It's going to take a while for me to get over this. Even my Grandmother's death didn't hit me as hard as Andrea's, if that tells you anything. You also don't expect somebody like Andrea to be gone from all our lives just like that. In some ways she was emotionally distant, but that doesn't mean we didn't share a lot of laughs. She got me into Archer, the Dandy Warhols, and she truly valued me both as a friend and a human being. You truly couldn't ask for a better friend.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 11, 2017, 04:26:16 PM
Shit.  Wow.  She was one of my favourite folks on these forums.  Its going to take a while to actually process the reality that she's gone.  I was excited that she recently came back to the forums and am gutted that she's no longer with us.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: The Lurker on December 19, 2017, 03:06:59 PM
Looking through the schedule for Magfest (gaming and music convention) and I'm finding quite a few psychology-based seminars.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on December 28, 2017, 04:28:44 PM
I'm in an open relationship. Hana has multiple partners and it doesn't bother me at all. Why the hell do I feel guilty for liking this one girl I've been friends with for a while.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on January 11, 2018, 09:10:07 PM
Whirlwind of emotions tonight. Girl I've been interested in seemingly broke up with her girlfriend. I felt guilty because my first reaction was "How long do I have to wait before saying 'How you doin'?" Then I go through the rollercoaster of how I'm completely socially inept, and how I've asked out maybe 2-3 people over my entire life. One of them, I got drunk as fuck on gin and just said fuck it, you're a cool dude, I want to lick your peepee. One of them was a guy I asked out via email, because I'm a fucking coward, but I don't know if I can really count that one, because fucking god it was so lame. Then the last one, the relationship I'm currently in, started while I was fucking lying about who I was because the first time I chatted with this girl I acted like a complete bitch. So yeah, I'm not exactly great at that thing. Then there's the part where I'm just all like well, maybe she already KNOWS, because, if you've been around me for any stretch of time, you know that I am not exactly a subtle person when it comes to my feelings about someone. If she KNOWS I'm interested in her, then would me messaging her to see if she's ok about the break up be seen as me being all like... predatory, but not in the sense of like oh baby she fries my bacon, but more along the lines of sharks and blood in the water all that. Opportunistic, I guess. But if that's the case, how can I chat her up more, especially since 90% of our interactions are comment chains? If I do something other than that, will I look suspicious? Then I finally work up the courage to type out a message to her and be like, eyy bbz u ok?, pop up the facebook to do it, BOOM, they're not actually broken up, just had a drama llama flounce through.

So basically I went from hopeful>scumbag>what's the point>wait what if she's guessed?!>I'm gonna do it>no, I'm really gonna do it>well fuck, guess I CAN'T do it now

All in the space of like 30 minutes. How you guys doing?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on January 11, 2018, 09:43:21 PM
You're talking some very complicated emotional issues here LB. As much as I want to help in some way I'm not good at relationships so I would not feel comfortable giving advice.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on March 17, 2018, 12:32:19 AM
I'm not a good person. I've done some terrible things in my life. I physically assaulted some people. I have literally held myself hostage telling g people that I will kill myself if they do something. I have taken friends for granted, and I have been selfish. I have sexually assaulted someone.

Maybe it isn't in the sense of invasive sex or whatever, but in my mind, it's no different. Their was a girl, and I took advantage of her. This is back in my high school days. I don't say this to excuse what I did. I don't even say this as a justification or explanation of what I did. I did this, regardless of how confused I was to my self identity. I took advantage of a girl who had no way of responding.

This isn't something that I've only recently felt guilty about. This has been with me sense I've become, for lack of a better term, woke. Since I have understood who I am, and have become comfortable with myself, I have felt absolutely disgusted with myself. Whether or not the term is true, I consider myself a predator.

I will preface this story with the fact that I am highly drunk. This has been coming for a bit, but it has been coming since another forum member(name excluded partly because of privacy concerns, and partly because my drunk ass can't remember exactly who it was) discussed their experience. I'm not proud, and I don't want to make it seem like I am so. I hate myself for what I have done.

Years ago, in high school, I was confused. I use this as a word, because there's not really another way to describe it. I was in a play. I loved the theater. Being me was awful. I hated it. The theater, as what was available in my school, allowed me to be someone else. After our final performance, as was the custom, we all went out for food. We carpooled to the sort of outlet mall, which had an IHOP or a waffle house, or something. I don't remember. What I do remember is that there were 4 people in the car. Me, a younger guy, another guy my age, and a girl my age. The girl was driving.

I can't even say what went through my head. I can't justify what I did. To my memory, which I don't know if I can trust, I never went beneath her underwear. I can't say if this is right or not. I have both vivid memories and vague memories of the night. I remember that I was directly behind the driver's seat.

We were having a great night. The play had gone well. We were all in a good mood. I took it too far, as did the younger guy in the passenger seat. I reached around the front, and started feeling up this girl. The guy in the passenger seat does the same.

You don't have to tell me how fucking disgusting and horrible this is. I hate myself for this, more for this than most things, and I have plenty to hate myself for. At first it was over her shirt. I groped and grabbed. But I didn't stop. I reached under her shirt.

I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know why I thought I had a right to violate her in this way. I've justified it until now with "Well, I didn't go UNDER her bra, so it's not that bad..." But what I've been through in the past couple years with Paul has given my more of an appreciation for what a shitty, disgusting person I am. So what? It doesn't make what I did any better.

Doubtless, this will harm several of your opinions of me. For one of you, at least, no doubt it will confirm your opinions of me as a less than good person, and justify your leaving me. I'm sorry. I have reached out to the girl to apologize, though it probably won't do a thing, and will just help me, but I wanted to record my guilt somewhere. I deserve any hate or anything I get from this. I sexually assaulted someone. The degree is irrelevant. What I did is disgusting, and I accept the consequences of it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on March 17, 2018, 07:37:06 AM
You were referring to me. Similar sentiment of guilt when I told my story. I don’t have time to respond fully now, but like mine, I hope your guilt subsides, as you don’t deserve to feel guilty forever. For me it comes in waves, but I do think my last confession helped me work a few things out in my head.

I very much doubt anyone here will think less of you.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on April 02, 2018, 12:16:09 PM
Warning: the following contains content of a sexual nature

I can't trust men. Like, no offense, but I just can't trust guys. Every time I try and think I find a good guy, he ends up being a fucking asshole. I'm into BDSM stuff, and I enjoy bringing that into other aspects of my life. My fiancee and I have a poly relationship, and since we both are submissives, we tend to look to others to satisfy that craving. One of the things that can be amazingly fun is bringing sexuality to gaming. There's plenty of ways to do this, of course things like Second Life and VRChat exist, but I don't tend to enjoy those kinds of chatroom avatar games. I like taking it into games like Overwatch or Heroes of the Storm. This is called "healslutting" and has a bit of a culture that's developed around it. It's actually fun and can add an extra layer to the games you're playing.

I'm not one who finds it easy to go to events and things to meet people for fun, let alone sexual activity, so I find a lot of comfort and security in online communities. There's a subreddit for healslut stuff, and a Discord server to meet people who fall into any area of the BDSM spectrum involved in gaming. I joined this server last night, and immediately got bombed with a bunch of messages. Horny guys online meet a kinky girl, that's expected, and I don't mind it too much. I'm not unattracted to men, but I find it hard to trust them, so engaging in intimate contact with them is hard. I'd been chatting to a guy that seems pretty nice. Yeah, he's a flatterer, and I maybe should have seen that as a red flag, but I don't think it's out of the ordinary to flatter a girl they're interested in. Things get a little bit heavy, it's ok at first, I'm hesitant, but I'm willing to let my guard down a bit for a little bit of roleplay. Slowly, he starts pushing for more, pictures, voice chats, things I'm not comfortable doing with someone I've spent about 2 hours total talking to. I try to signal that I'm not comfortable, and he keeps pressuring me, so I pull the standard green/yellow/red safewords out, starting with yellow, indicating my discomfort and asking him to slow down. He keeps pushing harder and harder, and I give him a red, because it's time to stop this. He keeps going, which is in direct violation of the BDSM motto of "safe, sane, consencual" AND the rules of the server, which states safewords are to be respected in server and in DMs.

Like, why do I have such rotten luck? Hana finds people no problem, makes friends easily, and makes relationships with good guys in the same spaces I try. I don't hate men. I really don't. It's just so fucking hard when some asshole takes "Blurred Lines" as his life rulebook. Why can't I flirt and enjoy myself without shit like this coming down and destroying my self esteem and confidence? The worst part? I FEEL BAD FOR REPORTING HIM. WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I FEEL GUILTY?! I hate this bullshit. I hate crying over stupid shit.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on April 02, 2018, 06:35:53 PM
Warning: the following contains content of a sexual nature

That's shitty.  I feel for your struggle.  I wonder what is worse: trying to find a girl online or trying to find a guy.  I'm leaning toward your situation being worse.  In my experience, when trying to find a woman to have some fun with I just end up weeding through countless bots pretending to be women, or men who have no interest in talking to me (and I no interest in talking to them).  It's tedious, but not terribly difficult to weed out the bots.  What's more difficult is actually finding someone worth talking to, because I haven't been able to in quite a while.

Whereas to find a guy you have to sort through thousands of awful people, and it's not as easy to judge right away if a guy is awful.  Must be shitting putting all that time into a conversation only to find out the guy sucks.  I have a feeling the two are connected.  Since it's so difficult for women to find a decent guy there just aren't any women around.

Oh, and because we make the internet a hostile, dangerous and degrading place for women.  That too.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on April 02, 2018, 07:02:20 PM
Warning: the following contains content of a sexual nature

That's shitty.  I feel for your struggle.  I wonder what is worse: trying to find a girl online or trying to find a guy.  I'm leaning toward your situation being worse.  In my experience, when trying to find a woman to have some fun with I just end up weeding through countless bots pretending to be women, or men who have no interest in talking to me (and I no interest in talking to them).  It's tedious, but not terribly difficult to weed out the bots.  What's more difficult is actually finding someone worth talking to, because I haven't been able to in quite a while.

Whereas to find a guy you have to sort through thousands of awful people, and it's not as easy to judge right away if a guy is awful.  Must be shitting putting all that time into a conversation only to find out the guy sucks.  I have a feeling the two are connected.  Since it's so difficult for women to find a decent guy there just aren't any women around.

Oh, and because we make the internet a hostile, dangerous and degrading place for women.  That too.

I think both are bad in different ways. I probably have an easier time finding women, though lesbian women tend to be in relationships. I just have had so many bad experiences with guys that I'm more or less done even trying with guys.

And yeah, women on the internet have it rough. Sucks, yo
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on June 11, 2018, 03:00:03 PM
Hey so I could use a little help.  Looking to see if anyone has coping skills for dealing with what feels like confinement and constant confrontation.  I'm on a jury, and deliberation has been hell.  It has been three days of deliberation, and the judge is showing no signs of letting us go any time soon.  Three days sounds so short when I type it out, but it feels like an eternity.  I'm probably going to have to cancel my flight to visit my family on Friday, who I only get to see a couple times a year. 

But the worst part is the constant arguing and being disregarded and belittled despite being clear and to the point.  I can't unfortunately give any details about the case until it's over, but it's so mentally draining for me that I need help.  I don't seek out arguments normally.  I enjoy the occasional debate, but not when the consequences are this high, and not when I'm debating idiots. 

My wife is trying to be as supportive as she can, but she is under a lot of stress at the moment too.  She gets anxiety, where I'm almost always pretty even.  So when I'm stressed and full of anxiety that just makes her more anxious. 

Which is why I've come here to see if there are any tips on how to deal with this situation, where it feels like I'm being punished indefinitely for wanting to do the right thing by agreeing to complete my civic duty instead of trying to dodge it.  Because right now I regret the decision completely. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on June 11, 2018, 03:51:47 PM
So the judge won't accept a hung jury or mistrial ???
The judge would rather force the jurors to come back with a guilty or not guilty verdict despite other jurors questioning some issues with the case?
That seems a bit extreme to me that you all are being punished because the judge refuses to grant a mistrial on your case..  :-\
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on June 11, 2018, 05:02:05 PM
So the judge won't accept a hung jury or mistrial ???
The judge would rather force the jurors to come back with a guilty or not guilty verdict despite other jurors questioning some issues with the case?
That seems a bit extreme to me that you all are being punished because the judge refuses to grant a mistrial on your case..  :-\

He says he will accept a mistrial, but only after he feels we have given the case enough time to deliberate. 

To be honest, I get where he is coming from.  If a hung jury has no consequences for the jurors, then no one would ever come to a verdict on anything.  The jurors would just say they can't decide, then they'd get to go home.  While cruel, I understand the reason for the threat of indefinite servitude. 

It's just a shame that in this case we are in fact going in circles, and they are unable to change my mind, and I'm unable to change theirs.  I really can't imagine me and one other juror changing our minds from what the other jurors are able to offer.  No one is going to cave to the pressure of being caged for an indefinite time, so we are just going to have to endure it.  It's grueling, and gives me so much stress. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: RVR II on June 11, 2018, 05:11:40 PM
So the judge won't accept a hung jury or mistrial ???
The judge would rather force the jurors to come back with a guilty or not guilty verdict despite other jurors questioning some issues with the case?
That seems a bit extreme to me that you all are being punished because the judge refuses to grant a mistrial on your case..  :-\

He says he will accept a mistrial, but only after he feels we have given the case enough time to deliberate. 

I can't even fathom what this judge would consider a fair amount of time the way he sounds..  :-\
I usually go into a movie/TV show binge to get my mind off of what ever's stressing me..

Will your airline charge you a change ticket fee or will they waive that because of jury duty?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Edward J Grug III on June 11, 2018, 05:38:51 PM
Can you screen 12 Angry Men?
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on June 11, 2018, 05:44:47 PM
I bought trip insurance so I’ll get reimbursed for the flight.  I didn’t anticipate needing it for this reason, but thankfully I have it. Was my first time purchasing trip insurance too.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on June 11, 2018, 07:38:39 PM
A lot of general anxiety coping skills probably would be effective; having a drink of water, taking a few deep breaths to relax your mind a bit. Try to avoid playing the should game, because that tends to add more stress to whatever you're experiencing. The big thing I can suggest is try to find alternative angles to examine the facts of the case from, because maybe it'll change someone's mind. Another one is to just kind of accept that you're in this position now, and it's going to be over when it's over. That one usually helps me the most when I'm in confined stressful environments anymore. Hell of a difficult thing to do to acknowledge it without assigning and emotion to it, because it's kind of intuitively ingrained into us, but it helps. It's kind of along the lines of what EMDR tries to accomplish in helping processing emotional responses to memory and trauma. You don't worry about the things that should have happened, you just have to focus on processing what's in front of you at the moment.

I might be speaking complete nonsense, had a bit of a long day and it was crazy hot. I hope anything I typed out can help, though.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on June 12, 2018, 04:49:20 AM
A lot of general anxiety coping skills probably would be effective; having a drink of water, taking a few deep breaths to relax your mind a bit. Try to avoid playing the should game, because that tends to add more stress to whatever you're experiencing. The big thing I can suggest is try to find alternative angles to examine the facts of the case from, because maybe it'll change someone's mind. Another one is to just kind of accept that you're in this position now, and it's going to be over when it's over. That one usually helps me the most when I'm in confined stressful environments anymore. Hell of a difficult thing to do to acknowledge it without assigning and emotion to it, because it's kind of intuitively ingrained into us, but it helps. It's kind of along the lines of what EMDR tries to accomplish in helping processing emotional responses to memory and trauma. You don't worry about the things that should have happened, you just have to focus on processing what's in front of you at the moment.

I might be speaking complete nonsense, had a bit of a long day and it was crazy hot. I hope anything I typed out can help, though.

Thank you. I appreciate the advice.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Jesse412 on June 12, 2018, 01:57:15 PM
Try to avoid playing the should game, because that tends to add more stress to whatever you're experiencing.

In inpatient they told us not to should all over our selves. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on June 12, 2018, 06:05:27 PM
Today was better.  I was able to accept the situation I was in and the fact that I couldn't do anything about it.  Generally I'm pretty good about accepting unchangeable things, but my mind was really fighting against it yesterday.  Perhaps because I really didn't want to miss my flight on Friday. 

While frustrating and circular, the arguments weren't as heated today, which also helped.  I think our brains are all fried so we took longer breaks. 
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on June 12, 2018, 09:20:55 PM
Try to avoid playing the should game, because that tends to add more stress to whatever you're experiencing.

In inpatient they told us not to should all over our selves.

Nice. I learned it when I was still doing debate in college. It was part of a modified critique using Buddhist philosophy that used Star Wars references, saying that any belief that we should do something leaves us eternally frustrated. Was a fun argument to watch opponents deal with, because they usually just said "That's really stupid," which, to be fair, is true, but that doesn't matter in a policy debate setting.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on June 13, 2018, 02:43:31 PM
Finally released from jury duty.  I drafted a pretty detailed note explaining how we were unable to come to a decision, which he accepted.  So it ended up being a hung jury, after five days of deliberation. 

I go into more detail about the case in the bellow post.  It's a topic that might get a little heated (even though I don't think there's anyone here that would disagree with my stance anymore).  So I'll relegate discussion to that thread. 

http://forum.rifftrax.com/index.php?topic=31792.msg995303#msg995303
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on June 24, 2018, 08:27:16 PM
I start clinical work on Wednesday, and I'm kind of freaking out about it. This is going to be my first taste of nursing work, and it will be my first taste of work in about 4 years. The professor keeps talking about how a lot of people aren't cut out for nursing, and because I'm an anxious piece of garbage, I keep thinking that what if I'm not? It's been a pretty heavy focus of mine for about a year and a half now, and I'm worried I'll make a ton of mistakes and discover that I'm not cut out to be a CNA, much less a nurse. I'm also scared of dealing with the patients. I don't want to hurt them, and there will be a lot of unpleasant things to deal with in the day. And what if I screw up and don't follow proper hygiene procedures leading to an infection? What if I report things I shouldn't or worse, don't report things I should because I just don't know? I know that I'll be with people who are certified, and they'll know everything, but it just... I'm fucking freaking out.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on June 25, 2018, 10:38:16 AM
I start clinical work on Wednesday, and I'm kind of freaking out about it. This is going to be my first taste of nursing work, and it will be my first taste of work in about 4 years. The professor keeps talking about how a lot of people aren't cut out for nursing, and because I'm an anxious piece of garbage, I keep thinking that what if I'm not? It's been a pretty heavy focus of mine for about a year and a half now, and I'm worried I'll make a ton of mistakes and discover that I'm not cut out to be a CNA, much less a nurse. I'm also scared of dealing with the patients. I don't want to hurt them, and there will be a lot of unpleasant things to deal with in the day. And what if I screw up and don't follow proper hygiene procedures leading to an infection? What if I report things I shouldn't or worse, don't report things I should because I just don't know? I know that I'll be with people who are certified, and they'll know everything, but it just... I'm fucking freaking out.

It’s a lot of stress, but I think you’ll be ok. The worst thing to do would be to pretend you know something you don’t. Otherwise you should be good if you just admit when you need help.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 06, 2018, 11:13:39 PM
I've been trying to do some exploration as far as who I am, because for a while, specifically femme hasn't felt quite right. Presentation-wise, I tend to fall into the masculine most of the time any more. My hair is shorter, I shaved one side of my head, my average outfit on a daily basis has been jeans+tshirt+flannel. It's really cool that after all these years of trying to assert my femininity to the world, I'm finally comfortable enough with myself to start exploring parts of me that I used to outright reject. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a nonbinary woman, or at least that's the closest I can come to putting any label on it. It kinda helps that I've been seeing a nonbinary guy, because talking to him has REALLY been eye opening for me. It also feels really good from a relationship standpoint. The more I get into polyamory, the more I have no idea how I ever lived without it. Hana is fantastic, and there's no one on the planet I'd rather be with for the rest of my life, but there's just some things that I want/need in a partner that she can't provide. It's not a failing on her part; there are things that I can't do for her, either. It makes sense to seek others who can fill those gaps. It's not easy, and there's a lot of conditioning saying that poly is wrong that I have to get past, but I feel rather fulfilled in my romantic relationships at the moment.

So, nightmares. I don't know if they're from stress because of school, hoping I get the job I interviewed, or everything that's being dredged up in my mind from the whole Kavanaugh stuff, but I've had trouble sleeping the past week or so. When I finally do get to sleep, I have nightmares, usually about what happened to me in Washington. I always seem to be back there, and even worse, I always am utterly devoted to my abuser. A complete wreck if he's not around, needing him to make things make sense for me or tell me what to think. If it's not a nightmare of him, then it's usually something else where I'm stripped of all my free will, or eventually die a gruesome death. It's to the point where I really don't want to go to sleep. What's the point, right? I'll be up in a cold sweat in another hour or two. I watching Kavanaugh testify last week, I was strongly reminded of my abuser. Like, to the point where I was trying to shrink back into my seat to make myself seem smaller or less threatening, and I was tense the entire time. I've heard that tone of voice. I still hear that tone of voice, it's in those nightmares, him telling me that if I'd just done what he'd told me, this wouldn't have happened, claiming that I'm a manipulative bitch and that I was using him. Hearing that he's been confirmed is making me feel sick. It also just reaffirms my decision to never tell my family exactly what Paul did to me, or what my cousin did years ago; they'll never believe me.


If you read this, grats, you're basically reading my exhausted ramblings. Probably made no sense, no replies are necessary, since I really don't know what could be said. Just was kinda getting it out there and all that jazz.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on October 07, 2018, 05:27:25 AM
That was all pretty straight forward, not rambly at all. I’m glad bring poly is working for you. I hope it continues to.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on October 07, 2018, 07:40:24 AM
 About telling or not telling people about abuse, if you are sure they won't believe you and will make you feel worse, then it's fine not to tell them.  As long as there are people you can talk to about the events and work through them.  If you are not working through it with people you trust then getting it out there might be better in the long run, at least the idea that "they don't know what he did" won't be nagging at you forever.  Even if they don't believe it at least you would be free of that.

 I think half the country is depressed and sick about the direction the country is going, so you've got plenty of company there.

 As for the nightmares, stress will bring them on.  Is anyone in your life currently trying to use the "you made me do it" method of manipulation?  Your subconscious might be picking up on it, but it could just be from all the stuff in the news the last week, there has been plenty of "blame the victim" type quotes coming out of our so called leaders.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 07, 2018, 09:09:17 AM
I don't know of anyone using that on me lately. In general, my relationships, romantic and otherwise, have been pretty healthy lately. It must just be the stress from this past week, I guess. I've been trying to keep occupied, but I'm not used to keeping this amount of plates spinning at once. Doesn't help that when I tried to talk to my  future mother in law about it, she said "So a normal time, then." I don't understand how people properly function, I barely have the skills to cope with shit right now.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 18, 2018, 08:05:59 PM
I'm officially calling it. I'm hitting depression levels where I'm non functioning. Basically a step below suicidal; I'm not actively trying to kill myself, but kinda hoping for an act of god to strike me down or something. I've been debating on going into an inpatient facility, which is a good indication that I probably should go, and so I called the nearest one I can get into. They currently have a bed available, and so tomorrow afternoon I'm going to call them up, do the intake assessment, and go there for a few days. This will let my meds get adjusted and give me some breathing room to recenter myself without the world weighing down on me. So, if you don't see me for about a week, that's where I am.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on October 18, 2018, 08:14:16 PM
I hope things can settle a bit for you, lesbunny, and that the inpatient time helps.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on October 19, 2018, 09:45:33 PM
When my depression hits record lows... I go to some very, very dark places in my mind. My meds help... but they can only help so much.  :( I feel like I'm having more manic episodes as of late.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on October 22, 2018, 11:37:48 AM
I'm back, bitches
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on November 11, 2018, 05:41:10 PM
So, like, I'm worried that I've got shit temperment for the career path I've chosen. There's a resident at the nursing home I'm working at who is a royal B. She is a CGA, or Contact Guard Assist, which means she is relatively independent, there are a few things she can't do because she can't reach them, but for the most part, we are there to make sure she doesn't fall. Technically, if we do anything for her that she can do herself, it's neglect.

Despite this, despite her being well aware of it, she insists that it's our job to do basically everything for her. She can't reach around behind her to pull her shirt down, or her brief or trousers back there, so we pull them down in the back. She is supposed to take care of the front. Last night, she put her call light on, because she needed to use the toilet, I went in to help her out of bed and to the toilet, because those are things I'm supposed to do. She is YELLING at me the entire time, complaining that I'm not doing my job, useless, all that jazz. I'm just letting her carry on a bit, because I'm not going to get back in her face and tell her what's what, confrontation of that sort isn't something I like to do. The girl who's training me, however, was right outside the door, making sure that I did things ok. Minute the resident starts yelling, she's in there giving her the what's what, telling her that she needs to say please and thank you, not yell at us, that I am doing my job to the letter, explaining that we are not supposed to touch her if she can do it herself.

Meanwhile, I'm just quiet, helping the resident toilet, trying not to break down, which I manage until I can duck out of the room. Head to the bathroom, crying and junk. Like, I get it, she was being super shitty, and it was literally my second day on the job, working nights, so I'm tired, my feet hurt because I'd been on them for 20 of the last 48 hours, all that jazz. I don't even know what it was, if it was the fact that she was yelling at me, or that I was just exhausted and emotionally vulnerable, or that I feel bad because there wasn't more I could do to help, or even that I didn't have the guts to stand up to her and tell her off for what she was doing. Maybe it's all of it, I don't know. I'm just stressing over the fact that I didn't tell her off, which I should have done, and that I ended up in tears. I don't know who I can really talk to about it, ya know? I'm just like... am I cut out for this? Literally everything else about the job is good. I love doing it, it's rewarding and feels good to do, and the nurse even said last night that she loves the way I talk to the residents and how I am with them. I just don't want to break down every time someone doesn't get their graham crackers because we're out. Not to mention, I do understand her side, too. It's rough getting old, and knowing that you do need assistance for the stuff that you used to be able to do all by yourself. Doesn't make it ok to yell at the care team, but it gives reason. I don't know.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on November 11, 2018, 07:05:06 PM
 I'd say talk to the one that is training you, ask her how she deals emotionally with difficult residents.  It is something you will have to learn how do deal with.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on November 11, 2018, 07:13:37 PM
I'd say talk to the one that is training you, ask her how she deals emotionally with difficult residents.  It is something you will have to learn how do deal with.

Yeah, and like, it's not going to stop me from going in or something, you know? Just hit me a bit hard, I guess. I know that I am allowed to tell them that I will come back when they're going to be less aggressive/belligerent, I may do that in the future.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on November 12, 2018, 08:41:21 PM
I saw my therapist at the neuroscience center today. We agreed that I'm doing well on the current meds so she wrote me out some more scripts for my Lorazepam and Eszopiclone. I'm also still on the Benztropine for the involuntary muscle spasms causing biting of my lips, tongue and inner cheek. Fortunately that has improved over the past six months but it still happens every once in a while and when it does, I can't stop myself from letting out a yelp.

I also got contacted by a friend I haven't seen in years. She wasn't mad at me for falling out of touch but we just talked and talked for what seemed like FOREVER. I guess after that many years you have a lot to catch up on. Sometimes I know I'm not the person I used to be and I'm afraid catching up with an old friend would somehow trigger my anxiety, PTSD or my mania. I don't know why I believed that, it's just one of those false beliefs that sneaks into the brain, planting itself like a piece of glass and no matter how hard I try I just can't dislodge it. It's just something I've been struggling with over the past six years and something I just wish would go the hell away.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: wihogfan on November 30, 2018, 08:28:30 PM
Maybe not the right thread for this...maybe I'm just venting...father who I've been estranged from for many years now called my wife this morning and said I needed to go there right away because my sister was in the emergency room and deathly ill. Wife got pissed because my reaction was that this was my sister's latest attempt to feed her prescription drug addiction. After several tests, the doctors had the same belief as me. My belief was further confirmed after my sister was sent home and then called me begging that I send her prescription pain killers to help her deal with "her pain". I feel for her, despite what my wife and family seem to think, but 3 rehab stints and an extended time with us a couple of years ago didn't help and at some point she needs to deal with her problem and I can only do so much.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: wihogfan on November 30, 2018, 08:59:18 PM
And just so I don't come across as so totally cold, me going to see my sister wasn't a case of getting in a car and driving across town...I live 1,200 miles away.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: wihogfan on November 30, 2018, 09:44:29 PM
And now my sister is posting pictures of herself and her new boyfriend out at a bar tonight on Facebook.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: LucasM on January 29, 2019, 08:58:45 PM
Wonderful thought...
(https://scontent-ort2-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/50476261_1993655530682416_957857352881537024_n.png?_nc_cat=108&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-2.xx&oh=0037d0fc061f3da1672d7cfbb2a517cd&oe=5CC1369E)
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on February 12, 2019, 10:56:41 PM
Dude, fuck gender dysphoria. After some soul searching and talking to people, I reclassified (for lack of a better term) myself as non-binary gender fluid, and it's really weird. Kinda float around on the male/female and masculine/feminine spectrums, usually either masculine gal or feminine guy, with minor detours back and forth in between. I get to never feel right in my body, which is cool, I'm used to that, somewhat, but now it depends on where I'm at as to exactly what I hate about me. MF? Too fat, need to be buff as hell, get some muscle. FM? Again, fat, but now I'm frustrated with the breasts I have. I literally ordered a binder to deal with that, so I can look more like a guy when I want(which annoys me because I feel like I'm just being a guy with extra steps).MM? Not enough muscle, plus the chest. FF? Too tall, too fat, basically everything I used to have the dysphoria for.

I did show some people a pic, and they said I look fairly androgynous, but idk how to take that. And I'm worried that the binder won't be here by Friday, which is when I'm going to an LGBT conference and was planning on exploring the male side a bit more, since my parents are finally calling me Lilly and accepting me as a daughter, and j don't wanna fuck that up. I'm currently looking up alternative options for binding, and probably will try double layered sports bras if the one I ordered doesn't get here, though I'd rather not.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Variety of Cells on February 13, 2019, 07:07:46 AM
For FF I think your hair needs to be more spiky and you need a bigger sword.

Sorry. The only other gender fluid person I know is big into Noctus cosplay. On facebook I watch them go through a lot of the same things you are wresting with. It can’t be easy, constantly being uncomfortable, and feeling like a different person depending on the day.  That in itself might not be too bad, but dealing with other people’s expectations sounds awful. I have no advise for you. All I can offer you is support.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on February 16, 2019, 10:58:54 AM
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

If you're interested in seeing me as a femme guy, there it is. I'm doing this kinda thing all weekend, and it really feels great. I love the look that the chest binder I got gives me, I legitimately feel better looking in the mirror with it on when I'm in this identity space. It compresses a lot, and I can't wear it for more than 10-12 hours at a time, but it's still fantastic for my dysphoria. Comfortable? Nope. Necessary? Yes. Today is a great day.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on April 23, 2019, 09:19:41 PM
So, I went on a date with another person today, which is cool, and everyone involved knows about each other, fiancée, partner, me, all good.

I'm just worried that me dating a 23 year old is a little on the low side for me. It's only a 5 year difference, but idk how my friends and family might take that. We have another date Sunday, she's coming over and we're gonna hang out and cook and watch Netflix and shit. I don't have an issue with it, she's cute as hell, I like her, we did some making out in my car that was awesome, I just worry I look like a creep.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on May 05, 2019, 03:28:14 AM
Fiancee and I are going through a rough patch... We're taking a week away from each other to try and make sure we're on solid footing relationship. She's been worried lately that she's just in it for the fact that it's what's comfortable,rather than being in the relationship because she cares about me romantically. I think that a big part of it is that her depression has ramped up, and she needs a med adjustment. I wish there was something I could do to make this right, but it really is just a hurry up and wait situation. I asked multiple times if it has to do with me dating again, and she says it's not. I just have some worries on that back from when I was dating Bas; the way he dumped me was by first suggesting we try an open relationship as a way to spare my feelings. I trust her completely, but there is that depressed part of me that says "You're going to lose her, and there's nothing you can do." I don't want to lose my wife; I'm scared and really want someone to comfort me but I've been working and my girlfriend has been busy. At least I'm seeing her tonight. , hopefully that helps me feel like I'm back in decent footing until the rug is yanked out under me.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on May 10, 2019, 09:48:32 PM
I feel like this is becoming the Lesbunny bitching thread, but here goes

So... This week has been a doozy...Had an issue with one of the girls I'm seeing because I've been having an overactive libido. That got resolved but now I'm acutely aware of my hyper sex drive and it's frustrating, because it's starting to feel like no one finds me attractive or whatever. Ended my 2 year long engagement, because I wanted kids and she didnt, but had resolved to still date her...  until she decided that she didn't want to be with me any more because she didn't want to be poly anymore. Rationally, I understand, and I get it... But I'm still fucking pissed because it reminds me a lot of my first fiance who strung me along for two weeks, and I just know that she's going to end up dating this girl who had told her I was an abusive prick... Then yesterday I didn't get to nap before work and so I was fucking awake for 24 hours... Thank fuck it's my last school+work day...

Idk, I try to see positives and shit, but this week is killing me... Then next week is finals for both me and the one girl I'm currently seeing, so I won't see her again for a while, and I'm really starting to fall for her. I'm shattered, friendos.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on July 14, 2019, 06:19:30 PM
So, I went on a date with another person today, which is cool, and everyone involved knows about each other, fiancée, partner, me, all good.

I'm just worried that me dating a 23 year old is a little on the low side for me. It's only a 5 year difference, but idk how my friends and family might take that. We have another date Sunday, she's coming over and we're gonna hang out and cook and watch Netflix and shit. I don't have an issue with it, she's cute as hell, I like her, we did some making out in my car that was awesome, I just worry I look like a creep.
Lesbunny you two are consenting adults so there's absolutely no reason for anybody to judge you. I understand how you might think an age difference might worry you, but she's over 18 so IMO you have no reason to worry about anyone thinking you're a creep or creepy. (Sorry I took so long to reply by the way)

Over the past four years I have been on a journey of self-improvement. It has been a long journey, and honestly? I can say with roughly 100% certainty I have improved a lot over the past four years. I have to thank my therapist, because she is the one that taught me that I needed to have better restraint on the words that come out of my damn mouth.

The irony is that when there was the break up with some... friends I had way back in mid-2015, even though one of them tried to intimidate me with a very nasty email I felt that something about me needed changing. So in a way, I owe a debt of gratitude to the jackasses that ended our relationship on a very sour note. If not for them, I might not have ever felt the need to change myself in a way where someone can look at me now and say "Yeah, that guy's alright."

It has been a long and painful journey, but totally worth it.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on July 17, 2019, 05:10:38 AM
Can I just say it fucking sucks knowing that I can't get pregnant? Because it does. dysphoria is hitting me like a mother fucker today.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on July 17, 2019, 03:32:44 PM
Can I just say it fucking sucks knowing that I can't get pregnant? Because it does. dysphoria is hitting me like a mother fucker today.
I’m so sorry Lesbunny.  I can’t imagine how that feels . :'(
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Lesbunny on August 06, 2019, 05:48:38 AM
So, my mother is in the red on a lot of bills. I pay rent to help her out, because she's helped me for a lot of my adult life. I make around 850/check, which isn't a huge amount, but it's not terrible, and I pay the equivalent of what an apartment in the city would cost me. Since the resolution of her ultimatum regarding weed and her realizing that I was serious about leaving and that if I left I'd be done paying her because I don't have money and essentially she was kicking me out, she's become downright aggressive over how much I need to pay her. As far as she's concerned I need to be giving her about 400 every check, which would essentially prevent me from maintaining any kind of savings, which is important right now because I'm fuckin' done living here. When she found out that kicking me out meant no more cash flow, and realized that I was right in telling her that it was the wrong hill for her to die on(after she tried to convince me that it was a worse financial decision for me than her because I definitely would be losing a house over something as stupid as someone smoking weed outside...), I get to leave on my own terms instead of being rushed out. I found an apartment that looks really good, only requires a 500 dollar deposit, 2 beds, 1 bath, 710 a month, probably around 1k after utilities and bills. She begged me to stay in a house that's triggering for me to be in until at least December. I said I'll compromise and instead of doing one lump sum once a month, I'd do 250 on pay day. This means that my earnings of around 2000/month would leave me with 200 dollars AFTER paying off my mother, the debt collector, and household expenses. That's basically enough for groceries for the month. I'll have to pick up an extra shift a week to be able to afford to do this and save any money for emergencies. She wanted 400 today, and I got paid 777, so that can't happen because I've got a vet bill for Ein, I've got to pick up my car from the shop, and I've got to pay off the fucking 150 for the debt collector or else they'll demand the remaining sum of 3000 which I don't fucking have. I fucking hate her for guilting me like this. People keep saying that I should move out, and I really, really fucking wanna.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Darth Geek on August 06, 2019, 06:21:58 AM
I agree, you should really move out.
Title: Re: General Psychology Thread (for non-emergency and long-term issues)
Post by: Russoguru on August 09, 2019, 02:33:26 PM
I have to say, when I talk out loud I make a lot of personal gaffes, and when that happens I have to laugh at myself. I've been practicing learning how to do this for years and it's taken a long time to master but the art of laughing at oneself is a skill that doesn't usually happen overnight. I just pretend like I'm in my own little blooper reel or something then I realize I just fucked up the hell out of what I just said. I HAVE to do this because it's one of the better defense and coping mechanisms I've developed to counteract my depression and bipolar symptoms.