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Riffer Projects => Fan Riffing => Topic started by: Valinid on December 15, 2009, 12:17:13 AM

Title: Doctor Who Science Theater
Post by: Valinid on December 15, 2009, 12:17:13 AM
Doctor Who Science Theater
Chapter 1 – Baldur’s Gate

As the Doctor awoke, he found himself lying on a cold hard stone floor. The Doctor sighed as he lifted himself from the ground.  The Doctor was a young man; he looked like he was in his early twenties, but his boyish looks made it difficult to find an exact age. He had short blond hair and green eyes. He wore an open black jacket with a belt attached to the collar. The inside of the jacket was a dark green color and he wore a white dress shirt under it. He had blue trousers with a belt of matching color.  As he got up he looked at his unfamiliar surroundings. 
“A dungeon then?” mumbled the Doctor. He was surrounded by cold damp stone walls. The room was very small and completely empty except for the simple bed on the left of the room and the sink and toilet on the other end. The Doctor noticed a metal door on the right hand side of the room. “Chances of this being locked, 95 percent.” The Doctor tried the door. “Yep, as I suspected.” The Doctor gave out another sigh. The Doctor looked at the door to see if he would be able to break it down.  He doubted that he could, he looked though his pockets for anything useful. He found nothing. He sat down on floor and waited. “Ah well.” He mumbled to himself.  The last thing he remembered was eating at the Elfsong Tavern in Baldur’s Gate. The Doctor laughed to himself for being so careless. After an hour, the metal door opened suddenly. “Oh hello, come to see me then?” The Doctor said happily, but no one replied. He peeked out the door and saw no one there.
The room the Doctor found himself in was large. At the right end of the room was a something that looked like a large theater screen, in front of the screen was several theater seats. At the opposite end of the room was another door, it was open. A voice came out of it. “What is this?” It said. It was the voice of that of a young girl; it was also familiar to him. The girl that came out was young; she looked like she around 19 or 20. She was short and had long light grey hair with a large white ribbon in it. Her eyes were dark blue and glasses were covering them. Her ears were slightly pointed, indicating she was a half-elf. She wore a light blue robe with white trims and around her neck was a large red scarf. “A theater?” said the girl confused.
“Inwë?” ask the Doctor. He had met her before. She helped him defeat a secret army of illithids in Baldur’s Gate about a month ago. He ran up to her and shook her hand as soon as he came up to her. “Hello, fancy seeing you here.” He said smiling; he shook her hand pretty hard. He acted like he had just met an old friend.
Inwë was off put by the Doctor’s sudden greeting and stepped back a few steps. “D-Doctor? Where are we exactly?”
“No clue at all.” He let go of her hand. He looked quickly into the room Inwë just came out of, it looked exactly like the one he found himself in. “Hmm, So there is no exit then, how strange.”
“We’re trapped here!?” exclaimed Inwë.
“So it would seem.” Said the Doctor, he was still looking around for a way out.  Inwë noticed he stayed completely calm, just like last time. She wondered if anything bothered him. “Well, this is quite a bother. Say Inwë, how about using your magic or whatever it is to blast a hole in the wall. I am not keen on the idea, but I don’t think we have many other options.” They didn’t know where they were, so randomly blasting holes in the wall didn’t sound like a good idea.
“I tried that already, I can’t use my magic. I think there is an anti-magic field surrounding us.” Inwë sighed.
“Ah, that figures.” The Doctor laughs.
“So there is no way out?” Inwë started getting annoyed; she sat down in one of the theater seats.
“Whoever put us here has to come back eventually, just be patient. “
“Just my luck, can’t I eat a fine meal without something happening?” Inwë was really getting annoyed. She was looking forward to breaking the head of the person responsible for this. A sudden thought hit Inwë. ”Say, what are you even doing here? Didn’t you say that you were going back to that universe of yours in that weird blue box of yours?”
“I was going to, but the way back to my universe was already closed when I got there.”
“Sounds like we are both have a bad week.”Suddenly the large screen started flashing, a voice came from it.
“Ah, so the child of Bhaal and the Visitor have finally awoken.” The mysterious voice from the screen said.
“Ah, so who are you then? My name is the Doctor and this is Inwë, but I bet you already know that.”
“Enough prattle, it is time for the experiment.” The mysterious voice replied.
“Experiment? What are you talking about?” asked Inwë.
“Today you will be reading Baldur’s Gate, a novel written by a Philip Athans. You will remain seated until the allotted break time. If you leave for any other reason you will be…” The Doctor interrupted the mysterious voice.
“We will have horrible things happen to us, correct?”
“You learn quickly Visitor.” The mysterious voice replied.
“Wait, you’re making us read?” ask Inwë, she looked rather confused.
“Would you prefer, having physical experimentation instead Child of Bhaal?” The mysterious voice mused.
“No, no. That is okay.” Replied both the Doctor and Inwë hastily.
“Let the experiment begin.” An alarm sounded as soon as the mysterious voice stopped speaking.



?

?
Philip Athans
BALDUR'S GATE

<<Inwë: About damn time I got the recognition I deserve! I just hope he don’t write me as a nine foot giant…
<<Doctor: Are you sure this isn’t about Balduran instead?

Chapter One

<<Inwë: I have a really bad feeling about this.
<<Doctor: How bad could it possibly be?

The blades came together so hard they threw out a blue-white spark

<<Inwë: Wha, are they fighting with magic blades?

bright enough to burn its gentle arc into Abdel's vision.

<<Inwë: Distracting Abdel enough to give his opponent enough time to run him through. The End.
<<Doctor: Come on now. Give it a chance.
 
The impact sent a shudder through the heavy blade of his broadsword, but he ignored it and pushed back in the direction of the attack. Abdel was strong enough and tall enough to seriously unbalance his opponent.

<<Doctor: But he feigned weakness whenever the wife asked him to move something.

The man stumbled backward two steps and brought his empty left hand up to keep from falling. Abdel saw the opening and took full advantage of it, flashing his sword across his opponent's open midsection and slicing deeply through chain mail, flesh, and bone.

<<Doctor: All fell before the might of Abdel.

Abdel recognized two of the four men who were trying to kill him.

<<Doctor: <Abdel> Oh hey Fred! Sorry about having to kill you. Say, if you survive, are still up for cricket next Thursday?

 The men were sellswords—hired guards and
thugs—just like Abdel. They had obviously been paid, but by whom and for what reason, Abdel couldn't fathom.

<<Inwë: <Abdel> Hmm. These men have obviously been hired and they are trying to kill me, I wonder what it all means.

The man Abdel had killed took ten or twenty seconds to realize he was dead.

<<Doctor: <Kenshiro> Omae wa mou shindeiru!
<<Inwë: <Man> *checks pulse* Strange, no pulse. Oh, I’m dead aren’t I?

He kept looking down at the deep gash that had nearly cut him in two.

<<Doctor: It was a beautiful sight that mesmerized him.
<<Inwë: If you stare hard enough, the wound will heal itself.

Blood was everywhere, and there was a hint of the yellow-gray of entrails.

<<Doctor: How…pleasant.

The expression on the man's face was nearly comical:

<<Doctor: <Abdel> That look on you is priceless!

surprised, pale, and somehow disappointed.

<<Doctor: <Man> I want to die on stage!
<<Inwë: <Man> I wanted to be a lumberjack!

The look of it made Abdel's heart leap,

<<Doctor: Abdel then realized that he loved this man.

and he couldn't tell if it was from the horror or the pleasure of the sight.

<<Inwë: Or maybe the sight made him hungry for haggis.

The pause was enough, though, to allow another of the bandits

<<Doctor: Bandits? I thought they were mercenaries?

 to step in and nearly gut him with one of the two small, sharp axes

<<Doctor: <Abdel> Oh, I was in a fight wasn’t I?

the mercenary spun madly in both hands.
"Ramon," Abdel said as he skipped back half a step to avoid the second axe. "Long time."

<<Doctor: <Abdel> Haven’t seen you since your daughter’s Bar Mitzvah. How has she been?

He'd worked with this one before, a year ago, guarding a warehouse in Athkatla that was storing something a very long and increasingly bizarre parade of thieves

<<Doctor: <Abdel> Clowns, balloons, a marching band? What the?

were intent on stealing. Kamon's trademark was this fast and furious,

<<Doctor: Kamon is Vin Diesel!

though not terribly exact, twin axe attack. A short, stocky man, he was a fighter many less experienced opponents underestimated.

<<Inwë: That’s right, never underestimate short people!
<<Doctor: Someone sounds jaded.

Anyone who'd been fighting as long as Abdel had,

<<Inwë: Keep this in mind for later folks.

though, could tell by the man's quick, crystal blue eyes that he was a smart and capable fighter.

<<Inwë: Wait, wasn’t it just said he attacks with wild, imprecise attacks?
<<Doctor: Why do I get the feeling this will be contradicted later on?

"Abdel," Kamon said. "Sorry about your father." It was an old trick, older even than Gorion,

<<Inwë: That’s a clumsy way to introduce Father. Wait a minute, does this mean that Abdel is this universe’s version of me?
<<Doctor: Apparently.
<<Inwë: *grumbles*

who sometimes seemed to Abdel to be the oldest man ever to walk

<<Inwë: Of course Abdel was an idiot, so this isn’t really that surprising.

 the streets and trails of Faerun. Abdel could see his foster father out of the corner of his eye.

<<Inwë: Giving Kamon enough time to split Abdel’s head open. The End.
<<Doctor: Harsh.

Gorion was on his feet, fighting,

<<Inwë: As opposed to fighting while laying on the ground.

but as usual trying not to kill the bandit—who was obviously not as considerate as the older man.

<<Inwë: The hell? Father may have been a good man, but he wouldn’t hesitate to fry this guy. He was an experienced adventurer!
<<Doctor: I approve of this change.
<<Inwë: *sighs*

The dark complexioned bandit with the elaborately covered headscarf

<<Doctor: It said ‘England Goal’ on it.

was coming at Gorion with a scimitar too fast, too out of control.

<<Inwë: With skills like that, it is a wonder he didn’t kill himself by accident.

Gorion was able to keep him at bay with his heavy oaken staff, but for how long?

<<Inwë: Oh come one. Just fry the guy, or at least paralyze him!
<<Doctor: Maybe he doesn’t have those abilities?

Abdel let Kamon come in with his right-hand axe and caught it with his blade just under the head. The broadsword's sharp edge cut into the axe handle, and Abdel pulled up but not out, and the axe came out of Kamon's hand so quickly it left a red burn on the bandit's palm.

<<Doctor: <Kamon> Maybe it was a bad idea for me to by the axe with the extra grip.

Kamon cursed and backed up three quick steps. The loss of one of his weapons
surprised him, caught him off guard maybe, but Kamon was experienced enough to keep his eyes open. The axe was still stuck on Abdel's blade.
Abdel knew he shouldn't stop to try to pull the axe off, but when he heard the crunch of gravel behind him he did it anyway.

<<Inwë: So after realizing he is being snuck up on, he decides now would be a good time to leaves himself vulnerable?

He was hoping Kamon would do the obvious thing, and Kamon obliged.

<<Doctor: He started yodeling.

The bandit came in fast with the other axe, swinging low to cut his victim at the waist.
Abdel pulled his knees to his gut,

<<Doctor: Seeing on how he was aiming at the waist, this was useless.

keeping his sword across his chest to protect him. His feet came off the ground, and he fell onto his backside at the same time the big halberd blade came down from behind him.

<<Doctor: I um…don’t see how that would work…
<<Inwë: What happened with the axe attack?

The crunch of gravel was the heavy step of Eagus, the first of the bandits Abdel had recognized when they first presented themselves on the road. Eagus still bore the scar on his face from that bet he'd lost to Abdel in Julkoun eight months ago. The memory made Abdel smile

<<Doctor: Disfigurement is fun!
<<Inwë: Are we really supposed to like this guy?

even as he was suddenly drenched in thick, hot

<<Inwë: Chocolate.
<<Doctor: Syrup.

blood.

<<Inwë: Oh right, of course.
<<Doctor: That was rather obvious. Silly us.

Eagus's blow, meant for Abdel, had split Kamon's head in half from crown to chin.

<<Inwë: Being such a smart and capable fighter, he wasn’t able to see this coming!

Abdel was disappointed only because now he wouldn't be able to ask Kamon if he ever found out what it was they'd been guarding in that warehouse.

<<Inwë: It turns out it was just gold, rather disappointing really.

Still curled in a ball,

<<Doctor: *singing* Naaaa na na nana nana na na Katamari Damacy!

Abdel swung his feet up and brought his sword back, the hand axe still stuck awkwardly to the
blade.

All: Wait what?
<<Inwë: Didn’t he pull that out a minute ago?
<<Doctor: I..guess not.

He was hoping to gut Eagus from behind while the halberdier still had his weapon stuck in his friend's head.

<<Doctor: Thanks for that image Philip.

Halfway up a burning pain drove the breath from Abdel's lungs, and he instinctively dropped to his left.
The fifth bandit,

<<Inwë: Wha…Where did he come from?
<<Doctor: I am pretty sure he said there were four bandits.

the one who had been hanging back, had fired a single crossbow bolt into Abdel's right flank. Abdel tore it out, pulling some links loose from his chain mail tunic and roaring at the pain.

<<Doctor: Yes, let’s make it easier for you to bleed to death.

He made eye contact with the crossbowman just long enough to send the man scurrying backward in fear.

<<Inwë: Oh come on! Whenever I try that, they just laugh at me.
<<Doctor: Try it on me.
<<Inwë: *glares*
<<Doctor: Nothing.
<<Inwë: *grumbles*
<<Doctor: You’re just too darn cute.

The sellsword could only hope the crossbowman was scared enough not to shoot him again.

<<Inwë: Good luck with that Abdel.
<<Doctor: I am sure this won’t come back to haunt him!

Abdel had more immediate problems.

<<Doctor: <Abdel> Oh right, the other guy trying to kill me. How could I forget?

Eagus swore as he worked at wriggling the blade of his halberd out of Kamon's head.

<<Inwë: Damn, how deep did he impale that thing?
<<Doctor: It turns out Kamon’s blood has the same properties as super glue.

He had to stay close to the halberdier, but Abdel gave himself a handful of seconds to check his father's progress.

<<Inwë: Just finish the guy off while he is vulnerable and rush to your father’s side!
<<Doctor: Or just rush to his side right now.

Gorion was holding up well. He was letting his opponent tire himself out with one hopeless lunge of a scimitar after another.
"We can go on like this forever, Calishite," Gorion said, guessing the man's origin by his peculiar dress and choice of blade, "

<<Doctor: <Calishite> I am offended by you stereotyping!

or long enough for you to tell me who hired you and why."
Title: Re: Doctor Who Science Theater
Post by: Valinid on December 15, 2009, 12:18:30 AM
<<Inwë: Why? Obviously to kill you!

Abdel grabbed Kamon's axe free of his sword, keeping track of Eagus's hurried progress with one eye while keeping the other on his father.
The Calishite sellsword smiled, revealing a tarnished silver tooth, and said to Gorion, "We were paid extra, sir,

<<Doctor: It is so nice to see polite thugs these days.

 not to say.

<<Doctor: *claps* My, my. What a work ethic.
<<Inwë: < Calishite > I was going to tell you, but an extra copper convinced me otherwise.

You can give us your ward, though, and maybe live."

<<Doctor: <The Terminator> Give me your ward if you want to live.

There was a sound as if someone had tossed a maidens-thigh melon from a guard tower, and Eagus's halberd was free.

<<Doctor: Er, what? I am pretty sure that it wouldn’t make that type of sound.
<<Inwë: Why does Abdel even know what that sounds like?

He swung the polearm up and around, spraying Abdel and the road with more of Ramon's blood. Abdel threw the axe, and Eagus dodged it easily.

<<Doctor: <Abdel> Curses, he hit the X button in time.
<<Inwë: You will have tell me what those even mean sometime.

 The throw wasn't meant to kill but to force Eagus off balance, and Abdel knew there
was only one way, and one second, in which to test the success of this method.

<<Inwë: Remember, only one. This will be on the test tomorrow.

Abdel came in fast, leaping really, his feet leaving the ground for a risky half second. He speared at Eagus and felt his blade sink home through a gap in the bandit's rusted armor

<<Inwë: <Eagus> I knew I should have bought proper armor before this fight.

before he tucked his feet back under him. He meant to stand and drag his blade up through Eagus's guts to disembowel him,

<<Doctor: Again, thank you Philip.

 but Eagus wasn't quite as off-balance as he could have been. The bandit slipped gingerly off the tip of Abdel's blade. There was blood, and Eagus was obviously in pain, but he fought on.
<Doctor *hums ’Summon the Heroes’*
The halberd came down hard again, and Abdel almost didn't have a chance to get his sword up to block it. His broadsword blade bit deeply into the thick wood of the halberd's pole,

<<Doctor: Not this again.
<<Inwë: <Sword> Them’s some good eating.

and this time it was Abdel who was disarmed. Eagus, his yellow teeth showing through the brown and gray mass of his ill-kept beard,

<<Inwë: Well, I can’t say this part is inaccurate…
<<Doctor: <Eagus> Because I am a thug, I refuse to use proper hygiene.

had the advantage of leverage. Though the act of twisting the long, heavy weapon out of Abdel's strong grasp obviously caused Eagus pain, opening his wound yet wider, the sword came free of Abdel's grip.

<<Inwë: Things are looking up!

Eagus allowed himself a coughing laugh when the broadsword fell from the halberd. He wouldn't be as encumbered as Abdel had been, and he took full advantage of it. Abdel could still hear the ringing of steel

<<Doctor: Didn’t Gorion have an oaken staff?

that meant his father was yet engaged with the Calishite swordsman.

<<Doctor: Ah, love found in the middle of the battlefield. How sweet.
<<Inwë: *elbows the <Doctor in the ribs as hard as she can*
<<Doctor: Ow.

He would have to fight Eagus alone, and without his sword. Eagus, maybe
a bit fatigued now, maybe having lost too much blood, came in too slowly, too clumsily, and Abdel was almost disappointed when he easily batted the halberd away with his arm.

<<Inwë: Son of a…
<<Doctor: <Abdel> Puny man disappoint Abdel.

The force of Abdel's blow meeting Eagus's nearly
broke the young sellsword's right forearm.

<<Inwë: So he easily bats the halberd away, yet it nearly breaks his arm…

It hurt, but Abdel ignored the pain

<<Doctor: Um, doesn’t he have a crossbow wound?
<<Inwë: Do you think the author just forgot about it? Abdel is doing pretty well considering how wounded he is.

and kicked up with his left foot, slamming the toe of his sturdy boot into Eagus's seeping wound.

<<Doctor: That is fighting dirty!

Eagus shrieked and dropped, his knees falling out from under him like dry twigs. Abdel pulled out the dagger Gorion had given him as a coming-of-age gift, the one with the silver blade.

<<Inwë:  Just in case he needed to fight werewolves.
<<Doctor: Or vampires.

He cut Eagus's throat, watching the man's eyes as his life fled him.

<<Doctor: <Eagus> Hey come back! I need that!

Abdel smiled at the sight, though he knew Gorion wouldn't approve.

<<Inwë: Um, isn’t he killing in self defense.
<<Doctor: Killing is wrong, regardless.
<<Inwë: Whatever you say <Doctor. Whatever you say.

That's when he realized Gorion was still fighting

<<Inwë: Oh, so now you suddenly remember that your Father is fighting for his life. Funny how something like that can slip the mind.
<<Doctor: They are still fighting? Wasn’t hasn’t Gorion knocked the guy out by now?

and there was—

<<Doctor: Was what? Don’t leave up hanging.

The crossbowman stepped out, dark eyes slitted against the midmorning sun, padded leather vest creaking with every movement.

<<Inwë: Where the hell has this guy been? He could have killed Abdel ten times over by now.
<<Doctor: Changing his pants I think.

His long red hair fluttering greasily in the breeze.

<<Doctor: Do thug instinctively not bath at all?
<<Inwë: It is somewhere in their contract I think.

He aimed carefully at Gorion.
Abdel screamed out, "Fa—"
The crossbow released, and the heavy steel bolt shot through the air with a hiss.
"—th—"
Embedding itself deeply into Gorion's eye.

<<Doctor: *singing* Mmmm whatcha say. Mmm that you only meant well? Well of course you did. Mmmm whatcha say. Mmmm that it is all for the best? .Of course it is.
<<Inwë:…..

"—err!"
Abdel knew, before Gorion's twitching body hit the gravel road, that the only father he had ever known was dead.

<<Doctor: That was rather anticlimactic.
<<Inwë: …Father….
<<Doctor: Are you okay?
<<Inwë: *is about to cry*
<<Doctor: Do you need a minute? I can take over for awhile if you want.
<<Inwë: …Thank you.

Red filled his vision,

<<Doctor: Abdel suddenly developed Virtual Boy vision.

a ringing filled his ears, there was the stinging taste of copper in his mouth,

<<Doctor: Abdel had a bad habit of chewing on copper coins. He was funny that way.

and Abdel went mad. He ran at the Calishite swordsman first, simply because he was the closer of the two surviving bandits.

<<Doctor: Abdel apparent forgot who killed his father, this wasn’t a surprise really.
<<Inwë: Hold on a damn minute. Sarevok killed my father, not some generic no name thug. What the hell is going on here?
<<Doctor: That is a rather silly change.
<<Inwë: The fact that Sarevok killed my father is the main reason I fought so hard against him in the first place. It doesn’t seem as epic if a generic thug killed him!

Abdel's heavy silver dagger

<<Doctor: Silver is pretty light actually.

was out in front of him just swinging back and forth as if he was working a field with it.

<<Inwë: Thus tiring him out, leaving him an easy target for the remaining two bandits.

The Calishite danced back and brought his scimitar up.
There was a clang of metal, and the Calishite pronounced the first syllable of the name of some forgotten god as

<<Inwë: If it’s forgotten, how does he know about it them?

Abdel's sturdy blade slashed through the finely wrought scimitar. Two thirds of the curved blade spun wildly off into the brush at the side of the wide gravel road,

<<Inwë: Wait, he broke it? With a…dagger? How does that work?
<<Doctor: He must have bought it the same place Eagus got his rusted armor.

and the Calishite couldn't help but watch it spin away as he continued to back up and out of the reach of the slashing dagger.

<<Inwë: Can’t anyone concentrate on the fight at hand?
<<Doctor: <Calishite> Ohhh….Ahhhh….pretty sword.

The Calishite's foot dropped an inch and a half into a wagon wheel rut in the road,

<<Doctor: GOAL!
<<Inwë: Did Abdel just cut through bone like it was made of paper? With a dagger made of silver?

and he fell backward, off balance, enough to be saved from the next slash that might have taken his throat out.
Growling in feral, incoherent rage,

<<Inwë: Abdel uses berserker rage!

Abdel came forward and slashed again. His arm vibrated from the sudden
resistance along the blade of the heavy dagger.

<<Doctor: Viva la revolution!

The Calishite probably saw his broken blade bounce once after it hit the ground

<<Doctor: It was made of rubber? That would explain a lot.
<<Inwë: Remember folks, if you buy a weapon, make sure it is actually made of metal. And not rusty.

 before the world spun and something wet and sticky splashed across his face.

All:….
<<Inwë: I really hope that is just blood.

His severed head might have lived long enough to experience that,

<<Doctor: It turns out the Calishite was part chicken.

 but he was dead before his head and his body hit the ground. The crossbowman didn't bother to wait long enough to curse or beg or be horrified.

<<Inwë: He easily finished off Abdel while he was distracted.

He wasn't the smartest man on
the Sword Coast, far from it, but he was more than smart enough to know when to turn around and run for his life.

<<Inwë: Or maybe use that crossbow of his to snipe Abdel.

Abdel, still wild with a murderous frenzy now wholly out of his control, chased the man down and butchered him into a mound of bleeding meat.

<<Inwë: Why the hell is Abdel so strong, is he part orc or something?

Finally spent, the foster son of Gorion of Candlekeep collapsed onto a pile of leather, gore,
and crossbow parts,

<<Doctor: Thank. You. For. That Image. Philip.
<<Inwë: Crossbow parts? Maybe blood is like glue in this universe.

 and he wept.

<<Doctor: His manly tears were so manly; they brought Gorion back to life.
<<Inwë: Why do I feel like that is actually going to happen?
Title: Re: Doctor Who Science Theater
Post by: Valinid on December 15, 2009, 12:19:03 AM
* * * * *
Abdel had been selling his strong sword arm

<Doctor: Not his skills mind you, but his actual arm. It was actually quite profitable.

and experience up and down the Sword Coast for years,

<Inwë: What? At this point I had barely even left Candlekeep, much less explored the entire Sword Coast.
<Doctor: Philip thought a protagonist that was new to the wonders of the world would be boring.

and had spent the last tenday escorting a merchant caravan from Baldur's Gate to the library at Candlekeep.

<Inwë: Tenday?! What were they transporting? Anvils?

The massive monastery had been his boyhood home, the closest thing to a real home Abdel had ever known.

All: Aaahhhhhhwwwwww.

It was there that Gorion, a kind but stern monk,

<Inwë: Wha? He was a powerful mage, where does this monk stuff come from?
<Doctor: Are you sure this story is really based on your life?
<Inwë: I’m…not sure anymore.

had raised Abdel in the worship of Torm, god of the brave and the foolish, and had tried to instill upon Abdel his own love of the written word and the history and traditions of Faerun.

<Inwë: It failed…hard.
<Doctor: <Gorion>  *deep sigh* Abdel, you are suppose to read the pages, not eat them… This is going to be a long day.

Abdel had studied hard, but his mind wandered,

<Doctor: And it was never seen again.
<Inwë: He had a mind to begin with?

and both he and his adopted father soon came to realize that he would never live the life of a monk, cloistered away copying the great texts, storing away the knowledge and experience of others.

<Doctor: Getting in hilarious antics because of OSD.

Abdel sought his own knowledge, his own experience, and he found it in the world outside the protective walls of Candlekeep.

<Inwë: Hold on a damn minute. I pleaded with Father many, many times to let me travel the world, but he always said no. Yet this clown was able to travel as soon as he wanted to?! ARGH!
<Doctor: This is Abdel we are talking about here.
<Inwë: Oh right. GO FATHER!

 It seemed to frighten Gorion somehow,

<Doctor: The quest for knowledge scared the learned monk?

Abdel's need to fight, to kill,

<Inwë: To put on woman’s clothing.

but he seemed also to have some deeper understanding of it,

<Doctor: He too had a secret love for killing people.

 as if he expected it of his foundling son, though he could never really condone it.

<Inwë: Real subtle foreshadow.

Abdel looked nothing like this man who was not truly his father, and it seemed to surprise no one who knew them well that they didn't think much alike either. Where Gorion was thin of frame, bookish, and rigid of posture, Abdel was powerfully muscled, with chiseled features

<Inwë: Oh boy, I can see where this going. Overcompensating for something Philip?

and ink black hair he kept long to flow with the same fluid grace as his body.

Abdel was nearly a foot taller than his adopted father, almost seven feet tall,

<Inwë: Is he part giant?

and probably outweighed the monk threefold.

<Doctor: <Abdel> Hey! I happen to be on a diet right now.

They hadn't spoken much in the last several years, but when Abdel was offered the spot on the caravan from Baldur's Gate he jumped at the chance not only because his purse was growing light from some lean times,

<Inwë: Lean times? What about the bandit problem and iron crisis?

but because he truly wanted to see his father again.
Their meeting had been oddly emotional from the moment Abdel stepped through the gates of Candlekeep.

<Doctor: It is very odd to be emotional after not seeing a love one for years.

Gorion was happy to see him. Maybe Abdel had spent too much time with sellswords and hired killers,

<Doctor: Their odor and hygiene habits had rubbed off on him.

but it seemed to him that Gorion was almost too happy to see him.

<Doctor: So happy Gorion jumped on him and licked his face like a dog.
<Inwë: I am so glad you avoided using the obvious joke.
<Doctor: What are you talking about? That wasn’t the obvious joke?
<Inwë:…Nevermind.

They had talked of many things that first evening. Gorion was always
curious to hear Abdel's stories of battles fought and won, of greedy merchants and marauding ores, or seaside taverns and the warrior's camaraderie.

<Inwë: <Abdel> And that’s when I gutted him with that dagger you gave me. You should have seen it. Blood and guts were everywhere! You should have seen his horrified face as…
<Doctor: <Gorion> Should we really be talking about this over dinner?

This night, though, Gorion seemed detached, preoccupied, and nothing was more unlike
Abdel's father. The young sellsword got the feeling his father needed to tell him something.

<Doctor: <Gorion> You’re adopted.
<Inwë: <Abdel> Um, I already knew that…
<Doctor: <Gorion> Oh right, of course…

Abdel, as he was wont to do, simply asked his father what was on his mind. Gorion had smiled and laughed.
"'And hid his face amid a crown of stars?'" Gorion asked, quoting some bard Abdel vaguely recognized.
"Staey of Evereska?"
"Pacys," Gorion corrected, "if memory serves."

<Inwë: Wha-What are they talking about?
<Doctor: I am pretty sure that was William Butler Yeats. An Irish poet…

Abdel only nodded, and Gorion asked him a simple question: "Will you come with me somewhere?"

<Doctor: <Gorion>The library toilets need cleaning.
 
Abdel sighed deeply. "I can't stay, father, and you know I'll have no more of your books and scrolls—"

<Inwë: <Abdel> I’m happy in my life as a smelly, generic thug. Don’t take that away from me father!

"No, no," Gorion cut his son

<Inwë: With the very same dagger he had given Abdel.

off with a heavy, worried laugh, "none of that. I meant somewhere outside the confines
of Candlekeep. A place called the Friendly Arms."

<Inwë: Friendly Arm Inn!

Abdel had to laugh. Of course he'd passed through this legendary roadhouse on more than one occasion.

<Doctor: In case you forgot just how darn well traveled and experienced Abdel is.

He'd gone there a few times to find work, or wine, or women, and had never failed to find at least one of the three.
<Doctor: I think the author is trying to pass Abdel off as a Casanova.
All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
<Inwë: *dries tears from eyes* That’s a good one.
What his father might want there, he couldn't hazard a guess.

<Doctor: They were having a 3 for 2 special on ale that week.

"There are two people there . . . people I must meet," Gorion said, "and the road is treacherous."
"Is this something to do with my parents . . . my mother?" Abdel asked, though he had no idea why, and even tried to stop the words as they passed unbidden through his lips.
Gorion's reaction was the same as every time

<Doctor: <Gorion>*panicked* No I didn’t kill them and kidnap you when you were a baby. How can you even ask such a thing!?
<Inwë: <Abdel> That’s not what I asked…

Abdel brought up the subject of the mother and father he never knew.
The old monk was pained by the thought.

"No," Gorion said simply. Then there was a long, strained, awkward pause before he said, "Not your . . . not your mother."

He wanted to go to the Friendly Arms to meet some people who had some information for him, that was all. Gorion's
life had been centered around the gathering of other people's information,

<Doctor: Particularly about Calishite swordsman.
<Inwë: *glare*
<Doctor: Sorry.

so Abdel was hardly surprised by the request. He agreed, of course, since he'd probably have wandered into the Friendly Arms on his own anyway.

<Doctor: How fascinating.

Having his father along for company on the road would be a pleasant change of pace.

<Inwë: Father was his first traveling companion that didn’t smell really bad.

So the two of them walked out of Candlekeep together for the first time that next morning, and they'd made it well past highsun of the third day out of Candlekeep, following the wide, well-traveled Coast Way road, before finding their way blocked by a band of cutthroats.

<Doctor: <Band of cutthroats> How are you diddly doing!?

* * * * *
Abdel rushed to the side of his fallen father at the first sudden sign of life.

<Inwë:…Wasn’t he shot in the eye with a crossbow bolt?
<Doctor: Gorion is infected with the T-Virus!
<Inwë: What?
<Doctor: It..um..turns people into zombies.
<Inwë: Go father! Eat his guts!

It was a ragged, gurgling intake of breath, and Abdel crawled

<Doctor: Rushing? Crawling? Which is it?

 toward it like a drowning man to a floating barrel.

<Inwë: I don’t think he understands the concept of crawling.

His wounded side sending brilliant flashes of pain from his waist up to his neck and into the space behind his eyes,

<Inwë: Oh, so now his crossbow wound kicks in…
<Doctor: It takes a little while for his brain to register pain.

Abdel fell to the ground more than sat. He tried to say "Father," or something else, but the sound stuck in his throat, lodge there painfully until he thought the word itself would choke him.
His father's one remaining eye wandered,

<Doctor: <Gorion> Hey, come back here!

searching blindly, and his left hand fumbled in a pouch at his belt. His right
hand was twitching with painful spasms, clawing at gravel as if trying to push the pain away.
"Mine—"

All: Brains!

 Gorion managed to say; just that one, clear word.

"Yes," Abdel breathed, his throat tightening again to cut off any more words, and his eyes once more filling with tears at the sight of his bleeding, dying father.
"Stop it," Gorion said, again in an unbelievably clear voice.

<Inwë: Stop being such a horrible, unlikable person.

He said something else then, something Abdel couldn't make out. The old monk's hands came up, and Abdel blearily realized he was working a spell.

<Inwë: Hold on a minute…He had magic this entire time? Why didn’t he use it earlier? His life could have been spared!
<Doctor: I get the feeling Philip wrote this story as he went along and rarely planned anything.

Gorion touched him roughly,

<Inwë:..
<Doctor:...
<Inwë: This can’t be by accident.

the dying man's hand falling more than reaching to the young sellsword's side. A wave of warmth washed over Abdel's midsection,

<Inwë: It’s not a surprise that Abdel isn’t potty trained yet.

 and the burning pain abated all at once. Gorion hissed out a long, pained breath

<Doctor: He’s deflating!

and Abdel, the wound in his side now closed, almost completely healed, said, "And now you."
Gorion didn't begin another casting. "Last one," the monk croaked out.

<Inwë: Last one? When did he use up his other spells?!
<Doctor: He was only level one, so he only had one spell slot.
<Inwë: That makes sense.

 Abdel wanted to spit his anger at his foster father for wasting his single healing prayer.

<Doctor: <Abdel> How dare you use your last remaining strength to save my life!

"You're dying," was all he could say.

<Doctor: I’m dying, how are you?

"Stop the war . .. I'm not—" Gorion's body shuddered with a wracking cough, and his left hand came up with a sudden jerk that made Abdel flinch.

<Doctor: It hit him in the face, so that is not surprising.

Gordon was holding a tattered scrap of parchment in his hand, and it tugged in the goosefeather-fletched quarrel still protruding from his ruined eye. The parchment picked up some blood.

<Doctor: Put that back where you found it young man!

Abdel reached out to catch his father's hand, and Gorion let go of the parchment.
"I'm taking you back to Candlekeep," Abdel said, shifting noisily in the gravel as he made to lift Gorion in his arms.
"No," the monk grunted, stopping him. "No time. Leave me . .. come back for me .. ."

<Inwë: <Gorion> Come back for me after the wolves have eaten my flesh.

Gorion's body was seized by a shuddering wave of pain, and Abdel sighed at the sight of it.

<Inwë: <Abdel> Only weaklings show pain.
<Doctor: <Abdel> I am only lightly distressed about my father’s pain.

"Your father—" then another cough. A single tear dropped from the only eye that Gorion had left to cry with,

<Doctor: He was crying at the sight of all the trash the inconsiderate travelers had left.

and he managed to say, "Khalid," and, "Jahi—" before his last breath hissed away and his eye turned skyward.

<Inwë: So…he really dead this time?
<Doctor: That was rather cold.
<Inwë: It’s hard to take this scene seriously after that miraculous revival.
 
Abdel cried over his father until Gorion's right hand stopped twitching. The sellsword's hand brushed the parchment, and without thinking he took it in his grip.

<Doctor: Happens to me all the time, I once stole the Declaration of Independence by accident.

He sat there for a long time on the road, surrounded by the dead and the call of crows, until he could finally stand and begin to prepare his father's grave.

<Inwë: It made it out the surrounding litter around the road. He though it would appropriate.
<Doctor: In fact he just threw trash on Gorion and called it a grave.

<Inwë: Thank the gods that is over with. That was the worst story I have ever read.
<Doctor: It wasn’t that bad, it was just a mediocre fantasy novel. I have read worse. Have you ever read GAZeFuJakefRe by PLezVEyAJA?
<Inwe: Er...um...no...
<Doctor: Worst book I have ever read. Just horrible. Voted the worst book ever made in the Galzrean Quadrant.
<Inwë: How fascinating...Still, that was only chapter one. I don’t think I will be able to make it.
<Doctor: Come on, I doubt it will get much worse than that.

The mysterious voice interrupted them. “That will be all for today. The experiment will be continued tomorrow at the same time.”

“How are we supposed to know the time if…I don’t think he is there anymore.” The Doctor sighed. This was going to be more difficult then he thought. He thought he could at least extract some information out of their mysterious captor. “Say Inwë, what was he talking about when he called you the child of Bhaal?”

Inwë shift uncomfortably, she wasn’t very comfortable about her heritage. “Well… during the Time of Troubles, Bhaal, the God of Murder, foresaw his own death, so he had as many children as he could so his legacy could live on. I am one of those children…”

“Right.” The Doctor said unconvinced. “On the other hand, this is a Lord of Rings type universe.” The Doctor mumbled to himself. “That would explain Abdel’s behavior. You seem to enjoy killing as well.”

“What!?” Inwë exclaimed. “I may enjoy burning things every now and again, but I have my blood completely under control. Don’t compare me to that psycho!”

“Sorry Sorry.” The Doctor saw he hit a sore point of Inwë’s. Inwë didn’t seem like a blood thirsty psycho.  The Doctor decided it would be best to change the subject. “What should we do to pass the time… I know, how about a game of Old Maid?”

“Old.. maid?”  asked Inwë.
“It’s not hard to learn, or how about Go Fish?” The Doctor pulled a deck of cards out of his left coat pocket.

“Fine, let’s play Old Maid.” Inwë sighed. None of these games sounded promising. She had a feeling this would be a long day.




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Written by Valinid. Or Excelis if you are reading this on Galifrey Base.

< The man Abdel had killed took ten or twenty seconds to realize he was dead.