Notes on a First Draft

[Johnny Unusual]

Pg. 69 - I know that you want to show Rick as a no nonsense kind of guy, but it seems the problems he's facing can't simply be solved by fighting the Nazis.  Also, I don't think that Rick should get super-strength from spinach.

Pg. 3 - The film will be given a healthy budget, but the set for Rick's Place seems a little too... ostentatious.  First of all, I don't think each table needs it's own pianist.  Secondly, seventeen stories seems a bit much, especially since you demand that, somehow, all stories should be visible whenever a scene takes place at Rick's.  Also, I don't think it would be feasible to model it after MC Escher's Relativity, which doesn't seem to have "stories" anyway.  Also, having the entire bar made of "for real" gold is just not possible.  I mean, on the screen it will look like any other metal.  You know, you won't get to keep the set after they're done filming.

Pg. 107 - I don't think the Nazi's would let Ilsa and Victor out of the country if they can solve "the Sphinx's Riddle".  Also, the Sphinx's Riddle is not "What's black and white and read all over?"  Strangely, the answer is the one from the Sphinx's riddle.  They don't match.

Pg. 109 - What's an E-Ticket?

[Johnny Unusual]

Next Up: Gamer

Hey guys, we're real exited about your upcoming video game style thriller.  Often, people say that video game movies can't be done well, but with this script, I'm sure you'll prove them wrong.  There are some things we should discuss however:

Title page.  The fact that you wrote "press start to play" is cute, as is the demo script you attached to it that you suggest we read over and over if we don't press start.  That said, we're worried about the fact that it actually seems hard to read if we don't blow into it a few times before trying again.  Aggravation aside, how did you do that?

Pg. 2:  I like the idea of a "tutorial" scene, but it should teach viewers how characters in the movie play the game, not how to watch.  I don't think they need to be told to "sit down in a relaxed position" or "to keep eyes pointed directly at the screen."  This goes on for 5 more pages.

Pg. 6:  I have a hard enough time with the character getting "100 1ups" without it being explained that it was done by using a glitch in the movie.  Are you creating a plothole simply so characters can exploit it?  I... I think I have to lay down.

Pg. 13: I think it's a bit infeasible to have the theatre to provide a "Scene skip" option.