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Members Hub => Board Games for the Bored => Topic started by: LucasM on January 30, 2009, 07:17:11 PM

Title: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on January 30, 2009, 07:17:11 PM
Hopefully the Subject line says it all.  This thread is to share favorite jokes or riddles.  If at ALL possible, ones that YOU thought of, but that's not necessary, as long as you think they are really funny.  Please label them if they are your own creation so you get 'credit'.

When posting, PLEASE put the punch line in a 'spoiler' area, so people have time to see if they can figure it out.   ;D

I'll start with two.  One I heard (and greatly embellished), the other I made up.


The one I heard and embellished:

A Hispanic woman married an Arabic man.  After a year together, she gave birth to identical twins.  In honor of their heritage(s), they named the first "Ahmal" after his father's Arabic roots, and the second was named "Juan" after his mother's Hispanic roots.
 
The boys had a great childhood and were good friends.  However, when they were 10 years old they were abducted.
 
The parents were torn apart by this.  The police were notified, and they came to the house and took the parents' statements.  As the police were collecting information, the mother gave the officer a photo and said, "here is a picture of Juan."
 
The officer looked at it briefly and said, "thank you ma'am, but is there a picture of your other son we could have as well?"
 
Spoiler (click to show/hide)



And a riddle that I thought of that I'll share here:

Q: What happens if you add Viagra to the drinking water in a penal colony?

A: 
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 30, 2009, 11:00:13 PM
I spoke to God recently.

I asked God, "God, what is a million years to you"

God Spoke "A million years is but a second"

I thought a moment.

"What is a million dollars to you?"

God Spoke, "a million dollars is but a quarter."

"Can I borrow a quarter?"

"Just a second"
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: darkchashy on January 31, 2009, 06:33:33 AM
What do you get when George jumps into a bush?

George Bush
(I had them rolling down the isles in my second grade lunch room)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Tripe on January 31, 2009, 06:45:48 AM
So there's this convent that, true to their mission, is situated right in the inner city. Over the years the neighbourhood  has become the haunt of Ladies of negotiable affection and their clients.

Noticing this the nuns decide upon a plan to raise funds.

They post cards around the neighborhood reading "come get screwed by the sisters of mercy". Then they place a little red light above their door and wait.

Presently there is a knock on the door and, when the sister novice opens it, a very pent up looking bloke standing there.

"Where do I go?" he demands

The sister novice directs him to head up a flight of stairs. At the top is a tiny wizened nun with a cash box.

"How much?" demands the would be John

"$75" the old wrinkly bride of Christ informs him

The man eagerly hands over his money and the pious old dear places it in the cash box.

"Where do I go?" the bloke demands again

With a gnarled finger the old lady nun indicates that he should head down a different flight of stairs. So he does as directed.

At the bottom of the stairs is a very pretty nun standing by a doorway. The man, very pleased with what he sees sidles up to her.

Before he can say anything, the pretty nun tells him that he must go through the door.

Excitedly he does so.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)






Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: mike5150 on January 31, 2009, 12:51:18 PM
I spoke to God recently.

I asked God, "God, what is a million years to you"

God Spoke "A million years is but a second"

I thought a moment.

"What is a million dollars to you?"

God Spoke, "a million dollars is but a quarter."

"Can I borrow a quarter?"

"Just a second"
wait wait wait.....sideswipe is right? He IS God? 
(that one was going out to my chat guys and gal, LET ME HEAR YOU OUT THERE!!) ;D
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Darth Geek on January 31, 2009, 12:52:49 PM
Here's two I made up a while ago.

A stupid person tells a joke. He says: A duck is eating at a restaurant. The waiter asks the duck, "Do you want more wine." The duck replies, "Yes, put it on my tab."


A stupid person tells a joke. He says: "Knock".
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: mike5150 on January 31, 2009, 01:11:19 PM
A man rushes into a bar and says to the bartender in a panic "Quick, give me ten shots of the finest whiskey you have in the bar!!"

The bartender quickly goes behind the bar and grabs some 80 yr. old scotch that he saves for special occasions

The man then proceeds to shoot them one after the other, finishing them all in less than a minute

The bartender says "Whoa, you know I've been a bartender for 25 yrs, and I've never seen anyone shoot that much whiskey that fast

The man looks at the bartender and says "Yeah, well you would drink like that too, if you had what I have!

The bartender asks Oh my God, what do you have?

The man reaches into his pocket and says "Oh,  it looks like about 35 cents."
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Pak-Man on February 01, 2009, 02:43:36 PM
Here's one I made up myself:


So Godzilla and Gamera are trashing Hollywood. They've been at it all day, devouring various celebrities. Eventually, Godzilla starts to slow down. Gamera looks concerned.

"Come on. Don't you want to take a bite of Will Smith? He's delicious!"

"No," Godzilla says. "I've had too much. I couldn't possibly."

Gamera tries again, "Well how about Kate Moss? There's barely anything there!"

"Sorry," Godzilla says. I'm stuffed.

"Suit yourself," Gamera says, and continues devouring Hollywood. He tears through scads of movie and music celebrities, but when he picks up Jennifer Lopez, Godzilla hits him with his atomic breath, wrests her from Gamera's claws, and devours her himself.

Gamera is puzzled. "What gives? I thought you were full."

Godzilla smiles. "Well there's always room for J-Lo!"


Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: mrbasehart on February 01, 2009, 06:58:29 PM
Heh.  Nice one Pak.   :clap:

There are two jokes I was told as a kid that have stuck with me for some reason.

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?


Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This one a friend of mine made up:

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on February 01, 2009, 08:03:29 PM
Here's one I made up myself:


So Godzilla and Gamera are trashing Hollywood. They've been at it all day, devouring various celebrities. Eventually, Godzilla starts to slow down. Gamera looks concerned.

"Come on. Don't you want to take a bite of Will Smith? He's delicious!"

"No," Godzilla says. "I've had too much. I couldn't possibly."

Gamera tries again, "Well how about Kate Moss? There's barely anything there!"

"Sorry," Godzilla says. I'm stuffed.

"Suit yourself," Gamera says, and continues devouring Hollywood. He tears through scads of movie and music celebrities, but when he picks up Jennifer Lopez, Godzilla hits him with his atomic breath, wrests her from Gamera's claws, and devours her himself.

Gamera is puzzled. "What gives? I thought you were full."

Godzilla smiles. "Well there's always room for J-Lo!"



Abso-frickin-lutely SUPERB!!    :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:



This next one's mine.  It is really an aural riddle (as the writing of it distorts the punch line).  So try telling it to people (rather than send in an e-mail, for instance).  The final line - the chick pea's comment - MUST be said in a kind-of Brooklyn accent, or it simply doesn't work.  [It helps also, when telling it, to add some 'exhaustion' to your voice when describing what it went through.  ;) ]


Q:   What did one chick pea say to the other chick pea, after being ground up, mixed with spices, and then fried?

A:  
Spoiler (click to show/hide)


This next one's mine, also:

Q:   What kind of cave people spent their life just kind-of wandering around instead of hunting and gathering?
A:   
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on April 15, 2009, 02:31:48 PM
Here's another one I just came up with last night...


Q:  If your canine companion wakes up scared and yelping night after night, what is the most likely cause?

A: 
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: THE QUEEN!!! on April 16, 2009, 09:40:40 PM
Not mine, but it amuses me.

Two muffins are in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other and says, "Man, it's HOT in here!"
The other muffin says,
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

well I like it. :)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: THE QUEEN!!! on April 16, 2009, 09:42:05 PM
Oh, here's another one:

Wanna hear a dirty joke?: Bob fell in the mud.
Wanna hear a clean joke?: Bob took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty joke?:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Steve-O on April 16, 2009, 10:52:00 PM
Not mine, but a personal favorite:

Q: Why did the elephant join the French Foreign Legion?

A: To forget.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: AmazingThor on April 20, 2009, 12:38:43 PM
Not mine either but still a classic:

1: Knock knock.

2: Who's there?

1: 9/11.

2: 9/11 who?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LBeria on April 20, 2009, 01:47:38 PM
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Why did the duck cross the road?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
(My 10-year-old said I had to post those).

What's red and green and goes 1000 miles-per-hour in a circle?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

For the not-so-sensitive....
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

For the bored with the usual....
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'll try to remember more....
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: THE QUEEN!!! on April 23, 2009, 02:05:08 PM
This is a good joke, though technically it's a quote from the Bob Newhart Show, but I think it's very clever and works on its own.

BOB: "There are three women for every man in Chicago"
JERRY:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LBeria on April 23, 2009, 02:51:38 PM
My husband and son dared me to post this...so I will...but it's their fault if you (1) think it's too long or (2) hate it.

Once upon a time there was an enchanted land.  In this enchanted land there was a mountain called Trid Mountain.  At the base of Trid Mountain were the Trids -- small, inch-high (not too unlike Smurfs), Jewish creatures who lived in peace and harmony with their surroundings.  They had happy homes and grew happy crops in their fields.  But their favorite food was grapes.  Sadly, the only place that grapes grew was at the very top of Trid Mountain.

At the top of Trid Mountain was the most wonderful vineyard there had ever been.  But, also at the top of Trid Mountain, was a big, mean, evil, ugly giant who hated Trids and did not want to share his wonderful grapes with them.

One day, the Trids were hungry for grapes and one suggested to the others that they climb to the top of Trid Mountain to get some.  So, they gathered at the bottom of the mountain.  And they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and walked, and ran, and walked, and stopped -- because that's a long way for a Trid.  Then they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and walked, and ran, and walked, and stopped.  There they were at the top of Trid Mountain.  They saw the grapes and ran forward into the vineyard.

At the same time, the big, mean, evil, ugly giant looked out of his window and said, "Trids!  All over my vineyard!!"  And he ran outside and kicked them off the mountain.

The Trids lay at the bottom of the mountain.  Finally, one picked himself up and brushed himself off.  He said to the others, "Why do we let him do that?  We're not very large.  Why does he hate us?  I want some grapes!  Who's going with me?"  Soon a cheer went up and the trids all decided to go back up the mountain.

So, they gathered at the bottom of the mountain.  And they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and walked, and ran, and walked, and stopped -- because that's a long way for a Trid.  Then they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and walked, and ran, and walked, and stopped.  There they were at the top of Trid Mountain.  They saw the grapes and ran forward into the vineyard.

Then, the big, mean, evil, ugly giant saw that they had returned and yelld, "Trids!  All over my vineyard!!"  And he ran outside and kicked them off the mountain.

After a moment, one of the Trids said, "We've been going about this the wrong way!  We can't possibly take that many grapes from the giant and he has plenty!  Let's take our Rabbi with us and he can talk reason to the giant!"  The other Trids cheered and went to get the Rabbi.  Convinced that he could help make a difference, the Rabbi agreed to go.

So, they gathered at the bottom of the mountain.  And they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and they ran, and they walked, and walked, and ran, and walked, and stopped -- because that's a long way for a Trid.  Then they walked, and walked, and walked, and walked -- they were getting really tired by now -- and walked, and walked, and ran, and walked, and stopped.  They were standing at the top of Trid Mountain.  And there, too, was the big, mean, evil, ugly giant.

Just as the big, mean, evil, ugly giant was about to kick the Trids off the mountain again, the Rabbi stepped forward.

"Oh big, mean, evil, ugly giant," the Rabbi began.  "These Trids are peaceful people.  They love grapes and cannot help themselves for you have grown the finest vineyard ever.  They can't possibly eat too many and you have oh so much!  Please share with them.  Please find it in your heart to share -- or else you can kick me down the mountain and the rest will follow."

The big, mean, evil, ugly giant stood and thought for a moment.  Then he said,

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: FLOCK of RABID SHEEP?!?! on April 27, 2009, 12:59:13 PM
lberia, that was a pretty good one, if a bit long, ;)

i have a few that i got mostly from a book called the pretty good joke book

"two gold fish are in a tank when one says to the other...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

how do you make a handkerchief dance?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

a man walks into a bar and says...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

why did they do a recall of the latest mercuries?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

how do you piss of an agnostic?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

those are some that i've memorized...more later :P
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LBeria on April 27, 2009, 02:03:49 PM
lberia, that was a pretty good one, if a bit long, ;)
Yeah...that was kinda the point...  ;D :D  It's great watching people either (1) start rolling their eyes or (2) chanting along with you as you tell the whole thing out loud.  :D :D :D
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: mattwnelson on April 27, 2009, 04:59:25 PM
Not mine, but an oldie that I liked. It's a really good one for telling, but loses a bit in the reading.

So there's these two guys sitting in a bar, drinking. This bar happens to be located near the top of the Empire State building.
The first guy turns to the second guy and says, "Hey, you wanna hear something really cool?" Second guy says, "Sure." First guy says, "If you run over to the window there and jump out, when you come to the tenth floor, the wind'll push you right back into this open window on the building!"
The second guy shakes his head and says, "That's impossible, man -- you're even drunker'n me!" So the first guy says, "Wait, I'll prove it!" Before anyone can stop him, he turns, runs at the window, and leaps out. Horrified, the second man looks out the window, expecting to see him splattered on the ground below. But as he watches the first man fall, suddenly, as he reaches the tenth floor - WHOOSH! He vanishes into an open window.
The second guy turns from the window, and a few moments later, in walks the first guy again. "See? Told you!"
"That was a one-in-a-million chance!" shouts the second guy. "Okay, I'll prove it again!" says the first. He runs, jumps out the window, and when he comes to the tenth, WHOOSH! In he goes again. He returns, looks at the second guy, and says, "Every time!"
"I GOTTA TRY THIS!" shouts the second guy. He jumps out the window and falls - aaaaallllll the way down to the pavement below, where he lands with a SPLAT!
The first guy starts rolling over laughing his head off, and the bartender, there the whole time, looks at him and says,
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Darth Geek on April 27, 2009, 06:19:44 PM
Good one, M@
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on April 30, 2009, 04:23:13 PM
how do you piss of an agnostic?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 :clap: :D :clap: :D :clap:

Superb!  ;D
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Fuzzy Necromancer on April 30, 2009, 05:29:51 PM

How many Matinee movie watchers does it take to a change a lightbulb?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)


How many conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Doctor: "Well Mrs. Hooberman, you aren't going deaf, you just have a suppository lodged in your ear."
The woman paused thoughtfully, and then said
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What's 20ft long and smells like urine?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Scottland: where the men are men and the sheep are nervous.




Now that I've got those out of the way, it's time for my own creations =o
These jokes are not yet rated by the MMPA. I'm eager for feedback to see if any of them are keepers.



How many declining actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

People thinks she's an evil bitch, but Ann Coulter really is a nice woman. She's thougtful, she's cultured, she's charming, she cares about her kid, and she's got a golden monkey for a daemon. No, sorry, I'm thinking of the wrong person...

How many Greek gods does it take to change a lightbulb?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

How many presidential cabinet members does it take to change a lightbulb?
Spoiler (click to show/hide)


How do you tell a buisness major from a creative writing major during an economic recession?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on May 07, 2009, 01:57:37 AM
Heard this recently:


A blonde and her husband are watching a TV, when a newscaster interrupts with a breaking news headline: "Two Brazilian Men Dead In A Terrible Skydiving Accident, News at 10".

The blonde begins to sob uncontrollably and collapses on her husband's shoulder, clearly devastated by the news. Between her tears, she gasps, "Sooo many men dying that way! How horrible!"

Confused, her husband replies, "Yes, it is sad, but honey, skydiving involves risk, and they certainly must have known what they were getting into, and, in group jumps like that, a lot more people could have been hurt."

After a few minutes, with her sobs gradually subsiding, she sniffles out, "ok... How many exactly is a brazillion?"
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on June 18, 2012, 09:26:15 PM
Someone e-mailed this to me recently:

My Inconclusive travel plans 2012


I have been in many places, like... I have been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go, so I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, people say it's easier to get there as you get older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense: it really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!

Sadly, I've never been to Cahoots.  Apparently, you can't go alone.  You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito.  But it must be nice: I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane.  They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family, work, and assorted life situations.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on June 18, 2012, 09:37:43 PM
Another one I was e-mailed:

It Was a Dark - and - Stormy Night


Joe Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe.... As it happens, they were doing so near Transylvania.  They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.  It was late and raining very hard.  Joe could barely see the road in front of the car.  Suddenly, the car skids out of control!  Joe attempts to control the car, but to no avail.  The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Joe shakes his head to clear the fog.  Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding!  He knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Joe carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road.  After a short while, he sees a light.  He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house.  He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes.  A small, hunch-backed man opens the door.  Joe immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Joe Hill, and this is my wife Betty.  We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt.  Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone."  He pauses, then says,  "but my master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!"

Joe brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs.  "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you.  I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.  However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training.  I will see what I can do.  Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Joe following closely..  Igor places Betty on a table in the lab.  Joe collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Joe on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.  "Things are serious, Igor.  Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.  Joe and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths trouble Igor's master greatly.  Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano.  For it is here that he has always found solace.  He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up.  His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music.  Stunned, he watches as Joe's arm begins to rise, ALSO marking the beat!  He is further amazed as Betty and Joe both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.  He bursts in and shouts:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: mike5150 on January 30, 2013, 02:58:42 PM
A guy walks into a Doctors office with a frog on his head.
The Doctor says "what's wrong with you?"
The FROG says "I don't know, it started with a bump on my ass."
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: mike5150 on March 07, 2013, 04:10:16 PM
knock knock
Who's there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
Goliath down, you looketh tired.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Dr Ahmad Makhini on March 07, 2013, 06:19:04 PM
I had a turbulent affair with a Mary Kay saleswoman.

We kept breaking apart, but the make-up sex was fantastic.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: mike5150 on March 11, 2013, 10:59:52 AM
I feel I should clarify the stupid jokes that I post. My favorite jokes have always been ones that I repeat over and over to different people and the more groan inducing the better.

*pulling up to train tracks* "Hey look, the train just went through...you can still see it's tracks"

*seeing a farmer out in the field "Hey look....now there is a man who's outstanding in his field"

*Seeing geese flying over in a V formation*  "Hey, you see those geese up there? Did you know they fly in a V to lower wind resistance? You ever notice that one line is always longer than the other? You know why that is?" *Wait for some scientific guess that is assuredly coming*  "No...it's because there are more geese in that line"

Those are my favorite types of jokes :)  I would have to say that my favorite joke of all time revolves around a Chinese gentleman applying  to be a priest and one of the tests is to explain Easter. I won't bore you with the joke, but it ends with the lines "The rock ROLLS away on it's own.....Jesus steps out....sees his shadow....SIX MORE WEEK WINTER!!"
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on March 11, 2013, 12:39:17 PM
My favorite jokes have always been ones that I repeat over and over to different people and the more groan inducing the better.

So, you'd be the passenger in a car driving around a very crowded parking lot saying "there's a space" all the time pointing out spaces with cars already in them?
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: mike5150 on March 11, 2013, 01:45:32 PM
uhhh...no, that would be stupid. *points at martys feet* Your shoe is tied. :)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on March 13, 2013, 04:20:33 AM
Here are some riddles for you.

http://www.youtube.com/v/EAlfr7wsqcM

Some are awful, but there are some gems in there.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: goflyblind on March 13, 2013, 04:39:03 AM
what's brown and sounds like a bell?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Mrs. Dick Courier on March 13, 2013, 04:28:47 PM
Old juvenile one from Eddie Murphy, but makes me laugh

One day, a rabbit and a bear are taking a crap. The bear looks over to the rabbit and says, “Do you have problems with crap sticking to your fur?” “No,” the rabbit said. The bear then grabbed the rabbit and wiped his ass.

Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Mrs. Dick Courier on April 15, 2013, 10:10:05 AM
Prepare to moan....

What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls they're under a buck

Warned you
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Tripe on April 15, 2013, 10:20:06 AM
Well on that topic a two question one I loved when I was fairly little:

Why do elephants paint their balls red?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What's the loudest sound in the Jungle?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on April 17, 2013, 02:51:22 PM
Here's one of mine that I turned into a greeting card a few years back (so technically copyrighted, but since I'm not revealing who owns the copyright I suppose I am breaking my own copyright by posting this ???)


Q: What does Ariel - the little mermaid - listen to on her boombox?

A:
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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Kete on October 03, 2013, 09:30:51 AM
I like this one....

Knock, Knock
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Tripe on October 03, 2013, 09:36:29 AM
Minimalist, I like it.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Kete on October 03, 2013, 09:38:39 AM
Say "Who's there"!
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Tripe on October 03, 2013, 09:40:47 AM
I don't know, who?
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Kete on October 03, 2013, 09:43:00 AM
:grr:
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Tripe on October 03, 2013, 09:44:06 AM
 :grr: who?
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Kete on October 03, 2013, 09:47:30 AM
Fine!  You'll never know!!!!!
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Tripe on October 03, 2013, 09:53:50 AM
Was this joke written by Sorkin? It's a bit Sports Night, you know?

Do another one.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Pak-Man on October 03, 2013, 09:54:24 AM
Orange you glad he didn't say banana?
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on April 25, 2015, 01:32:33 AM
A riddle I came up with tonight:


Q:  What did one agitated tectonic plate say to it's friend and neighbor?

A: 
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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Sideswipe on April 25, 2015, 09:12:58 AM
I am quaking with laughter.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Miku Fan on April 25, 2015, 09:33:52 AM
 :gouge: LucasM!!!  That does it, 2 can play this plate game! (Get it? Cuz it takes 2 plates to cause an earthquake  :speechless: )

Q: What's a tectonic plate's favorite breakfast food?
 
A:
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Q: Favorite desert?

A:
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Q: Most feared reptile?

A:
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Q: Favorite Saint?

A:
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Q: Favorite Johnny Cash song?

 A:
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Q: What does a tectonic plate say, when it chops down a tree?

A:
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Q: What did the neurotic say to the tectonic plate?

 A:
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Q: What did the dermatologist say to the tectonic plate?

A:
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Q: A tectonic plate has a girlfriend.  What's her name?

A:
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 :highfive:
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Sideswipe on April 25, 2015, 09:58:08 AM
I have been left dumber after raeding that post.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on April 25, 2015, 12:10:53 PM
:gouge: LucasM!!!  That does it, 2 can play this plate game! (Get it? Cuz it takes 2 plates to cause an earthquake  :speechless: )

Q: What's a tectonic plate's favorite breakfast food?
 
A:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Q: Favorite desert?

A:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Q: Most feared reptile?

A:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Q: Favorite Saint?

A:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Q: Favorite Johnny Cash song?

 A:
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Q: What does a tectonic plate say, when it chops down a tree?

A:
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Q: What did the neurotic say to the tectonic plate?

 A:
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Q: What did the dermatologist say to the tectonic plate?

A:
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Q: A tectonic plate has a girlfriend.  What's her name?

A:
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 :highfive:

I must say, I cracked a smile with each of those, and there was a distinct tectonic shift in my mood reading them.  ;D

Thanks.  Were those yours?  If so, consider this a presentation of an award to display on your mantle.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Miku Fan on April 25, 2015, 05:15:38 PM
I look forward to displaying my award!
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on April 27, 2015, 02:13:49 AM
I can tell you a Chinese joke.  It's not very funny, but in the name of cultural interest...

Q: How can you tell which squid tentacles are the hands?

A:
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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on October 27, 2015, 07:17:36 PM
Here's one that's been percolating in the back of my head for a while.  Today I finally made it work (I think):


Mutual of Omaha's Wild Killer, Perkins, and notorious Godfather, Brando were finally caught together during a recent police raid.  Once in jail, the warden bragged to whoever would listen about the 'Big Fish' he'd landed.

The warden could not help thinking about them in their cells, wearing their vertically-lined outfits.  He became convinced that he had to have them mounted and hung on his wall, like his fishing buddies did for their big catches. For, after all, none of his buddies had ever simultaneously landed two such huge...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on December 03, 2015, 07:32:24 PM
What do the nautical cereal mascot and a guy receiving a knee to the groin have in common?

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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: TheRealUncleDes on February 16, 2016, 06:18:17 PM
Why don't Scooby Doo villains like Colombian orphanages?

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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on April 29, 2016, 01:10:32 PM
I came up with this one last night.

 Q: What did the Cajun sausage maker-turned-space scientist yell to the collected crowd, immediately after proving his fatty sausages could get off the ground under their own steam?

A:
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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: TheRealUncleDes on May 06, 2016, 03:22:58 PM
No-one likes C3PO. Did you ever hear anyone call him "C3"?
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: TheRealUncleDes on May 08, 2016, 02:07:58 PM
Why did Cthulhu get up at 530am every day?

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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Miku Fan on May 20, 2016, 09:43:45 PM
Q.  How many light bulbs does it take to screw a customer? 
A. 1


Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on September 05, 2016, 08:43:14 PM
Modified (i.e. improved  ;) ) from an original I saw on Facebook...


Scientists have been working tirelessly for years to grow human vocal cords in a petrie dish.  During a recent press conference, the lead scientist on the project was asked, "Sir, the world is eager to know: have you succeeded?"

The lead scientist paused, then said, "well...  I think our results speak for themselves, don't they?"
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on September 23, 2016, 04:57:21 PM
Thought of this today...


 Aladdin was cursed with a serious disease, that was both mystical and biological in nature. For that reason, he figured out it would require both the help of his genie friend, and a drink made from the finest healing herbs . . .

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on September 27, 2016, 08:56:45 PM
Who had the first hot take?

Prometheus!
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: TheRealUncleDes on October 29, 2016, 05:04:10 PM
Gardener friend wanted me to help him transport manure to his house. So I sat in the back of his truck with a bucket of dung as he went over the bumpy road. I was pretty mad when he hit the first bump doing 40, then the second bigger one at 50, and on the third one I totally lost my shit.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on April 01, 2017, 07:59:19 PM
A new one of mine:

 Sadly, Superman's dog developed a parasitic infection. It required a unique radioactive treatment regimen originating on their home planet . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the infection was Kryptosporidium.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on July 12, 2017, 07:19:11 PM
Just watched all the way through the Netflix 'series' The Standups, with six different comedians with 30 minute sets.  Oddly (to me, at least) they chose the single NON-funny one as the first one in the queue!  However, the rest of them had me laughing out loud at least at one point during their set, sometimes many times during the set.  For ME, for a stand-up, that's quite an accomplishment.

At any rate, one of them, Beth Stelling (episode 5), had a couple lines that were so good I wrote them down (the first one just the key point of a one-liner).

She had her IUD taken out, and she referred to the doctor who did this as "OB/GYN Kenobi".  ;D

The second was a short story.  She said (semi-paraphrased), "my mom just had a hysterectomy . . .  it's really a bummer because my childhood home is gone."  :D  ;D
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: RVR II on August 19, 2017, 04:27:22 PM
How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
🌕🌑🌝ECLIPSE it! :rimshot:
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on November 21, 2017, 11:52:54 AM
Deep Thought for the Day:

In a wildlife conservatory I was hired to put trousers on a mountain lion. I initially proposed this to them because I thought it would make the cougar appear less threatening. Sure enough, when I came face to face with it . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I thought I would puma pants!
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on December 07, 2017, 03:16:27 AM
My Deep Thought for the Day:

It’s December 7th again.

Every year I make sure I commemorate Pearl Harbor Day in an appropriate manner.

I wake up early, shelter myself in my house, and at precisely 7:48am I start to get bombed.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on December 12, 2017, 06:01:06 PM
LucasM's Deep Thought of the Day:

After a long day of fighting the bizarre criminals of Gotham City, Batman slowly drove the Batmobile into the Batcave.  He was horrified by what he saw: on every stone surface were bright sponge-painted images of The Joker, The Penguin, Cat Woman, The Riddler, and the rest of his rogues gallery!

He saw Alfred off in a corner, apparently putting the last touches on this horrific paint job.  After his day, he was too tired to be as enraged as he knew he normally would be.  He approached his faithful butler, with the intent of finding out just what he had done.

Alfred said, "Hello sir, I hope tonight's efforts were productive?"

"Yes, Alfred, but what have you done to the Batcave?"

"Well, sir, I have been binge-watching home improvement shows, and this was mentioned as a way to revitalize the feeling of areas that seemed dark and boring."

Bruce got a look of almost annoyed utter confusion on his face, and said, "I don't understand: what are you talking about?  What could possibly possess you to put the images of those I have vowed to fight completely surrounding me?"

Alfred looked confused, "well, sir, they said that it could improve one's mood..."

"WHAT could, Alfred?!"

Alfred said, proudly, "Why, foe finishes, of course!"
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Darth Geek on December 12, 2017, 06:52:33 PM
LucasM's Deep Thought of the Day:

After a long day of fighting the bizarre criminals of Gotham City, Batman slowly drove the Batmobile into the Batcave.  He was horrified by what he saw: on every stone surface were bright sponge-painted images of The Joker, The Penguin, Cat Woman, The Riddler, and the rest of his rogues gallery!

He saw Alfred off in a corner, apparently putting the last touches on this horrific paint job.  After his day, he was too tired to be as enraged as he knew he normally would be.  He approached his faithful butler, with the intent of finding out just what he had done.

Alfred said, "Hello sir, I hope tonight's efforts were productive?"

"Yes, Alfred, but what have you done to the Batcave?"

"Well, sir, I have been binge-watching home improvement shows, and this was mentioned as a way to revitalize the feeling of areas that seemed dark and boring."

Bruce got a look of almost annoyed utter confusion on his face, and said, "I don't understand: what are you talking about?  What could possibly possess you to put the images of those I have vowed to fight completely surrounding me?"

Alfred looked confused, "well, sir, they said that it could improve one's mood..."

"WHAT could, Alfred?!"

Alfred said, proudly, "Why, foe finishes, of course!"
Lucas, I'm going to start slapping you now. And I may never stop.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: WhyDontTheyLook on March 16, 2018, 11:49:53 AM
What does an annoying pepper do?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on April 28, 2018, 07:05:40 PM
These are neither jokes, nor riddles.  However it is all funny text, so figured I'd put it here, rather than in the 'Completely Random Thoughts' thread.  These are not mine, much as I would love to have been the one to think of some of them. :)


If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the' 90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.

If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.

Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.

If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: WhyDontTheyLook on May 01, 2018, 07:06:21 AM
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Kete on June 02, 2018, 07:44:28 PM
Alexa told me this one.

What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: WhyDontTheyLook on June 04, 2018, 10:26:31 AM
Why do melons have weddings?

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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on June 12, 2018, 08:14:11 PM
Came up with this a while ago and just rediscovered where I'd written it down:

I'm not sure I'm OK with some Olympic events.

I mean, it is nice to be inclusive and all...

...but competitive hurling?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: MartyS (Gromit) on June 17, 2018, 09:24:42 AM
Just thought of this while spraying my tub:

 Why don't scrubbing bubbles last?

 It's a high tension job.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on August 17, 2018, 05:59:19 PM
From a Facebook pun page:

Q:  What do you call a gangsta rap artist who goes commercial?

A: 
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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on September 03, 2018, 01:22:14 AM
The Mason Jar company was not satisfied with dominating the home canning supplies field. They wanted to expand out. So they thought long and hard about what they could do. It was suggested during one of their brainstorming meetings that, since some people used Mason jars as drinking vessels, they could expand into the one-time-use cup market. This was greeted with enthusiasm, and the beginnings of that were sent to the R&D department.

At the same time, the Dixie cup people were unhappy with only dominating the paper one-time-use cup market. Since some of the board of directors either canned their own fruits or vegetables, or had fond memories of their mothers canning foods, it was proposed that they would move into the home canning supply field. And, with enthusiasm, things were set in motion for that new production to begin.

Then, corporate spies from each company learned of the others’ plans. This information swiftly got back to each company’s CEO, who was not pleased. Citing copyright infringement (despite nothing having been produced or even fully designed yet), large swarms of lawyers for each company descended upon each-other.

It was after a very short time, that each company began (under the toll of massive legal fees) to think, “maybe just the near-monopoly we already own is good enough - start competing head-to-head with another company producing the same products, and we may actually lose market share!”

So the CEOs sat down together and discussed their options. Ultimately, they agreed to not venture into the other’s area of market dominance. But they also decided that they could work together to create a new set of items that would utilize both of their areas of expertise, and release it as a shared product between the two companies. What they decided on was a completely new product of single-use canning supplies for the ‘canner on the go’. They would be sterile on purchase, and individually wrapped, so that no prep was needed before canning took place.

Some people seemed to be pleased with the idea.  However the two companies did not count on the environmental awareness of the public.  When the single-use nature, and all the additional packaging materials were learned of, there was a huge outcry from every environmental group about the tremendous strain it would put on the already-overwhelmed nature of trash disposal on the planet.

After just a short time, the line of single-use canning supplies was abandoned by the two companies.  But people all over still recognize it’s name, because supporters versus detractors could be split along . . .
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on November 30, 2018, 07:38:00 PM
I came up with this on Thanksgiving.  I figured I'd best wait a bit to share, as it didn't quite fit the intended mood of the day.


It was the Middle Ages.  There was a particularly barbaric king who was narcissistic and with a weak sense of self.  He was so sensitive he didn't like any comments he thought even slightly criticized him.  When he didn't like what a court Fool would say, he'd have the Fool promptly slain and skinned.

The king insisted his court tailor make clothes for him where each piece of clothing was entirely composed of these skins.  In addition, each piece of clothing had to have at least some part of the skin of each one of the slain Fools.  The king felt this reminder would ensure that none would ever question him in the future.  When his tailor finished the first piece - the top half of a suit that was being made - the king decided to show off his new clothing at a formal dinner, wearing it instead of his usual furred cape.

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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on December 13, 2018, 02:00:00 PM
I came up with the basic idea for this a few months back, figuring a few people here might appreciate it, but never put in the time to develop it until today...


Nicholas Cage went for a physical after feeling run-down.  His doctor did a thorough examination, including a full blood screening.  When the results were in, the doctor called Nick into the office.  The doctor told him, "You have a severe deficiency of thiamine, riboflavin, niacin, pantothenic acid, biotin, and folate!"

Cage yelled:
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Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on July 09, 2019, 05:52:05 PM
Just seen on Facebook:


"I was stopped on the street today by a guy waving a pamphlet and telling me I needed to donate to the San Andreas Foundation.

"I told him, thanks but no thanks. That's being generous to a fault."

 ;D  ;D
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Darth Geek on July 09, 2019, 06:36:01 PM
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.15752-9/65876733_2454845161234696_3767322862810038272_n.jpg?_nc_cat=103&_nc_oc=AQkPX53CLJTzM0jJDNnshZLCqV2PEZDrRxnGw-OHlaj2W-mS1iQChLNiCIRIm0vovTLidpCl3VWM1-M6qk2V-avu&_nc_ht=scontent-iad3-1.xx&oh=c96769244c08c1054f20629970312fca&oe=5DB4BCB9)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on August 07, 2019, 06:52:36 PM
When Disney's mascot finally expires, where will he be interred?

. . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . In a mouseoleum.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on October 16, 2019, 10:35:33 AM
Just came up with this last night:

Q: Why did Bambi's mom pre-emptively take out a restraining order against Sherlock Holmes' hat?

A: She heard it was a deer stalker.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on December 05, 2019, 09:23:39 AM
Not mine but I think Lucas will like it.

What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun like?
- Lukewarm.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Johnny Unusual on January 29, 2020, 03:50:55 PM
Shit, I just realized Medieval Times missed a great opportunity not serving Serf n Turf.
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on January 29, 2020, 05:18:53 PM
Shit, I just realized Medieval Times missed a great opportunity not serving Serf n Turf.

They might have only been able to do that with Jeffrey Dahmer as head chef.

Dressed in his Hawaii'an shirt, shorts, and flip-flops, he'd look normal when calling waiters for the prepared food:  "SERF's UP!"  Then, to cover the full pun, they'd have to serve it on a bed of sod (or I suppose, rewashable Astroturf).
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: Quirk on February 12, 2020, 06:50:35 PM
A man's sitting on the couch watching TV. Suddenly, his dog rockets into the room and starts ravenously chomping down a rubber eraser on the floor.

Dumbfounded, the man screams, "Rufus, you stupid dog! Why the hell would you eat an eraser?!"

With a pained rasp, the dog replies, "Because the pencil was a mistake!"
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on March 06, 2020, 07:34:10 PM
I came up with this recently...


 I was reading a famous short story by Oscar Wilde. In it, an aristocrat has a black and white painting made of him. The artist promoted his work beforehand by saying that there are "half a hundred" sins which the man could engage in, and the picture would absorb them, as long as he didn't ever look at the painting.

The man bought the painting, and engaged in light bondage with assorted companions. The painting was entangled, and contorted in response. After years of this, the picture was accidentally exposed, and he was aghast. There were now "half a hundred" gradations from the white to the black areas in the portrait:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Favorite Jokes & Riddles (your own if possible)
Post by: LucasM on May 09, 2020, 07:01:36 PM
Great one- two-liner I just saw on Facebook:

"I spent all day talking to a dolphin. We just seemed to click."