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RiffTrax Discussion => Individual RiffTrax Discussion => Twilight => Topic started by: Phantom of Krankor on May 05, 2009, 09:08:56 PM

Title: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Phantom of Krankor on May 05, 2009, 09:08:56 PM
Suddenly Blade burts into the vampires house and says "some mutha f****ers are always trying to ice skate up hill." Then he gets out his sword and kills them all. Whadda ya think?
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Darth Geek on May 05, 2009, 09:26:06 PM
That would be awesome! So naturally it will never happen.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 06, 2009, 12:12:37 AM
I think it would be better to see Lestat walk in to show these Nancy boy young-blood vampires who's boss.

Then he and Edward have an hour-long angst off and the other characters sneek off to catch a midnight  double-feature of Underworld and Innocent Blood. =o
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Wiseblood on May 06, 2009, 08:51:10 AM
Something I ripped off from a post at the Something Awful forums:

(http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/3987/bladetwilight.gif)
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Ayriana22 on May 06, 2009, 11:05:54 PM
At least there would be a decent action scene if Blade showed up. Or... just Kate Beckinsale in some tight black leather get up beating the crap out of all of them... a girl can dream right?
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Tyrant on May 07, 2009, 07:41:07 AM
Eh, screw all that. D shows up and dismembers them in seconds. Edward tries to get away (since he's the "fastest") only to be swallowed by Left Hand. You might get a good overall action scene with Blade, but you'd get some gloriously bloody violence out of D.  ;)
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Darth Geek on May 07, 2009, 09:41:13 AM
I want to see the Let The Right One In girl kill the Twilight vampires.

Actually, who am I kidding, Count Blah could take them out.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Darth Geek on May 07, 2009, 09:56:01 AM
Which one could kill all the Twilight vampires faster?
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/__8tv2laMEBk/SdLr50fOfrI/AAAAAAAADZQ/dNjESGC0Xqw/s400/Chocula01.jpg)
(http://bp0.blogger.com/_8qPdd0ngm_U/SB83yyPUZZI/AAAAAAAAAbk/xeU0WZyVJHc/s400/count.jpg)
(http://img71.imageshack.us/img71/9466/countblahbigka0.png)
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck on May 07, 2009, 11:30:29 AM
This guy could take them out.

(http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsV/17541-5335.gif)
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 08, 2009, 12:13:18 PM
But then, Buffy Shows up, and Bella falls in love with Xander because he is also "unique" in no adequately explained way and has some stalkerish habits. Meanwhile Willow and the guy with the worm on a stick swap "more-interesting nerdish supporting character" war stories.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: MSTJedi on May 08, 2009, 04:23:02 PM
But then, Buffy Shows up, and Bella falls in love with Xander because he is also "unique" in no adequately explained way and has some stalkerish habits. Meanwhile Willow and the guy with the worm on a stick swap "more-interesting nerdish supporting character" war stories.

Oh, the hot, red-headed lesbian witch wins that one, hands down. In fact, I wouldn't mind her flaying that nancy-boy alive like she did Warren just for the internet surfing line.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: ebeth on May 14, 2009, 12:59:12 PM
But then, Buffy Shows up, and Bella falls in love with Xander because he is also "unique" in no adequately explained way and has some stalkerish habits. Meanwhile Willow and the guy with the worm on a stick swap "more-interesting nerdish supporting character" war stories.

Oh, the hot, red-headed lesbian witch wins that one, hands down. In fact, I wouldn't mind her flaying that nancy-boy alive like she did Warren just for the internet surfing line.


Oh totally, Willow just rips off Edwards "beautiful marble like" skin and banishes him to hell....mmmm, hell
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 14, 2009, 07:26:07 PM
Then Willow can wave it in the air and shout "This is the skin of a killer!"
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Ayriana22 on May 14, 2009, 09:06:33 PM
Then Willow can wave it in the air and shout "This is the skin of a killer!"


LOL!! Some how I could totally see that.

I'm in the middle of watching all of the Buffy episodes for the first time and i must say it has so far been an enjoyable experience.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 14, 2009, 09:19:50 PM
I've only gotten through the first season, so I got a face full of spoilers by reading this thread.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Raven on May 14, 2009, 09:23:20 PM
Then Willow can wave it in the air and shout "This is the skin of a killer!"


LOL!! Some how I could totally see that.

I'm in the middle of watching all of the Buffy episodes for the first time and i must say it has so far been an enjoyable experience.

How far are you?  I'm just going through them again, we should watch some together.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Ayriana22 on May 15, 2009, 11:39:44 AM
i just finished watching episode 9 from season 4 last night
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 16, 2009, 02:54:20 PM
I've only finished season one. T_
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Pak-Man on May 22, 2009, 11:21:18 AM
Heck, Van Helsing could have made this movie better. :^)
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Darth Geek on May 22, 2009, 11:46:04 AM
Heck, Van Helsing could have made this movie better. :^)

Wow...you're right...I can't beleive it but your right.

Actually as bad as he is, Richard Roxburgh was less painful to watch as a vampire than the Twilight Pale Man Group.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Ayriana22 on May 23, 2009, 10:44:58 AM
Heck, Van Helsing could have made this movie better. :^)

Wow...you're right...I can't beleive it but your right.

Actually as bad as he is, Richard Roxburgh was less painful to watch as a vampire than the Twilight Pale Man Group.

At least Roxburgh and the writers of Van Helsing stuck with traditional vampire standards.
 Also, i wouldn't mind watching Hugh Jackman bring about the timely end of the sparkly freaks. As either VanHelsing or hell... even as Wolverine. They threw everything else out the window for Twilight, why not bring in the X-Men to clean it up.... or make it even more absurd? Is that possible?  :o
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on May 23, 2009, 09:15:11 PM
Actually, no vampires are truly "traditional". A new twist on the mythos is nothing new, and that's partly because there's such a wealth of varied and contradictory folklore you have to pick and choose at some point.

What stephenie meyers did with the vampire mythos was prove why "original" is not the same as "good."
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: ShadowDog on June 13, 2009, 08:24:59 AM
Just ran across this and couldn't not post it here.  Heh.

(http://home.att.net/~dextergoad/song-chart-memes-girls-sleep.jpg)
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Trumpysgirl on June 13, 2009, 09:30:20 AM
Just ran across this and couldn't not post it here.  Heh.

(http://home.att.net/~dextergoad/song-chart-memes-girls-sleep.jpg)

I am amused.

I found this as well, though I can't post it because the size is too big. But seriously, there should be a vampire convention.
http://darkwings9.deviantart.com/art/Vampire-Convention-101751009 (http://darkwings9.deviantart.com/art/Vampire-Convention-101751009)
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Darth Geek on June 13, 2009, 11:12:08 AM
But seriously, there should be a vampire convention.


I think there should be a vampire intervention.
"You're making us look bad, blah."
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on June 13, 2009, 11:17:44 AM
Edward Cullen was created to make Lestat not seem like an angsty vampire sue.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Darth Geek on June 13, 2009, 11:24:29 AM
Sadly this whole Twilight fad making vampires look so stupid, kind of definitively disproves the real existence of vampires. As Stephany Meyers would have been sucked dry right after the fist book became so popular.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on June 13, 2009, 03:46:59 PM
Not necessarily. Maybe they've just all gone underground to hide themselves from the reflected shame.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: ShadowDog on June 13, 2009, 09:30:30 PM
I found this as well, though I can't post it because the size is too big. But seriously, there should be a vampire convention.
http://darkwings9.deviantart.com/art/Vampire-Convention-101751009 (http://darkwings9.deviantart.com/art/Vampire-Convention-101751009)

LMFAO!  Nice.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fionn on September 06, 2009, 05:07:45 PM
Regrettably, I think Blade and Buffy would spare the Cullens owing to their strong ethics.  Even Blade had to choose to team with vampires in Blade 2...it's a matter of these particular slayers thinking ahead tactically and strategically.

The senior Cullen...I'd have to spare owing to him being an MD.  Professional courtesy, of course.  The rest of 'em...

Hell, what you need is to either drop a strategic nuke on Forks...or let loose a Terminator on them.  Yeah, it's a genre mismatch, but can you imagine Summer Glau laying waste to the Cullens with a Mk.19 automatic grenade launcher?  That sucker will blow them apart!  If these vampires have to be cut to pieces first, that's the way to do it!

And if the sequel ruins werewolves...I am going to start tearing out throats.  Pack signups start after the first sign of crap from the sequel.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Darth Geek on September 06, 2009, 05:15:16 PM


And if the sequel ruins werewolves...I am going to start tearing out throats.  Pack signups start after the first sign of crap from the sequel.

Yeah, that is what concerns me the most with the sequel. Vampires have been pussified and eurotrashified plenty of times before, but werewolves are inherently cooler and to screw them up is far more insulting.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Fionn on September 06, 2009, 05:48:16 PM


And if the sequel ruins werewolves...I am going to start tearing out throats.  Pack signups start after the first sign of crap from the sequel.

Yeah, that is what concerns me the most with the sequel. Vampires have been pussified and eurotrashified plenty of times before, but werewolves are inherently cooler and to screw them up is far more insulting.

The only hopeful bit is that the werewolves actually LOOK like wolves instead of bald gophers (underworld), hairy gophers (underworld evolution) or rats on chemotherapy (Harry Potter 3).

(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/8/24/128955972080537843.jpg) (http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/7/20/128926245018697944.jpg)
(Yes, I made both of these lolz.)
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on September 06, 2009, 05:51:15 PM
As long as we're mixing genres, I'd pay to see them all eaten by xenomorphs...
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: goflyblind on September 06, 2009, 05:56:09 PM
one word: reavers.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: RobtheBarbarian on September 06, 2009, 05:58:12 PM
(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/7/20/128926245018697944.jpg)

Ha!
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: MSTJedi on September 06, 2009, 09:15:23 PM
(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/7/20/128926245018697944.jpg)

Ha!

It actually took me a minute to get that. At first I was wondering if it was a fill in the blank thing. Then I figured out that "blank" was the operative word.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Darth Geek on September 06, 2009, 10:09:29 PM
If she wants a creepy pasty white guy, why not upgrade:

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v353/skyroniter/observer.jpg)
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: FordPrefect on September 06, 2009, 11:40:53 PM
http://www.youtube.com/v/RZwM3GvaTRM&hl=en&fs=1&
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Plastic Self-Cleaning Duck on September 06, 2009, 11:56:38 PM


And if the sequel ruins werewolves...I am going to start tearing out throats.  Pack signups start after the first sign of crap from the sequel.

Yeah, that is what concerns me the most with the sequel. Vampires have been pussified and eurotrashified plenty of times before, but werewolves are inherently cooler and to screw them up is far more insulting.
Let's hope they survive the Del Toro film first.....
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Trumpysgirl on September 07, 2009, 06:08:21 PM


And if the sequel ruins werewolves...I am going to start tearing out throats.  Pack signups start after the first sign of crap from the sequel.

Yeah, that is what concerns me the most with the sequel. Vampires have been pussified and eurotrashified plenty of times before, but werewolves are inherently cooler and to screw them up is far more insulting.
Let's hope they survive the Del Toro film first.....

I honestly had no problem with the werewolves in the Twilight movie, the idea of making them Native American actually seemed like a cool one.....then I found out where the story goes with the main werewolf. Ick....
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Crow T. Robot 666 on September 07, 2009, 07:25:29 PM
They ripped off Worwilf?  Ye gods what a crapfest.
Title: Re: I wish Blade would kill them all
Post by: Scorpy on June 02, 2010, 12:11:59 PM


(http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/8/24/128955972080537843.jpg)

I saw that one without the captions.  It made me happy.