RiffTrax Forum

Members Hub => Board Games for the Bored => Topic started by: LordZordec on April 29, 2010, 07:28:12 PM

Title: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on April 29, 2010, 07:28:12 PM
Have you sat down at a Chinese buffet, stuffed yourself on fried rice and wontons until you were ready to puke, and then cracked open the fortune cookie to reveal some pithy one-liner that almost makes sense if you think about it long enough, and thenyou wonder, "Who comes up with this crap!  I could do this!"

Well, prove it!  Post your one-liner bit of fortune cookie wisdom.

I'll start us off -

He who eats much also poops much.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Darth Geek on April 29, 2010, 09:45:20 PM
You will cry yourself to sleep tonight.

To hear one has only to listen (Credit to Chris Columbus)

Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: D.B. Barnes on April 30, 2010, 12:31:01 AM
Your MSG allergy should kick in at any moment.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on April 30, 2010, 05:28:49 AM
One mans SPCA is another mans meat market.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 03, 2010, 07:42:18 AM
You will find yourself on a road trip you take in order to find yourself.  However you will not find yourself... except on a road trip that you take in order to find yourself.  No, I'm not saying you will find yourself, I'm simply stating... Look let's just start over.

(OK, I think this one is more of a horoscope, but same diff.)
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LBeria on May 04, 2010, 08:16:00 AM
I've actually kept two that I got a different restaurants:

"You are a person who likes to eat Chinese food."

and

"The way to a healthy lifestyle is to eat more Chinese food."
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 06, 2010, 05:55:44 AM
"You will die alone and afraid knowing not a single human being ever loved you.  Your lucky numbers are 3, 18 and 86."

Oh, Clayton, you died alone and afraid knowing not a single human being ever loved you.  Bless your heart.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on May 06, 2010, 08:16:36 PM
When you are about to retire, the economy will take a downturn and your company will go bankrupt.  You will work at McDonalds until you die.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Darth Geek on May 06, 2010, 08:43:01 PM
"You will die alone and afraid knowing not a single human being ever loved you.  Your lucky numbers are 3, 18 and 86."


 :clap: :clap: :clap:


You broke the lucky cookie, didn't you?
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 07, 2010, 07:30:01 AM
If you are a drummer for a band, you'll just be getting the front man's cast off chicks.  But they are still chicks, so don't go all sour grapes.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on May 07, 2010, 07:13:14 PM
There are three kind of women: Women you find attractive, women you settle for, and the woman you love.  The latter two are not mutually inclusive.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Sideswipe on May 14, 2010, 07:39:31 PM
Thank you for shopping at PetCo
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 17, 2010, 07:10:27 AM
Thank you for freeing me from that cookie.  I was scared.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: TheUnabeefer on May 17, 2010, 10:29:10 AM
"You just ate my home, you bastard."
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on May 19, 2010, 06:29:57 PM
A bathroom and a cardiologist reckon heavily in your future.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: THE QUEEN!!! on May 20, 2010, 01:20:17 AM
"You will meet a man in gray. He will be breathing. Run away from this man."

Oh wait----that's a horoscope.

"Your willpower is stronger than a sumo wrestler, and you are as attractive as one too!"
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: TheUnabeefer on May 20, 2010, 10:33:52 AM
"You're a limp dicked pansy."
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LBeria on May 20, 2010, 10:46:42 AM
"The sooner you come to terms with the fact that life is nothing but pain and sorrow you'll be better off."
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: TheUnabeefer on May 20, 2010, 12:07:36 PM
"I'm sorry about the horrible disease."
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: AmazingThor on May 21, 2010, 08:49:11 AM
"This space intentionally left blank"
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Darth Geek on May 21, 2010, 09:46:27 AM
Please recycle me.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: AmazingThor on May 21, 2010, 02:08:31 PM
May contain lead
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on May 25, 2010, 09:17:09 AM
Ceci n'est pas une fortune.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Darth Geek on May 25, 2010, 09:20:11 AM
I pkg desicant
Do Not Eat
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: AmazingThor on May 26, 2010, 11:18:53 AM
Fortune cookies are made from people!!
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Darth Geek on May 26, 2010, 01:02:37 PM
BOOM!
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: AmazingThor on June 02, 2010, 11:43:52 AM
[insert clever saying. - ed.]
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on June 03, 2010, 05:43:28 AM
The answer in no...not now...not ever.  Become an accountant.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 03, 2010, 10:20:51 AM
He who reads these words of wit
Can eat crumbs of fortune cookies
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Misty on June 03, 2010, 10:28:35 AM
"That wasn't chicken"
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on June 04, 2010, 05:24:49 AM
You have Anthrax.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Misty on June 04, 2010, 07:09:09 AM
"She's just not that into you"
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: WeatherServo9 on June 08, 2010, 02:26:38 PM
If you smelt it, you dealt it.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 09, 2010, 06:18:11 PM
Do you like me?

Yes

No

Maybe

{check one)
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: AmazingThor on June 11, 2010, 02:08:20 PM
Remove before eating
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LBeria on June 11, 2010, 03:18:42 PM
Inspected for quality by #6.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on June 12, 2010, 04:57:21 AM
Made in China
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: WeatherServo9 on June 12, 2010, 08:41:01 AM
If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 15, 2010, 05:51:23 AM
Hilroy
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on June 15, 2010, 07:29:51 PM
Good tippers injest less spit on their next visit.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on June 17, 2010, 06:38:17 AM
A check for $100,000.

The rare actual fortune cookie.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Misty on June 17, 2010, 06:40:28 AM
Be sure to drink your ovaltine.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: AmazingThor on July 02, 2010, 12:55:36 PM
"...in bed. There, how does it feel when fortune cookie does it to you?!"
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: WeatherServo9 on July 10, 2010, 08:12:29 AM
Buy 12, get 12 free.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: LordZordec on July 13, 2010, 07:17:32 PM
A. J. Pantino Fortune Cookie Company, Potawack, NJ, All Rights Reserved
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: AmazingThor on July 16, 2010, 06:36:24 PM
Packing peanuts, do not eat
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 16, 2012, 12:17:27 PM
In bed (to be issued with other fortunes)
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: RVR II on April 16, 2012, 02:01:17 PM
3 recent fortunes..


You are admired for your impeccable tastes

Now is a good time for a new collection or hobby

You will soon witness a miracle


 :o
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: daltysmilth on April 16, 2012, 03:38:28 PM
"To learn how to keep a moron occupied, flip over."  (This would be printed on both sides)

"By the time you read this, the poison in the General Tso Chicken should already have taken effect."

"Everything is coming your way.  DUCK!"

"Does advertising in fortune cookies work?  It just did.  Call 555-3827."*





*Shamelessly ripped off from Demetri Martin.


Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: therul on May 04, 2012, 10:39:37 AM
"bathroom out of order.  Try the dumplings!"
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: Sideswipe on May 04, 2012, 01:02:19 PM
When good fortune smiles upon you, smile back.
Title: Re: Fortune Cookie Sayings
Post by: therul on May 04, 2012, 01:06:37 PM
besuretodrinkyourovaltine