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General Discussion => Links and stuff => Topic started by: Johnny Unusual on September 23, 2012, 07:30:03 PM

Title: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 23, 2012, 07:30:03 PM
I decided to start a thread dedicated to posting tweets you like or tweets you've made that you are proud of.

Recently, from my feed:

It just occurred to me: a lifetime supply of coffins is zero coffins.

I'm sure better one's will get posted.

Oh, here are some from Patton Oswalt:

"I told my campaign manager to make more more likable. He sewed my mouth shut!" -- Romney Dangerfield

"My V.P., he's no bargain. His Secret Service code name is 'Ayn Bland'!" -- Romney Dangerfield

"My limo driver swerved to avoid a pedestrian, so the media said I don't connect with the public!" -- Romney Dangerfield

And a great response by Jordan Zakarin

"I come from a real tough neighborhood. Gay kids always getting beat up. By me." #RomneyDangerfield
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 30, 2012, 12:52:50 PM
To prepare for his role as young Bruce Willis in LOOPER, Joseph Gordon-Levitt had to spend six weeks at Smirk Academy.
-Doug Benson
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on October 12, 2012, 05:59:00 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/YRDzn.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on October 17, 2012, 01:24:02 PM
Patton Oswalt:

"To be like the hu-man! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?" -- Mitt Romney #debate

Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: D.B. Barnes on November 24, 2012, 06:11:39 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/0msjz.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: mrbasehart on November 24, 2012, 06:47:24 AM
Richard Dreyfuss:

Quote
Close Encounters was released 35 years ago. One day we'll make a sequel where I return & have a difficult reunion with the kids I abandoned.

Joshua Malina:

Quote
It seems to me that all Black Sabbath albums should go on sale tonight at sundown.

Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on November 26, 2012, 02:08:11 PM
Patton Oswalt:

Quote
"I have a curvature of the spine and so I'm the same as a fucking werewolf, swamp creature & vampire?!" -- Hunchback of Notre Dame
Doug Benson

Quote
I finally get it! SUCKER PUNCH is the story of five girls trying to escape from the movie SUCKER PUNCH.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: TheUnabeefer on November 26, 2012, 02:15:29 PM
I will always be proud of this tweet:

(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-TBCEheR4FJ8/T9JMO9s6TRI/AAAAAAAABKc/jAg3GdlQB04/s457/Fisting.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on November 26, 2012, 03:03:35 PM
Frank Conniff

Quote
Tonight, lots of people are watching Liz & Dick just to make fun of it. I really don't approve of that sort of thing.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: SJP on November 29, 2012, 02:52:34 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/0msjz.png)

George Takei just has really good stuff.  I know a lot of stuff, like pictures and things, he forwards, but he's become like Leslie Nielsen...he's old now, and dammit, he just likes a good laugh all the time, no matter where he is or what he's doing.

Unfortunately, I have no specific ones to add, but I will say it was sadly amusing to watch the Twitter feed from the Detroit Tigers slowly losing hope as the World Series progressed.  Before, I got tweets about all the crap that was available to purchase, and who was the best player, and pregame warmups.  And then, it was just the scores rolling in.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 11, 2012, 01:44:19 PM
Justice Scalia has compared homosexuality to murder in an opinion he just issued in the case of Douchebag v Reality.

- Frank Conniff
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 17, 2012, 02:40:50 PM
What do you call a plan to bilk Doctor Who companions out of their life savings? A Ponds-zi scheme.

- Paul Goebel

Those who say more guns make us safer base their belief on the solid statistical evidence of many, many action movies.

-Frank Conniff

It’s time to play Twitter ping-pong! Raise your paddles. My serve. Ready? Clackity-clackity clack….

Clack, clack, clackity-clack.

Dang. Your point.

My serve. Clack. Clack. Doink.

Plonk. Doink. Clack. Dink.

Boing. Doink. Ah ha! Good game.

- Steve Martin
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on May 27, 2013, 08:27:01 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/KoKstyW.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 28, 2013, 02:41:03 AM
"Hey people who argue on message boards:Many of the words you are using have actual definitions."

- Comic Jim Bruce
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on June 23, 2013, 04:30:05 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/U8UUROG.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on June 23, 2013, 09:07:47 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/U8UUROG.jpg)
I think Brucecamp would be better.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 23, 2013, 09:35:59 PM
Taco is a common words in some parts of the world.  Ladies and gentlemen...

May I present...

Doctor...

Taco...

Monster...

http://now.msn.com/man-called-taco-bm-monster-honored-for-his-name
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on July 31, 2013, 06:27:10 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/5m7ifGR.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on August 22, 2013, 07:02:39 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/lguvioc.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on August 22, 2013, 07:10:23 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/lguvioc.png)
Well, an old wheezing Richard Dreyfuss as Daredevil would have been pretty funny.

Also, this is probably just payback for when you beat out Ben Affleck for the role in Krippendorf's Tribe.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 23, 2013, 03:11:25 AM
On the same subject:

*Joss Whedon takes off his Warner Brothers executive disguise, speaks into wrist radio.*

"It's done."

- Mike Drucker
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on August 26, 2013, 11:07:18 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/joCVhpg.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on August 27, 2013, 06:53:19 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/uWIVbUk.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on September 23, 2013, 10:13:46 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/pkK9IWA.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on November 01, 2013, 09:18:40 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/quN02mj.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on November 01, 2013, 07:04:06 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/sAHFFz2.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on November 10, 2013, 07:48:37 AM
From Diamanda Hagan's twitter, talking about Orson Scott Card and the issues with straight people not understanding or pushing back when she calls something homophobic:

(http://i618.photobucket.com/albums/tt261/ryandowney902/DH_homophobia_zpsb7ad978a.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on November 17, 2013, 05:39:54 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/au0ddmT.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on November 21, 2013, 06:42:07 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/JK0xC8r.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on November 21, 2013, 11:42:08 AM
The followup article: http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/362427 (http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/362427)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 02, 2013, 05:29:24 PM
An epic tale of comedian Kyle Kinane meeting the salsa robot!

http://storify.com/amezilla/kyle-kinane-vs-pace-picante?utm_source=embed_header
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on March 05, 2014, 01:29:08 PM
@WilliamShatner : @GroovyBruce So I hear it's Ash Wednesday. How did you manage that? There's no Kirk Monday. ;-)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: RoninFox on March 05, 2014, 01:40:54 PM
@WilliamShatner : @GroovyBruce So I hear it's Ash Wednesday. How did you manage that? There's no Kirk Monday. ;-)

...yet
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Sideswipe on March 05, 2014, 01:43:34 PM
Once he becomes a hero in the Star Trek Wars, I am sure there will be!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: MrTorso on March 05, 2014, 01:44:13 PM
I call intern shenanigans on that one! Does Shatner really know who Bruce Campbell is?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Sideswipe on March 05, 2014, 01:49:48 PM
Well, he does make some tasty soup!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on March 12, 2014, 04:35:02 PM
Not posting it in the TV News thread since it hasn't been officially announced yet, but...
(http://i.imgur.com/JiqpC4R.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: BathTub on March 12, 2014, 06:53:17 PM
It's their effort to keep Jay off welfare.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on March 27, 2014, 08:53:07 PM
From Mike's twitter:

Oatmeal: the food to eat if you find celery too spicy and exotic.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: RoninFox on March 28, 2014, 12:23:45 PM
It's their effort to keep Jay off welfare.

Jay's actually doing awesome for himself.  Based on doing live podcasting and producing his own animated film he's become, like an adult and stuff.  Bought a house and everything.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on April 09, 2014, 05:09:16 AM
From Patton Oswalt's twitter:
"Master Blaster runs Heaventown."--Mickey Rooney climbing atop The Ultimate Warrior's shoulders in the afterlife.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 10, 2014, 12:02:52 PM
I love that one.  I also loved this one right before it.

"Um, okay..." -- St. Peter, as Mickey Rooney & The Ultimate Warrior approach the Pearly Gates
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 10, 2014, 12:47:41 PM
The cancel Colbert controversy worked out pretty well for him. Well I happen to despise Asians. That is the WORST race! #cancelreview - Andy Daly
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on April 24, 2014, 06:25:43 PM
(Thanks to @clarkgregg)

@SciencePorn: Follow your brain. Your heart is stupid as s*#t.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on May 13, 2014, 10:47:17 AM
Anyone know how to embed tweet onto the forums, other than from screenshots?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: BathTub on May 13, 2014, 01:15:28 PM
Anyone know how to embed tweet onto the forums, other than from screenshots?

Given the age of the software doesn't directly support embedding YouTube, I'm pretty sure there is no direct Twitter embedding.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on June 09, 2014, 03:57:01 PM
Thanks to @DiamandaHagan for retweeting it:

Murder Cookie ‏@MerylSFortney  · Jun 8 
How many men's rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not all of them

Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 09, 2014, 04:05:31 PM
@comicjamesbruce
If I could take only one book on an island, I'd use it to crush monkeys and eat them.  I need to survive bro.

@JohnnyUnusual
I want to see a story about a ghost in heaven trying to haunt people but not being able to.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on June 13, 2014, 08:19:22 PM
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/t1.0-9/10363512_10203028918817003_232418050623250357_n.jpg)
Just going to put this here, and sit back and watch RVR's head explode.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on June 21, 2014, 05:46:36 PM
(http://38.media.tumblr.com/b83fb1c6cea2147fa49925970f8154bb/tumblr_mvbu6zDVkn1stq32wo4_500.png)
(http://31.media.tumblr.com/f2df350628a26aa2260d93ee16ec8380/tumblr_mvbu6zDVkn1stq32wo5_500.png)
(http://37.media.tumblr.com/083bdbe9006566a3ceffe1e9e2f627cd/tumblr_mvbu6zDVkn1stq32wo1_500.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on August 11, 2014, 08:58:22 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/RI9uYzr.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/mb22ETz.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on September 02, 2014, 07:14:42 AM
@Awful Fantasy

Quote
"The Druid, with his three animal companions, awoke to a falcon greeting them in the morning. That made three familiars and one unfamiliar."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 02, 2014, 11:22:01 AM
@edgarwright

If a situation arose where a killer said they'd shoot me unless I sang the entire lyrics of 'Seven' by Prince, I'd ace it. Stick with me.

@bobducca

Ex step daughter just said I smell "like a serial killers garage sale". What is this in ref. to? Is it a song or dance move?

@ConanOBrien

Gummi worms are incredibly popular, so I’m not sure why my line of gummi chiggers didn’t take off.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on September 02, 2014, 11:35:57 AM
More @AwfulFantasy
(http://i.imgur.com/cdQDvvM.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on September 02, 2014, 12:01:58 PM
More @AwfulFantasy
(http://i.imgur.com/cdQDvvM.jpg)
The altar is painful?
Yep.
Does it have to be?
Not really.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on September 03, 2014, 07:17:26 PM
From Paul F Tompkin's Twitter:
I used to think puns were the lowest form of humor, but now I know it's making fun of typos.


EDIT: D'oh! Fixed.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 03, 2014, 07:19:54 PM
From Paul F Thompson's Twitter:
I used to think puns were the lowest form of humor, but now I know it's making fun of typos.

Oh, I'm not falling for that one.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on September 04, 2014, 06:18:59 PM
Anyone having trouble getting Twitter to work on Firefox?  Whenever I try to enter my username and password, it just refreshes the page.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 05, 2014, 09:23:23 AM
@PuddinStrip (Matt Oswalt)

RIP Joan Rivers and after her makeup is completely removed, RIP Abe Vigoda
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on September 07, 2014, 04:38:02 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bw96A-LCQAAAbMr.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 08, 2014, 10:55:42 AM
@edgarwright

'Christine' would be a lot less scary if it had that stupid Lyft moustache.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on September 10, 2014, 06:39:12 AM
Another @badfantasy
Quote
"The Steampunker landed on her airship deck. She was covered in gears and tubing and pistons. 90% of the stuff didn't do anything."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 11, 2014, 09:16:12 AM
@kyle_lippert

"Maybe sit this one out today, brands."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on September 12, 2014, 08:31:58 PM
(http://33.media.tumblr.com/f2caf843e6855b45eec4b344a70438cd/tumblr_nbsqma2bWh1qz8vumo1_500.jpg)
(http://33.media.tumblr.com/eb36ff6176befd478538eb9e8be2d6e6/tumblr_nbsqma2bWh1qz8vumo2_500.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: RVR II on October 22, 2014, 02:06:44 PM
Stupid ebola twits..
http://www.playboy.com/articles/stupid-ebola-tweets?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=Facebook_10222014_pbmsfbEbolaTweets
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on November 01, 2014, 03:46:37 AM
"Who's ready to ruin Halloween?" -- a tiny box of goddamned raisins

- @PattonOswalt
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: RVR II on November 02, 2014, 04:44:17 AM
(http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h275/rvr2/03/Plutostate_zps2d0b44a5.jpg) (http://s66.photobucket.com/user/rvr2/media/03/Plutostate_zps2d0b44a5.jpg.html)
(http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h275/rvr2/03/Phonemicrowave_zps6bf485c5.jpg) (http://s66.photobucket.com/user/rvr2/media/03/Phonemicrowave_zps6bf485c5.jpg.html)
(http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h275/rvr2/03/debitcard_zps90028c3b.jpg) (http://s66.photobucket.com/user/rvr2/media/03/debitcard_zps90028c3b.jpg.html)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: BathTub on November 02, 2014, 10:07:41 AM
A guy I know at work made a twitterbot specifically to tell people to remove their bankcards from twitter.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on November 02, 2014, 04:22:19 PM
"You could put one of those "If you lived here, you'd be home by now" signs almost anywhere and it might be true."
@ScottAukerman
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on November 14, 2014, 05:49:30 PM
If you are a film buff, follow @OnePerfectShot as it is a great celebration of really good single shots from films (it makes me want to see all of them again even the bad ones).  Recent pics included these.

Metropolis
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2agYsdCAAAwKa_.jpg)

Overlord
(http://]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2alULRCIAAYWAZ.jpg)

The Great Piggy Bank Robbery
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2ao3GpCEAARgrp.jpg)

The Incredible Melting Man
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2bAydeCIAErEJy.jpg)

The 'Burbs
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2b8X4LCQAAPwzU.jpg)

What's Opera Doc
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2b9iEsCUAAb64R.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 18, 2014, 06:29:44 PM
Quote
@astarlia

Best thing about current Australian politics: The Member for Batman is the current Shadow Minister for Justice.

(This is 100% true)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on November 18, 2014, 09:00:22 PM
@StephenAtHome

Quote
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: World hunger is over because I just ate.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on November 20, 2014, 03:24:08 PM
This is brilliant!
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B248SKeCQAEdowb.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 20, 2014, 04:06:55 PM
It is brilliant. It's not a tweet, but it's spot on. ;D
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on November 20, 2014, 05:08:46 PM
@frankconniff

"Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh are defending Bill Cosby, so at least he's got that going for him."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: RVR II on November 21, 2014, 08:43:59 PM
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/21/kim-kardashian-catalyst-prep_n_6201192.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on November 21, 2014, 08:51:30 PM
@bobducca
"Beginning to think these bomb shelter vitamins have turned. Was "galvanized steel" considered an essential mineral in 1952?"

Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on November 27, 2014, 06:58:39 PM
This is AWESOME!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on November 28, 2014, 03:03:30 AM
"Someday the kilometer and the mile will be replaced by the far more accurate measure, emotional distance in fathers."

@ComicJimBruce
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on December 03, 2014, 04:33:04 PM
(https://scontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10670034_10152573779226275_859543488174365677_n.jpg?oh=d3574d154ad88d2892e3d0ef7e59432d&oe=551CEAC4)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 04, 2014, 04:36:24 AM
One thing #CrimingWhileWhite tweeters have in common: they're all alive to tell their tales.

- @justinmclachlan 
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 10, 2014, 07:14:21 AM
 ‏@josswhedon
"I don't care about Oscars. But my next project, "Mecha-Keanu vs Gun-Bot from Planet Titties: A Christmas Miracle" means they're all mine"
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on December 12, 2014, 05:54:04 AM
@pattonoswalt
Can't sleep 'cuz of the storm? Roam around your house with a lit candelabra, introducing segments of a non-existent horror anthology show!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 15, 2014, 03:09:16 AM
so sad #TheNewsroom is ending before Aaron Sorkin can explain to us commoners thru a slo-mo montage done to Bon Iver why racism is bad

@PuddinStrip
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on December 28, 2014, 01:37:02 PM
@AwfulFantasy

"Even though he was warned, Denus had sex with a bird-woman. Now he is slowly dying from a severe case of genital harpies."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 28, 2014, 09:21:35 PM
‏@KarenKilgariff
DAD LECTURES SO FAR: You Cannot Not Like Crab, Gift Cards Are A Miracle, People Are Nuts, The Towel's Not Moldy You're Just An LA Towel Snob
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on January 06, 2015, 06:19:53 PM
‏@wendyqualls :
@Jenny_Trout "We don't have to talk about race because I have the privilege of never having to think about it."

Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 06, 2015, 07:55:34 PM
LIKE

@ComicJimBruce

Idea for a thriller:  The main character thinks her biological clock is ticking, but it's actually a bomb set to explode at the Vatican.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on January 07, 2015, 02:04:35 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/eLl9blZ.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on January 17, 2015, 07:59:38 PM
@slackmistress

Quote
Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on January 17, 2015, 10:19:53 PM
@Foywonder:
Am I a terrible person for finding it darkly humorous that the #1 movie for Martin Luther King Day weekend is a film about a sniper?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 18, 2015, 04:14:31 AM
@tammygolden
Any movie that uses technology as the villain (I'm looking at YOU, "Blackhat") might as well be "Electric Dreams" 2 years after it comes out
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 04, 2015, 10:03:01 AM
@gauraDC :
I'm confused... My gay wedding is somehow your business, but your unvaccinated kids aren't mine? Whaa?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: RVR II on February 09, 2015, 02:33:54 PM
Since I can't get it to post larger, here's the link..
http://www.funnyordie.com/articles/b49f9652bd/kanye-texts-beck-about-his-grammy-win/
(http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h275/rvr2/03/BeckKanye_zps3cccb6ab.jpg) (http://s66.photobucket.com/user/rvr2/media/03/BeckKanye_zps3cccb6ab.jpg.html)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on February 10, 2015, 07:04:07 PM
@pattonoswalt  Feb 8
YES!!!!! @alyankovic won the Grammy!!! C'mere, scotch!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 12, 2015, 09:20:00 AM
@TheTweetOfGod
America: where minorities, for good reason, fear their kids getting shot, and white people, for no reason, fear their kids getting shots.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 16, 2015, 05:17:13 AM
@realDonaldTrump
Record low temperatures and massive amounts of snow. Where the hell is GLOBAL WARMING?
 
@CalebRapoport
@realDonaldTrump talk to me in the summer when your combover glue won't harden..
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on February 16, 2015, 07:27:11 PM
@FrankConniff

Outside SNL, Sarah Palin yelled "Get a job!" to hecklers, adding, "And then shirk your responsibilities and quit that job."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on February 21, 2015, 03:59:22 PM
(http://40.media.tumblr.com/7c1529c7ad819c37d806460d6f4195f2/tumblr_nap8fy0Vuv1qbvj0oo1_500.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on February 21, 2015, 06:44:14 PM
@twittels
Cole's Law: Cabbage and mayonnaise is disgusting.

‏@twittels
No matter how bad it gets, we can always be grateful that no one says "zing" anymore.

@twittels
How did "colder than a witch's tit" catch on? I mean, that just, it don't make no sense. That dog don't hunt.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 22, 2015, 09:14:43 PM
@billcorbett
J.K. Simmons involuntarily started yelling at the Birdman soundtrack #RifftraxOscar
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on February 22, 2015, 10:18:13 PM
@pattonoswalt 
The rail yard hobo McConaughey murdered and stole his beard from must be FURIOUS right now. #Oscar
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 22, 2015, 10:23:51 PM
(http://40.media.tumblr.com/7c1529c7ad819c37d806460d6f4195f2/tumblr_nap8fy0Vuv1qbvj0oo1_500.png)
That's pretty much all bullies, after they get caught.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 27, 2015, 09:40:56 AM
@AstroKatie
You know that dress thing? How some people are super convinced of their own subjective perception of reality? That's why we have science.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on February 28, 2015, 12:12:22 AM
@pattonoswalt
The angry responses I get when I make fun of Bill O'Reilly on Twitter let me know which of my followers use catheters.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on March 16, 2015, 11:36:53 AM
(http://media.tumblr.com/afe4942184f84aae19a68b11daa33ff8/tumblr_inline_nl2wp0GCE51qfmrz7.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on March 16, 2015, 10:38:09 PM
"Uff. Those loaves & fishes ain't sittin' right."

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CAP9dlGU0AA98ey.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on March 23, 2015, 10:51:15 AM
@GWillowWilson
Quote
Ted Cruz was born in Canada to a Cuban father, yet I am seeing a distinct lack of birther outrage following his pres. candidacy announcement
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on March 24, 2015, 12:30:38 AM
@ScottAukerman
"Everyone makes fun of Godfather III, but without it we wouldn't have all the great "they keep pulling me back in" jokes we make every day."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on March 26, 2015, 11:13:24 AM
@SarahKSilverman
"The science is not political. That's like repealing gravity because you gained 10 pounds last week." - @neiltyson
 http://t.co/M0YsgKHGgZ
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on March 26, 2015, 06:23:32 PM
@FrankConniff
If discriminating against people is part of your religion, then I'm sorry, no disrespect, but your religion fucking sucks.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on March 28, 2015, 06:35:34 AM
‏@DougBenson 
There's no way those traveling pants fit on all four of those girls.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 01, 2015, 06:39:32 AM
@ComicJimBruce
A great April fool's prank would be to not bother people.  That would be so hilarious.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on April 01, 2015, 05:29:39 PM
@ComicJimBruce
A great April fool's prank would be to not bother people.  That would be so hilarious.

I don't get it.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on April 13, 2015, 05:27:49 PM
@FrankConniff
Convicting Blackwater guards but not Bush & Cheney is like punishing Imperial Stormtroopers but not Palpatine & Darth Vader.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 15, 2015, 08:02:43 AM
‏@SCbchbum
Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on April 15, 2015, 09:12:53 AM
‏@SCbchbum
Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
:clap: :clap: :clap:
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 17, 2015, 05:16:12 AM
@LizHackett 
Your hostage group will be 75% cranky old people with conspiracy theories about the ATM, but good luck with your bank robbery anyway.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on April 17, 2015, 09:29:54 AM
@theferocity

YOU DON'T GET A GOLD STAR FOR NOT BEING SEXIST OR RACIST AND IF YOU NEED ONE I HOPE THE STAR BURNS YOU.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on April 21, 2015, 05:11:17 PM
Gross:

http://www.avclub.com/article/disgraced-jeb-bush-aide-creates-app-delete-offensi-218338
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on April 23, 2015, 05:06:54 AM
@josswhedon
Policy makers who deny basic scientific truth should also be denied penicillin, horseless carriages, air time on the magic box of shadows
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 23, 2015, 06:01:05 AM
@johnroderick
Cat Stevens: “I’m being followed by a Moonshadow.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “Technically, no.”
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on April 25, 2015, 04:47:02 PM
Nihilist Aby's twitter is hilarious! Here's just a sample:

Life goes better with arbys! April fools! Life goes quickly and your choices are irrelevant. Please enjoy arbys.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 26, 2015, 08:44:48 AM
@seanbaby

They made a Hot Wheels car based on the Joker then a 2nd group of people made a person based on that Hot Wheels car?

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CDacmhXUkAAGArn.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on April 26, 2015, 10:03:47 PM
@donttrythis
Hey Internet! The plural of the word "anecdote" is not "evidence".
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 27, 2015, 01:57:54 AM
@animaldrumss

its stupid when girls say they cant find a guy, yet they ignore me. its like saying youre hungry when theres a hot dog on the ground outside
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: BiteMe316 on April 27, 2015, 10:09:36 AM
@donttrythis
Hey Internet! The plural of the word "anecdote" is not "evidence".


WHERE THE HELL IS MY LIKE BUTTON??????? :angry:
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on April 30, 2015, 09:28:58 AM
@ChrisHallbeck

How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 01, 2015, 03:52:36 AM
That took me a second.  I like it!

Also, after a long twitter silence a pic from Stephen Colbert.  I don't know if there's a reason he's dressed like this and I don't care.

@StephenatHome
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CD4Vq5IWgAAf2WU.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on May 07, 2015, 08:31:51 PM
@neiltyson
If you removed all the arteries. veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end, the person will die.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 07, 2015, 10:43:07 PM
@MikeDrucker
One day the Internet shall tear us all apart and feast on our delicious flaws. Until then, cats.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on May 19, 2015, 05:34:21 PM
https://twitter.com/thisstuartlaws/status/600607077627785217
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on May 22, 2015, 05:13:23 AM
Matt Oswalt  @puddinstrip
whenever I drive by one of those Taco Bell/Pizza Huts I always think it might be the Wonder Twins battling their arch enemy depression
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 22, 2015, 08:21:13 AM
@keithmcnally
I put on the It Follows score and walked through the suburbs tonight. I only lasted 10 minutes. That was scary as shit.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: RVR II on May 24, 2015, 03:34:10 PM
(http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h275/rvr2/03/65726-large-178434_zps4s1rj4wu.png) (http://s66.photobucket.com/user/rvr2/media/03/65726-large-178434_zps4s1rj4wu.png.html)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 24, 2015, 06:45:47 PM
@pattonoswalt

"Oh SURE we'll legalize gay marriage! *snort* *chuckle* Right after IRELA...oh shit."

-- The U.S. Supreme Court
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Miku Fan on May 26, 2015, 08:57:57 PM
25 bucks for that?  The stripes aren't even right!  ::)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 28, 2015, 10:46:47 PM
@saladinahmed
When you finally come up with a good crack involving the word 'bonehead,' but it's 6 hours after you fought Skeletor.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CF-yCaMW8AANjoc.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on May 29, 2015, 06:10:59 PM
@marsjpg

you can't be annoyed at feminism being called feminism when the entire history of the human race is called mankind
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 06, 2015, 06:10:38 AM
Piers Morgan writes that I didn't recognise him in a restaurant in New York.I did.I just didn't want to speak to someone I truly detest

@JohnCleese
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 08, 2015, 09:15:51 AM
Just read the comics for the first time in ages. Man, Dilbert does NOT like Mondays. And he looks more like a cat than I remember. #LSSC

@stephenathome
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on June 09, 2015, 10:32:56 AM
@AwfulFantasy

Quote
"'Gather 'round! Sit Orc-style upon the dirt as I sing my tales. And don't be so Elfy about it,' sang Feru, the politically incorrect bard."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on June 16, 2015, 10:40:39 AM
@TheSpoonyOne

I will now blow your mind:
Rufus is a regeneration of the Master out to disrupt Earth's utopian future by handing a TARDIS off to 2 idiots.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on June 17, 2015, 04:54:42 AM
@FrankConniff

Trumpy, you can run stupid campaigns!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 17, 2015, 06:49:47 AM
‏@StephenAtHome
Fun Fact! Techno music got its name because it is technocally music
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on June 19, 2015, 07:55:41 AM
@LOLGOP

The people who are offended by "Happy Holidays" want to know what your problem with the Confederate flag is.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on June 25, 2015, 09:47:10 AM
@FrankConniff

Obamacare is not a cure-all for healing the body. In the case of Antonin Scalia, it's causing great pain to an asshole.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on June 26, 2015, 09:28:46 AM
@paulandstorm

[P] I JUST MARRIED A CONFEDERATE FLAG

YOUR MOVE LIBTARDS
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on June 30, 2015, 09:01:22 AM
@jamesgunn

My 2nd favorite thing as a director is creating an emotional moment of truth between 2 actors. My 1st favorite is lighting someone on fire.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 02, 2015, 07:35:31 PM
@joedator

I met a woman who had never heard the term "mansplaining". Now, I am faced with a dilemma.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on July 02, 2015, 08:43:12 PM
Quote
@PFTompkins
GUYS MY SCRIPT IS FINALLY BEING PRODUCED!
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CI2ActYUsAA1I0b.jpg)

Quote
@ScottAukerman
Whoever wins...we lose.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on July 02, 2015, 08:45:38 PM
Nice.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 13, 2015, 09:37:14 AM
@IsleOfRangoon

"What do you want to do tonight, Brain?"
"The same thing we do every night... KEEP YOU FROM SLEEPING. FIXATE!! DWELL!!! DWEEEELLLLLL!!!!"
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 15, 2015, 09:15:38 AM
@FrankConniff

A peace treaty with a backwards, theocratic regime is pointless. So I say to hell with it, let's just invade Texas.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on July 15, 2015, 02:00:58 PM
(http://40.media.tumblr.com/4ecfe36fe1fbd3a08e53f0cce0d52881/tumblr_nq85fffQkv1s9uejfo1_1280.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 17, 2015, 06:06:38 AM
@scottEweinberg
The worst scene in any Marvel film is better than the best scene in any Transformers film.
Feel free to etch that on my gravestone.


@LeaKThompson
@scottEweinberg does that include my love scene with a duck?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 18, 2015, 11:27:34 AM
@Rev_Xavier

Tradition isn't synonymous with being correct just as common isn't synonymous with natural.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 18, 2015, 09:23:40 PM
@barbhaynes

#DonaldTrump is like if a Comments Section ran for office.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on July 20, 2015, 01:37:11 AM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CKUbp3aUsAAmLXm.jpg:large)

@AllieGoertz  wow the powerpuff girls reboot looks nuts
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on July 21, 2015, 05:01:38 PM
@RheaButcher
Quote
A Game Of Thrones writer is working on the new Disney live action "The Sword In The Stone."

I'm really worried for that pink squirrel.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 24, 2015, 09:27:24 AM
@BettyBowers

#LafayetteShooting A guy with a gun is never a "loner;" he grew up encouraged by the NRA, Congress and a country that yawns at gun violence.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 24, 2015, 06:25:13 PM
@brundlefly
“A Velociraptor escapes from Isla Nublar and becomes a private detective in LA.” - plot synopsis for JURASSIC WORLD 2: BLUE’S CLUES
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 27, 2015, 10:31:41 PM
@buckeyepeach

@Wonkette @FrankConniff => Do you think the Party of Lincoln ought to want guns in theaters?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on July 29, 2015, 04:36:29 AM
@ComicJimBruce 
In the reboot of Full House we finally find out what happened to predictability.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 30, 2015, 09:27:33 AM
@BillCorbett

The Minions are a cautionary tale about genetically modified corn, right?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on August 07, 2015, 09:28:37 AM
@jesselegreca

Dear Republicans, Planned Parenthood isn't profiting off of the deaths of children

You are thinking of the NRA
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on August 11, 2015, 09:40:38 PM
@markagee

The futon is the saddest Transformer.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on August 12, 2015, 05:23:29 PM
(http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/5522/78/original/640.jpg)
(http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/5522/79/original/640.jpg)

http://www.avclub.com/article/adam-scott-considering-career-change-223771
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 14, 2015, 04:51:44 AM
I saw that and was about to post it.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on August 20, 2015, 09:17:07 AM
@neiltyson
The latest Hi-Res image. I told everybody it wasn’t a planet, but nobody listened. (via @DavidBerthod) http://t.co/3m5HNiKyGJ
(http://imgick.silive.com/home/silive-media/width620/img/latest_news/photo/pluto-death-starjpg-0912af5ea77e42c3.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: BathTub on August 20, 2015, 06:31:48 PM
insert pokemon slowpoke meme.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on August 26, 2015, 09:14:24 AM
@Cpin42
In lieu of flowers, the family requests that the police stop shooting unarmed black men.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on August 26, 2015, 10:56:38 AM
@SethMacFarlane

Quote
Good political litmus test:  Ask yourself, "Would I REALLY be surprised if this candidate proposed a Purge or Hunger Games?"
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on August 29, 2015, 04:13:24 PM
@charlesezell

Millenials, next time another generation calls you entitled remind them you are in debt for the same things they got for free.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on September 01, 2015, 09:19:46 AM
@shawnmputnam

Whenever you're feeling low, just remember that you've found the same number of Bigfoot as the people whose job it is to find Bigfoot.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on September 01, 2015, 05:45:12 PM
(http://41.media.tumblr.com/ceb48e08e38d1bca294579363abbb97b/tumblr_n3217t22c21t6mofio1_1280.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on September 01, 2015, 07:05:56 PM
(http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y86/tedprior/kermpitt.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on September 06, 2015, 07:20:55 PM
@feministlady
"Anti-Abortion Activists Set Planned Parenthood Clinic On Fire"

Terrorists. The word you were looking for was terrorists.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 07, 2015, 04:56:51 AM
@thatbilloakley
Everyone else is too polite to say it so I will: You make summer less fun when you serve hamburgers & hot dogs on your weird healthy bread
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on September 08, 2015, 05:44:17 PM
(http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y86/tedprior/sneakystars.png)

This is wonderful. Carefully position a two-star rating between their heads so that it looks like a better review obscured!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: BathTub on September 08, 2015, 06:39:09 PM
Making the quote from 'huffington post blog' counters that successfully though.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on September 08, 2015, 06:39:40 PM
Making the quote from 'huffington post blog' counters that successfully though.

haha!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 09, 2015, 08:59:53 PM
‏@Seanbabydotcom
When Huckabee watches cartoons is he confused why everyone hassles Lex Luthor? It seems like he doesn't quite understand the good/bad thing.

 ‏@Seanbabydotcom 
How shitty do you need to be to inspire the advice, "Mike Huckabee, breaking the law to fuck up a gay person's day doesn't make you a hero."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on September 17, 2015, 09:24:36 AM
@torgospizza

"Make me a career politician so I can stand up to career politicians"  #GOPDebate
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on September 28, 2015, 09:52:56 AM
@countryhickguy
Liquid salt water on Mars. Well, Sharknado 4 pretty much writes itself at this point. Hello? Hello? #MattDamon.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on October 01, 2015, 10:47:37 PM
@PFTompkins 
The FAINTEST of praise?

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CQR7_qaVEAEOEJr.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on October 02, 2015, 10:24:14 AM
@PFTompkins 
The FAINTEST of praise?

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CQR7_qaVEAEOEJr.jpg)
(https://fbcdn-profile-a.akamaihd.net/hprofile-ak-xpf1/t5.0-1/50498_84015632909_3854374_n.jpg)
Not for blind kids.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on October 09, 2015, 06:56:05 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/keCQydA.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on October 27, 2015, 10:30:39 PM
 ‏@pattonoswalt  Oct 22
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CR99fO9UkAAQngz.jpg)
Oh fuck you, @GeneralMills. You think I'm buying 3 boxes of cereal to make some dumb cut-out bullsh
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CR99kLrU8AE83WI.jpg)
GODDAMIT
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on October 30, 2015, 03:24:10 AM
@FrankConniff
If you think Political Correctness is what's wrong with the world, I envy your safe, easy, sheltered life.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on November 05, 2015, 05:01:48 AM
@frankconniff
President Trump has nuclear codes. #StressIn5Words @midnight
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on November 11, 2015, 03:33:22 AM
@zellieimani
Black lives > white feelings
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on November 17, 2015, 11:49:22 AM
@NeilTyson
There are no right or wrong opinions, unless you have invalidated yours for having ignored facts that conflict with them.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on November 19, 2015, 08:52:39 PM
@FrankConniff
Celebrating the welcoming of refugees. #ThanksgivingIn5Words @midnight
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on November 29, 2015, 09:53:11 PM
@yellowcardigan

Twitter is sideshow bob and the rakes but the rakes are Bad Opinions
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on December 04, 2015, 09:03:32 PM
@mtaibbi
Seems like those fretting about threat to 2nd amendment rights now mostly shrugged at assault on 4th, 5th and 6th amendments after 9/11.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on December 07, 2015, 08:39:14 PM
@staypuft
What Trump looks like in liquid form.
(http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/ghostbusters/images/1/13/Riverofslime01.png/revision/latest/zoom-crop/width/360/height/202?cb=20100311203609)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on December 15, 2015, 09:35:54 AM
@ChrisHallbeck

I love that they are using all practical effects instead of CGI in the new Ghostbusters.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CWOor2XUEAA_ILg.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on December 22, 2015, 06:36:40 AM
@thepatrickwalsh

(walks up to theater in full Darth Vader costume, speaks in Darth Vader voice) "One for 'Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on December 24, 2015, 10:45:31 PM
@BetteMidler
Happy holidays to all: Here is my recipe for dairy-free, sugar-free, vegan eggnog: Bourbon.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 25, 2015, 08:07:20 AM
@StephenAtHome 
Who would win in a fight? The Brothers Karamazov or the Concept of Egalitarianism? #ChristmasBattle
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 31, 2015, 02:00:20 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CXajkX9UAAAK7wW.jpg:large)

@grahamclark 
WHY DOES RICHIE RICH HAVE ABS?!?!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: BathTub on December 31, 2015, 03:58:19 PM
sucking in his gut?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 01, 2016, 07:32:49 AM
Looks less like he's sucking it in and more like it's imploding.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on January 02, 2016, 07:30:33 AM
@DeathStarPR

All I'm saying is Alderaan COULD have spontaneously combusted.

You don't know, you weren't there.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 02, 2016, 07:39:24 PM
@ComicJimBruce
The @realDonaldTrump views the presidential campaign "as war".  Which is what coddled men who never faced any real challenge always say.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on January 03, 2016, 12:39:16 PM
@JohnCleese

I would like 2016 to be the year when people remembered that science is a method of investigation,and NOT a belief system
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 03, 2016, 01:28:02 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CCysKAJWMAAEIv5.jpg)

@Conconmonkey
HOW CAN YOU EAT LIQUORICE AT A TIME LIKE THIS?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on January 03, 2016, 07:32:41 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/IUXUlAy.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: BathTub on January 03, 2016, 07:49:06 PM
https://twitter.com/umakompton pretty obvious troll account.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on January 10, 2016, 09:53:15 PM
@eatyellow

"back in my day we weren't offended so easily"
back in ur day u'd throw a fit if a black person drank out of the same water fountain as u
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on January 11, 2016, 07:46:49 PM
(http://41.media.tumblr.com/32f19db548e20e8c8917a4536f121dda/tumblr_o01tmwkWpq1qgh75xo1_540.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on January 11, 2016, 07:53:01 PM
(http://41.media.tumblr.com/32f19db548e20e8c8917a4536f121dda/tumblr_o01tmwkWpq1qgh75xo1_540.png)
Perhaps you can get the taste out of your mouth with some Mrs. Hockenburger's Water Cookies:
(https://c2.staticflickr.com/2/1392/1331857553_8bf7c00c58_z.jpg?zz=1)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Toplar Scarre on January 15, 2016, 06:25:21 AM
(http://41.media.tumblr.com/32f19db548e20e8c8917a4536f121dda/tumblr_o01tmwkWpq1qgh75xo1_540.png)

Ate this ice cream treat today
Then found out what it was and threw it all away
Sundae, Doggie Sundae
Sundae, Doggie Sundae
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on January 15, 2016, 07:30:55 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/dbqVOGx.png?1)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 17, 2016, 08:34:07 PM
@StephenAtHome
Hey, 103.3 The Groove: It’s not a Rock Block without some Starship. Stop wasting my time.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 19, 2016, 03:25:16 AM
@dubstep4dads
BOSS: sir your resume is just a hand drawn picture of a guy doing sick BMX tricks
ME: yeah. that's me
BOSS: [under his breath] holy shit
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 20, 2016, 09:10:51 PM
@animaldrumss 
its stupid when girls say they cant find a guy, yet they ignore me. its like saying youre hungry when theres a hot dog on the ground outside
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on January 26, 2016, 04:44:05 PM
@shaunking

White supremacy and southern conservative "Christianity" aren't distant cousins, but knuckles on the same violent fist.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on January 28, 2016, 05:45:56 AM
@bucklubid
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.They lit a fire in it & it sank, proving once and for all, u can't have your kayak & heat it too.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 28, 2016, 06:22:53 AM
@magicbilly
This @JenKirkman special sounds amazing!

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CZhxkd0UEAANRjI.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 28, 2016, 09:34:26 AM
(https://41.media.tumblr.com/f3a90ebedd25d963786266d2bfc053f4/tumblr_ns5peauuP91qewacoo1_540.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on January 28, 2016, 09:38:20 AM
(https://41.media.tumblr.com/f3a90ebedd25d963786266d2bfc053f4/tumblr_ns5peauuP91qewacoo1_540.png)

Well their relationship problem should take care of itself, then. Because either one or both of them will be dead or captured.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 29, 2016, 06:52:20 PM
@TanookiKuribo
That went south real fast. The fuck happened at that party?!

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CZ3WAlBW0AE4L4J.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 03, 2016, 06:53:34 PM
@jamiesont
Want to feel old? This is what Veruca Salt looks like today
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CaTIvpPWIAI1ERB.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on February 04, 2016, 05:35:29 PM
(http://40.media.tumblr.com/d4611378391bdc96d605e01d34ff64ad/tumblr_nuvrysBvAQ1qzcv7no1_500.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 04, 2016, 06:12:45 PM
(http://40.media.tumblr.com/d4611378391bdc96d605e01d34ff64ad/tumblr_nuvrysBvAQ1qzcv7no1_500.png)
No, I think Sarah Palin did.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on February 05, 2016, 06:35:20 PM
Quote from: ‏@Seanbabydotcom
The feeling you get when you organize your Gameboy purse.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CaOuIhoVIAAWRrp.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 08, 2016, 07:06:18 PM
@BillCorbett
"My opponent was mean to me, it's not fair!" whined the candidate for Leader of the Free World
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 13, 2016, 09:04:44 PM
@JusticeBlaine
Antonin #Scalia requested cremation in his will, but millions of women will meet tomorrow to discuss if that's really best for his body.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on February 20, 2016, 07:36:05 PM
@jonahray
Want to feel old? Look in a mirror, you decrepit fuck!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on February 26, 2016, 08:47:07 AM
@seanbaby
My new favorite Golden Age superhero is The Raven. He screamed insane shit at you and beat you to death dick first.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CcJ2YI8VAAA7nSx.jpg)

He did have one weakness.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CcJ2j4ZUUAAePjG.jpg)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CcJ2wnvUYAEnrX6.jpg)
"Satan will be your uncle." - The Raven. Those are some terrifying words to die to.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 28, 2016, 11:38:31 AM
@Foywonder
GODS OF EGYPT (2016) Dir: Alex Proyas #OnePerfectShot (https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CcUvi4eUYAECSA0.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on February 28, 2016, 01:03:22 PM
@BetteMidler
The Oscars are today! You know, the awards show where Leonardo DiCaprio is "overdue" but black people can "wait till next year."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on March 01, 2016, 03:31:07 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/zGWgzJ1.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on March 03, 2016, 08:06:04 PM
@JElvisWeinstein
Fighting over "the soul of the Republican Party" is a lot like fighting over "the talent of the Kardashian family."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on March 04, 2016, 09:26:51 AM
@metasimpsons
I used to be with Simpsons, but then they changed what "Simpsons" was, and now what I'm with isn't Simpsons.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on March 23, 2016, 05:25:43 AM
@FuriousDShow
Stanley Kubrick was hired to fake the moon landing, but his perfectionism made them film it on location on the moon.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on March 25, 2016, 02:59:16 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/9XTWHyV.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on March 26, 2016, 04:56:13 AM
(https://36.media.tumblr.com/7fc06984553cdf2e604fe574fc3def45/tumblr_o48xuqFBVg1se3pgko1_540.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on May 13, 2016, 02:29:36 PM
@VeryLonelyLuke
Life as a disabled veteran isn't easy.

I injured myself clapping.

Damn robot hand.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on July 03, 2016, 03:20:37 PM
@EvilDeadNews

Bruce Campbell is who the Ghostbusters call. http://www.brucefacts.com
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on July 27, 2016, 07:18:36 PM
Quote from: @DemiLardner
PUT MAGGIE SMITH IN EVERY MOVIE WE NEED TO UTILISE HER BEFORE SHE DIES
WHO IS NEXT SPIDARMAN?
TOO BAD IT MAGGIE NOW
GO SPIDER MCGONAGLE
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on July 27, 2016, 07:23:24 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/G26xxBA.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: BathTub on July 27, 2016, 07:31:16 PM
Quote from: @DemiLardner
PUT MAGGIE SMITH IN EVERY MOVIE WE NEED TO UTILISE HER BEFORE SHE DIES
WHO IS NEXT SPIDARMAN?
TOO BAD IT MAGGIE NOW
GO SPIDER MCGONAGLE

Can't deny I was worried she might not last the full run of Harry Potter films!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 03, 2016, 09:29:53 PM
 
Quote from: @MarkHarrisNYC
Paul Ryan just saw Suicide Squad, was disgusted by it, says its values are not his values. urges everyone to see it this weekend.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 08, 2016, 01:33:10 AM

Quote from: @thethermals
Suicide Squad looks dope
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CJ0q0u4XAAAJukA.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 10, 2016, 07:13:45 AM
(https://66.media.tumblr.com/f01466831200f027fadc80418e12f7b8/tumblr_obkmoluU9s1r1mpi1o1_540.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 22, 2016, 02:57:59 AM
Seanbaby has been putting "The End" at random points in old Archie comics.  I like the results.

Quote from: @seanbaby
Every Archie adventure is one abrupt stop away from the darkest story ever. #ArchieTheEnd
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cr7EJEjUkAAX0X8.jpg)

This one is actually quite disturbing.
Quote from: @seanbaby
Keep in mind, I'm not allowed to edit these in any way except for adding "THE END." #ArchieTheEnd
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cr7D89HUAAEN22T.jpg)

This one shouldn't make me laugh as much as it does, except for Dalton smiling at the audience.

Quote from: @seanbaby
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cr7DpIVVYAEnBsT.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on October 08, 2016, 06:39:09 AM
@shvartacus
This election is like if your friends pick dinner and 3 vote pizza and 2 vote "kill and eat you". Even if pizza wins, there's a big problem.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on October 22, 2016, 08:44:25 PM
@BillMurray
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Asbestos Bill on October 23, 2016, 08:03:48 AM
This one is actually quite disturbing.
Quote from: @seanbaby
Keep in mind, I'm not allowed to edit these in any way except for adding "THE END." #ArchieTheEnd
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cr7D89HUAAEN22T.jpg)

Disturbing indeed. "Whose" is a possessive term, as opposed to "who's," which is a contraction of "who is."
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on November 07, 2016, 04:03:46 AM
@JenCrittenden

 My 11 year-old daughter just made up a great joke: I bet Donald J. Trump brags that his middle initial stands for genius.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 27, 2017, 12:34:27 PM
@Seanbabydotcom 
 This quiz from NBC's 1980 Saturday lineup is insane, sure. But more insane is that every wrong answer is far superior to the right one.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDVAgShU0AAplXM.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Pak-Man on June 27, 2017, 12:54:33 PM
Fred and Barney meet The Thing!? How have I drank this much '80s cartoon pop culture without knowing about this!?

Edit: Ahh. A quick Wikipedia search reveals that it's not as awesome as it sounds.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 27, 2017, 01:00:04 PM
Fred and Barney meet The Thing!? How have I drank this much '80s cartoon pop culture without knowing about this!?

Edit: Ahh. A quick Wikipedia search reveals that it's not as awesome as it sounds.

I know.  It's... it's a friggin' cruel tease.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 10, 2017, 07:28:14 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/1tCwRrt.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on August 19, 2017, 04:02:07 PM
@david_tanenhaus
My favorite Civil War era monuments are the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 20, 2017, 06:46:52 AM
Quote from: @heyCasperKelly
Before meeting Sherlock Holmes do random shit like cut tiny holes in ur shoes and smear it w lady deodorant and mustard to mess with him
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on August 24, 2017, 07:07:24 AM
(https://68.media.tumblr.com/82c1430df41dce573e468c34d23fc069/tumblr_otzo7zAXQ31qzq48ko1_540.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: RVR II on August 30, 2017, 04:18:08 AM
What can i say
https://twitter.com/pitbull_updates/status/826476706835943428
I say it sux but that's just me... ::)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on October 02, 2017, 05:03:12 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/KqaXf3nl.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on October 02, 2017, 06:24:07 PM
What confuses me about the 280 character limit is that Twitter has admitted that the 140 character limit was arbitrary in the first place. So why are we just doubling an arbitrary number?
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Pastor of Muppets on October 03, 2017, 08:00:03 AM
What confuses me about the 280 character limit is that Twitter has admitted that the 140 character limit was arbitrary in the first place. So why are we just doubling an arbitrary number?

Didn't they base that on the old maximum limits for SMS messages?

A character limit is important, because if people on Twitter could have unlimited characters, they might have to start saying substantive things instead of just punchy, meaningless quips that rile people up.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 05, 2017, 10:06:59 AM
Quote from: @ed_solomon
WHY I WILL LOVE @HamillHimself FOREVER (THREAD OF 4):

When a friend's son (who was, so tragically, dying from an incurable illness) made a wish: to meet Luke Skywalker, it fell on me -- the only person the dad knew who worked in the film business -- to make a call.  1/4

Not knowing Mark, I called his agent and explained that this lovely boy watched Star Wars every day and wanted to meet NOT Mark Hammill, but, rather, the actual CHARACTER that he played (the boy's own mental state had devolved past the point of being able to grok that... 2/4

..Luke was fictional). The agent begrudgingly said he'd call Mark, but also said not to get my hopes up. 90 seconds later I got a call from @HamillHimself, who immediately said yes and gave me his home address.  3/4

He not only met with the boy, but spent hours answering question after question (sometimes the same ones repeatedly), AS "Luke." Even posting this now makes me teary. He was compassionate, kind, and patient. And it literally meant the world to this kid and his family.  4/4
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 10, 2018, 04:47:14 PM
Quote from: @CharlieDaniels
Hey Taco Bell
The Illuminati is not a frivolous subject

The less context there is for it, the funnier it is.
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Johnny Unusual on March 26, 2018, 06:20:01 PM


Quote from: @pixelatedboat
Wow, there are some VERY salacious details in the Stormy Daniels interview:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DZLBL-VV4AIoXla.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Edward J Grug III on June 19, 2018, 05:55:57 PM
It's not funny, but I did really like this tweet:

@aSpaceCadette

the reason i hate modern open world games and especially ones that can theoretically "keep going forever" with meaningless spawns like in skyrim is because the the game's "end state" becomes "when you get bored" and i'm fucking sick and tired of "finishing" every game bored
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on June 21, 2018, 02:30:04 PM
You guys can move it, if it's too political...
(https://78.media.tumblr.com/1988eaa680f32b13439ae8a903e91824/tumblr_pamyazVl281qifrd8o1_540.png)
(https://78.media.tumblr.com/58e62ab38e869bfb11960a7a393da35c/tumblr_pamyazVl281qifrd8o2_540.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on August 04, 2018, 09:51:49 AM
(https://78.media.tumblr.com/b8d06e70c98fc03fba002888bea1f7cc/tumblr_inline_pcll3lsuhE1ryr6ex_1280.png)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on September 03, 2018, 09:28:52 AM
@Foywonder
Tattoo artist or Venture Bros villain? You decide.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DmI5YjwXgAEZBfF.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: The Lurker on October 03, 2018, 07:41:40 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DooPl4hUwAACSiW.jpg)
Title: Re: Tweeters Never Prosper
Post by: Darth Geek on October 07, 2018, 07:38:04 PM
Woody Barrelson
@Woody_B_

SON: What’s in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?
ME: Well, that’s your uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never got why.
SON: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein?
ME: That SON OF A BITCH!!